Eric: 0:00

Today's topic of discussion, matthew. Yes, sir, I submit for you that recently a certain someone Alyssa to be, exact. My beloved Sure had a birthday, mm-hmm, a very happy birthday indeed. And while sitting on the couch on her birthday, celebrating her special day, she just had an art show that she did at Auto Bar and it was fucking phenomenal.

Eric: 0:26

Out of curiosity, I decided to hop on Spotify and search the words Alyssa's birthday in the search bar Came up. There were a good number of playlists called like Alyssa's birthday, but the one that intrigued me most, this one's called alissa's birthday, beats okay, and what I want to do for you is I'm just gonna read off the artists as they as they appear on this playlist, and I'm gonna you don't even need song titles, I'm just gonna rattle off artists and then I just I just want your feedback. My feedback.

Matt: 1:05

Okay, yes, I can do that. I'm great at feedback.

Eric: 1:08

All right, here we go. Yeah, taylor Swift, sure, taylor Swift. And Post Malone Got to Know the song. Taylor Swift, yeah, sure. Auli Cravalho, cast of Mean Girls All right, mean Girls, all right. Halsey, all right, taylor Swift, sure, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, rihanna, oh, dua Lipa, oh, olivia Rodrigo, hell, yeah, two Olivia Rodrigos, whoa, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, taylor Swift, nikki Yor and Dazzy Hope. I'm saying that right. Miley Cyrus, okay, ariana Grande, yeah, taylor Swift. Harry Styles, selena Gomez, alright, justin Bieber, justin Bieber, feet, chance the Rapper, ed Sheeran. Justin Bieber, styles selena gomez. All right, justin bieber, justin bieber, feet, chance the rapper, ed sheeran. Justin bieber, megan trainer, megan trainer. Jonas brothers, miley cyrus, one republic, pink. Justin bieber. Tenacious, d dua lipa. Katie perry, taylor Swift, alessia Cara, your thoughts Sounds?

Matt: 2:27

like a great fucking playlist. Fucking banger. I'll say that right off the bat.

Eric: 2:33

Sounds great. Yeah, fucking rips.

Matt: 2:40

This album goes. This playlist goes so hard. It is not the most varied of playlists that I've ever experienced, but you know, hey, when, when the vibe is t swift, the vibe is t swift and it feels like that's the alissa's birthday.

Eric: 2:56

Beats vibe and I don't think that's to say that this is who alissa. Is this this spotify playlist?

Matt: 3:03

but I do believe that this your Alyssa, or the Alyssa this was originally intended for my Alyssa. Well, obviously this was intended like oh you think this the the, the creator of this playlist, was hoping it would reach you uh, no, what I'm saying.

Eric: 3:20

To quote uh, jurassic World Raptors got a new alpha. You know what I mean. Like as soon as we became aware of this playlist, it became it became Alyssa's playlist.

Matt: 3:32

Has she listened to it? Has she jammed out to it?

Eric: 3:34

You know, surprisingly not.

Matt: 3:36

Yeah, is it surprising?

Eric: 3:38

No, but I do Just to conclude. I do think.

Matt: 3:42

Because I know a couple of things about the two of you and your musical tastes and it doesn't seem like the artists you listened listed on that playlist. Uh, frequent the Jeep stereo, so to speak.

Eric: 3:57

That is funny because usually when, when we're driving in the Jeep and I'm driving, I always Alyssa's DJ like she's just she's just the way it should be. Yeah, the jeep and I'm driving. I always alissa's dj like she's just, that's the way it should be. Yeah, she's a fucking pro at it. We do listen to some, but we I will say every artist I've listed you know, exception of, probably, ed sheeran. And just to be right, you know, our, our artists, that alissa does listen to I wouldn't call them.

Eric: 4:21

Her favorite, sure, but on her birthday, yeah, that is the energy we want to bring. We want, we want 26 taylor swift energy. Got to got to with a, with a, with a little, with a little, uh, aftercare of justin beebs and chance the rapper. Just a touch of that. Yeah absolutely. And a little Tenacious D.

Matt: 4:47

The Tenacious D is a wild inclusion in that. What song is it? Hold on, can I?

Eric: 4:52

guess, let me find it. Let me find it.

Matt: 4:57

Because here's what I want it to be the most wild, tenacious D to throw into an almost exclusively taylor swift playlist, I feel would be wonder boy that that would be, that would be good.

Eric: 5:13

Oh, there it is, but it's probably what is it? Baby one more time, as heard in kung fu panda 4 okay, they do sing, they do sing that.

Matt: 5:35

Okay, so it's not even. Oh, why wouldn't you at that point, why wouldn't you just put in Britney. Well, hello there everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For for this, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions. My name is matthew shea. My name is eric poach. Eric poach, how you doing today?

Eric: 6:11

beautifully good, beautiful I just took a nap.

Matt: 6:14

I don't want to hear anymore oh I just want to, I just want to get that. That's the thing that I've said in the what are you doing?

Eric: 6:22

Sorry, I was yawning.

Matt: 6:24

Put your hands where I can see them. God, I still hate it. I hate this yawning bit you're doing. And why would you take a nap right before we're going to start, don't you? You're going to be yawny throughout this episode.

Eric: 6:40

I want to chase these bits the way I chase the rising sun.

Matt: 6:45

Eric, we are recording this at 7.12 pm, which is why, on a Tuesday I need to put my mind, matt.

Eric: 6:53

it's not that I'm crushed under the weight of capitalism and I just need to be unconscious for a few hours. No, matt.

Matt: 7:01

I just need to simulate to my brain. You took a few hour nap at 6 o'clock at night.

Eric: 7:08

It was a long Tuesday.

Matt: 7:11

Eric, you are a wonder to me. Okay, well, we got a good amount of business to get to before we get to some questions before we get to the highly anticipated sudden death tiebreaker of google gripe.

Matt: 7:30

season four, our movie season, and I'm excited for that. That's going to be wild, yes, so uh, let's just get some business out of the way. We're recording this on october 8th, also known as the final day of eighth of Halloween, also the final day of fat bear week 2024. For those of you checking those bingo cards, you'll know that we do have on, at least on mine, I think it's on poachers as well. I don't have the bingo cards up right now. Chunk wins fat bear week and although there are still two hours left of voting when we are recording this, currently last year's champion grazer is up 64 000 votes and some change to chunks 27 000 votes and some change. I don't think the comeback's happening for you, chunk, unfortunately. I do think I have for for Eric's edification Well, he already knows this, but for everybody's edification, on the TikTok, I have been making Fat Bear Week videos both last year and this year.

Eric: 8:39

With a shocking amount of production value.

Matt: 8:42

I mean not shocking to me, because I know the quality of the man who sits before me, but shocking to the, to the unrefined palette I have done a an amount of research into each of these bears to deliver a narrative to my meager tiktok audience that will shock you, I think dutch angles out to here.

Matt: 9:04

okay, I'm just using the production value, I'm just using a green screen effect on TikTok and putting in some videos and images. God, it would make Peter Jackson weep. I really feel like the dramaturgy is more the strength of the video series. These angles, these lights, these informational graphics I am using a tripod that it's literally set up right here waiting for tomorrow's video. That's all that's happening.

Eric: 9:33

The Werner Herzog or TikTok they call him, TikZog they call him.

Matt: 9:38

Well, that actually is somewhat appropriate because it's about bears and grizzly man and those sorts of things, but when you're, you're over here comparing me to, I want to say, roger deacon's, like that's just too much I'm actually shocked you didn't take at least one tiktok to verner herzog it you know what it's?

Matt: 9:57

because I set these up in a certain pattern last year and one of them went somewhat viral. It got like 57 000 likes or something. None of my other fat bear week videos have even remotely come that has been chasing that dragon ever since I have no, once again. I have no idea how that one went as viral as it did and why none of the others have recaptured the magic. The algorithm chose me. The algorithm did so. Anyway. Check out my shit on TikTok. What is my handle, by the way? My personal handle?

Eric: 10:38

Look at him acting like he's got to look it up. I do what is it.

Matt: 10:42

I did think I knew it, but I just confirmed it is at what underscore Shea said, which is also my Instagram.

Eric: 10:50

But anyway, so that's that you were handed a good handle for life.

Matt: 10:54

Well, so let me tell you something about how that handle came about. In high school I wrote a column for my newspaper called that's what she said, and then I transferred that over to college. I was writing it, um, for the tower light, for our college newspaper, and then this is a fun story that I can get into, maybe on an oops, all tangents put a cork, and that We'll come right back to it. I quit in quotations in a blaze of fury because I posted an article that or I handed an article in they didn't publish it criticizing the Tower Light for exposing one of my co-act actors in a play who had requested they not publish.

Matt: 11:49

She had gotten, uh, mugged on the streets of baltimore. They had requested that the person had requested the tower light not post what street it was on. Then they fucking did that, and so I called them out for it on the website. That's what it was. I called them out on the website as a comment and, um, then they fired me, uh, which is exactly what I thought they do, but uh, good, but uh, yeah, so I left that and then for a while I wrote a blog called that's what she said, and then people didn't write blogs anymore.

Matt: 12:22

So I yeah, I'm doing that um so that's why we're here and now, oh my god, you, I think we're working some shit out. I think we are eric. I just realized you can go, oh great hey, man, you have a good way.

