Matt: 0:00

Picture this, eric. There I was at a vineyard. A vineyard, yes, yes, I was there with Lindsay. I was there with my parents, as we are wont to do. We're sitting at a vineyard, we're just having some wine. We're having a grand old time. Okay, it is the last place on earth you think you'll be assaulted? Go on, eric. I can't quite put into words how flabbergasted I was when what I'm about to describe to you took place. So you tell me if you think this is acceptable social behavior. Okay, okay, okay. So there I am. We're having a nice conversation. We're there for, you know, a few hours. We do this quite a bit. We go to a vineyard, we bring snacks, we get a little wine drunk and have a great you're going to vineyards a lot.

Matt: 0:49

Yeah, we do, we do actually go to vineyards quite a bit you okay, and and recent, actually in recent years lindsey and I have been taking like seasonal wine trips to virginia with my parents for like we'll get an airbnb, hit like six, seven vineyards in a day and have a great time.

Eric: 1:07

That's very fancy and I love that for you, it's great.

Matt: 1:11

Is it really that fancy?

Eric: 1:13

You start a story with. So there I was, sitting in the vineyard.

Matt: 1:17

Well, sure, I played it up a little bit, but are you telling me you've never been to a wine?

Eric: 1:20

tasting. No, I've been to a couple wine tastings All right.

Matt: 1:30

Well, I'm going to assess the vibe of whether or not I think you can join us and then maybe I'll invite you to do so. I don't know. I think you'd really enjoy a good session with Moat and Poat and Lindsay and I just hanging out. I would love that. Drinking for, like I'm not kidding like four hours, just bottle after bottle after bottle, having a grand old time. Yeah, actually sounds pretty dope. It's so fun. Anyway, we're doing that and we're like an hour and a half in. Yeah, we've. We're on like bottle two. We're all having a good time, it's. You know? We're out on the patio of this vineyard, it's sunny, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm just trying to set the scene for you. And so there I am, feeling relaxed, feeling good, having a good day. So what do I do? I put my hands, interweave my thingies, put them behind my head and I'm just leaning back in my chair.

Matt: 2:22

A little noggin hammock, a little noggin hammock you picture in it, picture me there, leaning back, listening to my mother tell a story, my glass of wine sitting on the table. I got my hands woven behind my head, giving myself a little noggin hammock, and then, all of a sudden, I feel the strangest sensation In between my fingers comes a strange finger. A strange finger shoves its way underneath my fingered hammock, through my hair and flicks open my interwoven hands.

Eric: 3:07

Oh, oh, I'm and so my head jostles. I'm I'm gonna pause you. I fucking hate this and I hate this. I never feel more unsafe than with someone fucking with my noggin hammock when I am noggin hammocking. Okay.

Matt: 3:26

So the hammock flicks up and, in all transparency, it was a vineyard in Maryland. It's not close to us necessarily, but like an hour away, so like it's not out of the realm of possibility. That someone else I know is there, that someone else I know is there. So my first thought and I'm being serious, eric was who?

Eric: 3:52

could this be, if not Poach, surely the only person who would dare presume.

Matt: 3:59

Yeah, I thought, like because of the action before I turned around in my head I'm like, well, this has to be somebody I know. So, like, who could it be? Poach? Could it be Sarah and Chris? Like who could it be?

Eric: 4:13

And I will say this it would I say this with no ego it would have to be poach tier or higher A hundred percent In order for this to ever be in any way remotely acceptable behavior so imagine my surprise when I turn around and see the face of a stranger.

Matt: 4:35

Fuck off a woman. I've that. A woman that I've never seen before is looking at me with what can only be described as a shit-eating grin and she says, and I quote sorry, I couldn't resist what is happening? Now.

Eric: 4:56

Eric, what is happening?

Matt: 5:01

I recently somebody, so I don't want to give the context necessarily, but somebody recently described me as, like I know you're naturally quiet and shy and so I was like, haha, I told this to Lindsay and Lindsay had a good haha about it and said I would describe you, conservatively, as verbose.

Matt: 5:23

This is my wife speaking and I agreed conservatively as verbose. This is my wife speaking and I, and I agree, I agreed. I would say if, if I were to evaluate myself, I would say sometimes, maybe silence is an option, maybe not every dead space of air needs to be filled with a thought that came through my head space of air needs to be filled with a thought that came through my head, Dr.

Eric: 5:45

Dr Lindsay bar, out here writing scripts right, indeed, she is so.

Matt: 5:53

But no, I'm saying I agree, I know myself.

Eric: 5:56

Well, I'm a little bit of a chatterbox, you know if I may tell me, if I were to ever describe you as naturally quiet and shy, I would say probably any situation you're quiet and shy in is a situation in which you're forced to be somewhere that you really don't want to be, talking to people you'd really rather have no interaction with ever.

Matt: 6:23

How interesting you'd put it that way.

Eric: 6:25

Yeah.

Matt: 6:25

I don't disagree. I don't disagree, or or alternatively, I have reached a level of anger that filters the council of mats have started pulling levers. I didn't even know we're there. There's a, there's a security mat that's not actually in the council but runs into the circle to be like pull the switch.

Eric: 6:53

He has a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist.

Matt: 6:55

He's gonna blow, push the button.

Eric: 6:58

Two mats need to turn their keys at the same time.

Matt: 7:01

Two mats need to turn their keys at the same time. Lock it down, down, he's gonna blow. And this is where I say, eric, I say all this to set up. I looked at this woman and for not for lack of trying, I had nothing to say. I was dumbfounded, eric. I, I looked at this person like I gave her the look of like what's wrong with you, because she said sorry, I couldn't resist. Looked at me as if I was about to laugh and be like oh, cheryl. And and then she, she looked at me, she looked at the rest of the table, which, I shouldn't have to say, has gone silent dead silent at like eyebrows to the ceiling.

Matt: 7:52

So this woman now has four people looking at her like what the fuck?

Matt: 7:59

and then she just turns and walks away and I watch her go down. We're on a patio of the vineyard, eric, she's fucking five feet away from me, and so she goes, sits down she's talking to her husband and I watch her the whole time then turn back to the table and say the only thing on full voice that I can think of, which is what the fuck? And and my mom, my mom, leans in like do you know that person? And I was like no, I don't know who that person is. And then, luckily, I mean eric am I no.

Eric: 8:42

No, you're not crazy, matt. Do you know what I think? Is that not an unhinged thing to do? No, that is absolutely batshit insane to do to anyone.

Matt: 8:53

And it was on Easter that you don't know ever I forgot to mention. It was on Easter, the Lord's re-birthday.

Eric: 9:03

The re-gifting, matt. This is my running theory for what happened. This is the only way that makes sense. Tell matt you were supposed to. I think you've diverged the timelines. Yes, matt, I think you're in a. You're in a, like a 500 days of summer style movie that just failed to launch. Oh, interesting, that was supposed that was the manic pixie dream moment, like that was supposed to be, the moment where, like, you got hallmarked, fucking away by like this crazy, quirky human, but you, being of sound mind and body, you just said no, yeah, I mean, this is wrong. I mean like you. There's another timeline in which you laughed and then somehow this turns into like some fiery, weird romance that ends with like five or six people dead and your psyche shattered and you're like trying to get your brain erased in a clinic somewhere I mean honestly to put a little bit more detail on it.

Matt: 10:03

It'd be a little bit more of a herald and maud situation if that were to happen.

Eric: 10:07

Yeah, um, did, did her consort, her husband didn't say a goddamn word.

Matt: 10:16

He didn't eric he didn't move.

Eric: 10:19

He didn't, which tells me this is a regular occurrence. This is shit Cheryl does on the rig, because there's no world in which, like and that is what I did, eric, I don't know why this is invoking such a visceral, because, like, if she had just like walked up and like patted you on the head, that would be one thing Still weird. What are you talking about? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Matt: 10:52

Petting me like a dog.

Eric: 10:54

No, let me finish. It's still absolutely weird. But like when my fingies is interlaced behind my head, it's insane. It's literally supporting my weight is interlaced behind my head insane, it is literally interlaced because now I think about it, that's like the one time your fingies aren't like just in your field of view at any given moment. 99 of the time you could see your fingers, you know what's going on, you know what they're touching or what is touching them, but your fingies go behind the least visible place to go. Imagine it's so vulnerable, it is so fucking vulnerable.

Matt: 11:34

and the moment that she wormed her, I'm serious, she wormed, she I'd say she squirmed it in there, yeah.

Eric: 11:45

I hate it. I hate it so much.

Matt: 11:47

I hate it and I hate her and for that reason she goes directly into my ledger of perceived slights.

Eric: 11:57

God put it. Write it down. I perceived the hell out of that woman.

