Matt: 0:00

what? Oh god, how long have we been doing this?

Eric: 0:05

uh hey gang, thank you for joining us. Uh, matt and I have been oh we're just going. Oh yeah, we're we're oh you just want to start. We're just in it now okay, we gotta, we gotta start paddling it has been 32 minutes that we've been sitting been 32 minutes trying desperately to claw a cold open out of the calcified remains of our minds. We've just been sitting here staring at each other offering the least funny things. I've had a suggestion.

Matt: 0:48

It has been something supremely. Yes. I just said to eric. I was like well, what about have you had any interesting dreams lately?

Eric: 0:52

and he proceeded to tell me the most traumatic fucking shit my one pitch just to kind of give a level for how, like bottom of the barrel, we're fucking scraping right now. My pitch is gonna be my funny story about how I got woken up the other day. Uh, first day I'd slept in in like a week and a half and it's my brother going. Hey, I need you to drive to mom and dad's house because no one can get a hold of them and no one knows where they are and they might be dead, great.

Matt: 1:19

And then that's great eric panic driving to fucking like yeah, that's just great.

Captain Matt: 1:26

And then they're fine, this could be someone's first episode. Yeah.

Matt: 1:30

And this is what you're beginning with.

Eric: 1:32

Welcome to the show. My parents are alive and well. Yeah, so says you, and they forgot to text my grandma to tell them they were leaving to head to her house. Okay, Well. So that's where my life's at, that's where the funny is now for me.

Matt: 1:50

That's just great. And you know, lindsay's had COVID for the last week. Somehow I managed to dodge it up until this point anyway. So, but neither you know, that's neither here nor there, because we've just been stuck inside. So nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened to me, nothing's happened.

Eric: 2:05

and matt, we have the entire breadth of huge of two human experiences and are like, combined, over half a century of experiences to pull from and we have here we go, here we go.

Matt: 2:19

I got it. Oh, what do you got? What do you got? What, what, um, what, what's bugging you?

Eric: 2:25

that's dog shit damn it. That's trash, damn it, we are trash.

Matt: 2:30

Fuck this podcast how dare you say that about my podcast? I'm sorry, I'm sorry I would never insult your podcast this way. That was the cold open talking. Oh you, this is how cold we're going.

Eric: 2:44

What happens in the cold open stays in the cold open. I thought we agreed to this. It's like international waters.

Matt: 2:52

You can't cancel me for things I said in the cold open, I think actually, statistically, probably many people have heard only a cold open and said no, fuck these two guys we don't even publish the cold open in the episodes I really wish you'd listen to the show every now and then, every now and then.

Matt: 3:12

I'd wish you'd. You know what? What do we start? Do we just start this thing? Yeah, that wasn't funny. People are gonna be like oh, comedy podcast, let me turn. Oh, it's two fucking bros and then no intro music. Oh, this is how they start, as just a complete clusterfuck of a stumble through, talking over each other, complaining about it. Neither one of them knows any story of any kind. This is us now.

Eric: 3:38

This is who we are.

Matt: 3:40

Okay. Well, this is episode 96. Everybody roll the music.

Captain Eric: 3:43

Let's fucking go.

Matt: 4:00

Hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. My name's Matthew Shea.

Eric: 4:09

My name's Eric Poach.

Matt: 4:11

Eric Poach. How are you? This fine, fine insert time of day here.

Eric: 4:16

I have never been more relieved to be past the cold open.

Matt: 4:19

Oh, my God.

Eric: 4:19

That was a nightmare. Now that we're past it, we're good. We're good, we were talking about that during the little meltdown back there is that we're good, we're good, we were talking about that during the. The little meltdown back there is that we're like everything else is fine, we know exactly what to do for everything else that's all in place we've got.

Matt: 4:33

Maybe this will allow us to get to more than one question for yes, for the first time, yes in some episodes, because last time we had our bingo card check-in, yeah, which is very important.

Eric: 4:46

But it's been a while since we've done more than one question.

Matt: 4:50

We got to get down to the. You know, jeffers helped us out. We got through multiple questions there, obviously, but you know, left to our own devices.

Eric: 4:58

No, it's been a struggle Completely irresponsible. Why?

Matt: 5:00

don't we just jump right in Now, eric? The first question here, I believe, comes from someone near and dear to your heart, so why don't I let you take the first question?

Eric: 5:10

it comes from my beloved. It's at dough babe on instagram. That's my girlfriend, uh, her. Her question is and and this is this is very topical, because we enjoyed this experience for the first time in like over a decade what is the buffet order of operations? Now, it has been asked of me to clarify, to put a very important qualifier on this question, as to what kind of buffet I'm talking about. This is an all-you-can-eat buffet? Yes, I was going to ask, but specifically it is the hibachi style buffet, the chinese buffet?

Matt: 5:48

oh sure, not your golden corrals, not your country kitchen buffet what about breakfast buffets oh you know, hotel, oh hotel hotel okay, although it's been so long since I've been in a hotel that had a buffet style breakfast. It's like all continental now or not existent yeah continental or bus or continental or bust, like we just stayed in new york not too long ago and our go-to hotel we like for many reasons location, price, etc. But it does not have a breakfast option and this is stupid.

Matt: 6:29

They only gave you know the little hotel coffee makers that seemingly exist nowhere else in the world yes they gave me only one pod for that coffee machine and I'd say, shouldn't you give me at least two for the fact that there's at least a night?

Eric: 6:47

Yeah, I'd say two minimum, Two minimum Three is showing bare consideration for another human being.

Matt: 6:56

Yeah, I had to like call up and they had to send a man to bring me more.

Matt: 7:02

And then he didn't. He brought me cups and I was like was like, no, I'm good on the cups, golden on cups. I mean I'll take them, I guess, but I need the coffee. And then I guess he just wanted to make sure his bases were covered, because the next thing, you know, he came up with a bag full of these pods creamer sugar splendor, like napkins, like a whole trash bag full of these pods, creamer sugar Splenda, like napkins, like a whole trash bag full of shit. To make sure you didn't have to come up again, that would have been a fine story. I could have expanded to be a cold open. That would have been a cold open. Look at that.

Matt: 7:35

Anyway, do we need to break down these different buffets? But regardless, I think I have the first step and I think it applies universally to all buffets. Ooh, hit me with this universal first step. You must observe the buffet, you must take stock of what is in the buffet before you begin. And I say this because, specifically, what comes to mind is a breakfast buffet, because, as we all know, what is sitting at the end of a breakfast buffet? Always, it's always at the end, the bacon.

Eric: 8:13

Yeah, they always put the good shit last. Because breakfast buffet. There's no real option for order of operations, it's just everyone's going down the line, everyone's going down the line.

Matt: 8:24

But you've got to either save room for that bacon on the plate. Operations, it's just, everyone's going down the line, everyone's going down the line. But you gotta say, either save room for that bacon on the plate or you gotta be the guy who breaks the the code and go to the bacon, then come back do you toast bread at the breakfast buffet?

Eric: 8:38

and what I mean by that is are you the guy that like, creates like a sort of backup at the bread section because you've put your bread on that little little conveyor belt that goes to the little roaster car walk? You know what I mean the little, the little, oh yeah, that we had at college yeah, yeah, no, no, I'm not that guy.

Matt: 8:58

Um no, no, no, no, if there's a scope.

Eric: 9:01

You gotta feel that out. It's like a vibe.

Matt: 9:03

Yeah, if there's a breakfast buffet to be had, I will, as I said, take stock to see what my options are and then go down the line with a game plan. But if there is a step involved that's going to potentially create an anxiety situation, which is to say making anyone else wait on me I'm looking at you, waffle maker. Yeah, I, I'm skipping that.

Eric: 9:33

I occasionally I'll do the waffle maker, but I have to first look around and be like it doesn't look like anyone's got waffles on the mind the breakfast buffet waffle maker is always such a roll of the fucking dice because you do not know if that, like, when's the last thing, that when's the last time that thing's been calibrated, sure is it up to code, and is it? Does it even gonna? Is it even gonna cook the waffle you like?