Eric: 12:40

Thanks so much.

Matt: 12:41

All right on my head out it's been a cool hundred episodes, anyway, so that's why it's, that's what Shay said, and this should go without Speaking of shameless self-promotion. This should go without saying. I didn't need to tell that story at all.

Eric: 12:58

Oh no, That'll be the tagline after I'm gone.

Matt: 13:09

Yeah, that can be on my tombstone. Yes, didn't need to tell that story at all, but you know what it's. It's on the tape, such as the metaphorical tape, so on we go, eric, it's time for some. Same. Take it away, eric. I blew all my yeah diction on my. Now it's time for some. Take it away, eric. I blew all my diction on my story.

Eric: 13:26

Now it's time for some questions, darlings.

Matt: 13:29

No, it's not. It's time for shameless self-promotion.

Eric: 13:31

Okay, sorry, I thought you started saying. I was like oh, it sounded like he was about to say it's time for some.

Matt: 13:36

And then I was like I thought we were going to do, we were going to do some shameless self-promotion.

Eric: 13:41

I was just going to bring up our Patreon Patreon. Our Patreon have been launched. It exists. You can subscribe to it. There's two tiers Tier one dollar a month, babes.

Matt: 13:54

That's it babe, a buckaroo a month, just the one you won't even notice it.

Eric: 13:59

And that gets you access to our new Discord, which, I might add, is chaff fucking, popping, popping off. Hot takes, hottest takes, hot takes hot picks hot stuff, we can't even talk about on here and sfw oh, spicy um it. It's really honestly so chill Mostly mostly hello gifts back and forth. Yeah, zach Deuce is lifting for three.

Matt: 14:31

Zach Deuce is currently the MVP of the discord, I think.

Eric: 14:35

Yeah, and I imagine we'll stay.

Matt: 14:39

Possibly. For a good while.

Eric: 14:41

But we've got a lot of awesome friends coming to hang out in the discord.

Matt: 14:44

Sir Juniper, the first night of your daft Sir Juniper, first night of your daft, god bless you, dr Lindsay, are bars in there?

Eric: 14:52

All your favorites Can't help but notice, my partner hasn't subscribed yet.

Matt: 14:57

Yeah, that's got to hurt, doesn't it?

Eric: 15:00

But I bury that pain by remembering that Joey, my bestest friend, subscribed.

Matt: 15:06

Yeah, and so that second tier gets you a notable bonus episode of you Didn't Ask For this called Oops, all Tangents, oops, all Tangents.

Eric: 15:19

And we just released the first one of those, and it was a hoot.

Matt: 15:23

First one was out. It was a hoot. First one was out, it was a hoot. We are going to do the first Friday of every month, you get a new Oops, all Tangents. At least to start, at least to start.

Eric: 15:33

We'll see where we go from there First taste is $4 a month.

Matt: 15:37

We may very well post one of the Oops, all Tangents, on the main channel to give you a taste at some point, but right now that's like.

Eric: 15:47

Right now it's exclusive yeah, that's 20, 30 tangents from now. Maybe, maybe, maybe, and you'll get a clip, you'll get, you'll get it, you'll get it you'll get a clip.

Matt: 15:58

You're gonna yeah, given the whole to a spit on that thing. That's a joke. That's eight months old also.

Eric: 16:07

Uh, I'm sorry, matt, have you. You know she has a podcast now right called talk to a, and that it's number, according to certain sources I heard she had a podcast, I did not know it was talk to. Uh, I am so happy for this one I am at equal parts delighted, thrilled and fucking furious, because that shit markets itself. And she's already off to the races To the moon. This podcast is gone, While we peasants scrape about While we're like, well, listen.

Matt: 16:40

$4 a month For $4. For $4.

Eric: 16:44

For simple dollars, enough to buy back the farm after he amputated a leg and sold it to science absolutely um so uh so yeah, check those things out. Come check us out on patreon patreoncom slash.

Matt: 17:01

Uh, you didn't ask for this. That'll get you all the stuff and obviously it's in the episode description, so go there. Eric, you want to answer some questions now.

Eric: 17:08

First, question which comes from the ether has no author, no origin.

Matt: 17:15

I can tell you the origin, but go ahead and give us the question what life stats should be displayed at death? Yes, and so, although it does come from the ether I this was based off of me seeing a TikTok that talked about this and then talked about it way too long, and it wasn't funny.

Eric: 17:35

Okay, so we're going to we're going to talk about it. Just the right amount.

Matt: 17:39

That's correct, maybe, but what I'm saying is like he had this funny concept and then he, he, he failed to deliver on it.

Eric: 17:46

So where we're at so. So we're kind of like the stepdad that like actually puts in the effort.

Matt: 17:54

I am regretting saying what I just said.

Eric: 18:01

And so it stays.

Matt: 18:03

So, Eric, what life stats should be displayed at death? And hey, make it funny, Don't say that oh my god. Go on, the people are waiting. Go on the people are waiting. All right, I can give you an example, if you're worried, one of the things this guy said or maybe I'm conflating this with You're- not even my real TikTok With like a Robin Williams joke and stuff.

Matt: 18:39

But like or I meant George Carlin, he has this bit about the things you receive Like here's every pair, every pen you ever lost. Like here's like all this, like, uh, that's this kind of stats I'm interested. No, I. I'd like to know how long I waited in line.

Eric: 18:58

Grand total.

Matt: 18:59

Grand total.

Eric: 19:00

Longest line I waited in. Yes, I want all the metadata time and distance time and distance. Oh man, my like my engineer brain's going off. Um fucking, that's what I want. This is a data question. Yeah, uh, I want to know. I want to know how many people had a crush on me a hundred percent I want to know that and dates. I want two numbers. How many had a crush?

Eric: 19:22

how many had a crush never told me I want, I want the dates of like so and so so and so had a crush on oh my god, that's when it becomes devastating, because you see when they stopped, when you stop.

Matt: 19:36

I need the ending. I want to punish myself. Oh, this is juicy, because there was somebody in college who I don't know if you remember this and we shouldn't name names, but there was somebody who had a crush I don't know if you remember this and we shouldn't name names but there was somebody who had a crush on me and I didn't like them, and then I liked them and they didn't like me, and that went back and forth like four times and it never happened.

Matt: 20:00

But that's the kind of shit I want to know. I want to be able to analyze my timeline so you can optimize. But that's the kind of shit I want to know.

Eric: 20:05

I want to be able to analyze my timeline? Yeah, so you can optimize for the next run.

Matt: 20:09

I'm treating this like a roguelike now, so I can be like, oh yeah, so there was one weekend in February where we just failed to make that connection.

Eric: 20:18

Damn, that's a lot of arguing about D&D on Reddit. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I want to know. There's a very, a very specific stat I want to know and this and this is purely from like lizard brain all the way forward morbid curiosity when I am at a urinal I will spit and like I will, just I will like I don't know you spit hold on.

Eric: 20:46

This is why I don't fucking use urinals, these urinal people it doesn't even have to be a urinal sorry, urinal men spitting whenever I'm peeing, agnostically of where it is, because I just realized that at a urinal does not change any of the mechanics of how I'm going to be peeing. Okay, I will, I will, I will spit, I will let we'll spit out of my mouth and I'll try to hit the p stream with it. Yo sure you and see, what you all didn't see was the flood of realization coming over matt and we've talked about this on the show sagely I might add the.

Matt: 21:21

The realization was that we have talked about this before.

Eric: 21:25

Yeah, and if you're listening to this, every person in your life who stands up to pee has done this.

Matt: 21:35

Not that you have to do that, gentlemen. Not that you have to do that. You don't have to be shamed for sitting and peeing we do not judge a sit sprinkler I prefer.

Eric: 21:43

I am a sit sprinkler and I applaud you for it, you better?

Matt: 21:50

um, I'll tell you. I'll interrupt just to say I went to the uh renaissance fan festival here in maryland for the first time.

Matt: 21:55

Yeah, you did this weekend and I went into a bathroom and there was a men only this way, and I walked in and it was just the trough urinals, like six of them, and I literally said out loud, I, I walked over, I was like, well, I'm here, pulled out the dick, was standing around other men and just said out loud this is not gonna happen. And and left to the to the porta potties. But the retreated to the portapotties, but I know my bashful bladder syndrome.

Eric: 22:26

Well enough to know when it's not gonna happen the wild thing about that for those of you who again peace standing um, who have the option every in that in that weird man trough room you're, I promise you. As soon as Matt said oh no, it didn't happen, walked away, not a single dude in there thought anything other than all right.

Eric: 22:52

I don't know about that, I feel like there's a million, like when it comes to like any time you've been in the bathroom I've accepted so many noises out of people's mouths in bathrooms Like there's just just like a sort of dissociative episode we enter when we're all in a bathroom together one day.

Matt: 23:09

We should do a like a male bathroom etiquette, uh question, yes, because that's the appropriate form for this, but I do feel there is sort of like you put your head in a cone of isolation, yeah, and pretend like you can't hear and see other people every dude turns off whatever like there's.

Eric: 23:31

It's just like a judgment free zone, because we're all living in such abject terror of being outside of ourselves.

