Matt: 0:00

Now, Eric, I don't know about you, but ever since really before the pandemic Lindsay and I have been more order groceries than go physically into a store and waste our time looking at things in person. This resonates with me, but do you do this? We've talked about this before I know.

Eric: 0:22

I've done it a handful of times, but you're still going in there and spending your human life. And every time I'm in a grocery store I'm reminded of how much they stress me out.

Matt: 0:33

Now, when I need something specific or when I'm baking something new and I want to check out stuff, I'll go and get what I need or things like that. But when we're just doing the weekly shop of the normal shit, like, just bring that shit to me, you know what I?

Matt: 0:47

mean yeah, instacart it yeah, well okay, or your app of choice, whatever sure so well, this particular week we were we were getting a harris teeter delivery, and what harris teeter will do is they'll they'll throw in something that you didn't order to. Like. Like it's not like a mistake. They're like oh, and here's a free this for the road yeah for the well.

Eric: 1:10

No, well, we get them or for the for the living room yeah, they like like a table. Try one of these and, like you know, some, sometimes it's, you know, I don't know a pack of granola bars is this the same har Harris Teeter app through which Dr Lindsay Barr, phd, accidentally ordered, like a metric, fuck ton of bananas?

Matt: 1:30

Well, it technically is. They have renovated the ordering system since then. Okay, it's not coming from the same store or anything. But anyway, let's not get into the logistics of Harris Teeter's app to the logistics of Harris Teeter's app. All you need to know is that Harris Teeter, in order to sell you other shit in the future, will be like oh, and here's a free one of these. Just try it.

Matt: 1:51

Maybe you'll like it. First taste is free. So one of these things, it just happened to be a gallon of iced tea. Okay, a gallon of iced tea.

Eric: 2:10

See, okay, when you said they throw something in there, I'm picturing like a, like a bag of m&ms or like, like, maybe like an obscure, like a fruit leather that maybe you wouldn't try though exactly, gave you a at a gallon of iced tea.

Matt: 2:20

they gave you a burden yeah, well, it's normally things like that. Right, like a pack of these granola bars maybe you'll like them, a pack of fruit leather, whatever, but like this was certainly the oddest item so far, because, exactly what you said, it isn't even a half gallon, which would be like oh, half gallon, I could make my piece with like it had its own bag.

Matt: 2:44

And here's the thing. Eric lindsey and I not the biggest iced tea fans okay, but we didn't want to just like throw this away or whatever, like we didn't want to waste it. So I said I got an idea. Why don't I pop over to the store next time I'm out and get some lemonade Arnie Palmy and make Arnold Palmer's? Because I, who is now a human in their mid-30s, that's all you drink now.

Matt: 3:17

Have never really had Arnold Palmer's. You never had Arnold Palmer's, arnold palmer's. I was racking my brain and I was like I don't think I actually, in my three plus decades, have ever had an arnold palmer. I guess it's two plus decades, but yeah, I've never had one okay where are you? So, before I continue, where are you with the arnie palmies?

Eric: 3:39

I'm in a okay, I'm in a sort of opposite energy where I'm all about iced tea, but that's because I grew up drinking my mom's like homemade sweet tea. Sure, frannie mae's sweet tea just can't be beat.

Matt: 3:56

I can't weigh in on this.

Eric: 3:57

I haven't had frannie mae's sweet tea which is why, like I, I despise most like store bought tea, so like it. But in your position, because I despise most store-bought teas, so like. But in your position, because I despise most store-bought teas because my palate have been spoiled, of course, I would do the exact same thing you did, which is I'd go get lemonade. Make Arnold Palmer. Honestly, I truly don't think I've ever had an alcoholic Arnold Palmer.

Matt: 4:21

Well, I've definitely never had an alcoholic Arnold Palmer. What do you put in there, like vodka?

Eric: 4:25

alcoholic arnold palmer. Well, I've definitely never had an alcoholic arnold palmer. What do you put in there like vodka? Yeah, yeah, I think traditional like og arnold palmer is a cocktail named after the golfer. No, I don't believe that's true. I believe that's true?

Matt: 4:34

I don't think so. I believe the og, arnold palmer, is. Arnold palmer himself ordered iced tea and lemonade combined at you know the clubhouses and whatnot but with like a fifth of scotch? Oh, I didn't. I don't. If that's true, I didn't know about that part. I actually don't. Should we confirm this? I see you typing, so yeah yeah, for me.

Eric: 4:55

Normally I'm the one confirming arnold palmer origin. Okay, it's just giving me the name of his parents. Um, now let's see. Oh yeah, yeah, no, it's. Yeah, there's no. I don't know why. I thought these are I.

Matt: 5:11

Maybe it's because I grew up. You're a dirt bag piece of shit. Dirt bag, just this is just a nice drink, yep and I'm just gonna be like where's the alcohol dog? Why can't I get a buzz off of this lemonade?

Eric: 5:28

I'm the kid. I'm the kid.

Matt: 5:30

Your dare officer warned you about eric that is not untrue hey man, yeah, got some lemons anyway, I have come here to tell you, eric as I like arnold palmer's for the record.

Matt: 5:49

That's great as someone who has just tried an arnold palmer for the first time in my life here, we go for the first time in my life, as a 30 something year old person, let me tell you this oh, they're delightful oh see, matt, I Matt, I love an Arnold Palmer. I thought this friendship was about to be challenged. Now, me and Lindsey, for like two weeks straight, was just like oh, is it Arnold Palmer?

Eric: 6:13

o'clock right now. Oh, look at the time.

Matt: 6:16

Yeah, gotta meet our tee time, gotta meet our tee time. And on this subject, this is interesting. And on this subject, this is interesting, my dad. He's always golfed sort of off and on throughout the years, but since retiring he golfs all the time because Of course, he's earned it. What else do you do? He's earned it, and so I very much want to play golf with him, even though I don't play golf yeah, and I'm slightly afraid because of my old, herniated disc here, but like, I still want to play golf with my dad sacrifice you're willing to make for your fucking father I think so.

Matt: 6:52

Well, I also want to like get you know it's also sort of a motivator of like, let's get more core going. So like, I don't fucking hurt myself too bad. But I went on the old facebook marketplace got some clubs brought the. You know they were cheap. I just there, you know somebody was getting rid of them. It was like 100 bucks for a full.

Eric: 7:10

They have little socks on them no socks but full set bag.

Matt: 7:14

You know the whole. Nine yards for 100 bucks, pretty good deal. My dad was here, I, my brother and his wife and and my parents were here this weekend, um, just because so my brother could see the house and stuff and showed my dad the clubs and he told me they sucked. But you know what?

Eric: 7:32

That was going to be my next question. I was like did he talk mad shit about your clubs?

Matt: 7:36

Well, he was like, yeah, these are just bad. I was like, yeah, of course they're bad, but they're clubs. I bought them from someone on Facebook Marketplace for a hundred bucks, so we could bond dad Any putter in a storm dad. Any putter in a storm, and now I got two putters. I got so many putters I don't know what to do with them, so I think I got to head over to a Topgolf or something and like get Bro.

Eric: 7:57

you want to go do Topgolf?

Matt: 7:59

I've never done it. I've never topped golf. I never topped golf. I've never topped golf.

Eric: 8:07

I'll top golf with you, top golf. I'll use you as my surrogate dad while I get ready. Hell, son, I am so proud of you. Thank you, I'm gonna be saying it a lot. I'm saying it a lot, oh my god, no I.

Matt: 8:15

It seems like a great. It just seems like a driving range with a bar is all it appeals to the one of the most primal.

Eric: 8:22

Have you been to a drive? I've been to a driving range. I've been to. I went to a driving range as like, like, as a, as a youngster yeah, I think it was high school but I didn't know what the fuck I was doing and I was bored after like I was an unmedicated adhd kid.

Matt: 8:36

I was bored after like fucking 10 minutes and I'm just like yeah, but now we can be on levels with, with, with booze and, and I can drink. Yeah, I can drink, and that's what it's all about, baby.

Eric: 8:48

Hit golf ball drank.

Matt: 8:50

So what I'm saying is and I just want to make sure the listeners are caught up the thesis of this cold open is to say Arnold Palmer's who knew? Who knew Pretty good. Yeah, I apologize, let's start this fucking episode. Let's go, jesus Christ, let's fucking go.