Matt: 10:02

you've got to like build in time to run a test waffle and then who's got, so you can learn the how long it's got it, because sometimes you gotta stop it early, you know, or otherwise it's gonna burn if you go the whole time.

Eric: 10:15

Yeah yeah, they the waffle, the waffle maker factory I. I think there's a certain point in the process where they just kind of like randomize all the settings and wish us the best of luck.

Matt: 10:26

Can I tell you something? Yeah, to get away from the breakfast buffets for a second. Yeah, I don't think I've ever been to an old country buffet You're not missing anything. I don't think I've also been to a Golden Corral, and that is saying something, because my in-laws love Golden Corral.

Eric: 10:43

So Golden Corral.

Matt: 10:47

Lindsay and I have managed to dodge the bullet over and over and over again.

Eric: 10:49

Golden Corral is simultaneously the best and worst things about this country.

Matt: 10:57

Oh, okay, so like You've made me interested.

Eric: 11:01

Like Matt. What if I told you there was a fondue fountain and you could have as much as you want, as long as you were okay with the non-zero chance that there's a band-aid floating in there?

Captain Eric: 11:13

what if I told you what kind of?

Matt: 11:14

band-aid used.

Eric: 11:17

Yeah, okay yeah, dog, I was hopeful it just is throw complimentary band-aids into the fondue just to get. You.

Matt: 11:25

Never know, maybe this supply surplus, you know, they just gotta get them out of there matt, what if I told you there was.

Eric: 11:32

There was just like rows and rows of like all kinds of sumptuous, delicious treats, all at the exact height the children can run up and just run their hands into them and like and like, fuck that's why you're not.

Matt: 11:45

That's why I don't selling me on it. I don't like golden crown. I don't think anybody does. Now this does remind me and I'm gonna make a confession. I'm gonna be confessing to you. Maybe this is a you daft and afraid for the future. I've never been to a Waffle House.

Eric: 12:00

I've never been to a Waffle House. You've never been smothered, covered, chopped, capped.

Matt: 12:10

I have, just not in a Waffle House.

Eric: 12:13

Hey, hey, come on.

Matt: 12:15

But hey, that Jonas Brothers song is great.

Eric: 12:18

I love it. We are 100% doing a. You Daft and Afraid in Waffle House that feels so on brand for us.

Matt: 12:26

It kind of does, but like I am afraid, I've been conditioned to be afraid of waffle house I think unfairly so.

Eric: 12:35

Oh, interesting, and and that that we'll talk more about waffle house. But let's, let's get down to brass buffets yes, we've gotten so off topic almost immediately so order of operations. In a buffet, and again to clarify, elissa's specifying a hibachi, chinese style buffet, uh, which, like I don't know about you, but in my 20s, when my metabolism was just it's.

Matt: 12:59

It's been a hot minute since I've run into one of these buffets. They we.

Eric: 13:03

We went to one recently for the first time in like a decade they have not changed okay good they are they are the first thing I'm putting on there.

Matt: 13:12

We gotta say something that's related to the question. The first thing I'd put in in that situation is probably two egg rolls so, so you get it.

Eric: 13:22

So here's. Here's some of my hot takes. Okay, there are windows for food experiences at the hibachi buffet. Okay, your window is so. So when you first arrive, yeah, and you're, you're, they're, they're, they're checking you out and they're asking if everyone's getting a drink. And everyone is getting a drink, who the fuck goes to a buffet and doesn't get a drink? Yeah, congratulations, you were in your first window. This is your window to get soup. If you're going to get soup, like hot and sour egg drop wonton, what have you? You're getting it now.

Eric: 13:56

Well sure, I have no respect for anyone who's like halfway like elbow deep into a buffet meal and then they're like maybe now I get soup.

Matt: 14:07

No, no, I don't think you get soup now. No, that's, that's because you want to know why, eric? That's why they offer soup and salad at the beginning of a meal, because it's essentially an appetizer, it's a first course, traditionally, yeah. So yeah, you got to have that before you put because you don't. First of all, you can put additional liquid into the liquid pit that is your stomach, yeah, and then add other things toppings, if you will, a little crunchy, crispy noodle thing to the stomach, soup. But once you add toppings, which is to say food, and then add more liquid, the stomach don't like it. No, tommy, don't like that at all. Stomach gets upset about it.

Eric: 14:48

Stomach is mad, it's pissed now Pissed, so you open it with some soup. Yeah, now for me what happens.

Matt: 14:56

I'm going to back you up for a second. Is that universal? Like you are getting soup no matter what, no, no, no. That's why I say it's a window of opportunity if you're, if you're, if you're gonna get soup, yeah, no, no, I heard you. I heard you. I'm just this is the time understood, but you seem to imply that you eric poach, get soup is your first step always, and that's something I don't respect.

Eric: 15:22

I don't't always get sued, okay, but if I do, it's going to be like honestly. Here's what I do. Here's what I do. Tell me, um, because you know all the very first thing before any food is involved is I just I don't here. Here's my question for you.

Matt: 15:40

You're at a buffet. I wish I was at this point. I'm getting so fucking hungry.

Eric: 15:45

Your server has your cups. They're they, they're they've, they're taking your drink order. I don't know about you. I, once I have line of sight on what my table is. They're like, oh, they're like showing me. They're like oh, that's, oh, that's my table. Thanks, I'm off, I'm off. I the next, when I first sit down at the table I will be eating at, I will already have food.

Matt: 16:08

And I have a place.

Eric: 16:09

I'll have a plate or a bowl of. You don't even go to the table. I I will. At most the server Is it.

Matt: 16:17

Where are you going, that the server is not leading you to the table. That's so we'll get led to the table. I won't sit down, okay, sure, that's fine.

Eric: 16:29

You made it seem like, oh, let me, uh, let me see where my table is, and you were like no point to it if it's, if, if they have to take my drink order, I will have to go to the table so the server can take my drink order. But if it's like one of those like self-serve, like soda fountain situations, I'll be like dog, I'll see you in a minute. I'm I just, I just need to know where I need to end up. Yeah, and in those cases I will, I will go get, I will go get soup. Or if I don't get soup, I will move on to the next phase. And this is so. This is it's not a specific item, because this is a general, what I call a strafing run. Okay, so what I'm doing? This is the part of the buffet, this is the most fun part. This is where I'm going around after I've done my initial like, because if I'm going to get soup, this is also when, like, I'll do like a wide arc, I'll check out everything.

Matt: 17:18

Yeah, see all the options.

Eric: 17:19

Look at all that Yep yep, eyeball that, okay. Yep, yep, eyeball that, okay. Noting that, get some hot and sawy soup, throw some crispy nudes and we sit down. But then when I do my strafing run, that's where I go back to all the things that piqued my interest. I get a little bit of like a fuck sure, of course, and then I and then I come down, I come back, I got my little plate and this is where I'll like I'll, I'll eat a little bit of all the things I tried, and this is at the point where I need to lock in. Yeah, I'm going to zero in on one or two things that I fucking loved and I'm just going to mash that button down as hard as I can.

Matt: 17:59

Eric, I am 100% in agreement. I'll get a little bit of everything Because, first of all I know it makes me a basic bitch but my go-to Chinese dish if we're ordering from a new Chinese place, my assessment of this place will be based on their sesame chicken.

Eric: 18:18

Oh, mine's based on their Singapore noodles.

Matt: 18:20

It will be based on the sesame chicken, so I will have to get some sesame chicken just to see what we're working with here.

Eric: 18:28

Just to get a baseline of expectations.

Matt: 18:30

Is it a piece of gum or does it have a nice crispy outside?

Eric: 18:35

and then the mystery center, we will see, and that sesame chicken will color my opinion of everything else I'm about to eat.

Matt: 18:45

Yes, and by that same token, I got to compare it to what other chickens are being offered. If there's a Kung Pao, if there's a General Tso's, if there's a sweet and sour, I'm going or an orange. A lot of times, though, if they have a sesame, they don't have an orange, and if they have an orange they don't have a sesame. That's been my experience. Yeah, they're not typically doing both exactly, and then then I'm with you, though it gets a little bit. A little bit of everything. That are the candidates for the second plate, and the second plate will be where I make the mistake of like oh, I pretend that I didn't eat a full plate of food already yes and then get a full plate of food as if it is now the first plate because you, you convince yourself.

