61 | Kirbies All the Way Down

Eric:    00:00:00    Friends, companions, all those who can hear my voice. Uh oh. Hey, Matt.  
Matt:    00:00:07    Um, yeah. Hey, thanks.  
Eric:    00:00:08    I was minding my own fucking business on a Thursday night. Oh, boy.  
Matt:    00:00:14    Uh, oh boy.  
Eric:    00:00:15    Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, when I <laugh>, I got a text. Yeah. Uh, from mm-hmm. <affirmative>, my, my twe companion and host Matthew Shay. Yeah. 8:59 PM Yep. Text reads. Yeah. Lindsay Carissa, Sarah and I are playing Fuck Mary, kill with the Teletubbies. Thought you should know. Yeah. Yeah. You thought I should know that you thought, like, maybe I should know that.  
Matt:    00:00:42    Yeah. We're talking about  
Eric:    00:00:43    You tell me that immediately, Matthew  
Matt:    00:00:47    Mutual friends, mutual guests of this show. All I thought you should know. So,  
Eric:    00:00:52    Like, I, I think what pissed me off more wasn't that you thought I should know that you didn't assu like you should have rightly been like the second it started happening. Like, oh, let me text Eric immediately. But later on as an afterthought, you're like, oh, maybe we should, but not only that, you didn't tell me your rankings. I had to ask like a beggar on the street what your fucking rankings were. Well,  
Matt:    00:01:16    I didn't know you were gonna drag my name through the mud here, but Yeah, I did. I did. I didn't necessarily, uh, you're  
Eric:    00:01:23    Forgiven. You're forgiven.  
Matt:    00:01:25    Okay. Because  
Eric:    00:01:26    He didn't, I  
Matt:    00:01:27    Don't remember apologizing. Um,  
Eric:    00:01:30    I forgive you, but he did pr pretty much, pretty much immediately texted me back. They all texted their answers all at once. I got this lovely, lovely screenshot. Uh, just gonna go through these, you know, Matt, uh  
Matt:    00:01:43    Oh, sure. Yeah. Go take it away. Would  
Eric:    00:01:45    Fuck Poe Mary Lala Kill Dipsy, uh, and abandon Tinky Winky. There are four of them. We have to account for that. So the, the fourth one?  
Matt:    00:01:53    Yeah. Tinky winky. Yeah. Get abandoned or spared, however you wanna look at it. Lindsay.  
Eric:    00:01:58    Fuck. Tinky Winky. Mary Lala Kill Poe. Leave out Dipsy Fuck  
Matt:    00:02:02    Dipsy.  
Eric:    00:02:02    Yeah, I got it. Sarah. Fuck Lala. Mary Tinky Winky kill Dipsy spares Poe, uh, Karissa. Fuck Dipsy. Mary Lala kill Tinky Winky. And  
Matt:    00:02:13    Then you had the au I'm gonna take over this narrative before fascinating  
Eric:    00:02:17    Series of takes  
Matt:    00:02:18    Before you bury my name in the sand and or friends as well. Yeah. You then said, this is a fascinating series of takes. That's exactly what you said. And then now for the correct one, this fucking asshole over here, objectively text back fuck. Tinky Winky, Mary Dipsy, kpo Spare Lala. So, I don't understand you, Eric. Would you, would you care to explain your rationale? I get Tinky Winky. He's 10 feet fucking tall and you're a giant. Yep. So I get it. I get it. We fit,  
Eric:    00:02:49    We fit the eldest. He's the eldest Teletubby. He's the  
Matt:    00:02:53    Tallest LGBTQ  
Eric:    00:02:54    Q icon. I don't know if you remember that. I don't know if you remember the fucking, like, America was just coded in a fine powder of pearlescent dust. As, as people across the nation just clutched their pearls so hard. They crumbled them to the finest power over the fact that Tinky Winky had the audacity to have a bag. Was it Tinky Winky that had the bag? Oh, yeah. It was Tinky Winky. Yep. It was the red bag. People called it a purse. Uh, some people said, it's not a purse, it's a bag. It's Satchel and me over here. I'm like, let me just get at, let me get at this Teletubby. Oh,  
Matt:    00:03:27    You're right. It was this bitch Tinky winky  
Eric:    00:03:29    Bitching bag.  
Matt:    00:03:30    Yeah, you're right. It was Tinky winky. Well, Tinky winkys like 10 feet tall. Like, that's not an exaggeration. Yeah. Yeah. No.  
Eric:    00:03:35    Like tinky tinky winky fucks.  
Matt:    00:03:37    So I get that, but like, explain your rationale to me of why you would marry dipsy and not Lala.  
Eric:    00:03:49    So  
Matt:    00:03:50    Mine's very simple. Hmm. I'm happy to, I'm happy to correct your eye off the bat. I said, fuck Poe because of that little circle thing on the top. I mean, I feel like that's fuckable, but not long term. Now think about Lala Lala's got this fucking corkscrew thing at the top. Yeah. That's fun for years. You know what I'm saying? Think of the possibilities. He could the, that  
Eric:    00:04:09    Possibility. But also, like, Lala is like the most, one of the most innocent of the Teletubbies. Like, it, it, like, she sings. She, she's out there like dancing, looking out. Like she's the Hufflepuff of the Teletubbies. I, I'm like, you don't want no part of this mess. Like, like Lala walks into the room. There's me, you know, mid, mid coitus with Tinky winky putting the ring on. Dip e's finger Gunn to the head of Poe. And I'm just like, Lala, get out now. Go. You don't want no part of this. Leave this  
Matt:    00:04:42    Light. Yeah. Get out now and come to me so we can have a stable, long-term loving and very sexually fulfilling relationship. Okay. But  
Eric:    00:04:49    As to why I'm marrying Dipsy. So name for the dipstick. Appendage. The very straight, like, just like Richard.  
Matt:    00:04:57    It's a fucking dagger. It's a weapon up there. Yeah.  
Eric:    00:05:00    Uh, so Dipsy is known to be, and I'm, and all this information coming to you live from Wikipedia, donate today. Dipsy is the most, they call it stubborn of the Teletubbies and will refuse to go along with the other's group opinion. If I'm marrying someone, I want some, like, fucking put me on the right, like hold me accountable, fucking put like fucking no nonsense, fucking that kind of stability. If I'm gonna marry anybody, be fucking dipsy. I'm not on, like, Dipsy is not just gonna go along my bullshit. Dipsy will call me out on it, and that's what I value.  
Matt:    00:05:39    Yeah. And then  
Eric:    00:05:41    You  
Matt:    00:05:41    Potentially kill and that kill  
Eric:    00:05:43    You baller  
Matt:    00:05:44    With that fucking dagger it's got on his head because it's not, it'd be easy, it'd be low hanging fruit to call it a dildo up there. A little penis. It's, it is not. It's too, it's too pointy to be phallic in my opinion. And  
Eric:    00:05:58    That's made, it's made of Terry cloth.  
Matt:    00:06:00    I don't think it's soften right now will be enjoyable when it gets all up in you. And I don't think that's something you're considering. I don't think you're considering the inherent violence in the head on  
Eric:    00:06:12    Considering it,  
Matt:    00:06:12    Whoever the fuck we're talking about. I forget already. Dipsy,  
Eric:    00:06:16    Uh, my, my husband Dipsy.  
Matt:    00:06:19    Yeah. Well,  
Eric:    00:06:20    Dipsy, poach  
Matt:    00:06:22    Dipsy, tipsy poach. I, I want know  
Eric:    00:06:25    Also, that just rolls right off the fucking tongue. Dipsy poach. Yeah. A little bit of dp, a little bit of  
Matt:    00:06:30    Dp, dp. Man. This is gonna be an awkward dinner party when we all get together. <laugh>. We've all fucked each other and killed two of us. Yeah,  
Eric:    00:06:37    I know. It's that, that's why I wanna spare Lala. That's why Lala you get a jail free Poe Never trusted him. Never trusted him, never trusted Poe. Don't know why don't like it. Bam.  