Matt: 23:38

I do not know about it being a judgment free zone, my friend, I mean I will.

Eric: 23:42

There are always exceptions, matthew, but like we're getting a little, too far down the urinal, let's get a little crude. Anyway, when I was, we're going down the trough this is a little blue. So all that to say, just to make my point it's a little yellow, is? I want to know how many times I hit my piss with my spit? Yes, you got, that was all to say that. Yes, that's all I just want to know how many times I hit it, I just want to know.

Matt: 24:08

Because I try Often. I think that Pretty goddamn good at it. I bet you are bud Fucking. You've had three decades of experience at this point, Probably a little bit less.

Eric: 24:20

You probably didn't start that. There I am on my back being chained as they pull the catheter out. You're like wait, wait wait, making like an old timey prospect I got, I got, oh, if, only I had saliva man, I better develop motor skills sir, mr, mr poach, please, please, you must stop.

Matt: 24:42

That's what they called me as a baby. Oh, I was. I thought we were talking about old man poach. Oh, oh, that's why I said catheter. I didn't think you had a catheter as a baby. Oh, can you imagine a baby?

Eric: 24:53

Oh, when I'm an old man. Okay, got it Perfect.

Matt: 24:58

I arrived at the bit with you. I was not suggesting you, as a baby, had a tube in your penis. You as a baby had a tube in your penis.

Eric: 25:04

I was. Maybe you did, I don't know.

Matt: 25:07

I don't mean to bring up any kind of infant trauma that you might remember.

Eric: 25:13

Other stats we might want to track, other stats that don't involve penises. I don't really care about how many times I got McDonald's or anything like that, that'll just upset me. It'd be nice to have it somewhere like nice. It'd be nice to know that I have access. How do you want these stats to be delivered? I want them to be like a post-match screen in super smash brothers, like when you get, when it gives you like all the like gives you all the crazy ass score modifiers for crazy shit you did during the match.

Eric: 25:46

Yeah, I'd also appreciate it, almost like a ooh. I would accept like a sort of end credits. Rolling stats. Or maybe like a miniature clip show of my life, where it just comes up with the stats as it goes.

Matt: 26:03

I think there's a room for there to be a combo here, because what I'd like to see is, like the high. I'd like a highlight reel in general. I have, you know, like a, a visual presentation of like here, here are the highs, here are the lows. You know everything, everything in between, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cry, you'll laugh you'll cry, you'll cry 37,000 times.

Matt: 26:25

Maybe that ends with like the credit crawl that presents to you like some big stats along, like you know Shit, you weren't even aware of Time slept, time awake. Oh man, the basic stuff, but also some of the stuff we're talking about like some random highlights. But then I think there should be a book where I can look up like, yeah, just how many times did I see back to the future in my life? Shay's almanac.

Eric: 26:59

Shay's almanac. Shay's sports almanac.

Matt: 27:05

Yes, a hundred percent. I want, want that like recently, I have developed this unquenchable uh addiction to icebreaker mints and gum. Oh you're, you're on the horse buddy. I order them from amazon dog in in this. What I'm holding up is the box you get at checkout.

Eric: 27:28

You order them in magazines. I do.

Matt: 27:31

I order them in packs of eight and I go through them faster than I probably should.

Eric: 27:37

And to be clear packs of eight discs containing.

Matt: 27:42

I'm saying I get the box that you usually see at checkout. I order that from Amazon and then I also do the gum. I mean it's all sugar-free, so like it's. You know, ada recommended and everything, so I feel pretty good about it. What do nine out of 10 dentists think? That's what I'm saying. It's approved by the Dental Association.

Eric: 28:02

Oh, the council is in alignment.

Matt: 28:04

Okay, and I, the dental association, oh oh, the council is in alignment, okay, and and I that's what I'm saying the american dental association, and they also. I lindsey told me this. So if it's wrong, blame lindsey, it's her fault it's her fault, but she's a doctor she can't be wrong about anything. Apparently, chewing sugar-free gum after a meal helps like overall dental health, because it like gets shit out of there that might otherwise just be sitting all day, you schmutz how about?

Eric: 28:29

that it's kind of like brushing, only not that'll also be in the lifestyle you'll get a lot of. You'll get a lot of like just dental recommendations throughout throughout the the clip show and I think all those should be in there. You know, cavities filled, yeah, and and things like surgeries, and I want to see super subjective, but like things I would agree, like, like, yeah, from my book like times you nailed it times, nailed it.

Matt: 28:55

What define?

Eric: 28:56

that a little bit expound you know it, when you see it, when it comes up on the clip, you're like great eric, great work, great content. Like earlier today, I I expound, you know it when you see it I did a blind backward throw of a crumpled up paper into a trash can nailed it.

Matt: 29:15

Yeah, oh, a hundred percent nailed it and those things need to be on the highlight reel yeah, yes, this is what the highlight reel is for I want to know the weight of the biggest shit I ever took.

Eric: 29:26

Yeah. I want. It's for science.

Matt: 29:32

I want the poundage again. It will be poundage I.

Eric: 29:40

Oh God, there's so many frankly lewd directions we could go with this. I think those speak for themselves. Minutes spoken, ooh minutes.

Matt: 29:49

Spoken Jesus For me especially and for you. But I mean I'm verbose, Okay, so it's going to be up there, it's going to be the majority of my life.

Eric: 30:03

So it's going to be up there. It's going to be the majority of my life. I want to know on the scale of the entire human race ranked from funniest to least funny. I just want to know where I land. I don't want to go in with any preconceived notions. I just want to know where I landed.

Matt: 30:21

I want to know, you know that's interesting.

Eric: 30:24

I want to see. I want to see the lineup of perceived funniness, intelligence, wisdom, like perceived strength compared to actual. I think.

Matt: 30:33

I think that would be interesting to see, but also send me into a spy. I was gonna say death spiral, but I'm dead. So allow it to be beautifully humbling, exactly like let it wash over you, like, oh yeah, you thought you were x, but really you're x. Um, I would like to see what about this, eric? Okay, no further detail. But what if the final stat already making me nervous? No further detail. You can't look it up in the shay's almanac? You get to the crawl finishes and it finishes with rank oh, yes, just pure and simple rank.

Eric: 31:15

Rank no other details, none, no further explanation. And it is that mad curiosity and you're that drives you to seek becoming, and thus be reborn into samsara.

Matt: 31:29

You're there in the after place and you're just like who do I speak to? Who do I speak to about this? Where is the? Excuse me? What is the rank of what? Who else is ranked and?

Eric: 31:41

nobody has answered. Even more infuriating Someone will come to you. Oh oh, oh, sir, hi, I can help you. Sorry, what is your rank? And then you tell them.

Matt: 31:51

I can't tell you. Sorry, that answer is actually above your rank. Who helps me? No one. Oh yeah, sorry, no one, but the billiards room is that way.

Eric: 32:06

Free coffee. Forever it's always hot, always hot. Tell you that it's always hot.

Matt: 32:14

Always hot, always good. Here's another one that I think could be good. Yeah, that could be surprising. That has the benefit of being surprising. Biggest enemy, oh, like your nemesis, true, your true nemesis, true nemesis, the person who hated me the most, I want to it would be like, calculated like the person.

Eric: 32:39

It doesn't even have to be person who hated you the most. It could be person who wanted to cause misfortune and like their ratio of like desire to cause misfortune to success in doing so. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, the person who did you the most dirty oh, that's interesting because those could be different people that they could be. They're probably all. Oh, you could have a rogues gallery breakdown, a rogues gallery.

Matt: 33:05

Yes of like. This is the person who hated you the most. This is the person who actively tried to sabotage your career the most.

Eric: 33:13

This is the thought they were your joker, but they were actually your riddler.

Matt: 33:18

Ah, yeah, you hate to rank there, you hate to fall, not even riddler. This is actually your calendar, man this is your one of those villains that you're like, oh yeah calendar man.

Eric: 33:35

That guy was super solomon grundy, coded motherfucker, a big born on a monday, energy I, I, I dig this any last, any last stragglers yeah any honorable oh, are we at honorable mentions?

Matt: 33:53

I do that it could be cool to have like a montage of like fun fact. Here's all your near-death experiences, because there's some on there you don't know about.

Eric: 34:04

I want to know about all the shit I didn't like. Times you thought you weren't seen, but totally were what do you mean by that?

Matt: 34:12

like when you're, example, sneakily taking a third slice of pizza, like times you you're like I'm sure nobody noticed, and at first it plays as your first person perspective in the like highlight reel oh my god take it, but then it shows the like the third person perspective of the guy across the room being like there goes shay taking a third piece of pizza and it'll like replay the moment of freeze frames and they circle.

Eric: 34:40

You like yeah, like it's a sports replay, yeah you can see, right here he fumbles right there uh number of, uh number of times that, like you, genuinely helped someone.

Matt: 34:58

Yeah, that's nice, yeah, like nice things. Yeah, we have been. We have been overwhelmingly negative so far oh yeah, we've been over.

Eric: 35:06

This is where, like I don't know a number of times you've brightened someone's day, number of times you've changed a life I would like to know number of like laughs given laughs given.