Eric: 19:31

Well, I just ate a little bit of a lot of things a little bit, a lot of things. That's not the same as eating a whole lot of that, like that's not the same where are you with these hibachi places?

Matt: 19:41

like I said, I haven't been in a while, but so for my own reference, just I pulled. I just googled hibachi buffet. Like I said, I haven't been in a while, but so for my own reference, just I pulled. I just googled hibachi buffet and I'm going through google results. I'm seeing a lot of like american food popping up in it fries, uh, onion rings they've where are you with that, with your hibachi buffet?

Eric: 19:59

I do not. If I wanted that shit, I'd go to golden corral and perhaps this is a good opportunity to switch buffets.

Matt: 20:07

We've talked about hibachi a little bit. Where are you on seafood buffet?

Eric: 20:12

on seafood buffets. I'm a very simple man show me where the shrimp is. The end. I'm confused that I. I go at a seafood buffet, I just go. I show me where the shrimp is and that will be my at a seafood buffet. I just go, show me where the shrimp is and that will be my journey.

Matt: 20:27

A seafood buffet in this great state of Maryland. You're just getting shrimp.

Captain Matt: 20:34

Yeah.

Matt: 20:35

And if there are steamed crabs or crab cakes or any other crab product in this great state of ours. I'm sorry.

Eric: 20:47

Are you eating crab cakes from a buffet? Generally not. Are you eating steamed crabs from a buffet?

Matt: 20:56

Generally not, but if I'm in a Maryland buffet and there is a crab present, I will fuck with it. I'll give it an assessment. Take me to Des Moines, and no, I'm not going to. First of all, take me to a. I will say this I am from for the listeners who are just joining us on this catastrophe of a cold open episode I'm originally from Pennsylvania. I've moved to Maryland Eric is a native Marylander, um, and I will say, moving to Maryland has made me a seafood snob, because I am now to the point that I'm like, if we go to say, oh, I don't know Des Moines, I already used Des Moines but any landlocked state, not even a city, I can't even imagine getting seafood. But if I get seafood, I am most certainly not getting crab cakes or crab products of any kind, unless we go all the way over and we're now on the other coast.

Eric: 22:06

I need an ocean within 10 miles of me.

Matt: 22:08

Yeah, and also if we end up in Maine or something, okay, sure, or Boston, but then we're in lobster territory, then I got the craving for lobster, but down here, no, I'm not going to a seafood. I told you I don't really go to buffets, but if I'm at a buffet yeah, and there are, it's a seafood buffet and there are crabs present I'm gonna get a crab just to see what's it about, see what's going on its vibe.

Eric: 22:37

Is I, I, unless? So this might be weird, but unless it is a dedicated crab feast in which crabs will be the primary like, like it's designed for, for steamed crabs. I, I, I have such a hard time trusting seafood from any buffet oh same, even in 100 same but like it, unless it's shrimp, because shrimp's like the one thing you cannot fuck up.

Matt: 23:05

I'll say well, I'll say this. This is why I generally would stay away from seafood at any given buffet, unless if I'm going to a seafood buffet restaurant where that is their thing. I'm not worried about my number one question that I have at any social event or any buffet or anything where food has been prepared, which is how long has this been sitting out? For how long has this been out?

Captain Matt: 23:32

How long has?

Captain Eric: 23:33

this been here.

Matt: 23:36

And it's to the point where Lindsay will just start laughing because we'll go to like a party or something and she can just see in my eyes that I'm like looking at a dish and being like I don't see any steam coming off of this.

Captain Matt: 23:54

Ew, this artichoke dip could have been out for hours.

Eric: 23:59

You're like Paul Hollywood You're scraping a butter knife across the top of it.

Matt: 24:04

Yeah, and I'll say this. I know myself well. Once I've made up my mind that I don't trust a food, you will never touch it, it's over. It doesn't matter if the host rushes in and be like oh no, no, no, it's supposed to look that dark Brown, it's cool. I'll be like oh yeah, no, that's great. I'm allergic to eggs.

Eric: 24:28

Yeah, matt, and this is the exact reason why you would not have a good time at golden corral. Okay, because that apply that anxiety to every unless, unless you witness them carry it out of the kitchen and put it in, you cannot be sure that it has been there for any reasonable amount of time now can we agree, though?

Matt: 24:51

if we are at a seafood buffet and they do not have hush puppies, fuck off, right, okay?

Eric: 24:59

All right, fuck off that, we walk, we walk.

Matt: 25:03

We walk, we walk. I'm taking my mint and leaving. Yeah, yeah, you gotta have the hush, you gotta have the hush pups, and that's not even a Maryland thing, I'm just saying like a seafood place in general should have hush puppies. Gotta have the hush puppies.

Eric: 25:20

What am I? What am I gonna use to keep the the dogs in my caravan quiet at night on the oregon? Trail, what the fuck that's apparently the origin of the term hush puppies. It's like something really take like cornmeal and fry it and like feed it to the dogs to keep them, to get them to shut the fuck up because it'd be whining and hungry on on cattle trails.

Matt: 25:38

That makes sense. I've never once thought about the origin of the phrase, but it makes total sense, yeah. So if that's true, how about that? I'm happy to know it. I don't think it necessarily is, but we'll see.

Eric: 25:52

Also at a seafood buffet. This is, this is. This is a fact, is, but we'll see, also at a seafood buffet. This is, this is, this is a fact if you're putting anything on your plate other than seafood and I qualify hush puppies as seafood they're honorary seafood. Um, you're fucking up, yeah, yeah, you're. You're fucking up if you put like if I, if we're at a fucking seafood buffet and I see you reaching for, like chicken tenders, the fuck are you doing?

Matt: 26:13

unless you have a child back at the table. Unless you have a, then then we all get it. Okay, then we all get it. And and I mean that sincerely regardless of if you're given those chicken tenders to the child, if you are a parent, you have a child at your disposal At your disposal. At your disposal and I see you getting chicken tenders and going back to your seat and just eating those chicken tenders yourself. I'll say you know what he needs this.

Eric: 26:47

I get it. He just needs the protein. Any port in a storm. Any poach in a storm, as we've said before the but yeah, well, I'll say this I'm definitely getting muscles oh yeah, I'll fucks with muscles, uh, because usually the there I'll fuck with anything that I know is going fast. Yeah do you know what I mean, because I know it'll always be like, cause that's why I don't trust like crab cakes at like a fucking buffet, because they're so like I don't know how long these have been sitting.

Matt: 27:16

I'll be honest, Eric. I said crab cakes, but I don't think I've ever been to a buffet that has I've seen a crab cake present. Yeah, that's just something I said to run through some crab dishes and you ran with it.

Eric: 27:28

I did run with it. I'm just saying, like you, do not, babies, if you're ever in a situation where you're at a buffet in Maryland and there's crab cakes at the buffet, do not, do not. This is not the kind of thing you eat en masse.

Matt: 27:41

And also-.

Eric: 27:42

Those need to be crafted, those need to be bespoke, those need to be made to order.

Matt: 27:47

If you're coming to Maryland to try a quote unquote Maryland crab cake and you've chosen a buffet as your destination to do this, you've done it incorrectly. You've done it incorrectly.

Eric: 28:00

Same with steamed crabs Like, go to a dedicated place that does steamed crabs or a crab feast Absolutely. But if you're a seafood buffet, shrimp all day, baby Shrimp, you're safe with shrimp.

Matt: 28:10

By the way, in case you're wondering from the two Marylanders Fadley's is the answer, don't you agree? The question being what's the best crab cake? It's Fadley's.

Eric: 28:24

So here's the problem Getting to it. The problem is there are so many places that I've had very good crab cakes in Maryland. I have a very terrible memory for remembering any of them, because none of them come close to the best crab cake in Maryland, which is my mom's crab cake. For fuck's sake, have you? Oh, you got to have Franny Mae's crab cake. My dude, I'll change your fucking mind.

Matt: 28:50

Okay, well then present them to me, Because until then you're just a guy going here, but no one makes him like Mama used to.