Matt:    00:06:47    That's fine. That's why I'm, you know, it's a one night stand with Poe and I'm moving on and Tinky ask for Tinky Winky. I don't need all that. Oh, but  
Eric:    00:06:56    Fucking, all discussion aside though, I, I send Matt my objectively correct ranking, not objective. And then I start getting, what I can only assume is doxed because I just start getting texts <laugh> from <laugh> from in the very short span. I get a text from your wife, uh, Lindsay Barr. Uh, it's just three, three short texts. You are wrong. Sarah Carissa agree. So she's throwing that at me. Yeah. We, and then Matt's wrong. So she, I I do love and appreciate Lindsay, by the way, that not only did you have, like, you are wrong, Sarah Carissa agree with me, but also my husband's wrong. I like, well,  
Matt:    00:07:32    She had to get that in  
Eric:    00:07:33    There. It's very on brand. Uh, I get a number, I get a, I get a text from fucking Sarah, you have never been more wrong. What the fuck is wrong with you?  
Matt:    00:07:43    <laugh>. Yeah.  
Eric:    00:07:45    And then I, I, I get, uh, a text from I can only assume to be Carissa cuz I don't have Carissa's number. Uh, hello. Also Tinky Winky. Come on. Burret.  
Matt:    00:07:58    Yeah.  
Eric:    00:07:59    Yeah. That's why I'm marrying Dipsy too. Cuz we align in that because I'm the dipsy in this situation. Everyone else is like coming at me with their wrong opinion saying, why don't you join the groupthink? Why don't you, why don't you agree with us? And I'm over here with Dipsy, like, can you believe these people? Can you get a load of these, of these folk coming at me like this? That's why a marrying dipsy. That's why Dipsy is my ride or die  
Matt:    00:08:24    When Dipsy kills you and I'm invited to Dateline, I will take <laugh>, I will take pleasure in saying Uhhuh. <affirmative>. You know, we were all against it from the start. We were all against, we, we all warned him about Dipsy. Yep. And Dipsy.  
Eric:    00:08:42    Yeah. Normally it's, normally it would be like, you know, they, they show the killer and everyone's like, he was so quiet. No one, none of us saw this coming. I like, we just, you saw Sarah Karissa and Lindsay would be like, we told this motherfucker. Anyone,  
Matt:    00:08:56    Anyone  
Eric:    00:08:57    Told this motherfucker  
Matt:    00:08:58    Any sane person saw this coming. And Eric, bless him. Idiot  
Eric:    00:09:04    <laugh> my, my my face, my, my fucking in the arms of an angel superimposed Ken, Ken Burnson  
Matt:    00:09:10    Across the screen.  
Eric:    00:09:11    Yep.  
Matt:    00:09:25    Well, hello there, and welcome to you Didn't Ask for this, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions. My name is Matt th Sha  
Eric:    00:09:37    My name is Air Ick  
Matt:    00:09:39    Poach. And, uh, yeah, welcome, welcome one and all to episode number 61 of ya da  
Eric:    00:09:47    61. Let's have some fun. And  
Matt:    00:09:50    We got a good one for you today, folks, we're I, I'll tell you upfront, we got some good questions and we'll be ending things with what seems to be the fan favorite closing segment at the moment. Google Gripes season two, round two begins today.  
Eric:    00:10:10    Gigi,  
Matt:    00:10:10    Bro. Gigi. So hold on to your hats. We got a live  
Eric:    00:10:14    One, folks.  
Matt:    00:10:15    We got a live one.  
Eric:    00:10:17    <laugh>  
Matt:    00:10:18    Eric. Yes. What's going on with your life? Before we get started, anything worth delaying the show about <laugh>?  
Eric:    00:10:24    <laugh>? Uh, uh, recently, uh, uh, I got to introduce Alyssa to Star Trek, the Next Generation. Cool. I'm happy to report She's fucking loving it. Cool. I know that means nothing to you.  
Matt:    00:10:37    Well, you know that I've had it on my list of intentions to get into Star Trek for a while. Just, I just never seem to get there.  
Eric:    00:10:45    And when you're, when you are ready to start, I will have, I will do this for you. By the way, this isn't a bit, I will curate a a a watch list for you for, for season one. Once you're in season two, you can pretty much just go chronological.  
Matt:    00:10:58    No denied. I will watch every episode from the beginning. Oh, bruh. This, I, I am offended that you think I would half ass a watch through of a television series.  
Eric:    00:11:10    I I, so when I'm on Dateline and they're asking me like, why you're dead  
Matt:    00:11:15    On Dateline?  
Eric:    00:11:17    No. Well, no. When I'm on Dateline, this is a separate episode. Before, before I murdered in, in a crime of passion by Dipsey who walked in on me fucking Tinky Winky and rightfully stabbed me to death, <laugh>, um, <laugh>, uh, yeah. They'll be like, oh, your, your, your, your co-host, your best friend. His brain, his mind shattered by the, the inconsistency of season one just dissolved into nothingness. And I'll just be like, I tried to warn 'em. Mm. I fuck God. Fucking damn. I tried to warn 'em. I want live updates. By the way, when you're watching season one of tng, I want, I want you Please text me. I don't care if it's two in the morning. Just tell me your thoughts as you're going through it, because All right. Whew. Yeah, you're gonna go through it.  
Matt:    00:12:02    No, no promises you when I get to it, but I I can do that for you. I can sing you random texts from God. Look,  
Eric:    00:12:08    Look at you. Yeah. You beautiful. Set phases. Just stunning. <laugh>  
Matt:    00:12:12    <laugh>. You God. Damn right. I understood that reference now. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, Eric, should we get into the show? Oh,  
Eric:    00:12:21    You love, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it.  
Matt:    00:12:24    All right. Well, this, uh, this first question here comes from at Amy Sanka coffee face on Instagram. Good friend of the pod and add Amy Sanka coffee face asks, is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush and worth What exactly? And what type of bird are we talking about?  
Eric:    00:12:44    Uh, yes, proverb  
Matt:    00:12:48    Sure. And also town in Pennsylvania. Bird hyphen in hyphen hand, Pennsylvania. One of my favorite Pennsylvania town names.  
Eric:    00:12:56    Oh, shit. That's right. I, I remember when I was coming to visit you, I think I passed signs for it. Yeah.  
Matt:    00:13:01    Bird in hand, baby. It's there. Bird  
Eric:    00:13:03    In hand. There  
Matt:    00:13:03    Is no two in the bush, unfortunately. You  
Eric:    00:13:07    That's shame. Fucking shame. Yeah. We've  
Matt:    00:13:09    Talked about this bit on the show. We've keyed up, we have talked about the, show it up. We have talked about this bit on the show before, so, okay. We better just move right on. All right,  
Eric:    00:13:17    We'll just pass  
Matt:    00:13:18    Right there. So, initial impressions, Eric, burn in the hand. It's worth two in the bush.  
Eric:    00:13:22    Ah, see, I think this all stems like, I, I think first and foremost, we do have to decide what kind of bird we're talking about, because that will inform how worth it is having it in my hand.  
Matt:    00:13:34    Well, think about this. Yeah. So the intention of the phrase, the proverb as you put it Yes. Is to say essentially something that you have is worth two things you don't have. Correct. Which is like, nice, I guess. But like, yeah, I think we can all agree if I have a Snickers bar Okay. And there's two snicker bars sitting over there in a bush, that bush has it better than I, that, that bush, that,  
Eric:    00:14:02    That is objectively better. And I should abandon my Snickers bar and do everything in my power to get those, to get alleged Snickers in the bush. And  
Matt:    00:14:10    Also I would assume the bush.  
Eric:    00:14:12    Yeah. Yeah.  
Matt:    00:14:13    Though, I mean, oh, package gets to come with me. Now I have Snickers and a shrubbery.  
Eric:    00:14:18    Yeah. At that point, squatter's rights on the bush. Absolutely.  
Matt:    00:14:21    Let me tell you something about my favorite bush <laugh>.  
Eric:    00:14:26    Go on.  