Matt: 35:20

That's that'd be that'd make me feel good yeah that'd make me feel good. Yeah. That makes me feel fun. Number of good stories told. Number of good stories told Because I'm a data person. I also want to know the. You know how, like on, like, when you post a video, either on TikTok or YouTube or whatever, it'll show you like, oh and like. 60% of people drop off here and 20%. Yeah, I want to know my average. Like retention.

Eric: 35:53

Audience retention quotient.

Matt: 35:55

Audio audience retention quotient. You know your art, sorry your arc, my arc, my art and my art.

Eric: 36:02

And your art. Your art is your arc.

Matt: 36:05

I want to know the song I listen to the most. Yes, I want. I want a spotify wrapped for my whole fucking life and happy birthday might skew that a bit.

Eric: 36:18

Or or, you know, attending other people's um or or like it's gotta be happy birthday, right christmas songs will probably like the numbers will be skewed. They'll, they'll normalize for it um. I will say you can filter I want to know the ratio of my media recommendations to to to accept it and agree like I recommended this thing and they did. They're like, okay, good, yeah, good recommendation you recommended 8,000 TV shows.

Matt: 36:55

Like you had 8,000 recommendations to different people and 4,822 followed up on those. That's what you're saying.

Eric: 37:07

Yes, yes, I want to know how many human beings I saw with my own eyes. That's an amazing stat, eric.

Matt: 37:14

Yeah.

Eric: 37:15

Dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs.

Matt: 37:20

And I want it by breed too. I want to break down a dog's petted.

Eric: 37:27

Oh man, and like I feel like with number of humans, seen with my own eyes, I feel like that there's a like when you hear that there's a number, you just kind of sort of throw out in your head, like like a generalized blob of data. I guarantee it's so much smaller than that, oh yeah.

Matt: 37:45

Like I have to have seen it's always more dialed in than you think it is. It's always more specific. Miles walked, of course. Miles walked, these, those are. Those are basic right. Yeah, I think that's up there with uh time spent waiting in line. You know like, yes, things like that. You know gallons of water. You know like, yes, things like that. You know gallons of water drunk, you know how many serial killers did I walk past? Eric, what an amazing stat that I want to know right now.

Eric: 38:16

It's like this this is now. This is Matt stat.

Matt: 38:20

This. I want to know how many killers I walked by. Yeah, I, yeah, I actually already. I know there's at least one. Spookily, I'll just dribble that in. There's at least.

Eric: 38:34

Also same.

Matt: 38:36

I knew, I do know, I did know.

Eric: 38:40

You know I'm not going to give anything away, but he's very close.

Matt: 38:45

You know I'm not going to give anything away, but he's very close. This might be a few oops, all tangents, because it is actually a very interesting story. But yeah, my high school did have a very high profile murder situation take place in it and the murderer was a student and that is a student I had very limited interaction with. So at least one killer I did personally know uh same, but mine's super sad.

Eric: 39:16

It's not it, but oh that story is sad, my guy let me tell you no, no, no, I mean like, even, like. Even if I give base details, it's just bummers the whole way down.

Matt: 39:27

So we're gonna bummers all the way down. Yeah, mine, mine. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I realized how callous that sounded.

Eric: 39:34

I was like no, no, I mean, I just mean to say I can't even give the broad strokes without bumming everybody out.

Matt: 39:39

I was gonna say mine has been on datelines, so like mine is a legitimate true crime story. It is a bummer, but you know what? Got to save it for Salt Anjans maybe. Oh, got to put that.

Matt: 39:56

Let's crack that trauma open, got to put that trauma and pain behind a payroll. Are we good on stats? I think we might be good on stats. I think we might be good on stats. Honestly, looking at the time, we're good on stats. I could talk about this, though, I think, all night with you. I think we could go on and on and on about the stats. But for the sake of everyone's sanity we better move on.

Eric: 40:28

Yes, Matt, would you give it to us baby?

Matt: 40:31

I sure will. The next question on the docket is in fact from the Thought Line, so let me go ahead and play it for us.

Steveless in Seattle: 40:42

Hello, you didn't ask for this. This is Steve Liston, seattle, your best friend from Seattle, and I have a question for us. Hello, you didn't ask for this. This is Steve List in Seattle, your best friend from Seattle, and I have a question for you. And the question is when we say we're on the same page, what page are we actually on? Is the page number, is it a forward or is the after log? Thank, you and have a great day.

Matt: 41:01

That's an interesting breakdown, Steve List in Seattle. Thank you so much and also thank you for accepting the moniker we gave you in an episode yes, it is one of my favorite episode titles.

Eric: 41:16

I have to say it, it rips.

Matt: 41:18

It's a good title, uh so thank you for calling back steveless in seattle. Appreciate hearing from you. Thank you, stevel, seattle. I like how he ended that with like is it a forward, is it, is it x, is it a page number, etc. Etc. Because I have a gut reaction to this, eric, give it to me. I think when we say you know you're in a business meeting or whatever, blah, blah, blah, yeah, yeah, we're on the same page. I think that is not a preamble, not an epilogue. We are right now on page 164. We are together, we are aligned.

Eric: 41:58

It is a page and a place.

Matt: 42:00

We are reading. Yes, it is Non-biblically. It is like a chapter and verse situation.

Eric: 42:07

We're 316 right now.

Matt: 42:09

We are at 316 and we are reading together at the exact same pace. That is what saying we're on the same page is supposed to be.

Eric: 42:16

And Carol. Right now, carol, you're in Leviticus and I need you in John that's a huge jump, Eric.

Matt: 42:24

Yeah, If they are in Leviticus, but they're meant to be in John. Yeah, Carol's fucking up, You're talking near the beginning Old Testament and in fact we're all the way nearly at the end.

Eric: 42:38

Yeah, gotta come on out that Stone Age. Join us in the Bronze Age.

Matt: 42:43

That's just some Bible humor for you this evening or whenever you're listening. You know what it is, eric. You're in a collared shirt right now and it's throwing me the fuck off.

Eric: 42:57

Is it giving you youth counselor vibes?

Matt: 43:00

No, it's just, you're just not used to it. It's not you, eric, hi, look great in you kidding me shirt. Most of the time we record this shirt, this show, you're first of all much like. You are now in shadow with, like an open shirt that may or may not be buttoned somewhere down the line. Who can say? Only god do you?

Eric: 43:24

are you aware that this is? It is a t-shirt, button-up shirt. I don't know if that sweetens the pot.

Matt: 43:31

For you, eric. The fact that a collar and buttons are present is disturbing to me.

Eric: 43:37

Yeah, yeah, I'm wearing my work clothes, so you know might not be used to seeing me like this.

Matt: 43:42

Yes, Pre-show you told me you took a nap Because you came on my screen and I said oh, did you just like get home from work? Or you, we can, because we can break for half an hour and I was like no dog.

Eric: 43:54

I just woke up from like a two-hour nap, jesus, two fucking ripped, and then I leapt out. It was like 6 25. I leapt out of bed, just yanked my work clothes back on Shit ripped. Eric said about his nap I was getting that honk shoe, honk, shoe me, me, me sleep.

Matt: 44:16

See that I cannot nap. I'm not a napper. I nap so fucking hard. Yeah, you always have. When I take a nap, I am instantly groggy, like the rest of the day is thrown off. I cannot nap. I do have to. There's a needle that needs to be threaded. I'm only. I'm only. I only nap when I'm sick.

Eric: 44:37

That's the only time my options are nap for 20 to 45 minutes or nap for two hours to like three hours. But if I wake up at like the hour and a half mark or like the four hour mark, yeah, at that point I'm legally in a coma. The, but the only time, but if I wake up, like in those weird intervals, like it's like I've just been woken up out of the hyper sleep capsule in the sci-fi movie and I'm just like caught. I'm like puking up amniotic fluid from my pod.

Matt: 45:09

Yeah see, that's me no matter what. Like I only nap if like for some reason I was up all night and like didn't get sleep. Like I will. Sometimes I'm gonna try to take 20 minutes and like lay down phone alarm set and like try to and try to get that in there. But if I sleep decently, if I sleep normally and I try to take a nap, just from general lack of sleep or whatever, the rest of the day is off, just done.

Eric: 45:41

It's ruined. For me. It's all about how long was I out? I'm either sitting on the side of my pod puking my guts out or I'm the motherfucker doing push-ups already doing push-ups and eating lasagna. Yeah, that, that's chaos. It's like the aliens scale of nap, of nap energy absolute chaos.

Matt: 46:04

So back to the page that we're supposed to be on let's get on the same page.

Eric: 46:08

Let's get on the same page so so are you saying it's contextual? So like when you're at a business meeting and you're like hey, you know we're on the same page. That means like, hey, we're on like we are.

Matt: 46:18

We are absolutely like aligned yes, I think it is literally saying we are reading speeds and everything have aligned, at least for this moment in time. Yeah, for this briefest of breaths. Yeah, we are reading at the exact same pace and I think it's very, because I don't.

Eric: 46:37

I don't think it's possible for two people to always be on the same page. No, but what we can do is intersect. We could like, like some people, like, as we're all flipping through this book of life, you know there are times where, like, oh, we're on the same page, okay, thank God, we're both in the same place. And, and it can mean and it doesn't even mean like, oh, we both know all the answers we have, we know exactly what's going on. It can be oh. We're both equally confused right now, can I? We're both equally indignant at whatever is happening right now, can I?