Eric: 28:57

Truly truly, I mean the bet. Where are you with soft-shelled crabs, by the way?

Matt: 29:04

So soft-shelled crabs again, and so people might not know what a soft-shelled crab is, so why don't you explain?

Eric: 29:10

And for anyone out of state who might not know about this, you're going to think I'm fucking with you. I promise you I'm not. No, soft shell crab is a delicacy If that's the word you want to give it. Yeah, much like scrapple might be a delicacy.

Matt: 29:25

Okay, yes, it is in the same vein as scrapple.

Eric: 29:28

Yes, so crabs, when they're going through their life cycle of growing and stuff, they much like lobster stuff. They will shed their shell. We call it sloughing. And there's a period after a crab sloughs its shell where the crab is basically made of jello. And we take the crab when it in flour, cornmeal, what have you? And we deep fry that, sumbitch it and it is very nice the tldr here is.

Matt: 30:05

It is a whole crab that has been deep fried that you are expected to just eat, shell and all, and they are largely gross there and that that is another like I.

Eric: 30:18

It's another one like the only soft shell crab I eat is like one that, like my dad, has because I watched it happen I know it's just because I can observe the the practice I have had what are we doing here now?

Matt: 30:30

we're not even talking about buffets. Like just hearing about the poach family cookbook. Let me bust out my dad's stroganoff sandwich while we're at it.

Eric: 30:38

My father owns seven grills, matthew, we food, we food hard. I'm not exaggerating. Seven grills, fucking, four of which are Weber's, of different shapes and sizes. Then he's got the propane, then he's got the mini Weber for when he goes tailgating. Then he's got the propane, then he's got the mini weber for when he goes tailgating, then he's got the combination weber smoker and then he's got the fucking egg. He, we, we food, we food hard I, I get that impression.

Matt: 31:06

Yeah, is there anything else we'd like to say about buffets?

Eric: 31:10

about buffets. Yes, specifically the hibachi portion back to the hibachi again, because this was specified that the question was about hibachi buffet.

Matt: 31:18

That's not what it says in the queue In the queue it says what is the buffet order of operations from Dough Babe.

Eric: 31:28

If you are going to do a hibachi plate because you're at a hibachi buffet.

Matt: 31:32

Yeah, here we are, the all-you-can-eat buffet. And I'm happy to be here Again this because you're at a hibachi buffet.

Eric: 31:36

Yeah, here we are. All you can eat buffet, you know, and I'm happy to be here again. This is a question of windows, absolutely so when you first arrive at your window for soup after you've done your strafing run plate which I feel like we've just done with buffets, by the way, but yes, yes, it's very mad.

Matt: 31:48

We just sampled, talking about every type of and then you have your like.

Eric: 31:55

Once you've decided, like you know, your your ride or die dishes, you're like all right, I'm going to go all in on the sesame chicken. What have you? This is now your other window. This is your window for hibachi, because hibachi take time. If you wait to get hibachi, like if everyone else has had their like two to three plates, and like if people are getting dessert, yeah your hibachi window has closed. You're. You're now, because you are now holding up everyone else, because it's going to take like a bunch of plate is plate two.

Eric: 32:26

I'm confused as to what you're thinking about here so so there's the buffet right where you go, I'm gonna go, but at hibachi buffets they have an extra section where there's a guy at a hibachi grill and, like you load up a plate with stuff and he like cooks it up for I'm familiar with hibachi yeah, there's a a lot of places we go, like the chinese buffets around here.

Matt: 32:48

They're like, there's like I haven't been to a combo, I have not been to a place.

Eric: 32:52

Oh, that's where. Okay, I see, I see, I see, yeah it's, it's a whole production.

Matt: 32:58

That's why, if you're gonna do that, you do that yeah, I think you gotta make that choice early on, I agree you gotta make that.

Eric: 33:05

That's all I'm getting at, matt. Is you gotta make that choice early on?

Matt: 33:08

it's the same thing with a breakfast buffet that has a chef who's like making omelets. You know like you gotta make that choice, because there's always a line for him oh 100 there's always a line for that sweaty man named sal who will make one of the best fucking omelets absolutely after you wait 45 minutes to get it and you, god, you better eat fast, because Sal will not be rushed. It doesn't matter how many people are in his line, he goes at.

Eric: 33:41

Sal's pace, and that kind of brings us to the last phase. Thank God, the dessert phase. Absolutely the dessert phase, matt. So much like wearing a fine suit, yes, your belt should match your shoes, sure. Your tie should complement your pocket square, sure. But dessert, matthew, that's like the socks. I don't know if you're familiar with the rules regarding socks and a three piece suit. I'm a fun socks guy now, don't you know this? I don't know if you're familiar with the rules regarding socks and a three-piece suit.

Matt: 34:14

I'm a fun socks guy now, don't you know this?

Eric: 34:16

You're a full-on socks guy now.

Matt: 34:17

No, I'm a fun socks guy.

Eric: 34:19

Oh, you're a fun socks guy and that's exactly it when it comes to. For anyone wondering what the rules are for the socks you wear with any given three-piece suit, there are none.

Matt: 34:30

I think I agree.

Eric: 34:37

You go fucking nuts with your sock. That is the one part that you are not bound by anything other than wear appropriately lengthed socks. But I disagree.

Matt: 34:41

I disagree with one, with with one caveat okay, if you have, if you've included a pocket square, if you've done all the other things. Like, let's say, you got a blue suit, brown shoes, brown belt, I am perfectly fine with a clash of a sock that gets revealed from time to time if it's a fun tasteful thing, 100%.

Matt: 35:07

But I also think you're within your rights and I don't talk any points. If you got a pink tie on and you got flamingo socks, throw them flamingo socks on there. You look fine. You look dashing, my man.

Matt: 35:20

It can be a case by case basis, because I try to match my fun socks to my shirt, to my other clothes, to my vibe a little bit, but it's never going to be perfect. But I don't even know how I got into this, but I started getting a couple of like funny socks and then all of a sudden, all my like tall socks are all designed. They all have animals or critters, nice. Or I just got Jaws socks not long ago. You know the shark poster, you know vertically? Yeah, just because I saw them on a checkout line and I was like gotta have them Got to. I'm a sock guy now.

Eric: 35:56

So the general understanding is with socks and a suit, and I do, I do appreciate, like, when you can coordinate the sock with the rest of the outfit, I think it comes together really nicely.

Matt: 36:04

But it's gotta be done right, it's gotta be, but the thing is if you're going fun sock route, it a treat it should be a treat for whoever has been lucky enough to see you cross your leg, flashing your ankle, and, and let that ankle breathe for a hot sec. Let it breathe and you can look down and be like, oh my god, he's got bumblebee socks on. You know, love it, um, and and much napoleonic of him much in that same vein.

Eric: 36:32

Little history joke for all Once you get to dessert at a buffet, the rules are gone. Oh yeah, this is the point where you have a meter in your body labeled shame, yes. And throughout the buffet you've been slowly filling it, and now is where we just top her on off.

Matt: 36:50

If I get a notice from my stomach midway through plate two or plate three, hey, guess what? No vacancy, you know we are full. I send back a memo that says no, you're not Make room.

Eric: 37:06

This is where, if everyone could just shift towards the center of the aisle.

Matt: 37:11

We got a full flight today. Every seat will be full. We need everyone to get to the back of the plane.

Eric: 37:19

Yes, yes, a hundred percent, I'm going back for dessert, because I know my body and I don't know if your body does this. I'll hit that point where my body's like we're done, like ha cute. You fucking thought Because I know within the next 10 minutes I'm going to burp, oh yeah, know, within the next 10 minutes I'm gonna burp, oh yeah. And then suddenly everything will have shifted down a little bit. Oh, look at all this overhead space we had.

Eric: 37:40

Look at this a well-placed burp opens many doors and this is where dessert is where I start experimenting. I'm taking like banana pudding and I'm like seeing what elm like. Oh, they just have like a tub of chocolate chips over here. I'm going to throw those, I'll start. I'll start taking fixings from the ice cream bar and fucking just make a cup of them.