Matt: 12:26

Well, hello everybody, and welcome to you. Didn't Ask For this, the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. My name that's Matt Shea. My name's Eric Poach. Eric Poach, how the hell are you doing?

Eric: 12:35

Good, do you like how? Like over time, every time I say my name, it's like more like a question.

Matt: 12:40

You have questioned yourself more and more as time goes on and indeed, Eric, time has gone on.

Eric: 12:51

this is episode number 90.

Matt: 12:52

eric, I know we're in the run-up to 100 and with 100 on the on the horizon, 90 is sort of like. Ah, it's like. It's like any birthday you and I are currently experiencing Like they're all just like. They're all just kind of okay After 30, it really feels like we're just waiting to 40 for there to be a milestone birthday, but 90.

Eric: 13:15

90 got me feeling kindly, can you, if you catch my drift?

Matt: 13:18

I mean honestly, can you believe we have done this shit 90 times 90? Times it's like let's do some this is the capper eric to three straight release weeks, which I don't. I think we've done once before. I'd have to check. I'm not sure, though. We've done back-to-back release weeks. I don't know that we've done three weeks in a row.

Eric: 13:43

No, no, this is new for us Also. Just did some quick math 90 episodes times, I averaged it to an hour and 15. I was feeling generous. Thank you Gives us roughly 112.5 hours, so 4.6, we'll call it 4.69 days worth of content. Damn, 4.69 days worth of content.

Matt: 14:06

Damn, 4.69 days worth of content nice for our long-term and diehard listeners. That's how much of your life we have wasted. We have just sucked now from your body. Now, I just said this off mic a second ago. I thought my cold open was literally like a two-minute story. I was proud of myself for thinking of a quick one, and you know we're already deep into it. So we got a lot of show, we got some good questions, and then we've got a brand spanking new and very different season of Google Gripes for you all today Gripe, gripe, gripe. Season of Google Gripes for you all today Gripe, gripe, gripe. It's back, baby, by popular demand, and we're tweaking it a little bit. We're gonna give it a little spin, a little spin. So, eric, why don't you get us started with our oh, actually, before we get into the questions? Ah, yes, we have to get into a correction.

Eric: 15:04

Some housekeeping.

Matt: 15:05

Yes, we did receive a correction from a listener. We got an email from friend of the pod, Faith Hi Faith, who said the following Justin Bieber is not a father. I don't hope he dies this year, RE bingo card, but he's not leaving any children fatherless because he doesn't have any. Add this to Lindsay's correction corner, please. So after receiving this email, I was like no, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait. I'm pretty sure Justin Bieber has a kid, and that's because earlier in 2023, he posted a picture on Instagram of him feeding a newborn a very fatherly looking picture, but the caption does say meet my niece, Poppy Ford Kennedy. So clearly I was. I saw this picture in my head and I think, as many people did, sort of just assume he had a kid. Oh yeah, Pad that.

Matt: 16:09

Yeah, I'm padded a little bit. I don't think I'm the only one who thought Justin Bieber had a kid because of this photo, but he doesn't. He has a niece and for that reason I was wrong. So this is a valid correction. Thank you, faith. Thank you for keeping the faith. Now, Eric, you want to hit us with the first question.

Eric: 16:30

Oh, I'll hit us with our first question. Hey, matt, what time is it on the moon? That's from our good friend at always. A cookie on Instagram. That's our good boy Andy Rawlings. Guest of the show. Instagram that's our good boy, andy Rawlings. Guest of the show.

Matt: 16:45

Former guest of the show. Yes, indeed, Thank you, Andy. So what time is it on the moon? What time is it on the moon Now? That got me thinking About the moon, yes, and when this question rolled in, I thought to myself that's a good question. We can't handle it though.

Eric: 17:06

We can't do it because there must be a scientific answer to this question. There has to be a Google-able. Turns out, eric. Are you fucking with me right now?

Matt: 17:12

Turns out, eric not only is there not an established time on the moon, but this is a very active concern for NASA.

Eric: 17:27

Oh, I love this so much.

Matt: 17:28

This is an article from USA Today dated April 23rd. Eric Today. Today, that is this day I had a different article prepared to pull up and then this one showed up.

Matt: 17:49

Oh incredible, it was published this morning, nasa is giving the moon its own time zone. Can they do that? Time moves a bit faster on the moon than on Earth because the moon's mass is smaller than that of Earth and its gravity is weaker. That means the moon is getting its own time zone. I don't think that's what that means, but but okay, nasa has been established, has been asked to establish a unified standard time for the moon and other celestial bodies by the end of 2026.

Matt: 18:22

They're going to have to have like leap weeks, eric. The request has come from the white house, specifically the office of science and technology policy. On April 2nd, this is.

Eric: 18:37

This is hot off the presses, eric, burning my fingers, the moon has no time, the moon has no time, the moon has no time, and NASA hasn't done it yet. We can call dibs. We can call dibs right now.

Matt: 18:50

Well, what we can do is we can provide a service, eric, we can help. Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for the moon, for the moon. For the moon.

Eric: 19:03

Why? Because it's there and listen.

Matt: 19:05

You and I, eric, are not going to war. Okay and frankly, military as a body. If you're listening, you don't.

Eric: 19:14

You don't want us no, you know, you don't want god.

Matt: 19:18

No, but we can serve our eric. We can serve our country in this way.

Eric: 19:23

We can figure out. This is how we.

Matt: 19:25

We can help NASA out. They got their own issues.

Eric: 19:28

NASA. Joe, we're taking this on. Uncle Joe, you want your moon base? Well, we'll give you a time. Baby, listen, you got the place, we'll give you the time.

Matt: 19:40

He, who shall not be named, made a space force, and they need to know what time it is.

Eric: 19:45

They need Time to wake up, time to get with it, time to get your priorities in order.

Matt: 19:51

You know that I'm a big fan of pulling up Wikipedia articles.

Eric: 19:54

And I'm a big fan of the moon.

Matt: 19:56

What Wikipedia article do you think I've got ready to go?

Eric: 19:59

Please tell me you have the moon.

Matt: 20:02

I don't have the moon, I don't actually think it's necessary.

Eric: 20:04

Wait, sorry, we're talking about what time it is on the moon and the one Wikipedia page you don't have.

Matt: 20:12

Open is the moon? No, because I think there's one that's more important and I feel good about my knowledge of the moon in general. No, I have the Wikipedia article for time. Open, eric. Oh, now, according, to All right, according, I just think we should have a working definition.

Eric: 20:32

Yes, yes, let's. Oh man, so many of my dreams are coming true right now. You just cracked open Wikipedia page. On time, let's go.

Matt: 20:42

But I, for all the time I've spent on Wikipedia, I've never been on time. Let's go. But I, for all the time I've spent on wikipedia, I've never been on time on wikipedia.

Eric: 20:49

I never even occurred to me that that would be a page on wikipedia. But why wouldn't? Why wouldn't it be?

Matt: 20:54

and it's a big one, and I'm just to give you a little bit of an intro. Here's how it starts. Time is the continued sequence of existence and events that occurs in an apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present and into the future. That sentence has three references.

Eric: 21:20

Can, can we just can we get a round of applause for whoever the fuck wrote that? Because it was. I want to see the edit history on that first line. So bad.

Matt: 21:33

Let me see if I can pull it up real quick it has to have gone through so many permutations well, it's gone through a lot of permutations. It has been edited. It most recently got went through two edits on april 21st, but it wasn't the first sentence it was oh, it was actually. It was something I used to be a part of when I was beginning a career as a wikipedia admin. It was recent changes patrol. They were all over it. Um, there was a little bit of fervorality that they took.

Eric: 22:02

I of I, just I was on the recent changes.

Matt: 22:04

Patrol Eric as a high schooler.

Eric: 22:06

I do not for a fucking second doubt that you.

Matt: 22:10

I took shifts on the recent changes patrol.

Eric: 22:14

Okay, other kids were taken there. Other kids were taking their families on vacation or you know. Having they, they got to get home to their little dolls.

Matt: 22:22

Other kids were learning what alcohol and sex were, and I was on the recent changes. Patrol on Wikipedia yeah, you were between them and the quantity rates of change of quantities in material reality or in the conscience, conscious experience. Time is often referred to as a fourth dimension, along with three spatial dimensions. So that's what we're working, that's what we're working with, but Eric, yeah, but Eric, as you and I know it, we've got a problem because time on Earth is dictated by what?

Eric: 23:13

Depending on who you ask, I would say the movement of the sun around.

Matt: 23:20

The sun and Earth.

Eric: 23:21

The solar body.

Matt: 23:22

The sun and Earth's conjoined movements.