Matt: 47:07

go blue for just a second Matt.

Eric: 47:12

I swear for just a second.

Matt: 47:14

For just a second can.

Eric: 47:16

I go.

Matt: 47:17

I think it demonstrates what I'm trying to say.

Eric: 47:28

Being on the same page at its core what that phrase is supposed to mean come in the same time, okay? No, I see a line definitely on the same, because at that point your breathing is in sync. You're like fucking eye contact it should be.

Matt: 47:39

It should be hard to achieve.

Eric: 47:42

You know it is and it's not, and not hard to achieve in the sense of like. Oh, it's hard for either person to make the other person experience I'm sorry to borrow the parlance an orgasm state, yes, but, but but that you're both so aligned in your passions and pleasures that it happens simultaneously.

Matt: 48:03

Simultaneously. That's what I'm saying.

Eric: 48:05

Without the rare.

Matt: 48:07

That's the rare occurrence and and and.

Eric: 48:09

To be clear, like without any sort of like, we're not counting down together. Like, like it just naturally, like it is completely organic. Yeah, that's the face you should make, like you can summon no climate I'm trying to get around people's like well you know if I time this, just no, no, no, if you're on the same you don't have to think about it.

Matt: 48:28

And in three, two, one. There it is my darling. Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, step on up, ooh.

Eric: 48:41

That's what I call cool run-ins.

Matt: 48:53

Who is this character? Who is this the worst person to ever fuck this once more for the lady episode 101 in memoriam of john candy.

Eric: 49:09

So yes, um simultaneous nutting. That is definitely being on the same page. Also want that on my stat sheet. Yep, yep, toss that on the stat sheet. Just toss it in there. For the rest of this podcast's run, like for the rest of this show's existence, we're just gonna throw things on the stat sheet. Get on the bus now, kids.

Matt: 49:31

I love that I love that anytime someone comes like like down the line we don't need to make a thing out of it, just throw that on the stat sheet.

Eric: 49:40

Throw that on the stat sheet done. And anytime someone needs to get on the bus, we direct them. Just listen to episode 101. That's when you get on the bus. Yeah, that's when we get on the same page. That's when we get on the same page eric, you nailed it my guy. Sorry, eric, you know sorry that was and again, that wasn't forced.

Matt: 50:04

No, didn't have to count, didn't have to, and that's that steve was. That is when you end up on this you can't attempt, you can't attempt it you can't, you can't say meet me on the page no, you gotta, because you can dictate. You can be like I'm on this page, I'm on this page, but it's up to the other person to get there to flip the fucking pages and get on the same page, or this goes both ways.

Eric: 50:31

There are many times in life and I'd say many more times than we think throw that on the stat page where we need to get on the same page with someone else.

Matt: 50:41

Like we need to do the work, the emotional labor you're not always going to be in the power position you're going to need to do the work, the emotional labor. You're not always going to be in the power position You're going to need to adapt to somebody else's page.

Eric: 50:52

But here's the thing when it comes to getting on pages, you can't meet halfway.

Matt: 50:56

No, it's all or nothing, babe.

Eric: 50:57

Yeah, you got to be willing, you got to take the chance, you got to listen to your heart, listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street, whatever that means. I agree, it's the arthur theme song. There you go. I'm pretty sure I got the lyrics out of order.

Matt: 51:13

Elissa will tell me if I did sure, and so will lindsey, perhaps in a lindsey's correction corner. I. I think that's good as far as like a page number specific page number I don't think it's. It can't always be the same page number.

Eric: 51:28

That's the can't be like 136.

Matt: 51:30

Yeah, like it'd be funny for us to like maybe drop a page number.

Eric: 51:33

But the thing is like page 4 2069 but it can't always be for 2069 no it can't always be for 2069. Sometimes it's got to be for 1968 or 42, 42, that's the easy one see that that. That's the good old low-hanging fruit page I feel like page 42 is blank page 42 is left purposely blank for printing purposes, but we ascribe a lot of meaning to it yeah, you get to it and it says this page douglas adam fans know what I'm talking about.

Matt: 52:08

This page was left intentionally blank yeah, which god?

Eric: 52:13

there is nothing more metaphysical to me than encountering that page, page 69, upside down. Do you know what? That's the page, nice, thank you. That's the page the. This page left intentionally blank. That's the page, nice, thank you. That's the page. This page left intentionally blank. That's the page nobody can be on.

Matt: 52:30

No, no one can be on that page. It's the unattainable goal and that's why 42 is blank.

Eric: 52:35

Intentionally.

Matt: 52:36

Intentionally blank this podcast. This podcast was left intentionally blank.

Eric: 52:48

Hey gang, when you, when you describe our podcast to people, people, make sure you include the words deep as shit in there, make sure, make sure, like describe, you can tell, like, like, even if you're talking shit about you're like oh, absolute dog shit podcast. But deep as shit, but deep as shit, though.

Matt: 53:02

Yeah, deep as shit. They don't. They don't know what the fuck they're talking about, man.

Eric: 53:06

I fucking hate it.

Matt: 53:07

Deep as shit. They don't know it, but they're deep as shit.

Eric: 53:11

It's like the Donnie Darko of podcasts they think they know what they're talking about. They really don't.

Matt: 53:17

No, no. And, furthermore, you think you like it, but you don't. You just like talking about it. You like the idea you like the.

Eric: 53:28

You're in love with the idea of that.

Matt: 53:30

Do you want to shit on our show more, or should we move on?

Eric: 53:34

let's move on okay, okay, great.

Matt: 53:39

Well, eric, I think that brings so steveless in seattle. Thank you for the question. I feel we nailed it, eric. What do you? I?

Eric: 53:45

I think we knocked that out of the. I don't think we could have done better. Steve-less in Seattle. Thank you so much. It feels weird not saying your full name, steve-less in Seattle and out of Seattle.

Matt: 53:53

Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you so much for the question, Eric. We've got a Google gripe season to settle.

Eric: 54:00

Oh, we got bones to pick, axes to grind.

Matt: 54:03

So all you need to know, folks if you're just randomly dropping into episode 101, is our last season of Google Gripes. That's the game we like to play, where we read one-star Google reviews of actual well-known places or, in season four, well-known movies to one another and then the other person has to guess it, and then somebody usually wins. After all was said and done, we are all tied up. At the end of season four I will say thanks to my good grace, but you know, I kind of gave Eric a mulligan by your good grace, my liege I'm just saying by your grace, I'm the problem.

Eric: 54:44

I'm just saying by your grace.

Matt: 54:47

I'm the problem and, one could argue, technically the winner Now anyway. So we are moving on to a tiebreaker.

Eric: 54:55

Are we moving on?

Matt: 54:58

I am Okay, all right, I love you. This is a tiebreaker we've never done before.

Eric: 55:02

No, last time we tiebroke we had submit Google gripe locations. This time we each did five movies, one review each. We're going to rattle them off at each other, and here's how it's going to be different. We're going to rattle off a review, the other is going to guess, and then we're going to keep going. We're not going to reveal how many we got right or how many our opponent got right, until the end no confirmation as we go you get one review, one guess move on to put it, since, eric, you did get this bingo square.

Matt: 55:39

To put it in soccer terms, this is a penalty shootout. This is a penalty, except you do know if you made.

Eric: 55:44

There's a they've built like a giant black box around the goal.

Matt: 55:49

You just see the kicker just slamming it into this void and then you will not you can't see the goal lines, you can, only you don't know if it went in or not until the end. Uh, that's the difference. Uh, eric would you like to go first, or would you like me?

Eric: 56:03

to go first, matthew, if I, if I may begin Sure, I only say that because I'm so scared, great.

Matt: 56:11

So here it is, first movie, first and only review. Here we go, I'm ready.

Eric: 56:25

Oh, the blank is so scary for me because when the blank kills people they become bones and it's scary how they get eaten by the bugs. So scary I give one star.

Matt: 56:32

When they get eaten by the bugs. So it's implying to me that it's the something Eaten by the bugs. They turn to bones. I'm not sure, Eric. I'm not sure, Eric, I'm not sure, but yet I have to guess.

Eric: 56:52

Yes, you must.

Matt: 56:56

The Mist. Okay, I don't think that's right, but that's my guess. Okay, eric, are you ready for your first movie? I'm ready, baby. As I child growing up in the 1980s, I never could get into this movie. Decided as an adult to finally watch it, since it has rave reviews. I wasted so much time waiting for it to get interesting. The entire movie could be a high school play One setting, all pointless cliche dialogue. Glad so many love it, as anything that brings joy to others is good, but this movie was a disappointment for me 80s one location, famous movie 80s, famous one location.

Eric: 57:45

and I'm going to say this now and I'm not going to confirm it.

Matt: 57:49

That's right.

Eric: 57:49

That's the rules we've established. Are we rereading these for each other at all? What do you think is fair? I would say you, you didn't get a reread on my first one, I won't get a reread on this second, on this one, but moving forward. Do we want to do rereads? Oh, I a reread on this one, but moving forward do we want to do rereads, I'll allow it. Okay, moving forward, I'll allow it.