Matt:    00:14:27    So when, make  
Eric:    00:14:28    Your own joke here, folks. <laugh>.  
Matt:    00:14:30    So when I was a kid, there was this park nearby, the park's still there when there's a park nearby my parents' house that I would go to shout out to Neville Park. Uh, oh. There's a park that I, no group <laugh>. There's a park that I would go to. And there was this big, like, you know, like lamppost, like, you know, like security lampposts that like lit up at night and around it was a, a shrubbery. Okay. And in that shrubbery over time, children had made an entrance to this shrubbery.  
Eric:    00:15:03    They, oh shit. They, they bridged to terabithia The  
Matt:    00:15:06    Shrubbery. Yes. And so ar in the immediate area around the pole, there was like this hidden kingdom that was under this canopy of shrubbery. But there was all this space you could hang out there, you could do whatever you want. And like, we would have scout meetings and presentations there. So even into my like, you know, adolescence and such, I would frequently be in the vicinity of this, this bush around this thing. And it was like this little hidden kingdom. It was so cool. And Lindsay and I, one time a couple years ago, we were at my parents' house and we were like, oh, you know what, I'm a little feel cooped up. We're gonna go take a walk. And we just drove her to SEL park to walk around the park. And I was like, oh, I gotta show you this bush. It's so cool. It's so big. There's this giant,  
Eric:    00:15:50    Tell me how much you talked up this bush.  
Matt:    00:15:53    I talked up this bush.  
Eric:    00:15:54    Tell me how much you, you raised these, these stakes. It's so,  
Matt:    00:15:58    It's so cool. It's so big. And we <laugh> we get there. It's like this, it's there. All right. But it's like this tiny little tiny little bush. It's open on top now. So it's just literally like a donut around the <laugh>, the  
Eric:    00:16:11    Ball. Oh. And it sucks so much now  
Matt:    00:16:14    It sucks so much because in my head it's so big. Cuz I was so small, but now mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But now that we are adult people, it's like, yeah, that's <laugh>. It's  
Eric:    00:16:23    Please tell me  
Matt:    00:16:24    Fucking bush.  
Eric:    00:16:26    Please tell me you at least still went inside. Yeah, absolutely. I went inside. Okay, good. Did you bring Lindsay with you? Oh yeah. Absolutely. Okay, good. I did.  
Matt:    00:16:34    Good. Good. Um, and it was a magical  
Eric:    00:16:36    Ted,  
Matt:    00:16:37    Uh, anyway, that's my sick  
Eric:    00:16:39    Bush. Sick bush, bro. That's a  
Matt:    00:16:41    Little anecdote about my favorite bush. Fucking nice,  
Eric:    00:16:44    Nice bush.  
Matt:    00:16:45    Thank you. Yeah. I'll show you. I'll bring you in my bush one day.  
Eric:    00:16:50    <laugh>. So in, in that way, in that way, you almost kind of demonstrated the point of the proverbs. You had the bird in the hand, which was your memory of this bush. It was pure and good and righteous. And then you're like, well, now I gotta go to the bush. And, and I, I'm, I, and then you get to the bush and it's like absolute dog shit. And now, and now you're like,  
Matt:    00:17:09    Well, I don't think, I don't think that's what the metaphor is trying to say. I think the metaphor is trying to, well, I guess in the sense that you see what I mean, we have is, and then you chase something and fail. I guess you're right. He is, I guess you're  
Eric:    00:17:21    Right. What we're, what we're getting at listeners is when you have an idealized version of something in your mind, ignore reality, just go with that. That's what matters.  
Matt:    00:17:32    At the end of the day, we want you to ignore reality. Remember, that's Eric Poaches words of wisdom for the day. Here's what I officially  
Eric:    00:17:40    Condoned by Matt Shay. Sure. Um,  
Matt:    00:17:43    So here's what I wanna say though. So yeah, it sounds like they're asking questions about the literal circumstances of this figurative example  
Eric:    00:17:54    And that, and that's where, that's, I think that's kind of the vector we should approach this in because Yeah, we can, it's our sweet spot proverb and philosophy all day. But like, let's get down to brass birds. I feel like we need to decide what kind of bird. Okay. I feel like that is the root. Um, we could, and I feel like this is, honestly, this is really a personal choice for us. Like what? Like I don't think there's an objectively best bird in this scenario.  
Matt:    00:18:18    I dunno. I feel like we should come up with the objective bird  
Eric:    00:18:22    Objectively best bird. Because  
Matt:    00:18:24    Like, there's some birds we can rule out. For example, an ostrich.  
Eric:    00:18:29    An ostrich, nobody  
Matt:    00:18:29    Wants ridiculous that  
Eric:    00:18:31    No, I'm not gonna fit that in my hand. They're assholes.  
Matt:    00:18:33    Oh, they can't get in your hand. And they stick their heads in the ground.  
Eric:    00:18:37    I, I would likewise say, um, hawks, Falcons  
Matt:    00:18:40    Peacocks. No,  
Eric:    00:18:42    Peacocks too big. So I think like a good a, a good hand sized bird.  
Matt:    00:18:47    Like Yeah. Like a game bird is what I'm thinking. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like a mm-hmm. <affirmative>. A a a a chicken. A chicken  
Eric:    00:18:55    Turkey. A pheasant, A Cornish game hen Ooh.  
Matt:    00:18:58    A Cornish game hen very tasty. I kind of like Cornish game hen right off  
Eric:    00:19:03    The bridge. Cornish game hens. We've got Cornish game hens.  
Matt:    00:19:06    Yeah. Why don't we go with that? I mean, let, what, we don't need to drag it out. Let's just go with  
Eric:    00:19:10    That. Yeah. Yeah. Cornish game hens, bro. Objectively best bird.  
Matt:    00:19:13    Okay, so Cornish game hens. Here we are. We've got one here  
Eric:    00:19:17    It is, it's in my hand. I've  
Matt:    00:19:19    Got, I'm holding it. And then I look over there and look at that. There's two of these fuckers fucking in a bush.  
Eric:    00:19:24    Do we know they're fucking in the bush? That was gonna be my next question. Once we know the bird  
Matt:    00:19:28    In my circumstances, they're fucking in the bush.  
Eric:    00:19:30    They're fucking in the bush. Okay. Well, hell, I mean,  
Matt:    00:19:35    Or they're playing poker in there. I don't know.  
Eric:    00:19:38    So, so, and I  
Matt:    00:19:39    Assume it's my bush, my special, but my hiding my terabithia bush.  
Eric:    00:19:44    Or I do like the reality where you're walking along in public. Yeah. You have a Cornish game hen in your hand, and then you hear a rustin in a random bush. And your knowledge of Cornish game Henry just clues like Russell. Oh. Oh, I know that Russell.  
Matt:    00:20:00    Oh my god. There's two of them.  
Eric:    00:20:02    Oh, they're, they're, they're going at it, they're going  
Matt:    00:20:05    To town in that bush.  
Eric:    00:20:06    They're knowing each other. Biblically.  
Matt:    00:20:09    I gotta have that and I gotta have the bush.  
Eric:    00:20:12    So we have to weigh several factors here. Yeah. My initial leaning is that oh, well they're fucking in the bush. That means that Cornish game hen is going to be to use the term gravid with child. Yes. So that means more potential game hens. Free potential gain. So it's not just two anymore. We're talking about, let's see, three plus money. Yeah. Yeah. Three, three plus that. That's we, we don't have to get, and  
Matt:    00:20:37    Yeah. Furthermore, if they are fucking in that bush, they will continue to fuck when they have them in a pen. So yes, I can have endless amounts of, of Cornish game hens. And you're telling me that this one Cornish game he that I'm holding, let's call him Greg. You're telling me Greg is worth more than a potential endless amount of Cornish game hens? Yeah. Come  
Eric:    00:21:01    On. We are weighing one Cornish game hen against an infinite number of potential cornine.  
Matt:    00:21:08    I'm saying it right now. It is not worth more than what you have because what you, your current, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something folks. Your current reality isn't worth more than your dream. Okay? Go  
Eric:    00:21:18    Off. Go.  