Eric: 9:07

I'll be the tea to your lemonade baby.

Matt: 9:23

Well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this the podcast answering life's least pressing questions. My name is Matthew Shea my name is Eric Poach.

Eric: 9:35

Eric Poach, how are you Marvelous, Living the dream?

Matt: 9:40

as it were, living the dream. I'm glad to hear it. I am glad to hear it because you are a dreamboat, my friend Baby, and you deserve to live a dream, oh my God. Speaking of living a dream, eric, this is our fucking 99th episode. I know, I know we're just shy of the milestone and I know we're gonna do. We got some special shit planned for the next one. Folks, don't you worry, but can we just take a moment to appreciate the fact that you and I have sat down and recorded 99?

Eric: 10:13

of these fucking episodes. Can I what? Very well, I mean, it's the end of an era. May I say 99?.

Matt: 10:24

Feeling fine. Eric, I'm glad you brought it backic. I'm glad you brought it back. I'm glad you brought it back got to. Oh man, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of us.

Eric: 10:32

I got 99 episodes and a stinker ain't one and a stinker ain't one oops all bangers oops all bangers, oops, all bangers.

Matt: 10:41

That might as well be the name of the show that yeah.

Eric: 10:45

If we ever need to rebrand, we agree. Now, oops, all back.

Matt: 10:48

Oh yeah after a century of episodes, we're gonna rebrand now rebrand now I mean a rebrand. I'm open to like new logo, new art etc. But I think we're locked into the name, even though we acknowledge it doesn't necessarily make sense. Now that we have taken people's questions for, let me just check 98 of the last 99 episodes hey, there's a whole lot of yous out there.

Matt: 11:16

There's a whole lot of yous and listen you specifically. Oh, forget it, but listen if you want to comment on what I'm saying, comment on our title or whatever, and you listen on Spotify. Spotify now allows you to comment on each individual podcast episode, so go ahead. If you're a Spotify podcast listener, as I am, I'll full on admit that that's-.

Eric: 11:45

I'll admit it. I'll admit it, Listen.

Matt: 11:48

I know it's our center, big go square and all this stuff, but I sort of think people are giving up on good pods.

Eric: 11:54

I'm going to go ahead and say but it doesn't mean you should. It doesn't mean Give a listen today. Give it a listen today. But if you're like If you're listening on Spotify.

Matt: 12:02

Because, like I know, like, if you're listening on Spotify as and this is true the majority of people who listen to podcasts do, because it is the number one podcast app these days If you listen to podcasts there, you can comment right on the episode. So drop us some comments. Yeah, go for it.

Eric: 12:20

I'm trying to get that like a third of a thousandth of a dollar that my fellow Spotify artists get, Like we're on the same boat.

Matt: 12:31

We're out there. I don't think there's any monetary gain to us getting commented on, but sure.

Eric: 12:37

Spoken like a true comrade in the fight against Spotify.

Matt: 12:41

No, I pay good money for my premium. I don't know how you have Spotify premium right? Oh, of course, money for my premium. I don't know how you have Spotify Premium right? Oh, of course I have Spotify Premium. I don't know how anyone doesn't have Spotify Premium.

Eric: 12:51

What are?

Matt: 12:51

these people doing Shamefully convenient. They listen to albums on random Cannot fathom. I can't fucking fathom it. It sounds like an unhinged torture that would be put upon me in hell. It's the worst. It's the worst, it's the worst. And then an ad plays. Are you kidding me? I was in a groove.

Eric: 13:10

Yeah, I was vibing Dog. I was vibing and you came at me Spotify with your ads and listen to any loyal listeners out there who don't have Spotify premium.

Matt: 13:21

You know I love you. You do what you do.

Eric: 13:31

But I just want to say this you're crazy, you're absolutely crazy.

Matt: 13:32

Um plus, you don't get your fun spotify rap.

Eric: 13:33

Are we doing a free ad for spotify right now?

Matt: 13:34

is this because I'm not getting paid for this. I absolutely think we are and I apologize. Should we get into the questions?

Eric: 13:38

yeah, go go listen to kazaa or something we gotta even it out, eric go go napster. Were you a kazaa? No, no no, I was I bet you were, you naughty, naughty boy I was.

Eric: 13:52

I fucked up my dad's computer real good yeah, I bet that's why I never kazaaed, because my dad was like militantly paranoid. That's why I never had video games on a pc until I was like 26 years old and like I was like living on my own. Because growing up like, oh, no video game, you're going to put a virus on the computer.

Matt: 14:11

All right, so you just call this episode.

Eric: 14:16

Daddy Issues Now Father Issues. Matthew, I'm a man now, oh, and you're a daddy.

Matt: 14:24

I get it, eric does not have children. I just want to be sure. No, no, you know what? I'm not good at the culture.

Eric: 14:31

If you are my bastard child, call in today.

Matt: 14:35

Call in today. I'd love to ignore you.

Eric: 14:43

I'll acknowledge your call, but not your birthright.

Matt: 14:44

Yeah, we would love to have you as a listener exclusively, and call the Thought Line.

Aaron: 14:50

Speaking of the Thought.

Matt: 14:51

Line. We've been saying for a few episodes now that we've got a backlog of Thought Line questions, yes, so today we're going to knock out two of them right here, right now. Time for a reckoning. Time for a reckoning, eric. Are we ready for our first caller?

Eric: 15:05

Let's bring him on in.

Kevin in Columbus: 15:08

Good afternoon, gentlemen. You are now superheroes. What is your superpower, what is your weakness and, most importantly, what is your superhero name? This is Kevin in Columbus, patiently waiting.

Matt: 15:25

Okay, thank you, kevin and Columbus, you sound.

Eric: 15:28

Thank you, Kevin.

Matt: 15:29

You sound oddly like my brother-in-law, kevin and Columbus, but you know, putting that aside for just a moment, okay, so what we got is we are we do not acknowledge bastards or brothers-in-law in this podcast. We do not recognize their sovereignty, or even friends who don't pay for Spotify. So we have these various things. Okay, so we're superheroes.

Eric: 15:56

We're superheroes, we have powers, we have weaknesses, we have names.

Matt: 15:59

And those are what we have to say what are our powers, what are our weaknesses and what are our names? Matt say what are our powers, what are our weaknesses and what are our names matt, what are your? Thoughts. Do you think kevin and columbus was is literally talking about? Like we are superheroes, eric poach, match a have like we're in the news, or are we making up a fictionalized?

Eric: 16:20

superhero.

Matt: 16:21

So I am a mild-mannered podcaster by day, right same but at night, honestly, most days, most mostly now we're mild-mannered podcasters by night so or so?

Eric: 16:35

are you asking if, like I, had to become a superhero with what is available to?

Matt: 16:40

me yeah, like if I had bruce wayne dreams on like a, on like a dollar tree budget no, what I'm saying is like do you think we have to be like what is matt shay's superpower, what is eric poach's superpower, or we just? Do you think kevin wants us to just make up some superheroes here? Oh, I think it's fun if it's us all right, let's go with that, but I, but I think we can feel free to grant ourselves superpowers.

Eric: 17:07

Oh yeah, and we get artistic license with our badass fantasy lives.

Matt: 17:11

All right, so off the old dome there, Eric. What are you thinking would be a good superpower for you Right off the dome? Tell me.

Eric: 17:20

So there's what, and there's also two vectors here. There's like what if I could give myself any superpower under the sun, what would it be? And then there's like my, if I was like a mutant, what would my mutant like? You know what I mean.

Eric: 17:36

Like what would nature grant me versus what would I grant me Exactly? Yeah, I think my, my, me personally, my, my, my superpower. If I could choose, yeah, I would want the ability. I would want to be a bibliomancer, a bibliomancer, and I would want the ability to open, and I would like the ability to summon any object, creature or thing temporarily, mind you, that is, within a book, like I can read, like I open up, I open up, fucking you know, knights of the round table, I pull excalibur out and now I can fight with it. Yeah. Or like I can, you know, I, the classic, I open 20 000 leagues under the sea and just generate, like thousands of gallons of seawater to like knock over my foes you just unleash an ocean out of your special ring yeah, oh, I would.

Eric: 18:28

I would be carrying a stack of books with me wherever, and each day I'd just bring different books a little.