Eric: 58:11

They're not all short. Sure, growing in the 80s One Location is fucking me up, because I know some good One Location movies. I'm just trying to remember any that take place in the. There's gotta be. I'm gonna say, and this is fucking, this is so dumb and wrong. But I'm just gonna say I'm say friday the 13th okay, one place being camp crystal lake.

Matt: 58:39

That cannot be correct I'm writing down your guess. That's all I'm doing okay so I know later, you ready for your next one, I'm ready for my next one.

Eric: 58:46

A movie for ideologues. It was supposedly making a political statement about the Bush presidency, so naturally the grand villain in the movie is an evil, fascist government using religion to manipulate the masses. Bush is Hitler. Sure, fascism is evil, but the fear of it is done to death. Here's a thought for Hollywood Bring in some other forms of oppression, occasionally like communism, which did kill over 100 million people in the last century, or at least make your villains more subtle. Every conservative in government is portrayed as a despicable piece of scum, so their hero can kill them without considering their pesky humanity. It's all to justify the film's hero being a terrorist. Teen Antifa wannabes must have loved this movie.

Matt: 59:37

V for Vendetta.

Eric: 59:39

Okay, making note.

Matt: 59:41

That's it. That was the first thing that jumped to my mind, and I'm going with it.

Eric: 59:45

You're sticking to it. I'm ready for mine.

Matt: 59:49

I don't understand why it has high rating. I even checked these reviews before watching it. The story made almost no sense and seemed to suddenly fall and rise with no good plot. The animation quality also wasn't too good. I mean, that makes sense. It's a 23-year-old films and the plot did make sense but like wasn't developing. She was stuck doing stuff which weren't related to getting her family back and leave that world. It's my bottom anime film, for sure.

Eric: 1:00:23

I'm going to say spirited away.

Matt: 1:00:25

Spirited away Both of us. On the second one, yeah, no dialogue, just right, no dialogue just shooting off from the hip.

Eric: 1:00:32

We're in it now. All right, give me the third one, babe. All right, the movie is just one guy deconstructing everything and making assumptions.

Matt: 1:00:41

That is the review the movie is just one guy deconstructing everything and making assumptions and, and, and.

Eric: 1:00:49

Let me, let me give you the property. The movie is just one guy deconstructing everything and making assumptions. Wow, yeah, deconstruct.

Matt: 1:01:01

This is what one of, if not the hardest one I was gonna say this I've got like five ideas right off the bat. Deconstruct well the one, the first thing that came to mind, that I know it's not as synecdoche new york with philip seymour hoffman oh yeah, I know it's. That's a great definitely not that you should, isn't that movie? Am I right? No, you, you, you would love that movie I I've never heard of that movie.

Eric: 1:01:33

I'm I can feel safe saying this it's spelled in the title very safely assumed, I have no idea what that movie is it's.

Matt: 1:01:39

It's a very good movie, philips from often. I highly recommend you. Any theater person must watch that movie. It's spelled Sinkadoosh as opposed to how Synecdoche is really spelled oh Sinkadoosh. No, I'm kidding. I was going to say it's still pronounced Synecdoche, but it's Sinkadoosh is the spelling oh yeah, but yeah, I will definitely check it out, especially if he's got Phil Sy Hoffman. It's one of his best roles. I'm not even kidding you. It's so good, okay, but it's not that, obviously. So it's breaking everything down.

Eric: 1:02:12

I'll throw you a lifeline here. You don't need to, but okay, the movie I'll give you that. It's the movie.

Matt: 1:02:22

Are you saying it's the the title of the movie? No, no, no, no no, no.

Eric: 1:02:30

What I'm saying is this isn't part of, like, any sort of series or anything, just throwing that out there.

Matt: 1:02:36

Okay. In a way, that's more confusing. The movie the next guess I had I'm tempted to go with, which is being John Malkovich.

Eric: 1:02:47

Okay, is that your guess?

Matt: 1:02:49

It doesn't feel like a movie you'd pick, if I'm being honest. It doesn't feel like a movie you'd pick, but it does feel like it applies to that movie I'm going to say being John Malkovich, but I know it's not right.

Eric: 1:03:04

Let me just note that I know that's not right, but that is my guess. Okay.

Matt: 1:03:08

Are you ready?

Eric: 1:03:09

I'm ready.

Matt: 1:03:10

Maybe a classic, but I thought it was a drawn-out piece of self-serving writing that was neither scary nor interesting. The only brother in the story gets whacked, and for what? The score made it difficult to sit through because of the high-pitched strings. Wife was super annoying with all the crying, but I guess it was a different vibe in the 80s. Just answer me one question why did Blank lose his damn mind in the first?

Eric: 1:03:41

place. Can I get it one more time?

Matt: 1:03:43

Yes, you may May be a classic, but I thought it was a drawn out piece of self-serving writing that was neither scary nor interesting. The only brother in the story gets whacked, and for what? The story made it difficult to sit through because of the high. The score made it difficult to sit through because of the high pitched strings. Wife was super annoying with all the crying, but I guess it was a different vibe in the 1980s. Just answer me one question why did Blank lose his damn mind in the first place? The shining Just gonna make a note of that, guess. Okay, all right, I'm ready to move on, eric.

Eric: 1:04:24

All right, I watched this movie once, maybe about 10 years ago, and I couldn't stand it. Granted, what I'm about to say may not be fair because I have not watched it recently, but I do have a decent memory of the story and the scenes. I'm surprised but also not surprised that people adore this movie so much. To me it wasn't romantic at all. All the two main characters did was fight and sleep together. In fact, I remember having the distinct impression that that was all they had in common, which is pretty typical for modern romance movies. The only somewhat romantic parts were with actor and other actor, and even then I really didn't care for it.

Eric: 1:05:07

I get really sick and tired of all the sex scenes in movies getting passed off and sorry, worth noting here, they did censor the word the letter e and sex with an asterisk. That is how naughty. They think that is interesting. Uh, I get really sick and tired of all the sex scenes in movies getting passed off as a romantic, when it's really just lust. We do not need to see the scenes of them doing it. Whether it's graphic or not, it's just not appealing. It doesn't tug at my heartstrings or make me go oh how romantic, it just makes me roll my eyes and feel uncomfortable. Yeah, I guess I'm a prude, I don't care, it's all just shallow and meaningless. I did not like this movie. I enjoyed Famous Actor far more in recent film. If you want to see romance done right, where the characters actually care about each other, watch the K-drama series chocolate. It's actually full of tender, heartwarming emotions and there wasn't a single begging your pardon, sex scene in it okay, I had a guess lined up.

Matt: 1:06:20

Yeah, the majority of that interesting. And then at the very end, when you said chocolate yeah it made me think are they talking? Are they? And maybe you can answer me, but maybe this will be fair. Yeah, is the spelling of that showing chocolate with?

Eric: 1:06:41

johnny is not showing chocolate. Okay, there is a K-drama series called Chocolate.

Matt: 1:06:46

Okay, so you? That makes me think they could be talking about Chocolat, but the movie I had this entire time was Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and I'm going to go with it.

Eric: 1:06:57

Is that your guess? That is my guess.

Matt: 1:06:59

I'm going with it.

Eric: 1:07:00

Okay.

Matt: 1:07:01

Alrighty, alright, you ready for your fourth one, ready? Not sure how anyone can rate this as a watchable movie concept, much less a watchable movie. The cringe factor is to imagine this happening to a real child raised without parents, with deception. I can only rate those who rated this movie as watchable including the critics, as potential sociopaths rated this movie as watchable, including the critics as potential sociopaths unable to feel for others, real or fake. The concept is a cringe movie.

Eric: 1:07:35

So what's getting me is at first I thought you were talking about oh uh was like a child raised by parents who weren't their own and they didn't know that. But then the way it's worded makes me think that this is about a child who is raised sans parents. Period cringe fest. Yeah, seems like a beloved movie I can confirm beloved movie it sounds like it's. They make it sound, so it sounds like this person's taking exception. They're like oh it sounds. It's super unrealistic to to have this kid raised without parents by deception.

Matt: 1:08:15

I'll add this here because I do think this is one of my harder ones. Deception is key, that's, that's.

Eric: 1:08:23

OK, I have had a few guesses and that I'm gonna go out on a limb. I'm ready. The Truman Show.

Matt: 1:08:34

I'm writing it down. I've written it down. Okay, that's your guess.

Eric: 1:08:38

That's my guess.

Matt: 1:08:39

All right, I believe, eric, this is our final review each. Give it to me.

Eric: 1:08:44

Now, this is a funny movie. I'll be honest. This was probably just not for me and I don't get the hype, but this movie kind of sucks, like really sucks. Okay, it is very long and very boring and I think I fell asleep for part of it. When blank and blank fight, nothing cool happens. They just slide around on a wet floor. Honestly, if you're like me, as in, you haven't read the books outside of a few chapters of the first and just want a good laugh, the book, this movie is completely hysterical.

Matt: 1:09:22

Okay, that is interesting. I will say, for most of this I felt very confident. You were talking about the revenant and then you said books, because that is a book, yes, but and I thought you're talking about him dicaprio and the bear fighting there, um, because I loved the revenant and lindsey immediately was like it was boring and that that movie fucking rules.

Eric: 1:09:47

It is, it is so good, it is so good.

Matt: 1:09:49

It is one of the best films the last 20 years.