Matt:    00:21:19    Not worth more than your dream.  
Eric:    00:21:21    Go the fuck off. Speak it plain. Now, Matt, I would be remiss. I would be remiss. I want to point out the circumstance. No, no argument. Right?  
Matt:    00:21:33    I don't know what he said. All numbers,  
Eric:    00:21:34    No argument. Infinite Cornish game hens. Yeah. Is, is more valuable than one Cornish game end. But Matt, you were walking Greg.  
Matt:    00:21:44    I was. Well I was walking, I was walking with him in my  
Eric:    00:21:46    Hand. You were walking with Greg. He's in your hand. He  
Matt:    00:21:49    Refuses to walk.  
Eric:    00:21:50    But Matt, we both know you're not just gonna wake up and arbitrarily decide to walk around with a Cornish game hand in your hand. There is a reason you're walking, Greg. There's a reason that you have opted to wa like, I will carry you, Greg.  
Matt:    00:22:06    Yeah. Cause he's he's an egotistical little bitch.  
Eric:    00:22:09    What? But what we're missing out on? Well, if he's an egotistical little bitch, he just would've eaten him. I'm  
Matt:    00:22:14    Telling you, he refuses to walk.  
Eric:    00:22:16    I,  
Matt:    00:22:16    But I can't eat him. He's my only one.  
Eric:    00:22:18    What I'm getting. He's your only one. He's your boy. That is Greg. You named him. I  
Matt:    00:22:26    Killed Greg. You  
Eric:    00:22:27    Named I  
Matt:    00:22:28    Kill Greg and have a delicious dinner. Sure. But then no more. We've got a real teacher man to fish situation.  
Eric:    00:22:34    Yeah. But what I'm getting at Matt is there is there is the, there's the monetary value of the two birds fucking in the bush. Yeah. And then there's the emotional weight of knowing you're gonna have to abandon Greg. Like that is, that is cuz you can't carry 'em all. You only got two hands. I'm fine  
Matt:    00:22:53    With getting rid of Greg.  
Eric:    00:22:54    You're fine. You, you are. Matt, I want you to look me in the fucking eye. You are. You named him. You have decided you are walking him. You don't have to walk a chick. Like, that's the thing.  
Matt:    00:23:03    Like kick. I'm not walking, I'm walking him. I say again. Uh, he is in my hand. Greg refuses to put his little fucking feet on the hot sidewalk. And so I have to carry him everywhere. That little entitled asshole. So, you know, what do you have? It's time for some tough love. Don't question my Cornish game hen parenting. Oh, okay. Okay. So, okay. Sorry. It's time for some tough love for Greg. I say, I say I leave him in the bush to set to fend for himself. And I take those other two and I start my Cornish game hen empire,  
Eric:    00:23:36    Not only abandoning Greg, but leaving him in the, in the sexual residue,  
Matt:    00:23:43    In the same self bush  
Eric:    00:23:46    Leaving him in.  
Matt:    00:23:47    Because think about it from the metaphor standpoint. We flip it, fuck fumes, we flip it, we reverse it. And now I have the two hens that were in the bush and the one I had in my hand is now in the bush. So what we have now is I have two in the hand and one in the bush. Are you gonna, you gonna tell me that my two Cornish game hands, who are now fucking in my arms as I cradle them at it, are worth less than Greg sitting in a bush? I,  
Eric:    00:24:16    Matthew, if I could, if I could, I, I don't think this is a value judgment. Uh, I don't think this is a judgment of literal value. Matthew, what I am getting at is I don't think you're, you're quite understanding how much Greg means to you. And I just need you to know, I need you to acknowledge that you're much like Daniel Plainview. You're banding your boy.  
Matt:    00:24:42    You know, Eric, when you, when you put it like that.  
Eric:    00:24:49    Yeah.  
Matt:    00:24:49    It does make me feel a certain way. Okay.  
Eric:    00:24:52    How would you describe that feeling then?  
Matt:    00:24:54    It does make me feel, uh, a, a, a little, um, well, a little bitter. A little. Let me let, and  
Eric:    00:25:03    I'll, I'll I'll paint a little picture for you. You're at home. You've got your two hens. You've got your two in the hand. Sure. You've got your two in the hand. Now they're fucking, they're outback. They're just fuck, like, just feathers. Fuck. Like no pillow fight on Earth could put this much down in the air. My man And Greg's back, back at the park. It's, it's now dark. It's cold. He's in the bush. He's,  
Matt:    00:25:24    Listen, he's, he's  
Eric:    00:25:25    Giving a little, little, little Cornish game shiver.  
Matt:    00:25:28    Yeah, sure. And you know what I'm gonna do, Eric? What? Because you, you, you have made me feel a certain way. So I'm gonna, I wanna demonstrate my emotions to you, but not just to you. To, to Greg. To Greg. So, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave my, I'm gonna leave my chickens to have fun. Um, you know, they're Yeah, yeah. They're busy, they're distracted. They're gonna chill out and make more. Hes cuz I got an empire. Yeah. Yep. I'm gonna go over to the bush. You know, it's late. It starts snowing.  
Eric:    00:25:54    It's <laugh>. It's, yeah, it is 100% snowing. It's  
Matt:    00:25:56    Snowing. Um, uh, and I'm gonna lean, I see Greg and I go, Hey, hey Greg. Hey old friend. I'm gonna walk up to Greg mm-hmm. <affirmative> and say, Greg, you know, there's been something, something that's been on my mind ever since we parted ways that I feel like I, um, I owe it to you to say.  
Eric:    00:26:14    And, and Greg goes,  
Matt:    00:26:16    Yeah. Yeah. So if you're gonna, you're, so you're gonna be Greg in this circus. I'm gonna be Greg. Okay. So, um, you know, yeah. Greg, I, I feel I owe you, I I owe it to you to say this to your face.  
Speaker 3    00:26:32    Love mute. Matthew.  
Matt:    00:26:34    Greg, are you, you listening to me? No, you're just an after birth. Greg slither out from your mother's filth. They should have put you in a glass jar on the mantle piece.  
Speaker 4    00:26:51    <laugh> hitting him with the Dday Lewis finisher. My God, my god. Matthew.  
Matt:    00:26:59    That's right, Greg. You can go, fuck. That's what I say to you, Greg. I've got it all. Now. I've got a Cornish empire and nothing will stop me. Now. I'm the third revelation. <laugh> <laugh>.  
Eric:    00:27:17    There will be buck god damn  
Speaker 4    00:27:22    Coldblooded Matthew.  
Eric:    00:27:24    But I respect it, but I respect it.  
Matt:    00:27:28    So what are we saying, <laugh>? So,  
Eric:    00:27:30    Uh, two in the bush, two in the bush, two  
Matt:    00:27:32    In the bush.  
Eric:    00:27:33    Two Cornish game ends in the bush  
Matt:    00:27:35    Is definitely worth more than one. Greg in the hand. <laugh>? Yeah.  
Eric:    00:27:39    Okay.  
Matt:    00:27:40    Oh man. Okay.  
Eric:    00:27:41    Pretty cut and dry that one. Man  
Matt:    00:27:43    I love. There will be blood  
Eric:    00:27:45    <laugh>. It's such a, I will quote that movie. What  
Matt:    00:27:48    A great fucking movie  
Speaker 4    00:27:50    Drainage Eli. Boy,  
Matt:    00:27:54    That I can't tell you how often, based on how well I just recited that quote to you. I watch the final scene of There Will Be Blood because both Paul Dano and, and, and Daniel Delos are just a fucking masterclass. It's such a good movie.  
Speaker 4    00:28:13    Ah, I'm finished. I'm  
Matt:    00:28:15    Finished. Okay. Um, all right.  
Eric:    00:28:17    That, that's what, that's what one of the Cornish game hens you took home was gonna say <laugh>. Like what? You, you have, you have blown Greg to death with this, this insult. And then just off somewhere. Here  
Speaker 4    00:28:32    I am finished <laugh>.  
Matt:    00:28:36    Great.  