Eric: 23:26

Yes, right, that is how we measure how much time has passed.

Matt: 23:31

Right, we all know time is a construct. But without the movement of the earth and the sun and the moon, we would not have a day. We wouldn't have sunsets and sunrises and new days and new dawns day.

Eric: 23:44

we wouldn't have sunsets and sunrises, and new days and new dawns. We might as well be trying to establish a time zone on the minute hand of a clock, exactly, and-.

Matt: 23:53

It's like what, what, what? So okay. So my first thought when thinking about how to approach this question was okay, I'm standing on the moon, you're standing on the moon. If I'm standing on the moon like I'm standing on Earth, you die. What is the thank you, what is the like? We can sit here and go. Oh, we see phases of the moon, and sunrise, sunset, et cetera. What isn't it just the reverse? If we stand on the moon Fucking no, it's not, eric, because remember, we on earth, no matter where you are. This is one of the craziest things about the moon. If you think about it, no matter where you are on earth, you only see one side of the moon. The moon and earth are moving and rotating together in such a fashion that we don't know what's on the dark side of the moon. It's there, it's spinning, but we don't know. It's probably lit.

Eric: 24:51

No, it's not. Well, it's probably like colloquial. It is dark, it's colloquial, that shit's fire it is dark.

Matt: 24:58

Jim Lovell was supposed to tell us what it was, but they had a problem. Oh, that's a very niche apollo 13 reference for you all. That's what? Hollow 13, ladies and gentlemen? Not, and not even just ladies and gentlemen, not even just the film. That's just really what happened. They went, they went around the moon there instead of going to it. Anyway, I know, some space history is what I'm trying to flaunt Now. Okay, now then. So because of that, eric, the moon is just looking at the same fucking earth all the time.

Eric: 25:32

Yeah, yeah, we are always, we are locked.

Matt: 25:35

We're kind of locked for lack of a better word, and I I think I looked it up and I believe a day on earth is something like 29 days on the moon.

Eric: 25:47

Okay, like in terms of celestial movements, I believe, so I'm going to double check. Oh, so, oh, yeah, yeah, I get it. So from sunrise to sunset on the moon is like 29 days One lunar day, the length of a full day-night cycle, lasts 29.5 Earth days.

Matt: 26:07

Okay, which makes sense, because the phases of the moon take about a month to go through. Yeah, okay. So if a lunar day lasts 29.5 Earth days, I feel like there's a way we could work backwards mathematically. But is that? The angle we want to go with. Is that what it's going to be best for nasa, because we're working for nasa now we're working for nasa now, but also matt we're.

Eric: 26:36

We're kind of like you know in the movie when, like they're, they're putting the team together and like most people like the mood, like any fucking movie where they got to put together a crack team, and like there people like the moot like any fucking movie where they got to put together a crack team and like there's like military people and government officials. But then there's like the, the weirdo, they pull in, like he's like. He's like like exists outside of their organization, like they dragged him out of his like apartment, like yeah, yeah, and like as soon as they kick, in our door.

Eric: 27:04

We're like we're we're magnetizing all of our hard drives and shit. They dragged him out of retirement yes, I don't do that shit anymore. We work for nasa, yeah, but we also serve the moon. Oh, we have a responsibility to the moon. We do, at at all times we do. I would say, matt, if it came down to it and we and we had to pick sides, I don't know what would prompt that.

Matt: 27:35

But if it came down to it, I got to go to the moon every time. I mean, without the moon, pretty much life, I think doesn't really exist. I mean it'd change everything Weather, tides, all kinds of shit goes to gravity, I think doesn't really exist. I mean it'd change everything. Uh, uh, weather, uh, tides, uh, all kinds of shit goes to gravity in general.

Eric: 27:50

Like Dean Martin's catalog.

Matt: 27:53

Very good, eric, very fucking. Thank you. My God, what a crooner you are.

Eric: 28:00

Croon for me when the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees. That's sycamore. Nice, eric, well done, yeah, anytime, anytime. Learned that from my friend Johnny. Go on, no, you go on. First off, let's just give ourselves the easy win right out the gate. There's no eastern, there's no eastern, western, northern standards, green greenwich, it is just moon time you think that is universal for the whole celestial body.

Matt: 28:35

That is the moon, it is the. It is the same time all, all places on the moon yes, you're on moon time, dog now I I will say I I cited that article. It's out there, you could go see it. I myself I haven't read the whole thing and I haven't decided, I haven't, I haven't educated myself on what time zones, if there are multiple time zones, nasa's considering for the moon I, if and I don't want smart moon time.

Matt: 29:03

I don't want to either, and here so so you think one time zone, don't break it up one time zone.

Eric: 29:09

But here's, here's, here's what we do. It's one time zone, my, but clearly, if I'm on different parts of the moon, are, you know, my, my 12 pm moon time, that's even if we want to use that system. But like, say, for example, my 12 pm moon moon time, that's even if we want to use that system. But like, say, for example, my 12 pm moon time on the bit of the moon facing the Earth, that's going to carry a different weight than 12 pm dark side time. So, like, I think it's a matter of where you position yourself on the moon. Yeah, so on the front-facing moon, you, we, we have lunch at noon, that's that's still pretty normal the middle of the middle of the middle of the day, but you're on the dark side of the moon. What do you do at midnight?

Matt: 29:54

so you think it's like, or what do you what?

Eric: 29:55

do you do at?

Matt: 29:58

at or but midnight and on the dark side of the moon for a grand period of time. Anyway, midnight and noon look the same.

Eric: 30:08

Yeah.

Matt: 30:09

It's like Alaska.

Eric: 30:12

Oh, here's an easy one.

Matt: 30:14

Yeah.

Eric: 30:16

This makes no sense. If you're on the bright side, it's pm. If you're on the dark side, it's. I'm sorry, if you're on the dark side, it's pm. If you're on the light side, is it no?

Matt: 30:26

this doesn't work that doesn't work at all, eric no night, it'd have to be pm for like a month yeah, you only have a 12 hour day what? Where are you pulling that out of? I don't know fucking same place.

Eric: 30:44

Nasa's pulling it from right now. Am I right, folks?

Matt: 30:47

Okay, so I also just Googled a quick like are there sunrises on the moon? And the answer is like once a month, which makes sense because of the day thing that I already quoted there is no Earthrise Earth set as we know. It's just kind of sitting there, yeah, all the time, just like for us, the moon looks like it's just sort of sitting there, yeah. So what do we use if we on earth are using the sun as the metric, the original metric of what time is? Forget time zones and, god help us all, forget daylight savings time yeah, yeah, throw all that shit out the window.

Eric: 31:24

Those are earth problems.

Matt: 31:25

Those are earth problems. What would we use? What would we grasp onto as a time stamp?

Eric: 31:35

I think that the days being so long works to our benefit. How so? Oh, okay, okay, this might be relative he's cooking what?

Eric: 31:47

if we played around with the phases of the moon as time stamp. So when, like what time is it on the moon? Right now it's full moon time, but like you know what I Like, tonight's gonna be a full moon. So like, okay, what time it is on the moon, I think could feasibly be based on what phase the moon is in. But we would need new names for them, like I'm not going to say it's full o'clock.

Matt: 32:15

All right, sure, but let me. Let me ask you a follow-up question. How does that work when you're on the moon? So those will serve as your weeks of the lunar month? Yeah, but you don't. What I'm saying is you don't know when it's full moon or crescent moon or whatever, like when you're on it, that's fair you can't, you can't see yourself.

Eric: 32:40

God, moon time, moon time. Why do you elude me?

Matt: 32:44

could we just?

Eric: 32:45

let's start with. Do we want hours and minutes? I feel like that's where I was going with the phases. I feel like we have a chance to break free. We're moon time and I think the reason I want to go for a unified theory of moon time is because the question wasn't what time is it on this specific part of the moon at this specific part of the day? The question is what time is it on the moon? Yeah, I need a unified answer and a unified frame of reference for determining that worth forgetting everything that we know about?

Matt: 33:25

oh, 6 am is when the sun comes up, and you know, a new day means we're going around the sun again yeah, that shit, I think we got to throw out the window yeah, like the earth has spun, it's all the way around. We're starting a new day, like if we're throwing that all out and we want to keep it to what humans know and love. Question mark of like a 24-hour cycle. Do we just take a clock up there, stick it in the ground and hit, go and be like?

Eric: 33:59

this is what time it is.

Matt: 34:00

That is a power move like this is like. First of all, we know that the moon is the state of the united states. We know that we, we planted a flag that doesn't move.