Matt: 38:02

And yes, because there is. It is a second buffet. Yes, it is. And if there's an ice cream bar, that's something I need to know about up front because that affects my dinner choices. Yes, because I will save room to experiment with the ice cream bar. You love a soft serve? I love a soft serve. But I'm saying, even if it's a gelato bar, you know, different tubs get in there, I can mix and match my flavors.

Eric: 38:27

My, my personal favorite. I I don't know why, but I love it when I have like a bunch of options of like different, like ice cream bars and like rap, like do you know what I mean?

Matt: 38:36

Like they've got like the drumsticks or the stuff like like oh, it doesn't happen a lot every night anymore, but I do appreciate anybody who brings me a dessert cart.

Eric: 38:45

I love a dessert. It's kind of fun, it's, it's.

Matt: 38:49

Oh, I want that one. It's kind of fun. Oh, look at these.

Eric: 38:55

It's like a little zoo. I'll try one of those?

Matt: 38:57

Yeah, so that is our buffet order of operations, and I don't know that we've laid out a definitive order, but we've thrown enough kernels and taken enough time that I think we can say I think we've answered the question, I think we nailed it. So that leads me to the question of what is we? Eric, you've heard of having a main character moment, having main character energy.

Eric: 39:15

Yes, or also heard it used pejoratively main character syndrome.

Matt: 39:21

Main character syndrome. Sure, yes. My question to you is what is supporting character energy? What is a supporting character moment?

Eric: 39:37

So main character energy, right defined by people behaving like they're the main character in the story. They expect everything to sort of everything just sort of works out, needs to work out for them, or fall in their favor, or they're baffled when, like, the rules apply to them. Yeah, supporting character energy though I feel like supporting character energy. You ever have that friend that like when they walk into a room everyone's just kind of like, oh here he comes, like there's, that's norm and cheers norm and cheers support.

Eric: 40:06

Like you can hear the audience that like the studio applause, like when they walk through the door and they say their thing yes.

Matt: 40:15

Yeah, I 100% agree with that analogy, with the Norm from Cheers analogy. If you and it doesn't even need to be like at a party or something like that If there's some sort of like main, if you walk in and there's like a conversation taking place, if we're to put this in sitcom realm, that's where the camera's at right. You're now walking into the back room. You've made an in the background, you've made an entrance. The camera's panned to you to establish that you have arrived. Maybe you have a fun line one liner to come in, much like Norm. You don't, but it there is some acknowledgement that you're there. You're not a background actor, okay, you're not an extra. The energy shifts. When you come in, the energy shifts there's you. You take some energy, some focus of the main characters which and I'm not saying you take it away from them, no, I'm saying the main character is forced to or not even forced, compelled has to acknowledge you, to acknowledge you, yes, that first of all bumps you up into supporting character tier. Congratulations, you're midway through the call sheet.

Matt: 41:36

That's for all the actors out there. Yes, you're four names down on the call sheet. Congratulations.

Eric: 41:43

Or if your name pops up and it's like, as Dr Jacoby, you're a supporting character 100%. When you're like that one weird guy that for some reason they list the character you play, even though they don't do that for everyone else.

Matt: 41:58

Supporting character that, like they, for some reason they list the character you play, even though they don't do that for everyone else. Supporting character yeah, well, a lot of times it's contract based, but yes, when it's, and this, this person, this person, this person, this person and this person, the and is, and then usually a guest actor will be a with yeah, featuring and starring and then and starring.

Eric: 42:16

You know, yes there's like a whole pecking order that I know there is one, I've just never I I don't know like what the specifics are yeah, indeed, yes, uh. So yes, if you, if you change, if your entrance into the, the realm changes the conversational meta, yeah, supporting, supporting character, energy.

Matt: 42:37

That's how you know. That's like an energy walking into the room. That's supporting character energy walking into the room, yeah, but to use your very first example of like, okay, so it's all about this person. The world's revolving around them. Actions have consequences, for some reason. What's coming to mind is like if somebody, if you're in an airport terminal and somebody is having a full-on meltdown at the gate attendant right and complaining and shouting and something, they have become the main character. They have lassoed the main character energy. But that gate attendant, they are the supporting character now they are the foil to now.

Matt: 43:20

They could elevate themselves. They could end elevate themselves from foil to villain.

Eric: 43:25

Yeah, you know, depending on how they treat or they could pull an uno, reverse and be like ma'am, please, I have like I gotta. I got a sick kid at home, I got a like. They could reverse themselves right in the main character.

Matt: 43:40

They join the person as main character. Now that's what I mean. It becomes a meet cute. Here's the twist. Here's the twist in the M Night Shyamalan film. Our person yelling with righteous indignation suddenly revealed to be the villain, and our working class hero has stood up to be the protagonist. Yes, yes, you in this situation, sitting on the chair waiting for your flight to arrive. You, my friend, you're the background. You're the background. You're background right now, and that's okay joe everyman that's okay. You're sitting there. You're fine. You are okay.

Eric: 44:22

Yeah, you're getting your 80 for eight and you're walking out the door yep, but then then, while this situation is unfolding, if someone's sitting near you like heckles, the situation that's supporting character energy too oh, yeah, yeah, for sure quips, your peanut gallery quips although it could be considered a cameo appearance, cameo, cameo appearance, but I

Matt: 44:50

think. For that to work, you walking into the situation demands that you are a main character, right? Yeah, Like, put it in a party situation. Let's say you are the roommate of someone throwing a party. You emerge from your room because you don't know these people, but everybody knows you because you're the roommate. Mm-hmm, I'd say you are a main character, at least supporting character. But you're not staying, You're just coming out to get a beer and going back into your room hoping everybody leaves before 1 am. And when you come out to say that one thing, or get that beer, make that one joke or whatever cameo appearance.

Captain Matt: 45:34

I say yes, cameo energy. Yes, cameo energy yes.

Eric: 45:37

If you're not staying cameo energy, Especially if you've been referred to throughout the night. But you just make that one appearance, Because that's the part where the audience goes oh, holy shit, the roommate's Willem Dafoe.

Matt: 45:49

Bring it back to the airport. Here's somebody you don't need to know, who doesn't need to say a word, doesn't need to say anything. But if there's people yelling at the gate and who should walk into the thing, into the terminal, roll in their little bag and just makes a little face at the situation and looks at you, oh, it's the captain. That's a cameo Cameos, because then he's going to go hit the bar, yeah, let's get this bird in the captain. That's a cameo Cameo, because then he's going to go hit the bar, yeah, and say, let's get this bird in the sky, yeah, yeah.

Eric: 46:21

If you. This bird got to leave the nest. That's your, stan Lee's.

Matt: 46:29

Give me your best captain speaking Eric. Oh, okay, this has nothing to do with the question. Yeah, yeah, yeah Get in there.

Captain Eric: 46:35

Hey, we're rolling on up to Boston heading 245. It is 75 degrees out. We're going to keep it smooth and steady for the next 20 or so minutes.

Eric: 46:46

Might hit some light turbulence as we go over Boston, but I hope you have a nice flight, that's pretty good, eric, I like a captain, I like a very like, I like a captain who's on island time. Oh sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like, uh, yeah, give me yours, give me yours, give me, come on you want mine?

Matt: 47:03

yeah, okay, sure, let me just uh remove the pop filter here for a second.

Eric: 47:08

You want to. You want to eat the mic let me me just remove that.

Captain Matt: 47:11

Oh there it is. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate you flying with us today. Of course, if you look out the right side of the aircraft, you'll see Memphis, tennessee. What's that? Oh, we're in Florida, that's right. No, that's Fort Lauderdale, there, actually. So if you just take a look at that, we will be arriving in Miami and about 20 miles might be able to get in there a little bit early and Rochelle coming around with your trash now. Please put that in there. The drink service is closed. I want to thank you for flying Delta. Thank you so much, have a great day.

Eric: 47:50

I that fucking can. I can, I actually can, because I've always wanted to hear it done this way. Can I do an another take? But can I just quote blade runner, but as a, as a as an airline pilot? Sure, cool, cool, cool. I just want to achieve the street, yeah pop that pop filter.