Eric: 1:09:51

That movie is a three hour long answer to one question what is Leonardo DiCaprio willing to do to get an Oscar?

Matt: 1:09:58

Well, that is that is one way to review that movie.

Eric: 1:10:03

Yes, but it's a banger.

Matt: 1:10:05

I fucking love the Revenant.

Steveless in Seattle: 1:10:08

The fucking end. Fight scene too with clemens, not jesse clemens.

Matt: 1:10:10

Um, anyway, it's really good. I gotta love it.

Eric: 1:10:13

Give it up for the revenant this podcast, brought to you by the revenant, brought to you by the road it's not that.

Matt: 1:10:19

Give me this review again, yeah now, this is a funny movie.

Eric: 1:10:24

I I'll be honest, this was probably just not for me and I don't get the hype, but this movie kinda sucks, Like really sucks. It is very long and very boring and I think I fell asleep for part of it. When blank and blank fight, nothing cool happens. They just slide around on a wet floor. Honestly, if you're like me, as in, you haven't read the books outside of a few chapters of the first and just want a good laugh, this movie is completely hysterical.

Matt: 1:10:54

They just slide around on a wet floor.

Matt: 1:10:58

This is probably tied for my hardest one, because you're making it sound like it is a series, my best guess. But that's not true. I was gonna say are they talking about, like harry potter as a series? But like, when harry and voldemort finally do fight, they're mostly flying, not sliding around on a wet floor. So I'm like, how do you even get to that sliding around when they fight? That makes it sound to me like it's a big build-up to these two finally fighting and they're just sliding around on a wet floor. And again, up until now I thought you were talking about the revenant. It was only when you said part of the first book also very long, very boring, very long, allegedly boring.

Matt: 1:11:50

Only read the first few chapters of the books only read the first few chapters of the first one. It sounds of the first book. Have I seen this movie? Do you know for a fact I've seen this 100 percent.

Eric: 1:12:01

Now, that's interesting that I'd even venture to guess, almost every person you know has seen this movie now that's interesting almost because I know there'll be weirdos.

Matt: 1:12:12

Yeah, I've never seen it I know a lot of fucking people, eric, and you're telling me these people all have seen the same movie.

Eric: 1:12:17

That's almost impossible, ah throw that on the stat board all rolling around on a wet floor.

Matt: 1:12:28

It's really throwing me. Right now. I am literally just playing fight scenes in my head.

Eric: 1:12:36

This is like it's torture when we do it Because I don't know about you, but when I'm doing them, not only do I want to get you Like, I am going for the win here but at the same time I am cheering for I'm like rooting you on my leg. I want be oh eric, I, I, I.

Matt: 1:12:56

I don't mind saying to you, yeah, and maybe, maybe this is too much.

Eric: 1:13:02

You don't have a goose egg, eric matt, I will also say this you do not have a goose egg, okay. All right, there we go. No goose eggs in this basket. I don't have a goose egg, eric. Matt, I will also say this you do not have a goose egg, okay.

Matt: 1:13:08

All right, there we go.

Eric: 1:13:08

No goose eggs in this basket.

Matt: 1:13:10

I don't know what to say for this one, eric. I'm going to kick myself when I hear it. I don't know. I really felt like it was the Revenant, so I'm going to go with the Revenant. I know it's wrong. I know it's not right. I can't think of anything else, okay.

Eric: 1:13:31

I respect you, I honor you.

Matt: 1:13:33

Eric, are you ready for your final review? Yes, what the fuck is this bullshit? I watched this whole shit expecting a really good movie because it said it was going to be out of order movie. Because it said it was going to be out of order. I found that compelling. But they didn't only hardly change the chronology, but they made the characters depthless and made them talk your damn ear off. Seriously, there's more dialogue than actual shit going on. You will feel empty at the end. I seriously wouldn't have cared about any of the characters if they wouldn't have been put through disgusting shit throughout the whole movie.

Matt: 1:14:12

I walked in expecting a dark comedy and got out with some random bullshit. It's all garbage and the movie's overrated because boomers on the internet think it's innovative for the year it was released. Yeah, it was different and impactful, but that doesn't make that shitty plot any less dull. They wrote any more. They wrote, they wrote, but that doesn't make that shitty plot any more less. Dull is what it says. And can you understand why I fucked that up? Yes, I'm so mad. Three hours of my time. I'm never getting back. Sometimes this movie even felt like it had no plot, just to try and shock you or something which it did, but it has no fucking substance none of it. It had a theme. I'd give them that. I also liked the soundtrack, but it felt depthless, boring and like a waste of time.

Eric: 1:15:16

Holy shit, a few movies are coming to mind. Okay, talk to me, babe. I think I'm going to go with my gut. Okay, I feel like, if I think about this too much, I'm going to go with my gut. Okay, I feel like, if I think about this too much, I'm going to fuck myself up.

Matt: 1:15:27

I think that's what I did on my last one, so I recommend it.

Eric: 1:15:30

Pulp fiction. Okay, final answer Pulp fiction. Okay.

Matt: 1:15:36

All right, that's it, eric, okay. Are we ready to review this? I was just going to say how should we go about the reveal? All right, so why don't you just we don't have to reread the whole review, just like. Refresh, just go.

Eric: 1:15:48

Number one.

Matt: 1:15:49

What was the review?

Eric: 1:15:50

Just the review, just so scary People die. Turn to bones, bugs right.

Matt: 1:15:58

Yes, got it.

Eric: 1:15:59

Well, I said Friday the 13th or no, that was your first guess for me, or no, that was your first guess for me. Yeah, that was my first guess. I forget what I said. I said the Mist. You said the Mist. That is incorrect. It was the Mummy okay, all right.

Matt: 1:16:14

Yeah, that scans. I knew it wasn't the mist, because they don't turn to bones, but I I didn't know what else it could be on a long enough timeline okay, and then what we were talking about is the this one, a child growing up in the 80s, one setting all pointless, cliche dialogue oh yeah, I said friday the 13th you said friday the 13th. That is incorrect as well, eric. Okay okay, it was in fact the breakfast club damn it the breakfast club is what we were discussing yep 100 is the breakfast club all right, so oh zero zero goose egg to goose egg so far in the timeline.

Matt: 1:16:59

So far still tied In the tiebreaker zero apiece. Oops, all goose eggs.

Eric: 1:17:04

Oops, all goose eggs. Second movie this one was a movie for ideologues, where they talk about fascist government. Bush is bad evil communists.

Matt: 1:17:13

And I believe I said V for Vendetta. You were correct, I thought I was.

Eric: 1:17:18

I felt good about it.

Matt: 1:17:19

Matt's on the board, and so is Eric, because you said for mine I don't understand why it's such a high rating, 23 years old, yes, Stuck, doing stuff weren't related to getting her family back. You said spirited away and it is spirited away.

Eric: 1:17:35

Fuck, yes, the only thing that panicked about me was like was it really? 23 years ago.

Matt: 1:17:39

Wow, yeah and it really was. Yeah, I love that movie god I love miyazaki um all right?

Eric: 1:17:46

so one one, one, one. Review number three this movie is just one guy deconstructing everything and making assumptions.

Matt: 1:17:54

God, I want to know what this is what did you? Say, I said you're gonna be so mad. I know I said being john malkovich which is honestly a great. Like the the rev I. I want to defend myself. The review could be applied to being john malkovich.

Eric: 1:18:09

It could but when you hear, the movie is 12 angry men.

Matt: 1:18:14

Oh, fuck me I mean, I guess, I guess it's the.

Eric: 1:18:21

It's my favorite one star review of anything ever. If someone watched the masterpiece 12 angry men and what they took from, it's just one guy deconstructing everything and making assumptions and that's 100% accurate.

Matt: 1:18:36

Yes, yes that's true, that's true, fuck, okay, your third review was drawn-out piece of self-serving writing. Made it difficult to sit through those high strings. Wife was super annoying. All the crying, the 80s. You said the Shining and you were right, eric Twoic. So it is two to one you, it is 2d one, you, eric's now.

Eric: 1:19:05

uh, now for review number four review number four this is the one where the person really didn't like sex.

Matt: 1:19:12

Yes, and you said I believe, eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Eric: 1:19:17

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind also a good guess, but also wrong, also wrong. Yeah, I thought it could be the movie. Was the Notebook? The Notebook? Oh man, the Notebook. They were talking about Ryan Gosling in the. Barbie movie yes.

Matt: 1:19:33

Rachel McAdams yes, yes, of course Fuck, of course fuck of course yeah, damn it. Yeah, fuck me up. All right, your fourth review was a cringe factor. Hard to imagine this raising to real child, raised without parents, with deception, I guess the truman show, and you went out on a limb and said the Truman Show, yeah, and Eric, you're fucking right, my guy.

Eric: 1:20:00

Oh, this is gonna be so proud of me I watched that movie for the first time with her last year.

Matt: 1:20:05

You. I don't know if you've put these pieces together.

Eric: 1:20:09

You just won, eric. Now Matt, I'm gonna wait until all the results are in before I do any celebratory, know just won the tiebreaker.

Matt: 1:20:16

That only came about because I was kind to you. You just won it I did, I did, but I guess now I would be remiss now we didn't get all the numbers in before you got to get all the numbers yeah sure, it's three to one, with only one review left. Yeah sure, yeah, let's do it.