Eric:    00:28:36    Good  
Matt:    00:28:37    Boy. Okay. Great movie. There will be blood, um, <laugh> full of good insults such as the one I delivered. Eric, you wanna hit us with another question?  
Eric:    00:28:46    Uh, next question comes from, uh, one of my friends Yeah.  
Matt:    00:28:51    Listener  
Eric:    00:28:52    To the podcast. Ooh. Uh, this comes from Brad. A k a be  
Matt:    00:28:56    Rad. Be rad. Big  
Eric:    00:28:57    Bad. Be rad. Brad's question is, what is it like inside of Kirby? Yeah.  
Matt:    00:29:04    And this hit me, Eric  
Eric:    00:29:05    Thi this fucking hit me. Cuz like, it's, it's,  
Matt:    00:29:08    It hit me harder than Wilson, I feel like at the Oscars, you know what I'm saying? <laugh>  
Speaker 4    00:29:13    Smack.  
Eric:    00:29:14    Um, what is it like inside of Kirby, uh, beloved Nintendo character Kirby, who sucks people in and then either becomes them, like, uh, absorbs their power or spits 'em  
Matt:    00:29:28    Out? Yeah, the, well, the main, so  
Eric:    00:29:29    There is an experience mm-hmm.  
Matt:    00:29:31    <affirmative>. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yes. The name is, uh, uh, of Hi that, um, ability is, uh, called copy, I believe.  
Eric:    00:29:38    Yes.  
Matt:    00:29:39    So, but yeah, you can, he can just spit you out. But can't he, he can also just swallow you, right? He can also, like, he,  
Eric:    00:29:45    He can just swallow you. So there  
Matt:    00:29:47    Actually he'll fart out a little remnants of you, if I remember correctly. He,  
Eric:    00:29:51    So there are three pads here. Yeah. I, I'm gonna, I I guess we can start from what I would assume would be the, I'll go from worst to best in my, in my own mind. Okay. Worst is he just eats you. He just, your, your sustenance and inside of Kirby. Let's, let's first talk about you. So you were sucked in. Yeah. We get a brief glimpse into this. We can only assume cuz Kirby can, I've never seen Kirby poop. You ever seen Kirby poop?  
Matt:    00:30:17    No, I don't think so. He's not like Yoshi where he puts you in an egg. So  
Eric:    00:30:21    He's like, Yoshi also cannot  
Matt:    00:30:23    No, I'm saying he's not like Yoshi.  
Eric:    00:30:24    Oh, he's not like, yo, because  
Matt:    00:30:25    Yoshi will excrete you in an egg. Yeah.  
Eric:    00:30:29    Yeah. He'll poop, poop on an egg. Kirby, nothing. He  
Matt:    00:30:31    Either spits you out. Yep. Well, actually there's two paths. You said three. There's really two. He either there's three I No, I think there's two he brings because you can, he can bring you in and copy you. Yep. But when he's done being you, does, doesn't he also spit you out?  
Eric:    00:30:49    Uh, no, no, no, no.  
Matt:    00:30:50    I'm, I'm, I'm remembering one correctly.  
Eric:    00:30:51    Yeah. So, so that's where I'm like, there are three paths here. Path number one, you go in and he just, he, he doesn't copy you. He just  
Matt:    00:31:00    Fires you out like a star.  
Eric:    00:31:01    That well, that's path two.  
Matt:    00:31:03    Okay.  
Eric:    00:31:03    Path one. There is an option to just eat. Yeah. You don't spit anything up. Well,  
Matt:    00:31:07    Yeah, that's what I was saying, Reese. So,  
Eric:    00:31:09    So they are cast into the abyss of Kirby and there's no escape at that point. Yeah,  
Matt:    00:31:16    I'd say I, I'd say that's probably a straight digestion.  
Eric:    00:31:21    But that's the thing. I don't think Kirby has digestion. We never see him poop. Okay. And he can absorb things much larger than himself. I think it is an infinite abyss. He is canonically immortal. He doesn't need, like, he loves food.  
Matt:    00:31:36    Here's what I'm imagining. I'm imagining to invoke another, uh, Nintendo series, beloved character. I'm imagining a jabu j's belly situation where from  
Eric:    00:31:47    It's hardest situation, bigger on the inside, bigger on  
Matt:    00:31:50    The inside, impossibly bigger on the inside than appears infinite than the outside.  
Eric:    00:31:55    100%.  
Matt:    00:31:56    Yes. So Jbu Jbu, for those not familiar with Arina of Zel, the legend of Zel acar of time, JBU Jbo, he's a whale and big old, old whale or big old fish. Really big old fish. You see him sitting there, he's all happy as a whale. There. He he is, he's big. Sure he is big. Yeah. But then when you get sucked inside Jbu, jabba's belly, there's a whole dungeon in there. And it's big and multi-leveled. Somehow there's, there's elevators made out of, of  
Eric:    00:32:24    Guts,  
Matt:    00:32:25    Gut flaps,  
Eric:    00:32:26    And there's, there's jellyfish that want to hurt you very badly. Belly,  
Matt:    00:32:28    Belly fished in there. And you have  
Eric:    00:32:30    To literally fight this dungeon.  
Matt:    00:32:32    Not to mention there's, you know, uh, tragic chests full of a map of jbu j's belly. Who, who was the cartographer? That sketched drop  
Eric:    00:32:41    Job is bill. And, and, and so kindly to put it in a treasure chest,  
Matt:    00:32:46    Dun uh, <laugh>. But that's what I'm imagining. Yeah. If I've been sucked in, if I've been curbed and I've been sucked in Woo. And I'm in there, I'm imagining it. What am I seeing? You know what I'm seeing right now, Eric,  
Eric:    00:33:00    What are you seeing?  
Matt:    00:33:01    Tell me about that. Just when I said that and I put myself in the circumstance. Yeah. I'm seeing that, that big white space from the Matrix, you know, that abyss, that  
Eric:    00:33:11    Oh yeah,  
Matt:    00:33:12    Here's the white space. Here I am. Yep.  
Eric:    00:33:15    No beginning, no end. No  
Matt:    00:33:16    Beginning, no end. And we just summon things.  
Eric:    00:33:20    Yeah. Things are just like cata. But that, and that's the thing. That's the fucked up part of it is I don't think it's a giant pile of stuff in there. I, I think Oh,  
Matt:    00:33:29    But that's kind of fun. You,  
Eric:    00:33:30    Once you're absorbed  
Matt:    00:33:31    A smog situation,  
Eric:    00:33:33    Smog situation, I think once you're absorbed, it is just you and your thoughts.  
Matt:    00:33:39    Oh my God,  
Eric:    00:33:39    I stretching. Oh my God, infinitely. And then you have one of that's  
Matt:    00:33:44    So torturous from this always smiling, happy pink puffball.  
Eric:    00:33:48    And that's why I think if he chooses to swallow you and not copy you, worst scenario, it's a prison because you were that is that, is it forever?  
Matt:    00:33:57    It's a prison and then it's a prison within, in a prison. Because wouldn't you be in prison by your own mind? Yes.  
Eric:    00:34:02    Yes. My God. Your best, your the best case scenario.  
Matt:    00:34:06    The Dreamland music happening all the time, I assume. Oh,  
Eric:    00:34:09    Yes. And like, the best case scenario is that you find a flavor of insane that is relatively pleasant and like deny you deny your own reality. You build up a whole, like, you, you start hallucinating and building a reality around you.  
Matt:    00:34:24    And that's where option. So that, okay, so that's  
Eric:    00:34:27    One, that's option one. And  
Matt:    00:34:29    So that is, that is the option from the external. That's when Kirby brings you in and keeps you there and just like, and just farts out A cloud  
Eric:    00:34:37    Doesn't even, yeah, it doesn't even fart. Yeah. Yeah. Just doesn't even fart. It just, just, just, just  
Matt:    00:34:42    He swallowed locks. You, you can see him like lock. Yes. He locks you in where,  
Eric:    00:34:46    And, and it's a deliberate choice. Like, Nope.  