Matt: 18:34

You got like a little library cart. Yeah, trailing behind. Yeah, hold on, hold the battle. Let me find my jewels ver.

Eric: 18:44

And in true, like Stan Lee, marvel fashion, my name would my, my, my hero, my, my hero name would be Dewey Decimal Dewey, decimal Dewey, decimate Dewey.

Matt: 18:54

Decimate.

Eric: 18:56

Yeah, dewey, decimate.

Matt: 18:58

I like a Dewey Decimate. He do, he do. What is Dewey Decimate's flaw? His weakness?

Eric: 19:10

Oh weakness, yeah, he do what is dewey decimates flaw his weakness? Oh weakness, yeah. Um, so I so let's, let's, let's workshop this. So I am, I am bound. I have to keep carrying books upon me, so I'm away from my books, I can't summon anything.

Matt: 19:19

Yeah, you need literature yeah, yeah in order to be of use to anyone, uh. So to that end, I have to be real careful about getting my books wet, like if they get soggy or if they get like fucking like, or if like fire bad now, you know I'm generally against e-readers in general, but like would you not consider having an e-reader at your disposal for this exact purpose?

Eric: 19:41

so when we eventually, once I become like a hero icon. Yeah, e, and like I'm, I'm like the new superman. Basically I or sorry, in this example, I'm the new batman. Uh, because eventually I'm gonna get like, once I have my animated series and it's huge and it's popular and beloved. Um, I will get a, a cyberpunk sci-fi spinoff, like future series, a la batman beyond. And that's when I bust out the e-raider. Oh, okay, that's when you're basically at that point you become a god, because now you, you could, you essentially have the power of the internet yeah, you can fight with some truly horrifying things out of that box oh yeah, I mean, yeah, that's pandora's box right there.

Eric: 20:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll be my protege, that my protege will be pandora and her box. Yeah, and she just pulls like the nightmare she'll. She'll be like full-on anti-hero pulling nightmares out of her fucking kindle I think that sounds very appropriate for you.

Matt: 20:43

If I'm being honest, thank you and what was the last thing we needed? We needed the or no? Those are the three things.

Eric: 20:48

Oh, I have any. Yeah, I got.

Matt: 20:49

I'm box is checked name weakness and and name powers weakness yeah, yeah, very good, I think we hit the nail on the head yeah, that's what I would choose I think that's a good, I think that's good for you.

Matt: 21:03

Yeah, now, when I I'll say, the first thing that's jumping to mind is I used to have this, this sort of daydream, as a child, of a superhero, or at least a person who had the ability that when he reached like a crossroads, you know a D, a decision needed to be made. He could like sort of stop time and see what the different outcomes would look like like if I chose this, this is what happened. And if I chose this, this is what happened. And like then he could be like, okay, we gotta, we gotta cut this wire, you know, like whatever his alt.

Eric: 21:41

His his ultimate fucking challenge. He's standing in front of a combination taco bell pizza hut yes, absolutely, absolutely, oh no, oh, the timeline.

Matt: 21:53

They both end in diarrhea. Yeah, what? What do we do? Because otherwise it's just like oh, you can make the quote-unquote right choice all the time.

Matt: 22:04

I think it can't be controlled, like you don't know when you can't, you can't choose when it triggers, because otherwise he's just like perfect, right, like yeah, but like it could be back to the future too, right, where you're just gambling, knowing the outcome of every sporting event, right bro, and that that is truly a weakness, but like in the sense of the psychological damage that will do to you, because now you will be unwittingly like, against your will.

Eric: 22:34

Yeah, you will begin learning exactly how momentous yes and fucking like, how the gravitas of even the most mundane decisions you make every single day. That's bad ass.

Matt: 22:48

And I think it's a twofold weakness, right? Because one yes, you can't actually control this power, because otherwise you'd be omniscient, basically, but like every now and then you get hit. You like it, it chooses you, right, it chooses me. I should say it's my power. So, yeah, like all the sudden, I'm like okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm experiencing something, and then, but for everybody else, it's just like my eyes widen, and then I turn to you and I'm like we need to go this way, you know, like they don't know and like it's almost like.

Eric: 23:21

It's almost like, yeah, it's like you become a Cassandra. You become like like no one, like like there's going to be times you're like don't order that flat white and like they just got to, like you have to try to convince the anxiety about making any decision knowing that you're flying blind. You know like oh yeah.

Matt: 24:00

God, the power hasn't kicked in. So like oh shit. Because when you get used, when you get that sweet, sweet taste of knowing what the right decision is, everything else, I think, gets heightened by the fact of like, oh shit, I didn't get the clues, I don't know, I didn't get the vision.

Eric: 24:18

There's an entire Doctor who episode, basically centered kind of like around this intellectual exercise.

Matt: 24:27

I didn't know that 'm? This is my own idea.

Eric: 24:29

I can't help that somebody else thought oh, no, no, no, no, it's not this, like this power, it's it. But the. The plot, the entire plot is the of the episode is the. The. The main character, the doctor, walks out of theARDIS one day and he turns left to go down the street instead of right. And you see that timeline play out and it's horrific. And the episode ends with him like deciding to like it rewinds back and then like he comes out and then he goes right and said and like it's that whole idea of like every decision.

Aaron: 25:02

Which doctor are we talking about?

Eric: 25:04

I believe this would have been David Tennant, because, yes, this was when Donna Noble was his companion. Who is the best companion ever? Come at me, okay, yeah.

Matt: 25:14

Go at him, if you will.

Eric: 25:17

Unless you're my bastard child.

Matt: 25:19

Well, yeah, in which case, keep your distance.

Eric: 25:21

In which case, but call him Stay, stay in that mill in which I left you the mill?

Matt: 25:28

Who are you impregnating in mills? Why are you just going into the working women of America?

Eric: 25:35

I'm out here grinding bones, making bread. Baby, you're grinding something, so I need a name. So you definitely need a kick-ass name. Like the Dest destination comes to mind. What about Crossroads? Crossroads is good, oh, what is? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, oh, oh, oh, what is the name? There's like that old folklore about the man meeting the devil at the crossroads.

Matt: 26:00

I don't know what you mean, I don't know what you're, I don't know this folklore. Oh, I don't know what you mean, I don't know what you're, I don't know this folklore, oh man. But it has to be something that somebody can easily say damn it, crossroads. Because so often we're going to run into a situation where they're like crossroads, which way should we go? And I'm like you know, I can't summon it. God, yeah, damn it Crossroads.

Eric: 26:27

Damn. Uh, yeah, crossroads, uh, uh, you're man. If this was like, if, if this was a marvel comic, your like day name would be like your, your. If you weren't matt shea, your name would be robert frost. Yeah, okay, that's a thinking man's bit. Bobby frost, bobby, bobby frost, bobby chills bobby. But yeah, crossroads is good. Bobby Winter, it's gotta be legally distinct. Bobby Winter, bobby, roberto, ice cold. Bobby Coldfeets. Crossroads is good. It needs like a something.

Matt: 27:05

It needs just and crossroads doesn't give that to you. Ross roads, why? Why would it be ross?

Eric: 27:13

that's my boy, ross road.

Matt: 27:15

No, I don't want to be ross roads fuck that like scooby-doo saying it might as well call me signpost.

Eric: 27:22

Oh man, here comes oh God Eight ball, Like the magic eight ball.

Matt: 27:32

Here comes, paralyzed by indecision.

Eric: 27:34

Oh, what's the? No doubt I was like what's that stick people like would try to find water with like a dowsing rod, but that that's not cool.

Matt: 27:44

That's not cool at all. No, no, I couldn't even respond to it. I was. Yeah, I was struck deaf and dumb by how dumb it was. Yeah, I think I'm. I'm landing at crossroads I.

Eric: 27:54

I accept your crossroad is valid thank you, thank you so yeah so, kevin and columbus, there you go.

Matt: 28:01

I think we nailed it, eric.

Eric: 28:02

We got I.

Matt: 28:03

I think that's pretty badass so it was dewey decimate and crossroads the two most anxious superheroes you'll ever meet. What don't hurt my books, the team up, you never knew you wanted yep, crossroads and dewey, decimate, decimate, dewey, decimate and crossroads, dewey, decimate, oh man the fantastic adventures of Decimating.

Eric: 28:26

Crossroads Dewey Decimate, oh man.