Eric: 34:14

We look, we even made sure it looked like it was blowing in the non-existent wind look, we're not and I'm not saying this, I'm not saying there's not other flags up there, we're not saying that the moon isn't some great melting pot in space, but it's a melting pot because it is america's what I'm saying is america has done in terms of claiming land, has done some pretty shall we say, questionable things.

Matt: 34:44

Questionable, shall we say.

Eric: 34:46

Questionable things, shall we say horrific, shall we say horrific, but I mad. I think I know where you're going, but what?

Matt: 34:54

but when we did it to the moon, ain't no?

Eric: 34:58

one fucking there, no least invasive invasion ever no genocide here not not a one to be found?

Matt: 35:06

we didn't find a small island, kill a queen and call it a state. We just put a flag in a big old rock in the in the sky. We didn't let space.

Eric: 35:16

We didn't let you know pepsi go overthrow a government, we just stuck a stick in the dirt.

Matt: 35:23

We just got there first.

Eric: 35:26

Okay, we got there first, so to that end finders, keepers, finders, keepers, losers, rest of the planet. But but matt, I think. I think that has we've played golf on the moon, eric. We've played golf on the moon, eric. We've played golf on the moon.

Matt: 35:44

We've earned it.

Eric: 35:45

We've earned the moon. We've earned it. But there are numerous systems on Earth and this is a subject that delights me because I discover new ones every day. There are so many systems in our society that we use every day so many standards that are only the standard, because someone at some point said well, we need fucking something.

Eric: 36:10

We need fucking something, and then it went on like that for so long that that that we were just like, okay, yeah, but now we all use that and it's the one we know and it is objectively worse than other, better systems, but we're just gonna stick with this. You know, yes, you give a guy an inch, he's gonna take the moon. He'll take the moon. I'll tell you what he won't take, for goddamn sure that's a centimeter so here's the situation.

Matt: 36:37

I think we just have to you and I, I think, have to make the executive decision of what time it is on the moon, and I think the way NASA should handle this is go up there and, just as we did before, stick something in the ground and say this is the grandfather clock. This is what time it is on the moon, and I also feel that that should be Eastern Standard Time.

Eric: 37:05

You really want to fuck with everyone? Throw a sundial down.

Matt: 37:10

That's what I mean. How would that even work?

Eric: 37:12

It wouldn't be terrible, oh, but here's the rule. Here's the rule you stick the clock down, right. If it's a wind-up clock or something, you're allowed to wind it, but other than that, it runs until it dies, like you know what I mean, like you like, until it breaks, until it is no longer functional. And then whoever sticks the next clock down, that's moon time, baby. I feel like this way it makes it fair. It gives other less moon conquering nations a chance to make their mark on moon time.

Matt: 37:47

Eric, Eric, Do you have it? Do you have it? I have it. It just hit me what? And this way we can solve another problem. Okay, Okay, what we need to do is establish much like a lighthouse. We need to have a keeper of the time on the moon to make sure of the time on the moon, To make sure that the time stick, the grandfather clock, the moon clock. We need to make sure that the time stick is protected and it's not going to fall over and time on the moon will go crazy. So we need a Sam Rockwell a la the film Moon.

Matt: 38:25

We need someone who lives on the moon, in a small shack, in a small space shack.

Eric: 38:34

Hashtag space shack. Hashtag space shack. We got a cellar full of clones.

Matt: 38:38

We need to keep him there, and he will protect the time stick, and while he's doing that, he will do it in shifts. So somebody else will be sent up from the ISS, they'll drop down onto the moon, they'll rotate out in like two-year increments or something like that, and they'll sit there and then that Eric will provide us a man on the moon. Ah, there will always be an answer to who is the man on the moon, and the man on the moon right now is Jerry Smith, and he's there.

Eric: 39:23

Oh Jerry, Just watching over the time stick he's there till 2026.

Matt: 39:29

With the time stick to make sure it sticks up right.

Eric: 39:32

If aliens come to our solar system and they get to the moon first, they'll think we apocalypsed ourselves, like that we had colonized the moon and like this is all that's left.

Matt: 39:43

There's one guy up there.

Eric: 39:44

Guardian of the time stick. Sure, yeah, I answer only to NASA.

Matt: 39:50

I don't know why I made the aliens from Queens.

Eric: 39:53

They think NASA is like the fucking Statue of Liberty head that we worshipped on the moon.

Matt: 40:00

I think, eric, I think you're right and I think we got there. I think we got there. We sit a time, stick in there. Yeah, we just decide what time it is. We plant a time stick. Whatever time we plant in, there is midnight.

Eric: 40:13

Yeah, that is, oh my God. Yes, it just starts right there. Plant it in we plant the time flag Hit the.

Matt: 40:21

You know what it is, Eric. There's, like you know how. There's like toys and things that like when you get them out of the box, there's that little like plastic ribbon that you pull out and it starts. Yes, and you only pull out that ribbon that one time. That tag to like start the battery. That's what we do, that's it. You pull out the thing. You can't go back. Time is moving on the moon. There it is.

Eric: 40:44

Time's moving, baby, you're welcome. Nasa. We got you Goddard, we got you Joe. Old Uncle Joe gonna make a space base.

Matt: 40:57

He gonna make it on moon time. He's gonna make it on moon time and he's gonna make moon time.

Eric: 41:01

And he's gonna make moon time.

Matt: 41:02

So thank you very much for the question at alwaysacookie on Instagram. Now, Eric, we have two more questions. Yes, we do, we, although we had three questions. I'm looking at the time and I think we better save one of them for another time.

Eric: 41:17

This is a primo question and I want to give it due diligence.

Matt: 41:20

So we have enough time for Google gripes, but the question on hand it from aaron via an email. Thank you, aaron, but he also credits the hottest take podcast is giving him the inspiration. So perhaps we're stealing their content, but listen, we're just responding to the fans. Hottest take podcast. How would you reorder the alphabet? Are there any letters you would add or subtract?

Eric: 41:50

oh, who wasted an english lit minor. Now, dad, yeah, dad, a minor. I didn't even complete. Let us begin.

Matt: 42:03

Let us begin a I first I think we a. You say very bold of you. Sorry r, no way, no way, no fucking way.

Eric: 42:19

R is the first letter that was a joke because that is a joke of a position to hold good, uh, let's, but let's, let's, let's start. Let's start with the easy ones let's start with the easy one.

Matt: 42:31

Let's evaluate the vowels. I was going to suggest the same yeah, a, e, I, o, u and notably, sometimes, why, sometimes, why, right off the bat, I want to say no more.

Eric: 42:42

Sometimes, why, no more sometimes. Why we make it more sometimes. No more sometimes. Why no more? I want to say absolutely not sometimes.

Matt: 42:50

Why never what. Why is no longer a sometimes vowel?

Eric: 42:54

no, it is a, it is a, it is a consonant. You know it's. It's a, oh, it's a mostly consonant. You know what? Eric no let's get rid of Y. Y is gone, y is out of here, y is gone. C a Y, so Y out. A E, I, o, u, o and U Matt. I feel like they could be combined.

Matt: 43:18

You know, eric, I have a similar position. For another letter. What? Another couple of letters, so that's interesting, okay. Why for another letter? Well, another couple of letters, so that's interesting, okay. Why do you think o and u can be combined?

Eric: 43:30

I don't disagree, I'm just asking your explanation, because I feel like english does not make enough use of umlauts and tildes. I agree, eric, I completely agree. I feel like we can open that chapter in our lives, so I think we ditch you.

Matt: 43:45

Okay, we first of all eric. The british are gonna have a fucking problem with this oh, the flavor of their rage. They will deck themselves in armor of rage. Yes, sorry but it's gone. It's gone. We got umlauts now. We've got umlauts now. We've got umlauts over the O, so, o, yes, u, no, u gone. So U and Y are gone. We're already down to 24 letters. Do you know what? U did not ask for this. U didn't ask for this and U is gone.

Eric: 44:19

No, no, I did ask for this.

Matt: 44:22

U didn't ask for this. I'm saying the letter. U didn't ask for this. You didn't ask for this. I'm saying the letter.

Eric: 44:27

You didn't ask for this but I does ask for this let's not do this okay, sorry all right, god.

Matt: 44:35

Now on the okay. Okay, do you think a, e, I and o are all good? Are we keeping all that?

Eric: 44:43

a, a, e. Obviously E is cool, and I'm going to go ahead and say M is as well. Yes, and I have thoughts on M.

Matt: 44:52

Go on, I think, to your note of using umlauts and tildes and all kinds of other notations. Can't we just make M also N yes, do we need? Do we need n no? I say no. I say the word no can be spelled with an m and some scribbles above it, and just a little a little.