Matt: 48:05

Yeah, yeah, let me, let me let me get in there.

Captain Eric: 48:09

uh, good, good afternoon, ladies, gentlemen. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watch sea beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in the rain. Time to die.

Eric: 48:28

That's really really, really good. Oh shit, man, we fucked up doing a question podcast. We should just have people sending quotes that we can read, like airline pilots yes, that's yeah the new, new, new.

Captain Matt: 48:49

I just want to say this before I go any further To be or not to be, isn't that just the question there You're down to. Wait, I got another one, Shall I suffer those things in areas of outrageous fortune. Go ahead, take arms against a sea of truffles by posing in them.

Captain Eric: 49:22

I hope my mic's okay. This is a good time to mention that I was the lone gunman on the grass.

Eric: 49:26

You know this is a good.

Captain Eric: 49:27

This is such a good bit this is a good time.

Matt: 49:30

This is a good time to mention oh shit, so that's. I think we've run through the yeah, the various, uh, I will.

Eric: 49:42

I will ask one more little straw, eric, have you realized?

Matt: 49:45

we've had since our terrible cold open. We've had no less than four good cold opens I know this.

Eric: 49:53

This is like the monkey's paw we wish for a cold open any one of them could have served any one of them. Uh, folks, please send us in things that you want to hear us read in airline pilot voices uh that'll be a new.

Matt: 50:05

That'll be a new segment segment yeah oh god, uh, oh fuck it should.

Eric: 50:10

It should be like something like seat belts off or something we have talked about.

Matt: 50:14

We did um. There was. There's another podcast long, dormant at this point. Um called beneath the headlines that um myself yes, and former guests of the show. Paul tm and megan stanton zaccardi uh created and there's only one season. It is a scripted show but me and eric in there are in there and play um in it. These two baseball announcers, yep and um. I am a former smooth jazz radio dj and eric is somehow like a vaudevillian radio announcer chip cedar.

Matt: 50:47

Yeah, he's stuck in, stuck in time in like 1910. And we call this baseball game, and I've been looking for a way for us to get commentary into this podcast. I'd love that to happen, god damn yeah, maybe we find a sport we both mutually know nothing about and just do that. I don't know. We don't need to workshop bits on Mike necessarily.

Eric: 51:12

Oh yeah, sorry, this is our working session a oh yeah, sorry, this is our working session, aka the podcast aka the podcast.

Matt: 51:18

Speaking of which, do you want to move on to Google Gripes? Let's move on to Google Gripes. That's the segment people know and love. But if you are new and God help you if you are Google Gripes is a segment, a little game, we play as our closing segment here from time to time, where we traditionally give each other one real, one star Google reviews of well-known places. Yes, that was our first three seasons. Anyway, for season four, we have been doing well known. Now we are halfway through the second round of season four of Google Gripes. Yes, the score is five to three, live live score through one and a half rounds. So, eric, what I have for you, as always, is I have three movies with three reviews each, and I think I've put them in order from easiest to hard. Okay, and I want to know this Are you ready?

Matt: 52:19

Oh, fucking baby, I'm so ready, all right, here we go. First film, first review. I gotta be honest here. I did not care for Blank. I didn't like it. I couldn't get into it. It I did not care for Blank, I didn't like it. I couldn't get into it. It put me to sleep.

Matt: 52:37

I know Blank is a true story movie and that it is universally considered the saddest and most depressing tearjerker of all time, but I just simply did not enjoy it and didn't feel much emotion. I only felt boredom. Okay, okay, okay, alright. Review number two this movie was so depressing. I loved the characters, but why did the writers choose to kill most of them off at the end? Why did they spend all this time creating a beautiful love story just to kill everybody? This movie was ways too sad for me. Do not recommend. Okay Okay.

Matt: 53:18

Review number three Spoilers ahead. Three hours of pure baloney, if you ask me. I don't know why everyone thinks this is such a romantic story. Character literally tried jumping off the blank and then the other character took her to the edge of the blank for that ridiculous scene everybody loves so much. What if she jumped off like she tried earlier? And to make matters worse, the two made a cross symbol and I thought this movie was free of religious messages Just goes to show that everything is political nowadays. I do not recommend watching this trashy flop of a movie. And those are your three reviews.

Eric: 54:03

Okay, I had a thought initially, but I think it's morphed and I think I know what it is. Tell me what your initial thought was.

Matt: 54:11

My initial thought was Schindler's list okay I might have given away that it's not yeah, but my initial thought was schindler's list.

Eric: 54:22

But but, then the love story stuff and the jumping off I'm. So. That is morphed to with the jumping and, specifically, the cross forming. I'm gonna go, with the passion of the no, I'm going to go. How incredible would it be, though, if this was all about the passion of the Christ.

Matt: 54:45

Hey, when viewed as a horror film, passion of the Christ is a great movie.

Eric: 54:49

No, my parents took me to see that on Easter Sunday. It's a great horror film. Yeah, it's a wonderful snuff film.

Matt: 54:56

It's a great, great horror film. That Cat o' Nine Tails scene, holy shit.

Eric: 55:03

A lady in the parking lot gave me and my dad the dirtiest fucking look because we were reenacting scenes.

Matt: 55:09

Oh, Eric, that's poor taste, poor taste.

Eric: 55:13

Such poor taste. Poor taste, such poor taste, um uh, my guess is titanic and your guess is correct, it is obviously titanic.

Matt: 55:19

Yes, absolutely, eric. Well done, and I I knew this justice for billy zane I, I knew this would happen. Uh, I, that's why I put it first. I, I knew that last one had a good chance of giving it away I love that you didn't even flinch to me saying justice for Billy Zane?

Eric: 55:37

No, of course.

Matt: 55:38

Justice for Billy Zane. I'm not quite sure why he needs justice. He's done quite well for himself. I'd say, but okay, yeah, anyway, you ready for your second film? Yes, I just think not enough people sympathize with Billy Zane's character in Titanic.

Eric: 55:56

Okay, well, I don't know that you need to sympathize with his character.

Matt: 55:57

I don't think you're supposed to sympathize with the I don't think he did a great job in the film, which is to say you're supposed to hate him.

Eric: 56:05

Oh, you're supposed to hate Billy Zane's character?

Matt: 56:08

Listen, I am always happy to support a key member of the Back to the Future cast in their post Back to the Future endeavors. You are, of course, aware that Billy Zane is in Back to the Future 1 and 2.

Eric: 56:21

Oh, of course no, he plays one of the goons, doesn't he he?

Matt: 56:24

plays 3D. He plays 3D.

Eric: 56:26

Yep, yep, yep, Fucking love Billy Zane oh dear.

Matt: 56:31

I'm afraid I have to humble myself listeners. You see, match is who Billy Zane plays in Biff Tannen's gang. Not 3D, that would be 80s staple. Casey Somasco, who also starred, of course, in Young Guns and Stand by Me, amongst others. Young Guns great underrated film, I'd like to add. But my apologies to the Back to the Future community, my apologies to Eric, my apologies to Billy Zane and, of course, apologies to myself. Don't let this happen again.

Eric: 57:09

Sorry, sorry. I just thought we were supposed to sympathize with Billy Zane's character in Titanic. It's just like in A Wonderful Life, my favorite character, Mr Sorry, I just thought we were supposed to sympathize with Billy Zane's character in Titanic. It's like in A Wonderful Life, my favorite character, Mr Potter.

Matt: 57:18

Go on. You said that. You said that Now you've ruined my it's a Wonderful Life reviews. Oh no, just kidding, it's not that.

Captain Matt: 57:26

All right, are you ready?

Matt: 57:27

Yes. First review Okay. This movie was somewhat of a dumpster fire of a film. It has a very weak and somewhat coherent plot. Most of the movie is just establishing shots blank screens, filler footage, bright, flashing colors and tasks that take way too long to do. This movie should have been 20 minutes. It also had a really stupid ending. I will say, though, if you like abstract and very interpretive art, such as a blue square painted on a black canvas, a banana duct taped to canvas or just public art in general, you will probably like this movie. Public art in general, you will probably like this movie.