Matt: 28:27

The Fantastic Adventures of Decimating Crossroads. Oh man, have you seen Deadpool and Wolverine? No, I'm very excited to, though. It's a great time. It's a great time, it's fun. It's like two and a half hours of fan service, but it's fun, it's a good time.

Eric: 28:43

How many Wrexham references are in that movie? Uh, technically only, uh, really one, because I know about the cameo, I won't spoil it. Yeah, there's a cameo there is a cameo.

Matt: 28:55

And then there, this isn't spoiling anything, I don't think, because ryan reynolds has posted it. Um, in welcome to rex from season three, you see that, um, uh, rob mckelhenney filmed a cameo as a tva agent. Yes, and it has been confirmed by ryan reynolds that they did cut said cameo. It was a, it was a kill your darlings kind of moment. I think it's going to be on the like. You know, deleted scenes on the digital releases, got, it's got to be, but yeah, so he posted this heartfelt thing of how hard it was to cut the scene, but he did cut the scene Anywho. Anyway, the welcome. You're interested in Wrexham? Go ahead and follow my Wrexham Reader sub stack newsletter. I am a loyal reader, he is, indeed, he is. So anyway, eric, we got another voicemail here, and this one we did research for yes, yes, we did, so let's hit it hello, matt and eric.

Aaron: 29:53

This is aaron stigler. The newest despicable me movie came out recently, so I come to you with questions about the minions. I feel like you've answered questions about the minions in the past, so forgive me if one of these questions has been asked already. But here we go. What is the nature of the minions' labor for Gru? Are they slaves like Oompa Loompas? Are they employees? They seem to collectively finance Gru's attempt to steal the moon in the first Despicable Me movie. So does that make Gru's villain enterprise a worker-owned cooperative? Do they get health insurance? Do they get a 401k or pension? Did they even age and retire? I have many more thoughts on the minions, but I'll stop there. Any assistance in answering these questions or any others you have about the minions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

Eric: 30:37

Have a good one Now. As Matt said, we had to do a little research because until yesterday I have never seen Despicable Me or any of the Minions movie. Same.

Matt: 30:49

Same. Neither of us had any exposure other than the forced exposure that society has given us. To the Minions.

Matt: 30:57

Yes, yes, so we both, aaron, just for you. We both watched Despicable Me. We did it for you, stiggs, yesterday. And, yeah, thank you for also sorry for all the times we've called you Stiegler, I suppose, since it's Stiegler, but you know. Sorry about that, I suppose, oops Woof, give it a whoopsie-do on on us, but we still appreciate you calling it. So we, we watched um despicable me and I won the extra mile, and today, shortly before seeing this recording this episode, I watched minions as well.

Matt: 31:39

All gave some, some gave all and I'm the one who gave all, and I actually the minions gave all, but I actually think minions is much more important to answering this question, eric well, yeah, it's a movie exclusively about them.

Eric: 31:54

I I'm a sort of okay, look, I'm not trying to come in here and sound like arrogant, but like I believe in the original source material. Yeah, I believe in the, in the sanctity of despicable me as the original of the original canon well, the minions movie, as I discover, and the second one as well, is a prequel.

Matt: 32:19

It's a prequel, it's a prequel, and in this movie, in the very beginning, we discover that the minions have been around since the dawn of time era.

Eric: 32:32

That was my theory, because they do not appear to have any sort of rep, like they don't seem to have any reproductive they well, they going on.

Matt: 32:41

Somehow they keep getting made.

Eric: 32:43

So they must be putting their pills shaped something somewhere are they like that species of jellyfish, like the immortal jellyfish?

Matt: 32:52

they began life as a single-celled organism and they evolved eric. I'm telling you this is in the opening credits. They begin as like little dots in the sea and they follow the meanest fish around and then eventually, just like animals, they get up on the land there and they start following around a T-Rex, and basically they're drawn to the most evil entity that they can find and they want to serve this evil entity. And it starts as a T-Rex and then they accidentally kill the T-Rex and then it becomes cavemen and they accidentally kill the cavemen and then it becomes like they keep going all these places they go to. They go to Dracula they accidentally kill him on his 300 something birthday, and then Napoleon, they kill him too. Whoopsie, do I have a theory emerging?

Matt: 33:40

Okay, and so basically, I'm going to tell you I'm going to spoil all the minions for you real quick, go on you ready.

Eric: 33:45

Ruined my life. So they honestly it wasn't that good.

Matt: 33:49

Despicable Me. It was a great time. It was a fun time. Yeah, it was a fun time, minions was not great.

Eric: 33:54

Here's what I'm going to say about minions.

Matt: 33:58

Okay, as minions is not for or about me, and that's okay yeah, yeah, but I'm just saying like I was watching despicable me and lindsey and I we watched it together last night and there are some legit laugh out loud moments at uh, despicable me got some gut busters, some knee slappers and they all involve the minions yes, the minions and despicable me steal the show the minion.

Matt: 34:25

I can totally. Lindsey said this. I can totally see why they are what the culture hung on to as like this is part of pop culture. Now, yes, and like yeah grew too. But basically the minions movie is them trying to find a new boss to serve. These three minions go out in the world it's in the 1960s they try to steal the crown jewels, they, they, they follow this, this evil person, around for a while, that person they end up defeating and then, what do you know, at the very end of the movie it lasts like 60 seconds a child, gru, comes into the picture and takes the crown jewels and runs away and they're like no, this is the guy. And they follow boy-aged Gru and boom, prequel done. But the important thing is they've been around forever. But like, the important thing is they've been around forever. The minions have always been here looking for delight in the most evil entity they can find.

Eric: 35:31

And this is where my theory emerges, Matt, just from hearing you describe this, because I didn't know any of that, I only had I could only go off the source material. And now I say that because it was a prequel, and now I feel like we're caught up to the source material.

Matt: 35:41

And now I say that because it was a prequel, and now I feel like we're caught up to the source material. Okay.

Eric: 35:46

So what you're describing? I have an emerging theory about the minions. All right, the minions yeah, let's hear it Are the planet's response. They're the planet's immune system responding to evil appearing on its surface. Because you keep describing to me how the minions appear. They, they find the most evil thing, follow it and then end up killing it. Yes, they behave like white blood cells in an immune system. They're, they're a balancing, but they don't mean it. They don't mean to. They don't mean oh no, nothing you, I mean.

Matt: 36:18

I don't they're just?

Eric: 36:19

they're just silly little pills that are accident prone exactly like I don't ascribe intent to an amoeba, any more than I would ascribe intent to a minion, at least not at that stage of their evolution. They exist because they happen to thrive in a world where evil is just manifest. With all this manifesting evil, without the minions, how bleak would things have gotten. Dracula would have ruled the world, but he wouldn't even got a chance. T-rex would have murdered him. T-rex has eaten all the Dracula's Matt. Can we have that?

Matt: 36:53

Eric, you are bringing up a very good point, but this this does bring us to the source material of Despicable Me, and Aaron pointed out that they quote unquote financed his project to steal the moon With their labor, with their labor. But no, there's that scene where they all are like, oh, I'll chip in a dollar or whatever, but it starts with money. But then they're just bringing in stuff like park benches and shit that they build the racket out of. I don't think that was like financing, like they're sitting on gold bullion somewhere. They're not secretly rich they're not secretly rich.

Eric: 37:31

No, they gave what they.

Eric: 37:32

They gave all they could they gave and then they could all gave some all gave some and it built a rocket to get to the moon and and I will say this we do know they get paid um, at least prior to this. They have money. Uh, they have money and when grew is like when he's given up on on ceiling moon, he's like okay, you guys are gonna have to like I like me, dust up your resume, look for new. Like he's giving them the we have, we're out of money.

Matt: 37:57

We can't pay you any more speech well, and he also makes a joke about no, no, no one's getting raises.

Eric: 38:05

Yeah, so they are getting paid. I don't know if they particularly care about money.

Matt: 38:12

I think it's a perk for them.

Eric: 38:14

I think it's a perk and I think that works perfectly for Gru, because he can lowball them yeah.

Matt: 38:19

Whatever there's, he's paying the minimum wage because he's despicable oh yeah. Ball them, yeah. Whatever there's, he's paying the minimum wage because he's despicable oh yeah. But like whatever that he's paying them, he doesn't ultimately need to because the minions would work for free.