Eric: 45:19

Oh, it's got to be like a like. Oh, just like one of those tildes. It's like an angry eyebrow shape, just like it's like doing that it's like, is N not just an angry M. Thank you, been saying it for years. Okay, so we can, we're, we're consolidating.

Matt: 45:36

I better take you know what, eric, as we go, I better take some notes. So, n, y and U. Nyu are all gone. Y and U Gone. Nyu are all gone. Nyu is gone. It's been eradicated from here. Okay, nyu is gone.

Eric: 45:56

Can we just fucking get rid of Q.

Matt: 46:00

What do you got against Q? What do you?

Eric: 46:02

got against Q. I have yet to meet the word that, where it's, it isn't also accomplished by a K or a C.

Matt: 46:13

Let me ask you this Can't we get rid of K and make Q K Cause? Isn't Q more interesting to look at?

Eric: 46:21

Ooh making Q K.

Matt: 46:23

I will sign off on instead, instead of killing off Q, I say we empower, q we raise it up yeah, yeah, yeah k gone k gone.

Eric: 46:33

It's on the shit list I can think of three reasons why yes, it took me. It took me a beat.

Matt: 46:41

It took me it took me exactly one beat yep to get to get that.

Eric: 46:46

If anyone ever asks me again what is a beat, I'm gonna play them that audio like that.

Matt: 46:51

That right there, that's a beat so we are down to 22 letters. We're we're doing work, doesn't it feel like?

Eric: 47:00

it should be 20. I think it should be 20, so we need two more cuts.

Matt: 47:05

Okay, so A is in Yep. A is in.

Eric: 47:09

B classic in C, c, with K now having been absorbed by Q, I feel good about.

Matt: 47:18

I feel I think we need C. I think we would find that we need C.

Eric: 47:22

I feel like we need C. Q could do some of the lifting of C right now, but it would be too much Okay.

Matt: 47:30

Now B, I mean sorry D, d. Could D and B not be combined by the same tilde umlaut situation that we were talking about with M and N? Curious, in which case I would suggest that the one to keep is actually D. Keep D, oh and then the tilde is.

Eric: 47:53

you just put it through the middle it becomes a.

Matt: 47:55

B again, you put it in the middle and it becomes B. We're so smart, so we've cut B. B's gone. B's gone. E we know is good, e's good. F. Have to gone. E we know is good, e is good. F. Have to keep. Have to have.

Eric: 48:07

F. Have to have to have F. Have to have F, h. Sorry, you skipped G there, bud, hey, I didn't complete the minor. All right, so G, g, ooh. Okay, we've got opportunity. Okay, g and J, let's put it to bed.

Matt: 48:28

Are you referencing GIF?

Eric: 48:29

and GIF. Yes, I am, let's put it to bed.

Matt: 48:34

All right, so it is GIF, it is.

Eric: 48:38

GIF.

Matt: 48:39

That is what that G-I-F is pronounced GIF, and there is no other way around it.

Eric: 48:44

Because I'll never pronounce it. You know my integrated Jaffix card. Jaffrix, yeah, it's graphics.

Matt: 48:51

It's G-Graphics, that's what the G in GIF stands for. So it is GIF. So I would say we don't need.

Eric: 48:59

J, we don't need J, and if we need, if we need an here's my, here's my compromise Okay, what we now refer to as an uppercase G is baseline G, so the Okay, yeah, thank you. If we want the J sound specifically, we want to emphasize that we draw a big lowercase G because it's got the J swoop.

Matt: 49:23

Okay, See what I mean. I do see what. Okay, I do see what you mean. Yeah, but by saying that, you are introducing the idea that uppercase and lowercase now have different sounds. They could, okay, but right now, it's just G. That does, it's just G. Yeah, yeah, it's just G. That does, it's just G.

Eric: 49:44

It's just G, it's just G, yeah, yeah. It's just G, it's just G, it's just G we gotta have the one letter, because I feel like every language you know, like a lot of Germanic languages, have that weird A-E combination where it's an A stapled to an E and we're just supposed to be okay with that. Yeah, I think that needs to be G for us, and I think we need H. I think we need.

Matt: 50:02

H.

Eric: 50:03

I think we need H. I think we need H. Also. Note that G will be the only. When you show people the alphabet on a board, they're gonna have to have a flickering like showing both versions of G, maybe some sort of no gif to demonstrate that. Perhaps, perhaps a gif. It's poetic, it's a poetic nail in that coffin.

Matt: 50:22

I we've already talked about J gone. We already that coffin.

Eric: 50:30

I we've already talked about j gone we already gone. K, k and c, we cut k we already cut.

Matt: 50:33

Oh, we cut k k, bye, k, bye. And actually, eric, I'm just realizing we have cut six letters, so we are down to 20. We have cut n y, u, k, b and j do we need?

Eric: 50:42

I like, do we want to close that gap? Make sure do that safety pass through the rest. Make sure we got it.

Matt: 50:48

No, I 100% agree. We have to go through everything. Yes, l L.

Eric: 50:54

So we're on L now, L L. I feels good.

Matt: 50:57

I think L has to stay. We've already talked about M. We've already talked about O P.

Eric: 51:03

P. I mean, what else are you going to use?

Matt: 51:11

D. We can use D the same way we're using it for B. It could also be P with a different thing.

Eric: 51:16

Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Matt: 51:23

In which case? That would imply we could cut P. We could cut P. I think, if the logic is being used for b on d, we have to cut p. I accept p is gone p is gone. It's over out of here. P done q we've raised up q.

Eric: 51:39

We have uplifted r? R the dog's letter. It's's gotta stay.

Matt: 51:44

It has to.

Eric: 51:46

What the fuck else.

Matt: 51:50

How are you gonna spell that?

Eric: 51:51

without an R, you can't, you fucking can't. S S, s on thin ice, I feel. Oh really.

Matt: 52:01

How so C We've got, c Are you repurposing C We've got.

Eric: 52:06

C. Are you repurposing C? We've got C, oh no, we have no, no, no, no. This works because we have Q to take care of the K sounds, c, which leaves C mostly just accounting for S sounds, which S is already doing. I feel that we can lose C. I feel like, if we're going to lose one, of these two.

Matt: 52:25

Oh, you think, lose C, keep S. Lose C, keep S, because Q can do what C's doing. Q can do what C's doing. C is out of here, man. C's gone. C is gone. C Adding that to the shit pile. S is in T.

Eric: 52:40

Got to.

Matt: 52:41

Yeah, I don't see your way around T. I don't see it. I don't see a way around it. No, two ways about it. You, we've talked about V.

Eric: 52:50

I think Scott has to stay. This brings us.

Matt: 52:53

Yeah, this brings us to W. Yeah, so if I think V and W, one has to go one. One has to go between V and W.

Eric: 53:04

That is my thought exactly. Does one absorb the other, does W now, because we got rid of U, we got rid of U. So now, oh, this is so perfect, matt, because now we can finally right the great wrong W formerly, w now, double V Now.

Matt: 53:22

Double V Now double V because that's what it is. So it changes, but it stays, but it changes. It stays, but it changes. So V is double or, I'm sorry, double V, Double V.

Eric: 53:34

We get rid of V, we keep double V, because now double V serves the same function as the German double V.

Matt: 53:41

It can, where it gives us the V sound, do, do you you wouldn't think by the fact we're calling it double v implies that a v has to be there no, it does imply that, but like I'm just saying we can, we can now.

Eric: 53:54

you know if much like werner herzog. Yes, you know, when we, when we reordered the alphabet, we did not think of the consequences. It's getting better. I've been, now that I can hear it in my head as I'm doing it thanks to these headphones, it's getting better. Werner Herzog will have to narrate these decisions to the world. Sure, look what you had, and now it is lost.

Matt: 54:23

See, you're going back, kristoff, a little bit. I'm sorry, I'm going to get you there Now. So I'm confused. Are we keeping V? Are we keeping?

Eric: 54:31

double V. We're ditching V.

Matt: 54:32

Double V stays Okay, but then how are we calling it double V? If there is no V, well, we were going to have to call it W and there's no U? Well, that's what I'm saying.

Eric: 54:51

If there there's no u well, that's what I'm saying. If there's no, you said oh, we got rid of you, we have to call double v. But if we're getting rid, of v.

Matt: 54:55

That logic doesn't work. But we can't call wv no, not when there's two of them. I think we have to keep v and double v because double v implies the existence of v yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.

Eric: 55:03

Yeah, okay, okay, but fucking v's on thin ice.

Matt: 55:08

Yeah, it's got a problem.

Eric: 55:09

No well, this makes sense, because we do need to keep a vestigial letter Like for appearance's sake. We can't just throw out a perfect alphabet.

Matt: 55:20

No, why would we want to?