Matt: 58:16

As for me, someone who appreciates people putting a lot of creativity, thought and actual work into an art piece such as a quote-unquote cinematic masterpiece, the movie was almost unenjoyable by any measure and severely lacking in creativity and entertainment. Despite my overall rebuke, the visuals were quite good for the time this was created, which possibly could redeem the movies to some extent. However, for me not entirely. Thus my one star rating Okay. Review number two this movie is undeniably an incredible feat of cinema, but beautiful cinematography does not equate a good movie. It was painful to watch, physically painful on my ears, with all the annoying repetitive sounds from the 20 minute monkey screeching all the way to the uncomfortable heavy breathing. It got interesting there for an hour in the middle and then descended into complete madness. I recommend you watch it. Okay, okay, final review. I imagine this must be what you must feel like, see, hear and sense if you have just taken drugs, especially near the end of the film. I'm sure the visual effects were very good for their time. Sorry, not my kind of film.

Eric: 59:36

Okay, I I okay, I, I I feel very confident about that. I know what it is really twice in a row.

Matt: 59:45

You're, are you just gonna go for it? You're not even gonna talk through it I'm gonna go for it.

Eric: 59:50

2001 a space odys.

Matt: 59:52

I'm afraid you're correct, eric. Yeah, I was like either I'm wrong or he's warming up a howl quote.

Eric: 1:00:02

Have you seen 2001?

Matt: 1:00:03

Yes, I thought this might be a curveball because I was like I don't know if he's seen it. As soon as it was the the repetitive noises, I immediately heard the yeah yeah now I have to say it should go without saying that I obviously am reading but don't condone or agree with these reviews oh yeah, no, 2001 space odyssey slaps.

Eric: 1:00:30

It's a great film.

Matt: 1:00:32

There was one review that was like, yeah, the monkeys at the beginning that are there for no purpose, and I was like, oh, you mean establishing the entire theme of the movie, you fucking lepton yeah, uh, confirming that our entire evolution was driven by this plot device yeah, I guess that just doesn't matter.

Eric: 1:00:52

Oh yeah, no, it's just still being parodied by barbie in 2023, but fuck me, I will say the only thing I'll see of 2001, space odyssey masterpiece, and I love that film, but it's definitely one of those movies or I can't just throw that on the background I have to like I have to carve three hours out of my day to sit phone off and watch this. There is a window for that there is a window.

Matt: 1:01:17

There is absolutely a window for 2001,.

Eric: 1:01:21

a space odyssey and it's in your twenties, cause as I get older, I find I don't have 2001, a space odyssey time anymore. You don't think you wouldn't watch 2001 these days? Oh no, I absolutely would.

Captain Matt: 1:01:41

It's just harder to find the time to oh yeah, I mean, I get that I still haven't watched um the irishman, because I'm like oh, I should see that it's three hours, that you know I'm saying like the godfather.

Eric: 1:01:48

I'm like. I'm like I love this movie. Oh no, I can do. I have three hours huh for the godfather yeah, you make you make the fucking time.

Matt: 1:01:56

You move those three hours around. Yeah, uh, fun fact. I once did a during the pandemic. I did a stage reading with um keir I think this is how you say his name keir duella, who plays dave in 2001 space odyssey neat.

Captain Eric: 1:02:12

yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Matt: 1:02:13

It was pretty cool. Yeah, he was a nice guy. Oh nice, yeah, anyway, third film, third film. So right now we're tied, we're tied, we've you've achieved parody. Now can you take the lead. Let's see First review. Okay, when I hear one stanza of blank, blank and blank, I was like what Shelby the Worm who lives in Jake's Viola, would say Check please, who reads my rav view? That's a portmanteau of rave in review. Don't show it to character or character when they go to disneyland or world.

Captain Eric: 1:03:00

What the fuck matt that's it.

Matt: 1:03:03

That that's all the review. I didn't say that portmanteau thing. It's in parentheses. They wrote that. Oh yeah, god, god continue. I hate this movie. Blank was selfish and annoying and looks sad. I want to take a flamethrower and melt this movie away and flush it down the sink.

Eric: 1:03:23

Okay.

Matt: 1:03:26

And then final review Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, why, why, why, why, why, why. Who made this, why, why? Who asked for this? Who do we need to line up in the backyard? And then there's an inexplicable amount of white space before you get to. Why is blank? The only one with powers?

Eric: 1:03:49

Okay. I was like there's gotta be something I can use in here, and that's it Okay. I was like there's gotta be something I can use in here, and that's it Okay. Why is Blaine so? Give me I already regret saying this Give me the first one again, yeah well you.

Matt: 1:04:04

I feel good about giving this to you again because you went direct in no requests for the first two. So when I hear one stanza of you know what, eric, I think I'm going to make this a little bit easier for you. I'm going to change a word in this review.

Captain Matt: 1:04:21

Okay.

Matt: 1:04:22

I'm not going to tell you what word I'm changing. I'm changing one word that I think cleans this up a little bit. Okay, removes a red herring. Okay. When I hear one stanza of blank, blank or blank, I was like what Shelby the worm who lives in Jake's Viola, would say check please, by the way, anyone who reads my rav-view portmanteau of rave and review, don't show it to character or character when they go to Disneyland or World. I am lost, oh no.

Eric: 1:05:00

Eric. So when I hear Talk me through your process, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the things that keep sticking out in my brain stanza of blank, is it blank, blank and blank. Or blank, blank or blank.

Matt: 1:05:11

Congratulations, eric. You found the word I changed. Okay, they wrote blank and blank, or blank, blank or blank.

Eric: 1:05:16

congratulations, eric, you found the word I changed okay, they wrote blank, blank and blank, but it should be blank blank.

Matt: 1:05:19

I changed it to blank, blank or blank because I think it'll help okay.

Captain Eric: 1:05:24

So when I hear one stanza blank, blank or blank, I and they.

Eric: 1:05:28

They said what did they want to do when they hear it?

Matt: 1:05:31

I was like what Shelby the worm who lives in Jake's viola, would say check please.

Eric: 1:05:38

What the fuck Is that a reference to Adventure Time?

Matt: 1:05:42

I had to look it up and yes, it is.

Eric: 1:05:44

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Yes, and that threw me off because I'm like know the character shelby the worm from adventure time and I know jake plays viola. I was like I don't know and and is it?

Captain Matt: 1:05:56

a fair question for me.

Matt: 1:05:57

I had to look it up, I was like what is this?

Eric: 1:06:00

can you throw me a bone in the sense if I had? This movie has nothing to do with adventure time. Right, were they just using that as a cultural?

Matt: 1:06:07

touchstone correct.

Eric: 1:06:09

This has nothing to do with adventure time okay, so let me just eject that from my fucking brain.

Matt: 1:06:15

It has nothing to do with Adventure Time, okay.

Eric: 1:06:17

So one of your ones stands up blank blank or blank. So they said, and you said or I'm, saying or Okay, they said and. And then we have one guy said they want to take a flamethrower, said the one guy. Just looked sad and selfish.

Matt: 1:06:34

Sad and selfish is what they said. Well, they said they were annoying selfish and look sad and then said, yes, I want to take a flamethrower and melt this movie away, flush it down the sink.

Eric: 1:06:50

And why is Blank the only one with? Uh so? So part of me is wondering is like one stands like like a self, one character who has powers. When I hear one stands up blank so that that tells me there's music in this movie, maybe a musical could be could be oh man, I oh, oh, wait, wait.

Matt: 1:07:14

And you said there was mention of disneyland or disney world in this they said uh, by the way, anyone who reads my rav you portmanteau of raven review don't show it to character or character when they go to disneyland or world.

Eric: 1:07:29

So it's, this is a disney movie, could be um, it's, it's got me. Oh, I so the one that is sticking in my head. I'm just trying to make the, the first review work for this. I'm trying to find the song that that would fit this. I'm, I, I don't want to let me. I'm running through because the the realization that this is a disney movie, at least in my mind, is now opening up a plethora of options. Sure, yeah.

Matt: 1:07:59

You've chosen a road. You're going down it.