Eric: 38:33

No, yeah, they clearly like him.

Matt: 38:36

Yeah, they clearly enjoy being around they all want good night kisses at the end of the movie. Oh, that was the funny. That was the hardest, lindsey, and I laugh when the minions go that was so good, that was very good. A plus writing despicable me so I.

Eric: 38:52

So I, at the start of the movie stakes, they are definitely in a capitalist like sort of. You know, they're in the eve, they're, they're. It's an evil mode. But then when grew turns a new leaf, you know when they're, they co-build a rocket together. Yeah, that's when they form, like you said, a cooperative. It it truly becomes a collaboration and you'll notice that grew thrives when he collaborates with his labor instead of dominating it.

Matt: 39:23

Yes, yes, he's a leader. He knows he becomes a leader. He knows how to get the minions going. He knows that. You know they respond to fanfare. They respond to flashy announcements. Yes, you know he's not just sending a memo. He is positioning his retractable roof so he can be backlit by the moon.

Eric: 39:49

Much like the girls tried to teach Gru, the minions were also trying to teach him the same lesson is that when you're having fun, it all comes together. Girls took him to amusement park, the minions they were telling him the whole time they're just over when you. They're silly little guys, matt, they're silly, they're silly little guys and you gotta give the silly little guys silly little projects. If you give them all these like dang like, of course things are gonna go wrong. Yeah, you gotta meet them where they're at, which is silly little guys.

Matt: 40:19

That's where they thrive and succeed. But also eric in to his point about like how they reproduce or whatever. Do they live forever? They most certainly do not. They are disposable. If ever I've seen them that they get blown apart by an errant rocket and they're just like, oh, whoops, but but like they seem to obey like loony, like Like I didn't.

Eric: 40:43

I don't recall seeing any of them.

Matt: 40:46

No, you don't see them perish, but come on.

Eric: 40:49

Destroyed or injured in any way. I've seen them like get blown up. I know that some part of their anatomy they have some sort of skeleton or something in there, because if you crack it they turn into a glow stick.

Matt: 41:02

Yes, I was shocked by the cracking of a minion and he became a glow stick. What an obscure joke to make, but so good. But I was saying this to Lindsay. What I appreciate about the minions is it is sort of a throwback to. I love the senseless violence, the comedic violence about the minions, like they just pull out bazookas, they blow each other apart and then are like where are they getting these wigs and disguises and costumes? Where are they getting these disguises? Like what the fuck? It's very roadrunner and coyote, you know it's it's very anvil Like.

Matt: 41:42

It's a throwback to classic cartoons of like violence that doesn't actually have consequences, and that's what I feel like we should be teaching our children.

Eric: 41:52

That's what we need to go back to Drop pianos on your friends.

Matt: 41:56

Drop pianos on your friends. Violence doesn't have consequences.

Eric: 42:00

I will also add that in many ways in this goes back to reproduction stuff like that. I, I I'm just gonna assume that like, kind of like, like we saw in the beginning, like they're, they are, as you say, like single cell organisms. They just kind of like split. They kind of just grow like a funk. They don't they're, they do not adhere to any, they do not have any sort of gendered morphism. They are, they seem, completely like asexual by default. But like they seem they have no problem shifting into different like roles.

Eric: 42:30

Like you'll see like oh, this one's now a dad and this one's a mom, this one's they're a little, but like they can like, like they're kind of, they're enlightened in many ways. They're very gender fluid. They're very uh, they're very adapt. They're supremely adaptable. That is why they still exist. That's why they make perfect minions like they can. Whatever society throws at them, they just roll with it.

Matt: 42:52

They're able to roll with the changes. Much like reo speed wagon they can. Much like reo speed, they can go with it. Their coffee is on the table, yeah.

Aaron: 43:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt: 43:03

And so I appreciate the Minions for this. And I think that you know my dad has a thing about the Minions. He like ever since they came on TV and were in commercials, he finds them so annoying, he hates them. And I was sort of like, yeah, whatever about the Minions. But after watching Despicable Me I'm sort of like, yeah, I get it, I get it. I get it. I like the minions.

Eric: 43:25

It's not for or about me, but I get it.

Matt: 43:27

I like the minions and if I had a child here and they were obsessed with minions, I'd be like fuck, yeah, you are. Yeah, of course you are. You're a child, of course you are. Yes, who wouldn't want devoted, loving subordinates?

Eric: 43:44

who are? Who are funny as heck, who are just funny as silly little guys.

Matt: 43:49

They're just silly little guys, eric. Some of them got one eye, some of them got two.

Eric: 43:55

We don't know what the differentiator is there and that easily could have been a star-bellied sneetches kind of situation, but it wasn't't.

Matt: 44:02

Some are tall, some are short.

Eric: 44:03

We don't know why they don't discriminate, they don't exclude or sort each other by any sort of known hierarchy.

Matt: 44:14

And they're not afraid to take an ax and just whack another person with it because they're standing in the way, because they love evil, eric.

Eric: 44:26

They love evil. Well love, they're attracted to it. They're attracted to it. They respect it.

Eric: 44:31

They respect it, I think, like I they respect a diabolical scheme I don't think they have any sort of overarching, like motivation, like I don't think they're like oh, we're gonna serve evil. Or, to tie back to my theory from earlier, like oh we, we're like the planet's immune system. I think that's just incidental. They're an organism, they're just they're they. Of course nature has selected to make the ultimate organism which, just like which just so happens to be a yellow pill-shaped minion.

Matt: 45:02

Who's? A silly little guy, who's a silly little guy in overalls, and you know what makes them drawn to evil. You know what I have to say to that. Why does anyone do anything?

Eric: 45:14

Why does anyone do anything?

Matt: 45:15

Why does?

Eric: 45:16

anyone do anything. Are we not drawn to evil? Do we not need jobs?

Matt: 45:20

We need jobs and we're drawn to evil.

Eric: 45:26

We're drawn to corporations, are we not? Yeah, we're, they are. I think that I think too. That is also why people will react quite viscerally to minions, because they are in a sense matt to quote, I think and or the mirror hurts. The minions are a mirror to us as a species. They show us. They show us that at the end of the day, there's no sense of like and I'm sure this probably gets explored in the further movies. But they're like. You look at them in despicable me, the source material, yes and you don't see any sort of sense of self.

Eric: 46:00

You see collective it is the, it is absolutely the collective. It's like if you took us if, and you took like humanity and just stripped away all of like the illusion of self-identity, you're just left with silly little guys and I think that freaks people out. They're like, at the end of the day, deep down, we're all just silly little guys, we're all just minions.

Matt: 46:22

We're all just minions at the end of the day, that fucks people up, that fucks people up and people can't handle that. Eric, no, but you and I can.

Eric: 46:29

Oh yeah, oh, we can oh.

Matt: 46:31

I can look at you and say you are my minion.

Eric: 46:35

And I can look at you, matt, and say you are my minion one eye or two eye we got a one-eye stand out here.

Matt: 46:43

I think I'm a two-eye per a minion, but I think you are a tall one-eye minion absolutely tall one-eye minion.

Eric: 46:50

That is my minion sona. That's your minion sona that's your minion pet?

Matt: 46:55

yeah, absolutely, I think, eric, we not only answered the question, we answered questions we didn't even know were asked. God damn it, we're good, and isn't that just what the minions do is?

Eric: 47:08

god damn eric. Here's all say to that that was the worst impression of a minion I've ever heard.

Matt: 47:16

Give me yours. Give me yours right now don't even think about it. But but my god is a cake and banana okay, that was really good that was really good, because it's like an amalgamation of different like like they'll speak spanish for a hot second.

Eric: 47:31

But then they'll be like man stewart, like yes, you gotta just drop in one very clear, concise word, word uh I, I, when I still did martial arts, one of my instructors, master victor he was uh, he, I say was like yeah, matt, master, victor uh I respect him, don't come after me he was filipino and so he would speak this blend of like.

Eric: 48:01

He would pop when he would like call family, he would be speaking filipino and uh, yeah, uh, on the phone, yeah, he'd be speaking filipino and spanish because, like, that is also like a big like, like no, because the phil, the philippi was, you know, colonized by the spanish. Yeah, but he would be bouncing between filipino, spanish and and, with occasional words in english, and it would just be like that, that string of like, philippine and spanish and and, with occasional words in english. And it would just be like that, that string of like, philippine and spanish.