Matt:    00:34:48    Banished. Okay. So that's what's happening there. What happens with the spit option?  
Eric:    00:34:53    The spit option? You are in there for an indetermined. I, I, I think this place is probably,  
Matt:    00:34:59    Do I end up in the white place?  
Eric:    00:35:00    You, you still end up in the white place. You're, you're in sort of like a whole, actually no, I don't think you're in the white place. I think you were in the relative dimension of just the inside of his mouth. Because you can see like when he's, when he's got somebody makes he's  
Matt:    00:35:13    Full up. He, yeah, he's got squirrel cheeks.  
Eric:    00:35:16    So where you're that not so bad. You are like you are, you are, you are just in there. It's probably wet and pink and darker. You think  
Matt:    00:35:25    It might be literal. Like you're just literally in a mouth.  
Eric:    00:35:28    You're just in a, you're just in a mouth. I fact, I imagine it's kind of like pretty comfy, pretty cozy. Yeah. Um, it's just wet and ping. You're like, you're, you're in like the womb of Kirby.  
Matt:    00:35:38    Kirby can stretch. Kirby can stretch and change shapes. So I imagine it's like putting on a nice, a nice Underarmour outfit, you know, like you're just in there on the inside. It's wet on the inside. You can feel you're almost being digested, but you haven't been constricted. But you're like, it's almost like a warm embrace. Like a papu. Yeah. <laugh>. Yes. Yes. And then it, it's, it's,  
Eric:    00:36:03    It's like you're wearing a hot tub and  
Matt:    00:36:05    Then without warning, you are rocketed out back into the world.  
Eric:    00:36:11    And, and usually at one of your cohorts mm-hmm. <affirmative> like you're spat back out at like  
Matt:    00:36:17    Back into battle on this floating platform.  
Eric:    00:36:20    Now remind me if, if I, if, if I can't remember if I'm, if I'm, if I'm remembering this correctly or not, when Kirby spits you out, I know there's the version where he spits you out and you're still you and you're a projectile flying at your, but isn't there another one where he spits you out and you're like a star or something?  
Matt:    00:36:34    I think that's how it normally is. Okay. There's like a star with you.  
Eric:    00:36:38    So you've been, so, you've been like reborn as a like, as, as energy as  
Matt:    00:36:43    You could interpret it that way. Or you can interpret it that Kirby's firing you out with such, uh, uh, with such power, with such force that Kirby created a star inside his innards and fired it out with you.  
Eric:    00:36:59    Which again speaks to the level of power that kir I think people often sleep on, on like just how insane Kirby is. He is immortal. He has the ability to convert matter into pure energy. He like, he's basically a god.  
Matt:    00:37:16    Yeah.  
Eric:    00:37:17    And that brings me to level three, the best option.  
Matt:    00:37:21    He copies you, copies you,  
Eric:    00:37:22    He absorbs you. Because when that happens, you are not taken to the infinite void of limbo. You are not shot back out to experience the endless cycle of rebirths. No. Of the real world. You are absorbed into the all consciousness that is Kirby. Yeah. He, you are imprinted into Kirby. You get to experience this fucking paradise.  
Matt:    00:37:47    Yes. I think I agree with you. You get to experience it, but you do not get to control it because Kirby is still Kirby, you are just now in the back seat. It's like you're watching a first person Twitch game. Yes, you are. Kirby, you feel Kirby's pain. You feel him Yes. Sucking people inside of him. But you are not him. You are, but a passenger on this ride.  
Eric:    00:38:18    And then, but that, that does beg the question is, he doesn't stay that way forever.  
Matt:    00:38:22    He can copy you or he can kick you out.  
Eric:    00:38:25    He can kick you out either and he doesn't kick.  
Matt:    00:38:27    He can copy somebody else and become backwards.  
Eric:    00:38:28    He can copy somebody else. And then you, I think are just cast into the  
Matt:    00:38:32    Abyss. I think you go into the white place,  
Eric:    00:38:33    Which, which is, which honestly, I'm kind of switching my answers here, because that's almost worse in a way than just going straight to abyss, because then you get a taste of that ultimate bliss. Mm. And then you're throat the power to  
Matt:    00:38:46    Be abyss. You get to feel what it's like to be Kirby, and then you get to feel ab absolutely nothing.  
Eric:    00:38:54    So that's what it's like inside of Kirby.  
Matt:    00:38:57    Now here's a question, Eric, when you end up in the abyss Yeah. Is it your own private abyss, your own private Idaho? Or is it, uh, everybody's in there. I in which case, there's a whole community that by this point, there could be towns, there could be streets, there  
Eric:    00:39:12    Could be society inside of Kirby, a  
Matt:    00:39:14    Full community and society and culture.  
Eric:    00:39:16    Oh my God. But what if, what if, bro, what if Kirby absorbs you? Right? And you're falling through the white abyss. Yeah. And then all of a sudden the white abyss, it starts changing. It becomes, it starts taking on like a tinge of blue. And then you're seeing clouds, and then you're falling, and then you hit the ground and you're right back in the fucking level. My dude,  
Matt:    00:39:34    My god, my,  
Eric:    00:39:36    It's Kirby's the whole way down.  
Matt:    00:39:39    Kirby's all the way down.  
Eric:    00:39:40    And then there's a kir, there's another Kirby. You cannot escape. Kirby.  
Matt:    00:39:44    Yeah. You fall. You fall, you hit that dreamland type, uh, ground. And you look up and there's that little pink bastard with the fucking smile on his face ready to go again. Fuck. I kind of like the idea that you end up in your own private hell though.  
Eric:    00:40:03    Okay. Okay. Yeah. Private hell. Okay. No, down with it.  
Matt:    00:40:06    I think it's more, it's certainly darker.  
Eric:    00:40:09    It's cer Yes. Oh, oh. I mean, for sure.  
Matt:    00:40:12    Being, being damned to this lifetime of solitude.  
Eric:    00:40:17    Yeah. And like Kirby's immortal, which means the, his insides are timeless, which means like, you're not gonna, it's not like you're like, you're gonna get the sweet release of death when you starve. No, you're just, that's it. That's you.  
Matt:    00:40:29    That's just you. That's just you now, baby. So there you have it folks. There  
Eric:    00:40:33    You have it. That's the inside of Kirby. There's  
Matt:    00:40:35    The dark reality of what awaits you inside Kirby's dreamland. That is to say his body.  
Eric:    00:40:44    No, you wear land. It, it  
Matt:    00:40:45    Truly, that wasn't, that was horrific to a certain degree. Yeah. Now, Eric, speaking of the afterlife,  
Eric:    00:40:51    Uhhuh <affirmative>, speaking of  
Matt:    00:40:52    What comes next, you came to me with a question of your own not too long ago. Oh,  
Eric:    00:40:58    I did. Uh, in fact, if I recall, it was precisely two days ago. Would  
Matt:    00:41:02    You like to share that with the Yes. You left me a voice memo, in fact. But why don't you go ahead and leave the audience a live voice memo. Explain your question to us.  
Eric:    00:41:10    Yeah. I So kids, you know, I am, I am. But an aian harp,  
Matt:    00:41:16    Okay.  
Eric:    00:41:17    Uh, famously alluded to by William Wordsworth, uh, the, a alien harp is a musical instrument from, I want to say, uh, post renaissance. I wanna say, yeah. I wanna say it was like late, like it was like 17 hundreds, 18 hundreds. These were instruments that you would place in your window. And when the wind blew through them, it would create this eerie, gorgeous, otherworldly music. Mm. And and it was Wordsworth who, who likened that that that the artist that the creative is, but the aian harp and divine inspiration flows through him. My friends, the wind was blowing through me when I realized that Angels in the outfield  
Matt:    00:42:04    Mm.  
Eric:    00:42:05    Starring Sir Christopher Lloyd.  
Matt:    00:42:08    Sure.  
Eric:    00:42:08    Sir. Danny Glover. Sure. Sir. Tony Danza s not yet sir, but would be Joseph Gordon Levitt. Sure. The events of angels in the outfield, if they are to be believed, if they actually occurred, angels playing baseball.  