Eric: 1:08:01

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I will go down this lonely road. What house are we stopping at? So the leading contender in my mind right now is is mary poppins? Oh, mary poppins. Mary poppins, because I'm like I, I, I know some people take exception, exception with the character of mary poppins. She seems kind of like she. She could come off as selfish or arrogant or what have you. Uh, some people get annoyed by her, which are not characterizations I agree with. Uh in the books.

Matt: 1:08:35

You're, just you're just reporting.

Eric: 1:08:38

But and and her being the only one with powers fits with this. Yeah, but it's the. It's the one I hear blank, blank or blank, and when you go to disney world you see character or character. I know know in Disney World you will see Mary Poppins and Bert as street characters, but the song isn't fitting. None of the songs from Mary Poppins are fitting with that blank, blank or blank.

Matt: 1:09:09

I'm going to help you out, eric. Okay, I'm not correcting the and or. I'm now worried that I've made it more confusing instead of helping you out, so I'm just going to change it to when I hear one stanza of blank.

Eric: 1:09:25

Okay, when I hear one stanza of blank, I was like flamethrower. One character has powers, and that's my last edit yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my last. You've thrown me so many bones.

Matt: 1:09:36

I can't throw you any more life rings. I've run out of them. You can't, you can't, you just can't. You're going to look like a Smarties roll.

Captain Matt: 1:09:53

I was pretty proud of it.

Eric: 1:09:55

I feel like I'm running down on my time here. I think so, I think so. Yeah, I'm just going to stick with my gut. I'm going to say Mary Poppins final answer Mary Poppins final answer.

Matt: 1:10:08

And it's wrong, damn it, it's wrong. Let me ask you a quick question though, eric. Yeah, do you want to build a snowman? Son of a bitch, the only one with powers. We're talking about elsa my friend, yeah that's why I included the flame flamethrower.

Captain Matt: 1:10:29

they wanted to to melt yeah the snowman, god damn it.

Eric: 1:10:33

Yes.

Matt: 1:10:34

Now the blank, blank and blank in the review was when I hear one stanza of let it go for the first time in forever.

Eric: 1:10:43

Yeah and oh, okay.

Matt: 1:10:45

And do you want to build a snowman? But I thought that might be confusing so I said or, so you get the three options, options. But then I think you thought I was putting in an or to a song title.

Eric: 1:10:56

You, you did right by me I tried to, I, I, and for the most part I was.

Matt: 1:11:01

I was like three different songs in my, in my mind, um, but good good, that's what I, that's what I wanted you to get to, but it works just as well if it was one song. So I was like like, just think of it as one song, fuck the other two, that's why I was like so we are tied. Eric. What did I say, Eric, last episode? I got the feeling that we were setting up a dramatic final round Showdown. And here we come, once again tied into the final round of a season of Google+.

Eric: 1:11:30

Now are we going to do as we've done in previous seasons, where, if this, this, since this is our final round, we're going hard mode.

Captain Matt: 1:11:38

I'm fine with going hard mode.

Eric: 1:11:40

I am terrified going hard mode, but I feel like I have to.

Matt: 1:11:44

What in this context? Because, again, as we've talked about in previous episodes, I was. I was warned that I have to be nice to Eric because he doesn't bother to watch movies.

Eric: 1:11:56

I'm just a 33, four-year-old man he doesn't even know what age I am. I don't know numbers, they're hard.

Matt: 1:12:07

I'm saying I'm fine with going hard mode. If you're fine with going hard mode, I I'd say what does that mean for me?

Eric: 1:12:17

that's like a dad. That's like a dad playing his kid at, like fucking super mario kart, and he's like I won't let you win if you don't want me to yeah, like I can pull out rashomon.

Matt: 1:12:29

if you want, I can pull out the bicycle thief. You know we can do that Fucking Christ, get some red shoes action up in here.

Eric: 1:12:42

No. Hard mode for me, I think, means and hard mode for me, I think we're still well-known, famous movies. Yes, but the hard mode for me is that the reviews will be. Yes, I agree, I think it's a mix.

Matt: 1:12:56

I think it's appropriate to do a mix where it is a well-known film that I'm not necessarily sure you've seen, but you've certainly heard the title of. I think that still counts. Yeah, I think that still counts. But then you can. I think we also couple it with some tougher Like I've never seen Casablanca.

Eric: 1:13:14

I think Casablanca is fair game yeah.

Matt: 1:13:16

But if I give you a thing well, probably not now, we keep talking about it but if I gave you a review that said like he shouldn't be in any gin joints in the first place, I hope that would be a pretty big hint to you. Yeah, no, I guess not, for.

Eric: 1:13:32

Casablanca. Yeah, hint to you. Yeah, no, I guess not for casablanca. Yeah, yeah, no, that that's a pretty big quote about of all the gin joints in all the world.

Matt: 1:13:39

You're gonna walk into mine anyway, I need more of like uh, here's looking at you, shitty movie uh, hey, by the way, since a couple of in the first round spoiler alert, if you're going back. Uh, I gave you shrek. Yes, I feel like it's appropriate. Did you hear the news?

Eric: 1:14:01

no, have you heard the good word what's the good word? Shrek 5 baby oh, shrek 5 baby didn't know there was a shrek 4 let's go uh, that would be Shrek Forever.

Matt: 1:14:12

After Watch your mouth.

Captain Eric: 1:14:14

Okay, okay.

Matt: 1:14:16

Yeah, shrek 5 coming out 2026. Full original cast Damn, yeah, yeah, damn. There are and this is true no original ideas anymore, so that'll about do it, for you didn't ask for this in this episode here, unless, eric, there's anything you'd like to add? Before I give them the business, matt give them the business. Excellent. So listen. The business is as follows we need your questions. We need your uh suggestions for things we should say in a pilot voice. We need your suggestions for neighborhood watch drama. I want to read your neighborhood tea.

Eric: 1:14:57

Give it to me. Give us the juicy goss Like I'm in a juicy gossip desert out in my neighborhood. Everyone's old, and quiet here.

Matt: 1:15:06

Yeah, and you're just an old gossip, I'm just an old gossip.

Eric: 1:15:10

You're just a little gossip girl.

Matt: 1:15:15

Anyway, you can send us this shit at youdontaskforthis, at gmailcom that's all spelled out or on Instagram, Twitter, facebook, tiktok, et cetera, et cetera. We're not really on Facebook these days, but you know it's there and that's youdontaskpod. That's the letter U didn'taskpod. Or you can call the thought line and leave us a message at 410-929-5329. Eric, have I missed any bits of business?

Captain Eric: 1:15:40

You haven't missed a goddamn thing.

Matt: 1:15:42

Well, I think for all of us here, you didn't ask for this. My name's Matt Chang. My name's Eric Poach.

Eric: 1:15:49

And listen. You didn't ask. But my favorite fact about Frozen yeah.

Matt: 1:15:54

Favorite fan theory that I hardcore subscribe to yeah in frozen when she is arrested by the dude I don't think I ever actually said that it is frozen. By the way, I I'm just occurring, it's just occurring to me that we just started talking and I don't think I ever never said the words it is frozen.

Eric: 1:16:14

I don't think I ever said it is frozen, it's frozen, it's frozen.

Eric: 1:16:19

Uh, but in frozen when elsa is arrested and she's in the little dungeon. Yeah, and she's got that. So this is my favorite fan theory. The handcuffs they have her in those do not match any known model of handcuffs. They are a custom job and they would not have had enough time to make those between her like they're like there's. It's just not feasible that someone's like okay, we need to make handcuffs that like entrap a magic sorceress's hands and and like are bespoke to fit her. So that implies that those manacles already existed, which implies that Elsa's parents had them made when she was a child. On the off chance that she grows up and goes rogue, her parents had to prepare a contingency for if their kid goes nuts and starts trying to murder everyone with her winter powers.

Matt: 1:17:12

That's your hang up with Frozen huh. Yeah, that's where you got hung up.

Eric: 1:17:17

I love it.

Matt: 1:17:18

I think it's not the fact that their economy is based on. Let me just check.

Eric: 1:17:22

Selling ice in a Nordic country, no less.

Matt: 1:17:29

OK, well, you got your priorities.