Matt: 48:27

And then, all of a sudden, walmart yeah, well, that's just a good touch point of what you know you can while you're eavesdropping on your master's conversation walmart is the word that doesn't exist in most other languages.

Eric: 48:42

Yeah, Other other. We, we get things like shit. You know, we get to enjoy schadenfreude and the Germans get to enjoy Walmart, Absolutely. That is hold on, I gotta, I gotta know, gotta know what. How do you say Walmart in German? Oh, they don't exist in Germany.

Matt: 49:00

I was just going to say it's, it's, they don't. It's a name brand. I think it's just gonna be walmart I was hoping for, like a valmotsen I'm sorry, that was there. That was anti-german, I apologize, that was racist against minions, bro I think it was racist against minions and the germans and I apologize, are you doing minion face right now?

Matt: 49:22

I'm just looking at you. Okay, that's just my fucking face, eric. Okay, you, goddamn minion. Anyway, it's time for Google Gripes. Time for Google, oh, fuck me, it's time for Google Gripes. Google Gripes, baby, I'm gonna throw up. Season four, finale is on hand. Okay, for those new google gripes. One star google reviews. They're all real. I read them. Eric, guesses, vice versa, etc, etc. The live score for this round is seven to four, me, me, okay. Eric requires five, six, seven, all three of these reviews, all three of these films. He has to get right. I've got three movies here, well-known movies, eric, with three one-star Google reviews each. And, as you said, we should be going hard mode on the last thing.

Eric: 50:25

Yeah, I said a lot of things.

Matt: 50:26

So the pressure is on Eric Funny world A whole lot of things being said, because I'm giving these three to you and even if you get the first one wrong, eric, it's all over. I won, but you still have to go through these reviews.

Eric: 50:42

Matt, if this was dragon ball z, I'd be looking over at you right now and like my scouter, just like exploded, yeah on my face and like I can just see the death aura of your, of your, of your key raising around you and it's fucking me up I'm sure that means something to somebody.

Matt: 50:59

All right, so here we go. Are you ready, eric? First movie, first review. Are you ready?

Eric: 51:05

KO, can I? Yes, that was a DBZ joke. That's not for or about you, matthew. Thank you, that's for someone who just chuckled.

Matt: 51:13

Thank you. I hope you fucking love that chuckler. They did Trust me, they did.

Matt: 51:19

He threw a cute dog off a tall building and it most probably died. I don't like because of that Hashtag. Dog lives matter. Other than that, this is the best movie I've ever seen. One star Hell. Yeah, okay, all right. Second review Worst blank film ever. The 1960s film was better. The acting sucks and character is the worst. All the fight scenes are so boring I fell asleep. Other film in the franchise is like a hundred times better. Okay, all right. Last review Blank's voice killed it for me. Blank was my favorite comic book character and by the end of the movie I only think of this movie as my favorite Blank movie because actor pulled off character so well, making me like the villain more than the hero. Best character alive or dead, says the internet. I'm not quite sure, since I've never met him personally. Hard mode eric.

Eric: 52:33

Okay, let's go over the facts. Let's go over the facts. Fact number one you're a son of a bitch. No argument here. No, your mother is a fucking saint. I take it back, thank you. Fact number one dog gets thrown off building. Dog gets thrown off building. I picked up on worst blank movie, so that that implies some sort of superhero movie or worst comic book movie or worst something yada yada movie. There was a 60s movie, there was a 60s movie. So this is a re, this is a a. This is a reboot. Could be of sorts, could be, or perhaps a long-awaited sequel. Who can say could be? Who could say fight scenes, fight scenes or fight scenes.

Eric: 53:18

You did say something about am I crazy comic book character? Or or, yes, comic book character. And then they said, and they mentioned something about a the internet believes best hero alive or dead, or real or not real, or something best, alive or dead, says the internet. Okay.

Matt: 53:36

I gotta be honest, Eric. I put this one first because I thought you'd get it already.

Eric: 53:44

Hold on, I need to go into my mind palace Because this feels like. It's like there's a, it's like I just need to turn the dial, just right there, eric, I didn't want you to lose this on the first movie.

Matt: 53:55

You know that.

Eric: 53:56

Neither did I, matthew. You know that I want you to get this, and I know this movie.

Matt: 54:01

Eric, you know this movie.

Eric: 54:05

I know, you know that's what's like. This is all sounding familiar. What's throwing me off is the dog.

Matt: 54:13

Throwing a dog off the dog.

Eric: 54:15

Throwing a dog off the building.

Matt: 54:16

Throwing a dog off of a building Almost like it maybe isn't a main plot point.

Eric: 54:23

Yeah, it feels like it's a throwaway thing at the beginning. Other movie in the franchise it's clearly a superhero movie, or?

Matt: 54:35

something. It certainly gives those vibes, doesn't it? I swear to God Matthew 1960s.

Eric: 54:42

So there is a superhero movie franchise. Yeah, beloved. Yeah, that had a movie in the 60s.

Matt: 54:49

Had a movie in the 60s, and then. Or a 60s representation at the very least. Right, that's what we know okay, are we talking about?

Eric: 55:00

oh god, I'm gonna be so fucking embarrassed if I don't get that.

Aaron: 55:04

I'm gonna fuck, I'm gonna fucking hate, I'm gonna eric.

Matt: 55:07

I can see. I see the, the chaos you're going through. I will never financially recover from I can see the chaos that you're going through, the mental you know, the you're you're struggling with, with which way to go. If only crossroads was here to help. If only crossroads here to tell you the fate that you are trying to weasel out for yourself. Can.

Eric: 55:33

Can I ask a clarifying question? If this is what I think it is, will a generic one word and I say generic I mean no title addendum answer be acceptable? I don't even know if you can answer that question, because that might give me too much information.

Matt: 55:56

I know what you're asking and for this specific movie, based on what I've given you so far, I kind of feel like the answer is no.

Eric: 56:07

So I have to give the full title of this movie.

Matt: 56:10

I will say this okay, yeah, this okay, yeah, what I think you're trying to say the blank. You know, because it says it worst blank movie, all that. That blank is not in the title of the movie. Okay, it's not a movie that it's like something colon subtitle, it's not that okay it's not that that, okay, that's what I was.

Eric: 56:37

Okay, fuck I'm fucked, eric, you know this movie uh, okay, I'm just gonna go through the facts one more time. Hit the facts eric had a representation in the 1960s. Yes, fact, it's a franchise, got it? Bam, there are fights Pow.

Matt: 56:56

Eric, I'm trying. I gave this. I wanted this to be fair.

Eric: 57:01

I'm going to go with my gut.

Matt: 57:02

I wanted it to be fair.

Eric: 57:04

Eric, I feel like my gut is wrong because I am drawing so many fucking things.

Matt: 57:10

I'm telling you before you say anything. I'm trying to tell you that I was trying to be fair to you. I was trying to help you out, guide you to a good fate, flip this coin correctly. I was trying, Eric.

Eric: 57:28

Is this Batman Forever?

Matt: 57:31

Is that your final answer, eric?

Eric: 57:35

Yes, I'm afraid not, eric god damn, it was it bat. Oh was it. God damn, fucking batman begins. It's the dark night, the dark night man I was. I was like the entire time. I was like it's a batman, it is a bat it is a batman, it has to be about. When did a dog get thrown off?

Matt: 57:54

a fucking roof right at the very end of the skyscraper. They attack him and he kind of kicks him and he goes flying off the roof. The review kind of made Holy shit. Yeah, they made a little bit more of it, but, Eric, I oh I heard Wait, play it back, eric. Play this whole conversation back. I was trying Fate Fair Coin flip back.

Eric: 58:18

I was trying fate fair coin flip. I was trying to give you everything, eric. You were obsessed with this movie.

Matt: 58:22

When we were in college, I was obsessed with the dark. You had so many dark night. I had a dark night post.

Eric: 58:25

I had a dark night poster in my dorm room, so I you know what I will accept, though I'm just glad at least I knew it was batman, you knew it was batman and I'll say this killing me because like which batman, the other film I was, like which batman did the review say the dog gets thrown off at the beginning, at the beginning?

Matt: 58:43

no, he said he threw a cute dog off the tall building and it most probably died. I don't like because of that. Oh, but the I will say this the other film and franchise is like 100 times better was referencing Batman and Robin.