Eric: 1:20:35

Let numbers in that let's do it, uh, so so the final review for me, uh, for you, was now. This is a funny movie. Two, two characters fighting on a wet floor long and boring.

Matt: 1:20:47

What part of a book series movie that it is sorry.

Eric: 1:20:51

What'd you?

Matt: 1:20:51

guess, I guess the revenant, yeah, what is it you?

Eric: 1:20:53

guessed the revenant of the Rings. Get the fuck out of town.

Matt: 1:20:58

Get the fuck out of town.

Eric: 1:21:00

It's Gandalf and Saruman battling in Orthanc.

Matt: 1:21:05

Get out of town and take a bus and drive it off a cliff and kill yourself.

Eric: 1:21:09

I will teach you the meaning of pain.

Matt: 1:21:13

Oh my God, what a terrible take.

Eric: 1:21:22

Right, what a God pain. Oh my god, what a terrible take. Right, what a god.

Matt: 1:21:24

These, all these reviews are dear to my heart because they're such fucking awful takes. Yes, and so, eric. You. Speaking of awful takes, this, this movie, was what the fuck is this bullshit? It's out of order. I guess they found it compelling. Boomers, hold this up. Blah, blah, blah feels like a way, it feels depthless. They kept saying depthless and you said pulp fiction. And you're right. Again, eric, you're right an 80%.

Matt: 1:21:51

You got four out of five and I only got one out of five the movie bracket that you were so concerned to be in the underdog. Eric, you end up the winner.

Eric: 1:22:10

Only by your mercy, only by my mercy, I am the winner. That said, all is forgotten. All the history books will remember All that will be carved into the tablets that they find in the post-apocalyptic wasteland by my progeny.

Matt: 1:22:28

Yes, you got it, Eric. Thanks to me, you got it. You can hold up this W with an asterisk. You certainly can. I humbly accept.

Eric: 1:22:43

What a good Damn.

Matt: 1:22:45

Damn Eric, Eric, I want to be clear though I'm proud of you, Are you proud of me? Matt's proud of me Particularly for getting the Truman Show. It was hard for me not to be like damn Eric, that was good.

Eric: 1:23:01

And if you had asked me that a year ago, I would never have gotten it, because I had never seen the Truman Show, and that is embarrassing. That is humiliating.

Matt: 1:23:09

The Truman Show called out our generation before we even fucking knew it. Yeah, the Truman Show, truly ahead of its time. What a great goddamn movie. The Truman Show. Truman show, I want to watch it, right, look folks you know.

Eric: 1:23:21

Go home. Sorry, I'm on the field right now like post interview everybody out there like I just want to give a shout out to movies, I want to give a shout out to stars and reviews, but most of all, go home tonight, hold someone you love and watch the truman show honestly thank you jobless, jobless, the trap one of the things that stands out to me as being such um a shout out to an actor whose name I do not know and all I can tell you is I don't know how they're credited, but I'm gonna assume it's man in bathtub.

Matt: 1:23:55

yes, yes, in the Truman show. Yes, yes, yes, yes, when he is slapping the water going. Yes, yes, yes. It is one of the most pure instances of like, joy and euphoria that I can recall seeing documented on film. God bless Truman show and and it made a perfect movie. It was the movie that made everybody go.

Eric: 1:24:23

oh, jim carrey can like act out oh, holy shit, which probably led to eternal sunshine of the spotless.

Matt: 1:24:31

Yeah that came after, and the number 13, which is not the greatest example of his serious acting, but you know, was Truman show pre or post cable guy? Post, right, I think it was post cable guy. But well, there we have an internet. Um, the cable guy came out in wait for it 1996. And I think the Truman show was like 97, maybe 98 98, so it came out after. But here's the difference, though right like truman is like an actual character. Yeah, I feel like the cable guy is a jim carrey character.

Matt: 1:25:13

they literally what if the character of Jim Carrey was a villain? Like that's what they said. Yes, like that's all the cable guy is.

Eric: 1:25:22

Good move. Truman was an actual person.

Matt: 1:25:25

Yes, yes and a fully formed character, whereas the other is literally just like hey, what if Ace Ventura was a bad guy?

Eric: 1:25:34

Yeah, what if Ace Ventura was chaotic bad guy like? What if? What if? What if ace ventura was chaotic evil, as opposed to?

Matt: 1:25:40

chaotic good like that's the. That's the only switch there, yeah, but I remember liking the cable guy when I oh my god, no, the cable guy fucking rules. I haven't seen it in a long, long time. And isn't it's ben stiller movie? Right, he directed it, yes he did yes, he did.

Eric: 1:25:57

It might have been his first direct ben stiller directed a lot of movies also. Just I just want to do, want to give a quick poll, for if you haven't go watch the secret life of walter mitty oh yeah, I haven't seen it, but I hear it. It got panned when it came out, but I hear it's low-key good dude, it's not even like it is in the sense that you go into the movie like I approached that movie the first time I saw it, like I guarantee everyone did and like was like, like, like.

Eric: 1:26:22

Okay, this is because I knew the short story it was based on. It is one of the it's one of my favorite movies. It's it's truly like. You will love the secret life of walter will cry.

Matt: 1:26:34

I'm excited to watch it because I really do think that Ben Stiller is an incredible director. He's an amazing director. It is not his directorial debut. It was. That was actually Elvis Stories was his directorial debut, but his real, like actual directorial debut was Reality. Bites, the one that people know Was Reality Bites was the one that people know was reality bites is the one that people know I never saw that, and neither did I.

Matt: 1:27:01

Then it was the cable guy, and then it was zoolander. Uh, and then and then the, the first ben stiller movie that I like knew he directed yeah that is so good is tropic thunder. Tropic thunder Thunder. Tropic Thunder is such a good movie. Speaking of perfect movies, it's a perfect movie. Yeah, then Secret Life of Walter Mitty, zoolander 2. Now we're just going through his directorial filmography, but his some stuff on TV really stands out. He directed Escape from Denmora, that prison show from a number of years ago.

Eric: 1:27:38

He directed a couple things that kind of like whoa Ben Stiller directed this and have you watched Severance? No.

Matt: 1:27:44

Eric, you have to watch Severance. Okay, it's about to come back for its second season in 2025. It's a work, eric, I will say this it is a workplace thriller, oh man. And it has, among the other people in it, fucking Christopher Walken in a TV show. Hell, yeah, like you have to watch this show. It's so good. And he directed I don't think he directed every episode, but he did direct multiple episodes there Sick, so so good. He's really really good. Uh, multiple episodes there sick, so so good. He's really really good. Um, um, and it was just a just a weird ben stiller promo at the end of this episode yeah, give it up for ben hey everyone when you get home

Eric: 1:28:26

tonight, when you're sorry, we're still. We've been having this entire conversation on the field of victory, um, and everyone also. Yeah, just go.

Matt: 1:28:33

Yeah, the whole Ben Stiller, the world's most awkward post-game interview. They just talked about Ben Stiller movies, so I won. Long story short Eric won.

Eric: 1:28:49

To finish this field of victory. Accepted speech. Tens of thousands of you gathered here today.

Matt: 1:28:55

Yes, so Eric wins season four. Google gripes. What do you think eric do? Or maybe we leave it up to the people? Do we do movies, locations or something else for season?

Eric: 1:29:08

five. I think I'm very open to something else. I either. We could do movies forever, but like I'm, I'm open to something else.

Matt: 1:29:19

Um, are you saying, drop us those suggestions are you saying you don't want to go back to locations? Oh, I could do, locations could do well. Hey, people, let us know. You know a good place you could let us know, matt, give them the business. You know a good place, you could let us know. Give us a business the Discord Ooh the. You Didn't Ask For this Discord. You could let us know there directly. We'll probably respond in real time. Yeah. Because, those are the cool kids.

Eric: 1:29:46

Those are the cool kids.

Matt: 1:29:47

But you can also let us know at you Didn't Ask For this gmailcom, that's all spelled out. Or you Didn't Ask Pod on Instagram, twitter, tiktok, facebook, etc. Etc, etc, etc. It's all the same handle. You didn't ask pod, that's the letter. You didn't ask pod. But, more importantly, please consider joining our patreon. Patreoncom slash. You didn't ask for this. We got two tiers one dollar a month, four dollars a month, and it'll get you a bonus episode of oops, all tangents. God damn, that was well done. Did I miss anything? Oh, of the thought line 410-929-5329. Leave us a voicemail, much like Steve List in Seattle did.

Eric: 1:30:24

Thank you, Steve List in Seattle.

Matt: 1:30:26

Anyway, that'll about do it for all of us here. You didn't ask for this. My name is Matt Shea. My name's.

Eric: 1:30:32

Eric Poach, and listen, you didn't ask. But, matt, this has been killing me all episode. I wanted to make the joke in the discussion vis-a-vis Grazer v Chunk. Yeah, with this much of a vote gap and disparity it being the time of year it is, and political climate and such, I did want to make a stop the steal joke. Just getting a vibe check. Would that have scanned? Would that have tested? Well?

Matt: 1:30:58

You might have to ask me again in almost literally a month.

Eric: 1:31:02

Yeah, let's see how this ages Stop the Steel Bye.