Eric: 55:21

We gotta have the crack in the Liberty Bell. We gotta have the V in our alphabet. All right to. We got to have the crack in the liberty bell, we got to have the v in our alphabet.

Matt: 55:39

All right, what about x? X? It's so ubiquitous, it is so. It is an icon, it is a literally a brand.

Eric: 55:41

Now I feel it feels wrong to not have an x. It feels wrong because x can give it to you and I think I feel the same way.

Matt: 55:46

Very good, eric. I think I feel the same way about z. Yeah, yeah, I think z is possibly the most unique letter, no x's x.

Eric: 55:58

X is 100 the most unique letter or q maybe it's q uh, yeah, q right now, eric, we have the.

Matt: 56:06

The alphabet is as follows okay a d.

Eric: 56:11

Oh, matt, sorry, could you do me a favor, sing it best you can uh sure um, we'll see how to the tune of the abcs I know what tune it is.

Matt: 56:21

Thank you very much. I wasn wasn't going to fucking do Ave Maria.

Eric: 56:45

A-D-E-F-G-H-I-L-M-O-Q-R-S-T-V-V-Z. So to that end, I don't think we have to reorder a fucking thing.

Matt: 56:52

I think it'd be too much to reorder it, but I think if we're going to do anything, we could change what's first. Ooh, oh yeah. Like is A the best letter letter. Like does a deserve the top spot. It's the building block, it's basic. A's old money. A is old money. And are you saying by that meat, by that metric, it should stay first because it's old money?

Matt: 57:24

if we can think of a reason to supplant it with something that isn't just because we could I'm looking at the new alphabet and I'm wondering what is the most powerful letter that is here, d or Q? Q, because Q is basically doing the work now of C and K and Q, but D is taking care of all the plosives D, b and P, I think.

Eric: 57:57

Q is a good one because it gets the weirdest letter of the alphabet out of the way.

Matt: 58:02

first Puts it right, front and center. I think Q needs to be first or last. Q is like the fool of the alphabet out of the way. First puts it right, front and center. I think q needs to be first or last. Q is like the fool of the tarot, and I'd also suggest that z should be in front of s so is s now the last letter no, double v is okay, and then we so it.

Matt: 58:25

So it would be double v okay, so if we're saying it's q first, it would be q a, d, e, f, g, h, I, l, m, o, r, z, s, t, v, double v. I like it.

Eric: 58:44

I I actually I like it and this gives me an idea. Dear listeners, I'm sorry you might hear a sound that was a gauntlet being thrown down that was your gauntlet sound effect sorry, here, let me actually do better.

Matt: 59:02

Jesus, that's worse.

Eric: 59:05

It was worse. That was my gauntlet being thrown down. Because here's my challenge to you we have done the backbreaking labor of deleting some letters, mixing some together and then kind of swishing them around a little bit. We worked very hard on this Minutes, Minutes of our day. Now we need you to step the fuck up and send us recordings of you singing our new alphabet yes, give us the new alphabet song.

Matt: 59:33

Give us the new alphabet song and you can use the the tunes of the old one you like, but if you also, wanted to, just, if you feel so bold, if you have to come up with a new tune for the new alphabet for the adapt a bit some new tune, goofing. New tune, goofing new tune goofing I love the new boot goofing uh it.

Eric: 59:55

I watch it not infrequently every time I need just a little hit, just a little like oh there you are serotonin ah yes, now, eric, we've we've redone the alphabet, we've decided what time it is on the moon.

Matt: 1:00:10

We're solving a lot of problems we're doing work I think it's time for us to uh enjoy a little bit of a respite with google gripes. Yeah, let's settle on in now. I said we were changing things up, eric.

Matt: 1:00:26

That you did, matthew, that you did. You want to tell us how? Because you're giving me the gripes. I am, and for everyone who's listening for the first time, google Gripes. This is season four of Google Gripes. That we've done, and what we've done so far is we've done one star Google reviews of well-known places. That's all it is Well-known places. That's as descriptive as we get. One of us reads one star reviews real reviews you can find on the internet, on Google to the other person and they have to guess the location. But we're going to change it up.

Eric: 1:01:05

Yeah, we're changing it up, because now we ain't doing locations, baby, we're doing movies, we're going to do movies for season four and I'm excited about this.

Matt: 1:01:16

But when we made this decision, Eric, you chastised me.

Eric: 1:01:22

I did not chastise.

Matt: 1:01:23

You came for me.

Eric: 1:01:25

So much as I had to establish some rules of engagement.

Matt: 1:01:29

Basically, we said are we doing movies? And you basically said if we do movies, you have to behave yourself.

Eric: 1:01:36

Yes, Because, matt, between the two of you, your knowledge of I am like a toddler compared to you. I am like a toddler compared to you. I am here, I am Just the lovable everyman of movie. And then there's you, then there is you.

Matt: 1:01:57

I'm not a lovable everyman.

Eric: 1:01:59

You, when it comes to movies, are a dark and jealous god. You. You have, god, the sheer breadth of your movie knowledge. It's it I. It would be insulting to us both for me to even pretend that I am on a level comparable to you. I will never be no very inferior, but that's why we make the bar, that's why I emphasized and dr lindsey bar, phd, backed me up on this. She was there. She was there and she backed me up because you came over to watch soccer I came over to watch soccer and I loved it.

Eric: 1:02:40

The the bar has to be actually famous movies it has.

Matt: 1:02:44

If the bar was for the places well known places, yeah, I don't think the bar changes.

Eric: 1:02:52

It's not well well known movies movies well known reasonably famous movies.

Matt: 1:02:59

Yes, so I think it even there's. The whole point is that there might be a movie we haven't seen, but you probably know about it.

Eric: 1:03:09

Yes.

Matt: 1:03:09

I haven't been to Machu Picchu, but I know about it.

Eric: 1:03:16

I've never seen Casablanca, but I get the references.

Matt: 1:03:20

There you go, so that's the bar that we're working for. That's the bar. We're going to try it out.

Eric: 1:03:25

We're going to try it out for this season. All right, you're guessing. First I have found three movies. I found three reviews, three one-star reviews for each.

Matt: 1:03:35

Now, are these truly from Google or are they IMDb? These are all Google.

Eric: 1:03:39

Okay, I'm just making sure, at least as far as I know. When I Googled them, I clicked the little reviews tab.

Matt: 1:03:45

All right, just checking. When I'm making yours, I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing and in true.

Eric: 1:03:50

Google gripes fashion. I have ordered these such that I believe I'm going from easiest to hardest.

Matt: 1:03:57

Okay, I'm ready. I'm ready and I'll be honest with you.

Eric: 1:04:00

I'm excited. I'm pretty happy with the ones I came out the gate with. I can't wait. First movie yeah. First review Okay. Actor is the best actor to be in film. Actors' film movies are better than the other film movies that came out as time went by. I honestly feel actor shouldn't have done film three. Film three would have been better if actor was in it. I find it to be very sad that actor wasn't able to do film three now, that's interesting.

Matt: 1:04:33

That's an interesting, interesting review, yeah, okay so many brackets I had I have a couple of candidates. I had to do multiple sweeps for this one because I have a molt. I have a few candidates. I will say that one might be one that I'll have you read again, because this is the first time we're doing it and I I was thrown by the actor being used as blank, yeah, so I had to adjust my brain halfway through yeah, but I'm with it now and I get.

Matt: 1:05:00

I get the thesis of that review okay, review number two bad video quality.

Eric: 1:05:05

The scene where main character holds his face makes me cringe. So bad, like, come on, that's so last year. No, so good, if I'm honest. Kid needs a new dad kid needs a new dad review number three. And matt, I cannot stress this enough. I read this in your voice Okay, I cannot stand the foolish slapstick of this movie. I cannot stand the foolish slapstick of this movie, the foolish slapstick.

Matt: 1:05:43

Maybe, eric, maybe it's just because we're switching gears, yeah, but I'm having a hard time over here because I thought I knew where you were going with the first one. Okay oh, you thought I'd, but okay based on what you've said so far, I think we're dealing with a trilogy or a series, at least one where there's at least three films that are related to one.

Eric: 1:06:11

This is so fun for you right now, isn't it? I'm having a good time.

Matt: 1:06:17

It's truly a treat whenever I get to see Matt's movie brain activate, so we got three, at least minimum three movies, possibly more, something about a dad, kid, kid needs a new dad. Huh, okay, can't. Can I get the first one again? Because I was, like I did get a little distracted and I'll try to put some emphasis on it.

Eric: 1:06:40

so you know, like very, very, very decidedly which words Actor is the best actor to be in film. Actors' film movies are better than the other film movies that came out as time went by. I honestly feel actor should have been in film three. Film three would have been better if actor was in it. I find it to be very sad that actor wasn't able to do film three and we're talking about one movie, not this isn't like one movie.