Matt:    00:42:26    Yes.  
Eric:    00:42:27    Y'all know, like in the Vatican, there is an entire division devoted to investigating, confirming, and reporting miracles.  
Matt:    00:42:41    Yeah. There is in fact, yes. The Miracle Commission, I believe. So  
Eric:    00:42:45    My question is, how does the Vatican deal with angels in the outfield? How do they handle an angels in the outfield situation? It is 1996, and we've got a fucking bishop mm-hmm. <affirmative> scrambling back to the Vatican with a report.  
Matt:    00:43:05    Yeah.  
Eric:    00:43:06    Like, just like he, he fucking, he, he's scrambling up for like the steps of like a Vatican city. And, and, and Matt, we did some research on this earlier. Yeah.  
Matt:    00:43:14    A scan. Yes.  
Eric:    00:43:16    Scant. But there, correct me if I'm wrong, when a miracle has allegedly taken place. Correct.  
Eric:    00:43:24    A commission is formed in Vatican City. They have to investigate, they have to relay the details of this. And then someone has to personally relay this to the Pope. Hmm. So that he can, he can give the thumbs up or the thumbs down, like Yeah. A miracle or not a miracle. So like, just goes, go with me on this mind journey. I'm here baby. This fucking pontiff or whoever has finally got the, like he approaches the holy chambers, the, the, the, the Pope, the the Papa Apartments. Sure. And he's just like, sank the pop, sank the pad. We have news. We have news from the New World. Shit. They, they still call it the New World, they  
Matt:    00:44:06    Still call it that. Yes.  
Eric:    00:44:08    And the,  
Matt:    00:44:08    And the Poe, it's still new,  
Eric:    00:44:10    Which I believe at the time is still John John Paul ii  
Matt:    00:44:13    The second it was 1994. Yes. And that in fact is a remake of a 1990, a 1951 film of the same name  
Eric:    00:44:20    Angels in the Outfield. <laugh> <laugh>.  
Matt:    00:44:24    So yes, in, in the literal film, the Pope would have been, uh, JP two  
Eric:    00:44:28    Baby, JP two. How did we do <laugh>? Um,  
Speaker 4    00:44:34    <laugh>. I was just like, go speak of my son. Tell me of this miracle speak of my son. Please. Was was a blind man. Made to see, did, did a cholera outbreak be eradicated by the wave of someone's hand?  
Matt:    00:44:49    Yeah, he was Polish, but Okay. Oh,  
Eric:    00:44:51    Okay. <laugh>. Well, you know, well this was all in Latin, so we have to like, it's kind of like how, you know, in like, we watch movies about ancient Rome and they all for some reason have British accents. Yes,  
Matt:    00:45:01    Absolutely.  
Eric:    00:45:02    Uh, yeah.  
Speaker 4    00:45:05    Bad, bad. I tell you, this was the most miraculous thing. They were angels, angels appearing  
Eric:    00:45:13    In Wait, wait, wait, wait. What city did it take place? It, it took, it had to  
Matt:    00:45:17    Have place, I assume Anaheim.  
Eric:    00:45:19    Yeah. Uh, it was in, it had to be in California. Yeah.  
Matt:    00:45:22    It's the, it's the Angels. It's the Oh,  
Eric:    00:45:24    Yeah, yeah. The California. Well, it,  
Matt:    00:45:25    Okay. They were the California angels at the time. Yes. They're the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim is the full name of the team now.  
Eric:    00:45:33    Okay.  
Speaker 4    00:45:34    Bad. We saw it. We saw Angels. Oh my God.  
Eric:    00:45:39    And like, like <laugh>. I'm sorry. Wait. Does he get in trouble if he says that?  
Matt:    00:45:43    Oh, you're saying it does he get He can say it.  
Eric:    00:45:45    Oh. Oh. He <laugh>. He gets the pass, he gets when the  
Matt:    00:45:49    Pope says it. It's not a sin.  
Eric:    00:45:51    It's not a sin because he, he, yeah, he is direct line.  
Matt:    00:45:55    I was invoking, uh, revered President Nixon there, when the president says it, it's not a crime when the  
Eric:    00:46:02    Pope says it. Um, so the Pope  
Matt:    00:46:06    Is just like, he's not revered. He's reviled. I'm, again, this could be someone's first episode. Reviled.  
Eric:    00:46:13    We reviled the Pope. Thank you, Matt. No,  
Matt:    00:46:14    That's not what I said. <laugh>  
Eric:    00:46:16    Official stance of this podcast. <laugh>?  
Matt:    00:46:18    No, just Nixon.  
Eric:    00:46:20    Oh, okay. Just Nixon. <affirmative> <laugh>. So, so this is, this would be, this would be monumental. Like this would be the fir this would be confirmed evidence Yes. Of Angels. And it's happening in Anaheim, California. Yes. The angels are not bringing news of, of the new resurrection of like the, the second coming of Christ. No,  
Matt:    00:46:44    Angel. They are helping angels outfielders make miraculous catches. Web Gems  
Eric:    00:46:49    Are wearing baseball uniforms and, and helping and helping these players get massive ups and ba blasting baseballs through gloves. Uh, I guess to the end that this child, that Joseph Gordon Levitt be, because the entire plot point, like, by the way, Jo, like, I think we're kind of missing the lead. Not only did Angels appear, but we have what appears to be a new martyr, prophet, Messiah kind of deal. Because Joseph Gordon Levitt  
Matt:    00:47:21    Yes.  
Eric:    00:47:22    Kicks this whole thing off at the beginning because his dad, who is like not there, you know Yeah. Is like, is like, like you goes Dad, like, dad, where could we be a family again? And like his dad is like, oh, I guess when the Angels win the fucking Pearl, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. <laugh>. And then he praised to God for a divine intervention. Yeah. So they were in  
Matt:    00:47:41    This, they, they were sent, they're assigned to do this.  
Eric:    00:47:44    They were the Lord. The Lord said, my, my, my sons, my angels be not afraid. And they're like, sup, sup Dad. I, I, yeah. I are like the, yeah. And, and they're like, I, I really need you to go take care of this. You  
Matt:    00:48:02    Gotta go to Anaheim and get in.  
Eric:    00:48:03    You need to go to Anaheim and you need to make sure this team wins the baseball game. So this kid's dad, uh, will decide to be a dad again.  
Matt:    00:48:11    Yeah.  
Eric:    00:48:11    And like  
Matt:    00:48:12    A noble C Cause  
Eric:    00:48:14    A noble Cause  
Matt:    00:48:15    I guess.  
Eric:    00:48:16    I guess. Uh, yeah. And that's what I'm wondering. It was like, oh, okay. Uh, uh, ineffable father and God's like, yes. My, my angel. Like, there's a lot of shit going on. Mm-hmm.  
Matt:    00:48:28    <affirmative>.  
Eric:    00:48:29    Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And this is, this is what, this is where it's going. Yes. My son. And then they do it. And then Christopher Lloyd, Tony Danza. Fucking Danny Glover.  
Matt:    00:48:39    Oh my God. You know, I'm just looking at the Wikipedia here. The  
Eric:    00:48:42    Cast of this movie is phenomenal.  
Matt:    00:48:44    Matthew fucking McConaughey plays one of the outfielders.  
Eric:    00:48:47    Yeah.  
Matt:    00:48:48    Derm Borons in this movie. I gotta watch this movie again. Jesus.  
Eric:    00:48:51    Well, do you know, do you know like, uh, Matt McConaughey, like the position he played on the team? Uh, he was, he was, he was an outfielder. Yeah. I just said  
Matt:    00:48:59    That. Uh,  
Eric:    00:49:00    Yeah. No, but like, do you know which side?  
Matt:    00:49:02    I don't remember. I can't tell you the plot points of this film. All  
Eric:    00:49:05    Right. All right. All right.  
Matt:    00:49:07    Nice. Eric. Nice.  
Eric:    00:49:08    Hey there. It's <laugh>.  
Matt:    00:49:10    God well done. Yeah.  