Eric: 58:58

Okay, which I rewatched that recently. It's a gem. I do need to get back to that. It's a gem. Kick some ice, ashamed of myself. That's why I was asking, because I thought it was like this has got to be Batman. I was like can I just say Batman? I know, but I think you were. I know Eric, but I think you were valid in not allowing that. I think that is valid, but Eric.

Matt: 59:26

I think, because you were on the right track and we did talk about this and I don't want it to come down to just the first review, I think I'm going to give it to you.

Eric: 59:35

Now, matt, I need you to look and look me in the eye right now and answer one question. Yeah, are you doing this out of pity? Yeah, I accept that and you know in your heart you've already won so go on.

Matt: 59:52

Well, I know what my next two movies are. Okay, so yeah.

Eric: 59:56

God, oh, you would, hit, you would in my week, you would.

Matt: 1:00:01

I tried, eric, I tried to give you a softball.

Eric: 1:00:03

No, it was.

Matt: 1:00:05

Oh God, yeah, yeah I tried to tow the line of like these are tough reviews, but not for Eric. What fucked me up when you were getting cute with? When you were getting cute with?

Aaron: 1:00:23

clues. You're like coin flow is like coin flip, bad fights 60 oh batman forever.

Eric: 1:00:25

God. I was like I don't remember a dog and I was like, bam pal, I was really. I blocked all of that, matthew. I was trying so hard, buddy, and I only can't be mad about it because I did that to you before.

Matt: 1:00:36

Movie two. So, eric, revisionist history, but you are still good, you can still tie this thing up.

Eric: 1:00:46

If this were poker. Someone just bought me back in.

Matt: 1:00:50

I bought you back into my own game because I want to play with you a little bit more. My God, I want to dangle this marionette a little bit longer, my God. Review number one. Movie number two Are you ready?

Matt: 1:01:03

Yes, blank has got to be one of the worst movies I've ever sat through. I've seen some poor films, but none of them has ever put a bad taste in my mouth quite like Blank did. There's an uncomfortably perverted misogynistic aura in the film. The female characters seem to only serve as points of sexual interest, not to mention the moments of sexual harassment and near-date rape that happen. Okay. Review number two All the characters, with the exception of blank, are uninteresting, unlikable. Quote unquote teenagers. Blank isn't unlikable, but she certainly isn't compelling either. Nothing about the film is ever cute or romantic and the ending provides really bad relationship advice. The film doesn't even spend proper time developing the main couple and instead wastes it by giving unnecessary musical numbers to the unimportant side characters. I didn't care about these characters' plights and none of them get any proper development. The ounce of character development Blank gets at the end is quickly canceled out by Blank's decision.

Aaron: 1:02:22

Okay.

Matt: 1:02:23

Okay. Review number three the only thing I liked about this movie is the animated opening credits. Blank reminds me of everything I hated about high school, and it isn't worth the hype, in my opinion.

Aaron: 1:02:38

Okay.

Eric: 1:02:39

What a journey. What a journey, eric. We have misogyny, sexual harassment, borderline assault, mm-hmm, we have romance.

Matt: 1:02:51

We have it.

Eric: 1:02:51

We have a main couple. We have too much time spent on the other couples.

Matt: 1:02:57

We have an animated opening sequence eric, I apologize to you, eric, I have to eric, I have to apologize to you. I forgot how I set up my own google doc. That was all. The first review. Are you fucking?

Eric: 1:03:16

with me right now.

Matt: 1:03:17

Eric, I am not fucking with you. Are you fucking? I am not fucking with you. That was all one review. I, I, I. I don't normally space paragraphs out like that. That was all one review. I have two more reviews for you, that that that was.

Eric: 1:03:33

that wasn't a review, that was ayahuasca that was one review. I I I have bonus material that was toad venom that I just smoked through my ears and you look and you looked ready to guess.

Matt: 1:03:47

But I was scrolling through my google doc and I was like wait a minute. This isn't seemingly related to the other two oh my god, all right, okay, so that was all review number one.

Matt: 1:03:58

Okay, here comes review number two. Go on. I have tried many times to watch this movie. The summer love story is told from the girl perspective, all romantic and starry-eyed, and from the boy's perspective, implying much more than what really happened. All I see is a misogynistic story Young women trying to impress boys, boys acting macho, adults being ridiculous. One star for Blank's voice. Respect for those of you that, like the movie, agree to disagree.

Aaron: 1:04:32

Okay.

Matt: 1:04:33

And review number three Just gross. I don't miss the so-called good old days one bit, when men were total creeps, molesters, rapists and got away with it, not impressed. How disgusting it is that this was normal behavior back then. Blank was the most beautiful person there, yet she felt that she had to change into a tramp in order for the scuzzy ones to like her.

Eric: 1:05:01

Here's the wild thing. Tell me that first review yes, in and of itself. Yes, experienced directly in the vacuum of mind. Yes, is an unhinged, meaningless nothing. Yes, it is, is just.

Matt: 1:05:23

But then I heard the second review yes and all was made clear. Yes is grease.

Eric: 1:05:26

The word grease is the fucking word baby got it, got that, that, first that eric, I am so nervous that I have I am upset at that first review, and I'm most upset because it made sense by the end.

Matt: 1:05:40

It's my fault, eric. It is my fault I. I apologize to you again that I led you astray. Go on all right. I have one more movie for you and, because of my grace to you, we are still. You are still looking at a tie oh, matt I'm.

Eric: 1:06:00

I am quite familiar that only by the grace of your fucking mercy am I here.

Matt: 1:06:05

Thank you just as long as you know. Final movie first review. Are you ready? Yes, utter garbage. The coloring of the screen are all off and the camera quality is utterly horrendous. The costumes look like they could have been purchased for like $2 maximum and the acting is quite subpar, and I wish I could have gone the rest of my life without this bad movie. Okay, review number two Okay movie really needs more green. Like, please, I need more green in this movie. Where's the green Green? No green in the credits either. Music also needed more green. Okay, and final review my, my, my. Where do I start? Okay, first of all, I used to love this. I used to love watching this show 24-7. I watched it like 80 times. But this movie is cursed.

Matt: 1:07:04

One of the actors, the protagonist, had a drug overdose due to the stupid director that gave her pills so she can become skinny when she looked perfectly fine. They actually burned the character. They were burned in real fire during the show. The character had real blank fur with his costume and had to sweat the whole entire time. The character had makeup that had chemicals painted on his face and it got him sick. Character was harassed by the blanks and was touched by them. One of the blanks hanged himself from a long distance on set.

Matt: 1:07:42

When I heard about the rumor, I was seven, scrolling on YouTube. I was terrified for my life. I watched this video, jessie V, just like that other review said since. I don't watch her videos since they gave me nightmares and ruining my childhood, even though she's telling the truth as well as other people. How the fuck do people realize? How the fuck do people realize that this is cursed? Oh, I almost forgot. Blank was crushed and replaced by another dog.

Matt: 1:08:13

I was reading the reviews yesterday and I had a nightmare. That title of movie aka cursed movie, that's totally not for kids, even though they say it's for kids was going to haunt me, giving me sweat. I was wiping my tears while looking at the reviews. People are blind as heck. Damn it. I've had enough. Even my friends got scared. I've been sending them printed screenshots as well as pictures of the movie and I hang them up in my school wall, and I also started a small community at the park. So the so-called play on the title of the movie would hear this I blame the director and only them. They were all forced to do these things because of the director. We speak for justice for these people who died. Hashtag never trust. Title of film. Hashtag ban. Title of film.

Eric: 1:09:03

Matt, I'm going to tell you a story. Alright, go for it bud. Some kids come home from school. Mom makes them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Matt: 1:09:11

Spoiler alert he knows it. Either that or he's going to be looking real dumb some kids come home from school.

Eric: 1:09:17

Some kids come home from school. Some kids come home from school mom gives them a cookie. Sure, I came home from school and my mom would tell me horrific stories. Sure, about all the most fucked up shit. Yeah, that happened during the filming of the Wizard of Oz. Uh-huh, like the Tin Man's paint almost killing him. Yep, the suit being made of real lion. Yep, poor fucking. Oh God, what's her name? Judy Garland. Judy Garland, god rest her soul. Yeah, the movie ruined her whole life. That's a fact. It ruined her whole life and led to her very early death. That's the fact. It ruined her whole life and led to her very early death. Yes, it's very early.