Matt: 1:07:12

This isn't the name of a series it.

Eric: 1:07:16

I am talking about one movie, but the name of that movie could be used to describe all of them, all of them, all of them, all of them.

Matt: 1:07:24

That's interesting.

Eric: 1:07:25

Which I feel is a pretty hefty hint.

Matt: 1:07:29

Okay, I think you're right, but the name that's coming to mind doesn't jive with kid. Needs a new dad.

Eric: 1:07:40

It's true, oh man, and you're going to be so mad, and this is supposed to be the easy one.

Matt: 1:07:48

I feel like I gonna be embarrassed. I think you picked good reviews, eric, um oh I know I did I think I'm gonna be wrong because my brain is spinning. Here I've got options but they. I'm seeing you in your mind like tony starking, all the different movies flying around in your brain each each movie, that each review seems to me to indicate a different film series, and the only one that I can think of that it. That is arguably the name of both a movie and the series. I'm going to go for it.

Eric: 1:08:29

You know what, if I'm?

Matt: 1:08:29

wrong. I'm wrong. Whatever, we're getting used to a new mode Austin Powers. No, I didn't think so. I didn't feel good about it.

Eric: 1:08:41

Matt, the answer is Home Alone. Fuck, home Alone. Home Alone Is the answer?

Matt: 1:08:46

Home Alone, fuck. Home Alone, home Alone Is the answer. Kid needs an Okay, because I knew there needed to be a kid. Yep Holds his face.

Eric: 1:08:55

Yep.

Matt: 1:08:56

Yes, okay, oh, we playing, oh we playing, we playing.

Eric: 1:09:02

Look, even David, even old little David, need a sling against goliath. All right, all right all right, all right so mo for one.

Matt: 1:09:10

That's fine.

Eric: 1:09:10

That's fine, hit me with your medium shot, my medium shot review number one uh-huh. Well, that's three hours. I can't get back so boring. It takes an hour and a half to even get into the movie. It's that slow Dubbing of too many characters and poor camera work. Actor is as gorgeous as ever and the only reason to watch this snoozer. Watch this twice, my first and last time. Let me read that sentence again. Watch this twice, my first and last time. Getting conflicting ideas there.

Matt: 1:09:46

That's a confusing review in general, but it does give us a ballpark of the length of movie anyway.

Eric: 1:09:54

Review number two yeah, I'm most likely the only person who doesn't like this movie. I dislike how the close-ups on one's face then jumps to another's face. I know it's silly, but then again I've never been a fan of genre. Am I allowed to say genre? That's what a dick what, what a, what a, what a and oh. And to be clear, the word genre is bracketed. If I told you the genre, you'd know it immediately.

Matt: 1:10:26

Oh, Eric, that's important. I thought he was making like a woke thing about the word genre.

Eric: 1:10:34

No, but he was, to be clear, making a woke thing about the genre he was describing.

Matt: 1:10:41

I'm so fucking lost. I'm going to be 0 for 3.

Eric: 1:10:44

I can feel it already. Eric. Review number 3. We'll come back to that.

Matt: 1:10:48

And you built me up as being the cinephile and I'm going to go 0 for 3. I can feel it.

Eric: 1:10:53

Well, remember, matt, you're not playing the movie, you're playing the reviews.

Matt: 1:10:58

You're right, you're right. Yeah, you'd think I would know, I don't know Venice, but if someone gave me some particularly, I will come over there and strangle you.

Eric: 1:11:10

You do realize that the third review, in a word, awful. Three hours, three hours of melodrama. What was with the dubbing of some characters? Was this a good film in 1966? Does not stand the test of time. The theme song is the only thing of value it has to offer.

Matt: 1:11:32

The theme song.

Eric: 1:11:33

Sorry to have wasted my time.

Matt: 1:11:35

Three hour movie in 1966 with a theme song.

Eric: 1:11:43

And I will say this Uh-huh. Even though very technically and I guarantee this doesn't help you, but I'm going to try Uh-huh, very technically, even though this is technically about one film. Okay, there are multiple answers.

Matt: 1:12:02

I would accept what It'll make sense once you know 1966, three-hour movie, long as fuck, and it's implying there's like a famous starlet who's worth watching a famous star, yes yeah, but the review seems to imply it's an actress. In my opinion okay okay, here's where I'm at. Yeah, in night in the late 1960s, the, a three hour movie that can be described as melodramatic, would be, and I, I hate to say this for all my theater people that has a famous, gorgeous star, I'd say is probably who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

Matt: 1:12:49

I don't know if that's 1966 or not, but it's pretty close to that zone, is that? Yes, but the genre? But that doesn't have a theme song Other than who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, virginia Woolf, but that's not a theme song.

Eric: 1:13:04

Late 60s with a theme song that's three hours long and and other detail that I feel like this was in two different reviews.

Matt: 1:13:12

They talk about dubbing of some characters and there's no oh, there's no dubbing, and who's afraid of Virginia Wolf? And it's not a specific genre, but I just thought of a long movie from the late I don't know if this is 1966, though.

Eric: 1:13:28

And, mind you, that's what the reviewers said, assuming they were correct.

Matt: 1:13:32

I'm taking too long. I'm just going to go for it. Based on your, there's a specific genre that may or may not be problematic that this person's asking about. There's a gorgeous person in it, it's a long movie and there's dubbing. Based on that, I think I'm going to be wrong. I'm going to guess the good, the bad and the ugly. Final answer.

Eric: 1:14:01

Yes, my son, the good and the bad and the ugly.

Matt: 1:14:05

They think the term spaghetti western is a problematic term.

Eric: 1:14:10

Yes, they're like oh, am I allowed to say spaghetti western anymore? Like go fuck yourself.

Matt: 1:14:14

The only reason the genre is called a spaghetti western is Sergio Leone's. Filmed them in Italy.

Eric: 1:14:21

Yeah, and that's also why there was dubbing is because a lot of the actors were speaking italian correct, correct, um, okay, and so I guess the gorgeous person in question is clint eastwood.

Matt: 1:14:33

That's funny.

Eric: 1:14:34

Yes, that's funny okay, I got one. Yeah, and that's also why, if you had said like a fistful of dollars or a few dollars more, I would have given it to you sure, because they're all part of the yeah that's very's very generous, by the way. Yeah because technically, with the theme the Good and Bad is the only one with the famous theme.

Matt: 1:14:52

but I'll remember that because I'm the one who has to behave myself.

Eric: 1:14:55

Mm-hmm.

Matt: 1:14:56

Alright, give me this third one.

Eric: 1:14:58

The third Review, number one. I do not like this movie because the blank is scary and ugly. The movie is trash, makes me scared at night when I go to bed. Review number two that's it, yeah, yeah, okay. Review number two.

Matt: 1:15:15

Terrible. It felt like you were in the middle of a thing. I think they were too.

Eric: 1:15:19

I think they got.

Matt: 1:15:20

They just stopped, they just gave up.

Eric: 1:15:23

They stopped thinking they were thinking about it too hard. Stopped, they just gave up. They stopped thinking they were thinking about it too hard. It scared them too much. Review number two terrible. It was boring and confusing, anticlimactic. The ending was weird and confusing. I have no idea what happened. It was overhyped and wasn't scary whatsoever. Review number three interesting. The horse died kind of sad out of 10. Don't recommend if you're emotionally unstable. Is that just a description of our podcast? 10 out of 10. Don't recommend if you're emotionally unstable.

Matt: 1:15:57

Okay, the horse threw me. I was all ready to make a guess, but the horse died. The first thing that comes to mind, that is, a notable horse death is not. There's no way you chose this. There's no way you've seen it.

Eric: 1:16:12

Look at you, so fucking satisfied with yourself, you piece of shit no. I realized that was very rude. Oh, do you come to the Cloud District often? What do I mean? Of course you don't. Congratulations, you're that guy from Skyrim now I was a bit of a dick. No, that was adorable and I love you, but have you seen true grit yeah, I've seen the newest one I've never seen the original you know what eric?

Matt: 1:16:37

that also describes me.

Eric: 1:16:38

I've seen parts of the original but I know he shoots a horse he does shoot a horse.

Matt: 1:16:42

Yeah, so that's the notable horse, that. So you know what, eric?

Eric: 1:16:46

I stand embarrassed okay all right, phil, use your hand, you, son of a gun yes, fill your hand, fill your hands.

Matt: 1:16:56

Actually, son of a bitch, I why'd you?

Eric: 1:17:01

censor it. I said it wrong on purpose, just oh when I'm dealing with your movie brain. It is the part of your brain that is most like a machine.