Eric: 1:09:59

She had to smoke like fucking, like three packs a day. They forced her to smoke. Yeah, yeah, and the most fucked up thing is my mom loves the Wizard of Oz.

Matt: 1:10:05

Sure, who doesn't? Who among us doesn't? I am so furious that. I was. Let me be perfectly clear. You haven't guessed yet. By the way, no one is canceling the Wizard of Oz. A bunch of horrific stuff happened during the filming of it, one of which is not a munchkin hanging themselves.

Eric: 1:10:26

No, that never happened. That's an urban legend.

Matt: 1:10:27

That is complete urban legend, that did not happen. That is not true. The other stuff that Poach is talking about is true, but nobody.

Eric: 1:10:34

The truth is so much more horrifying but I want you, you could, if you could, if I could trade.

Matt: 1:10:39

Uh, yeah, yeah, but yeah, just to be clear to all my gen zers out there nice fucking try, we're not canceling, wizard of oz you can't.

Eric: 1:10:47

It's got. It's got disney protection now like it's got disney levels of like yeah some fucked up.

Matt: 1:10:53

Shit happened. They shouldn't have made the movie the way they did. But you know what? It's still an American trend. Oh, I'm sorry. What's that? What's that? Hayden, Sit down. Two, two things can be true. No one's canceling. Wizard of.

Eric: 1:11:06

Oz, objectively horrific things that never, ever should have happened.

Matt: 1:11:10

It did ruin Judy Garland's whole life, though that's true.

Eric: 1:11:12

It ruined Judy Garland's life and they did kill Toto. That's also true and they did kill Toto Objectively. Horrific things went into the making of this film and it never should have happened. And this film should not exist. It shouldn't, it should. It should have just been made better. Its creation was a travesty. But the other true thing is it is an American icon. Other true thing is it is an American icon and in that way that almost feels par for the course.

Matt: 1:11:38

Also the first film in Technicolor, let's not forget.

Eric: 1:11:40

First film in Technicolor changed the history of film.

Matt: 1:11:43

It is a staple, it is a must watch for every human being, and if you disagree with me, just know that you're wrong.

Eric: 1:11:50

That's why it is. If someone were to ask me is the ultimate like? What is the what represents American film? My answer is Wizard of Oz, because I'm like it'll be one of the greatest things you'll ever experience and it comes at such a terrible, terrible, irredeemable price.

Matt: 1:12:11

And these reviews didn't even talk about the fact that it was like legit green paint on the wicked witch that like stained her skin for weeks. Yeah, yeah, anyway, are you guessing? Wizard of oz? I guess the wizard yeah, you're right, eric you're right, and because of, because of my generosity, we are now tied I am so pissed that I was like greece wizard of oz.

Eric: 1:12:33

I know I struggled on my favorite superhero franchise I thought there was a good chance.

Matt: 1:12:41

You would know all this shit about wizard of oz, but I thought there was an equally good chance you didn't.

Eric: 1:12:46

I was miss. I was missing the man for the bats a hundred percent. I was missing the, the, the gotham for the for the building.

Matt: 1:12:54

You were missing the cave for the bats.

Eric: 1:12:58

That is like my as a human, my weakness, Not my superhero weakness, my human weakness is just like make it just so very clearly obvious and I will just blow.

Matt: 1:13:08

The thing that I'm so shocked by is it was one of our first bonding points.

Eric: 1:13:13

Oh, we bonded over the artifice of the dark.

Matt: 1:13:15

We bonded over the dark of over the artifice of the dark. We we bonded over it. You know it's one of there's only two movies that I can recall that I saw three times in theaters, and one of them is the dark knight yep.

Eric: 1:13:28

The other is the hangover, yeah I hang over one to be clear. I I, yeah, I think the dark night was three times specific.

Matt: 1:13:37

I was going to say I saw a tropic thunder twice. I know I saw a tropic thunder twice in theaters.

Eric: 1:13:41

Dark night is one of a few movies I can count them on one hand that I have ever gone to a theater multiple times willingly to go see, yeah, uh, god damn it, and by your fucking grace and mercy uh, god damn it.

Matt: 1:13:58

And by your fucking grace and mercy, we're and this is the worst part this is this wasn't supposed to happen our next episode's, episode 100, so we can't continue this fight in 100. We got shit planned so yeah, we're gonna have to take this to 101 dalmatians, this will have to come in at 101 to settle season four of google gripes, and I believe we talked about in the last episode it being sort of a movie for movie shootout. Yes, are we still going with that?

Eric: 1:14:23

a sudden death. A, a golden, a golden. What do they call golden ball?

Matt: 1:14:27

golden goal yes, a golden ball, a golden goal if you will.

Matt: 1:14:31

Yes, yes, we're going for essentially a penalty shootout, yes, and that that's what's happening, so look you, you over here radiating movie, power me limping along and I just and the and you know I should if I, I should feel bad that I'm I'm allowing this to happen, but I don't, because I want. I really thought I was giving you a gimme with dark knight. Yeah, I was like, well, he can't get. I I'll tell you what. Eric the dark knight was the last movie I collected reviews for. I started with wizard of oz. That was the first idea I had and I got those. And then what? But after I got grease, I was no, I got to get something first that I know he'll get. So we're not eliminating the trauma in the first round. So I don't feel bad. I don't feel bad, in fact.

Eric: 1:15:28

I feel good. No, that is 100% on me, but Eric, I got in my own way.

Matt: 1:15:33

You got in your own way. And now, my good greased lightning friend, we are heading to a tiebreaker in 101. But first we have to record our 100th episode. One hundo. Eric, did you be honest with me? Did you think we'd get here? No, it's not and it's say it, eric, I want to hear you say it.

Eric: 1:15:58

And this wasn't. This isn't any like oh no, I don't think this is going to last. I I want to hear you say it, eric, 100 is just. It's kind of like uh, uh, uh, uh, laney, like when I bought my house and they told me the year I would be finished paying it off. I'm like that's not real, yeah, like a hundred. Doing anything for this amount of time is just unfathomable to me and like I'll take it here, I'll, and not only.

Eric: 1:16:26

Not only are we here, I got this is like I it blew it feel like. In many ways, it it feels like it just blew by. Yeah, it's been like four years Four years.

Matt: 1:16:38

In October will be four years that we've been doing this.

Eric: 1:16:41

We started during the pandemic 2020,.

Matt: 1:16:42

Yeah, we started 2020.

Eric: 1:16:43

Holy shit man.

Matt: 1:16:44

October 10th, I think was the first episode.

Eric: 1:16:51

A hundred episodes.

Matt: 1:16:53

Matthew, yeah, yeah, and we got some special stuff planned. It's a special episode, so we're doing a little bit of a unique thing. We've got a very big and special announcement for you coming. I'm hoping that gets everybody you know on the edge of your seat for what's coming up.

Matt: 1:17:12

But in the meantime, we are crossing the threshold, we are heading to 101 and we will need your questions, yes, so send them to us at youdidntaskforthis at gmailcom that's all spelled out or on the various social medias at youdidntaskpod. That's the letter, youdidntaskpod. Or you could call the thought line. We've still got a backlog that we're working our way through. That number is 410-929-5329. Give it a call, leave it, leave a voicemail, play it on the show.

Eric: 1:17:43

Probably, eric did I miss anything with the business? Not a goddamn thing.

Matt: 1:17:48

Consummate, professional, as always the next time you hear our voices, folks, it will be during episode 100. But for right now, for all of us here, you didn't ask for this. My name's Meche, my name's Eric Poach, and listen, you didn't ask.

Eric: 1:18:07

But earlier, while Matt was talking, I was looking up how to say minion in different languages, my favorite one. So we've got German, so let's just go La Caille, la Caille. And then we've got French Laque, laque, but my favorite. Get ready, buckle up for Iceland.

Aaron: 1:18:33

Teinikus the fuck.

Eric: 1:18:38

Teinikus, and then I just kept pressing it and wait, wait for this. Flip the phone, get it real close.

Aaron: 1:18:43

Yeah.

Eric: 1:19:04

Hold on. So, uh, I'm here to announce my new DJ career. Uh, goodbye, goodbye.