Matt: 1:17:15

I was so confused I I forgot. Why would you say this? This does not compute why would you purposely get it wrong? I don't understand, not you why, but that is not.

Eric: 1:17:24

You just become German, but that is not.

Matt: 1:17:26

But that is not the quote. I don't know what. That was not German. What I became.

Eric: 1:17:31

That her comp.

Matt: 1:17:32

Give me the first one again.

Eric: 1:17:35

I do not like this movie. Because I do not like this movie? Because the blank is scary and ugly. The movie is trash.

Matt: 1:17:44

It makes me scared at night when I got to bed got to bed and then somebody else is saying it's not scary. They're referencing the end a lot, which makes me think there's a twist of some kind. It feels like this is a horror movie or a monster movie.

Eric: 1:18:00

And this is my hardest one. So like there's a like there is like one thing in these reviews that said that, that, that, that tells you what movie it is I was ready to guess until the horse I'm serious, I was ready to come out I, I was, yes, I was ready to guess, and I'll tell you what my guess was cloverfield. That was gonna be my campaign unseen before it's time I I.

Matt: 1:18:33

I was thought I was picking up a subtle cloverfield through line until the horse I don't remember a fucking horse dying in cloverfield. I don know, I'm thrown by this horse.

Eric: 1:18:46

This one was designed to throw you.

Matt: 1:18:50

The horse threw me. The horse threw me. What? Who would kill a horse? It can't be Black Beauty, that's too. That's not scary To some, I guess, emotionally unstable. The horse dies.

Eric: 1:19:07

I also. I will say this when I try to do this If the review is for, say, for example, the review was for the Music man, I'm not going to pick reviews that were absolutely terrifying had me shitting my pants. If they're describing it as scary, I think you can safely assume it is within the scary movie genre yeah, no, I, I'm getting that.

Matt: 1:19:31

It's a scary movie genre, or I found the three people that are terrified of black beauty okay. So horse dying makes me think a little bit about never-ending story, but that's not a scary movie. No, and true grit, but that's not a scary movie either. I and true grit, but that's not a scary movie either. I really don't know, I really can't. I guess I'm going to guess Cloverfield, but I know that's wrong.

Eric: 1:19:51

Man, I was kind of banking on the horse throwing you because it is, you guessed, cloverfield. I don't want to because I know it's wrong. You could always shot in the dark. You could always spaghetti at the wall.

Matt: 1:20:02

The horse died. It's kind of sad. Wouldn't recommend if it's emotionally unstable. Somebody thinks it's scary, Somebody thinks it's not and it was long right. That was another thing. Uh this or I'm, I'm, I'm conflated, I think you're, you're, you're, you're, you're.

Eric: 1:20:19

uh, nope, They'd said it was boring and confusing, anticlimactic. The. They said it was boring and confusing, anticlimactic. The ending was weird and confusing. I have no idea what happened. And they said it was overhyped.

Matt: 1:20:30

I can't think of a movie that fits this bill. I really can't. So I guess Cloverfield. Sure, cloverfield is not correct. I know.

Eric: 1:20:37

The answer, and this is why the horse really threw you, because most people would not associate a horse with this movie.

Matt: 1:20:44

Okay, there was another movie that came to mind with a horse that has a very famous horse death, but I don't know who would consider it a scary movie, so I'm hoping it's not that, oh no.

Eric: 1:20:53

The answer is the Ring, the Ring. When they're on the ferry crossing the water, the horse busts out and it's the most jarring part of the movie because the horse busts out and like it, like it. It's the most jarring part of the movie because the horse busts out and then gets chopped up by the fucking boat yes, I haven't seen the ring since 20. Yeah, oh wait I haven't seen it since I was like since I was like 14 years old and I never forgot that fucking horse I forgot all about the horse.

Matt: 1:21:22

Yeah, wow, I barely remember the ring, wow. Okay, eric, did I come correct? You came correct, okay. So the the well-known movies that you chose to demonstrate, yeah, to review, are the ring uh, the good, the bad, the ugly and home alone. Yeah, I think all three of those fit the bill of well-known movies.

Eric: 1:21:46

I thought they did as well. I assumed I was good on that.

Matt: 1:21:51

I think. First of all, I want you to know, eric. I feel you've done me dirty by building me up as this cinephile. I know a lot of movies, but I'm not a movie critic, clearly. Matt that I mean, I am a movie critic, but-.

Eric: 1:22:06

But that might be the great equalizer in this contest. You know so many movies, so many possibilities.

Matt: 1:22:13

But the reviews are what's going to get me. I would consider myself a movie buff. I don't know that you do you.

Eric: 1:22:20

I would consider you a movie buff. No, no, no.

Matt: 1:22:22

Do you consider yourself a movie buff?

Eric: 1:22:28

That's so hard to say because, like I honestly know, I I know a lot about the movies that interest me and those the the list of those are. It's like it's like nuts. You know what?

Matt: 1:22:37

I mean, see, I know a lot about the movies that interest me, but also I know a lot about the movies I've been told I should know about Correct.

Eric: 1:22:45

I have not done that.

Matt: 1:22:48

All right, all right. Well, okay, eric, I think we're off to a very interesting season of Google Grifes.

Eric: 1:22:56

I think you're going to hurt me very badly on next Google Grifes.

Matt: 1:23:00

Well see, I think I already feel like I'm on thin ice about the movies I choose. I feel like I run the risk ice about the movies I choose. I feel like I run the risk of you being like what?

Eric: 1:23:13

I mean you could always run in by Dr Lindsay Barr and be like poach. None of these.

Matt: 1:23:18

Well, that's hard because Lindsay doesn't know movies. I've been trying, I've been doing work. I'm going on two decades of trying to do work look, it was either movies or doctor stuff.

Eric: 1:23:30

You can't have both. It's not fair.

Matt: 1:23:33

Sure you're never gonna get a doctorate, matthew never okay, well, fuck you, I know you'll, you'll get it you'll. I'm gonna call, I'm not gonna die. I don't have the patience for that shit that.

Eric: 1:23:43

That's on my 2035 bingo card. You just get awarded a doctorate. You've done something kick-ass and you're like here you go, that's the only way.

Matt: 1:23:54

The only way I get a doctorate is an honorary doctorate.

Eric: 1:23:57

Ain't no shame in it. Can you imagine how, if you ever get an honorary doctorate, oh, come on. I'm going to be insufferable to your actual doctorate holding wife oh, no all right yeah, she's gonna hate it. Now.

Matt: 1:24:14

I have one mission in life get you an honor when I get honored, oh by, by the school formerly known as NYU, now known as Double V, double V, I think that might be all you need.

Eric: 1:24:30

M-dub-v baby M-Dub-V.

Matt: 1:24:34

M-Dub-V. Listen, I think I speak for everyone listening when I say that'll about do it for this episode of you Didn't Ask For this. As always, please send us your questions at youdidntaskforthis at gmailcom. That's all spelled out, or the letter youdidntaskpod. Youdidntaskpod on Instagram, twitter, facebook, youtube, etc. Etc. Leave us your questions, your thoughts, your neighborhood dramas for Neighborhood Watch. Whatever you want. Really, eric, that was great. I thought you were gonna add something.

Eric: 1:25:09

No, I was just gonna say, uh, do that just like. Send us what the fuck ever call the thought line. Just chat with us like we don't answer it's just a voicemail. You never have to talk to a human being when you call the thought line. You will never speak to one of us. You'll speak to a voicemail and you can just say whatever you want and do it 410-929-5329.

Matt: 1:25:32

Give that thought line a call, eric. Did I miss anything? You didn't miss a goddamn thing. Well then, for all of us here you didn't ask for this my name's Matt Shea. My name's Eric Poach.

Eric: 1:25:48

And listen. You didn't ask, but did you know? And not you matt, this is for the listeners. I know you know this, but did you know that scene in home alone where he's playing the movie to scare the pizza guy? He's like you got tens, the count of ten, to get your yellow? No, good keister off my property yeah, that black and white movie that's playing on TV. That movie doesn't exist. They filmed that movie clip for Home Alone. That is just.

Matt: 1:26:15

And they did the same thing in Home Alone 2. It's called Angels with something. Something is the name of the fake movie. Hold on, I'll Google it real quick. Home Alone fake movie. Angels with filthy souls Incredible. And then I believe it's even filthier. Souls is the name of the sequel in Home Alone 2. I do believe that's true.

Eric: 1:26:45

Oh man See I gotta give. Oh man See I gotta give you. This is why I gotta give you the room to flex.

Matt: 1:26:50

Keep the change, you filthy animal God. Yes, I did To answer your question, eric. Yes, I did know that was a fake movie, thank you.