Eric:    00:49:12    Fucking amazing cast. But yeah, so like the pope, it, like, someone would have to, this would now be a matter of people record.  
Matt:    00:49:23    Yes. He's gonna need to get involved. The  
Eric:    00:49:25    Pope has to get involved. And then the Pope, if we're going with all the Pope reports directly to God  
Matt:    00:49:32    True.  
Eric:    00:49:33    He, the vessel forgot and then he just has to kind of have a conversation about it. Yeah. And is that, was that conversation weird?  
Matt:    00:49:42    Well, I mean, now that you mention it, now that we lay out the plot of the film, since God did send these angels, it's possible he communicated this to, uh, the papa already. And that he knows about it from the get-go. So when they come in say, oh pad, we, we need to talk about the angels in the outfit. I  
Eric:    00:50:03    Know, I know. <laugh>  
Matt:    00:50:06    Forget them. They're fine. They're doing their job. It's for little Joseph Gordon Levitt  
Eric:    00:50:12    <laugh>. Oh man. So is that how the Vatican would ha like he was like  
Matt:    00:50:20    To help him. I love Third Rock from the Sun.  
Eric:    00:50:23    <laugh> <laugh>. So yeah. Fucking angels in the outfield like that. So, but why, because if you remember the memory of the plot of the movie, the dad Joseph Gordon Levitt's dead. Yeah. Doesn't get inspired to become a better father. No. He gives up custody. He's like, eh. Yeah. He,  
Matt:    00:50:44    He doesn't work cuz it doesn't, he gets adopted by the coach at the end. Right.  
Eric:    00:50:47    He gets adopted by the coach. He gets  
Matt:    00:50:49    Adopted by Danny Glover.  
Eric:    00:50:51    He gets adopted by, by D Glove,  
Matt:    00:50:53    Who we should say getting too old for this shit,  
Eric:    00:50:56    Getting way too old for this shit.  
Matt:    00:50:57    Anyway. And then, um, yeah. And then he gets confirmation from Al, which is Christopher Walken, the head, the boss Angel. Boss Angel who says, we're always, we're always watching.  
Eric:    00:51:08    We're always watching. We're  
Matt:    00:51:09    Always watching. Yeah. So I think at a certain point, almost these angels took, they took the assignment into their own hands. You know, they took the ball and ran with it, so to speak.  
Eric:    00:51:21    Yeah. Is, uh, man,  
Matt:    00:51:24    I'm saying, do you think they were given the assignment, but they just, they keep going. They won't, they won't close the case.  
Eric:    00:51:33    No. No. Yeah. This is, this is basically the, the God equivalent of like getting CPS involved. I,  
Matt:    00:51:40    Yeah, I suppose so. To a certain degree. Because ultimately they gave Joseph Gordon Levin what he needed, even though what he needed wasn't what he asked for.  
Eric:    00:51:52    That's true. That's true. Cause if you recall, they don't, in the final game, the Angels were happy to help the players cheat all the way up. Yeah. But then in the last game, they, well,  
Matt:    00:52:02    They didn't wanna get involved with the championship.  
Eric:    00:52:05    They didn't wanna get involved in the champ In the last game, the, the kid, the, like fucking Joseph Gordon, like metaphorically speaking, Joseph Gordon Red it, Joseph Gordon, red, it, Joseph, Joseph Gordon,  
Matt:    00:52:14    Gordon Gordon, Reddit  
Eric:    00:52:15    Is pumping the wheels of his bicycle. He is like, oh, I'm, oh, dad, don't let go. And then he looks back.  
Matt:    00:52:22    Nobody's there.  
Eric:    00:52:23    Nobody's there.  
Matt:    00:52:24    Nobody's there. You're doing it all on your own. You see the, the power was inside you all along. I just punched myself in the face Justing to you. Did  
Eric:    00:52:33    You see that happen?  
Matt:    00:52:34    Jesus. That's how strongly way I felt, I guess. Um,  
Eric:    00:52:38    And then of course, and the case does kind of stay open because there were sequels, there were angels in the end zone and angels in the infield.  
Matt:    00:52:46    Yes. Both of which I believe made for TV films. Uh oh,  
Eric:    00:52:50    100%.  
Matt:    00:52:51    One undo present. Yeah. So, so not  
Eric:    00:52:53    Only does the Vatican have a file on the events of angels in the outfield, they have, they send it, send it to the outfield file.  
Matt:    00:53:00    Yeah, I think so. If the question is how does the Vatican handle Angels in the outfield? I think it's actually above their pay grade. I think this came from the man upstairs directly in the, oh, it, because it originated from prayer to God. Angels showed up. So this is, this is upstairs. So when the Vatican saying, Hey, we're investigating these miracles that are happening in Anaheim, California on the baseball fe on the diamond there. Uh, J two says, I know about it already. All right, I got the warning. Hey, it is above my head. What can I do  
Eric:    00:53:35    Again? He's coming down from management  
Matt:    00:53:38    Again. He is, he's doesn't sound like that. Uh, <laugh>. So, so yeah, it came down from management. It's, it's corporate. Corporate decided corporate, you know, <laugh>,  
Eric:    00:53:49    We need, we need better branding  
Matt:    00:53:51    Came down from on high. And what am I supposed to do about it now? So yeah, I think, I think that's how they handle it.  
Eric:    00:53:59    It's just a massive headache for the Vatican. And just for, for everyone who isn't the Pope?  
Matt:    00:54:03    Well, they gotta deal with the paperwork because ultimately in terms of why did this take place? Who authorized this? It's all out of everybody's hands  
Eric:    00:54:11    That put, that makes Joseph Gordon Levitt out. Uh, damn near. Depends on how you're counting the miracles. Cause I know to be nominated for sainthood, you have to have two confirmed miracles. Yes. We know it's at least one. I don't know if we're counting each separate in, we're counting each separate instance of an angelic intervention as a miracle. No, but  
Matt:    00:54:30    Now I, I don't purpo I don't purport to be the world's best Catholic in the world. But if memory serves one of those miracles has to have happened after you have died.  
Eric:    00:54:42    Oh, okay. So Jay, Gord Lev,  
Matt:    00:54:45    You're halfway way there. Whoa. Uhoh  
Eric:    00:54:50    Leaving  
Matt:    00:54:51    It on a prayer.  
Eric:    00:54:52    Balling on a prayer in this case.  
Matt:    00:54:53    Playing on a prayer.  
Eric:    00:54:55    Playing on a prayer. Playing  
Matt:    00:54:57    On prayer. Right. Oh,  
Eric:    00:54:59    Is that why Christopher Lloyd says, we're always watching because like, they're gonna c I think j Gord Lev's gonna become a saint. I think that's  
Matt:    00:55:09    Pretty, I think that's the big move. I think he's certainly in line for Saint him. If not at least angel them. Damn, damn Jason. Good job Judge. Gordon  
Eric:    00:55:18    Levitt.  
Matt:    00:55:19    Yeah. Damn. Good work. I, Eric, it's your question. Did we answer it?  
Eric:    00:55:25    I I am satisfied. I just needed to explore the space. I needed to throw it out  
Matt:    00:55:29    There at the end of the day. That's all I care about, Eric, you and your satisfaction. Oh,  
Eric:    00:55:34    Babe. Yeah, same.  
Matt:    00:55:36    Now Eric, if it on that subject, we have to do battle.  
Eric:    00:55:41    Oh yeah. Oh, oh my friend, I love you. I, I, Val I treasure you. I honor our friendship. I'm gonna try to destroy you right now.  
Matt:    00:55:48    Let's do it Eric. Let's get into it. It's r season two, round two of Google Gripes. Part one Eric, part one. You've got the gripes for me. If this is for some ungodly reason, your first episode of you didn't ask for this, Google gripes is a segment in which one of us reads the other one, one star Google reviews of well known places. That's the only guideline. And, uh, the other person guesses it now in round one of season two came out as a tie two correct responses for each of us. So Eric, I hope you brought your A game. I, I did. I've got my pen and paper ready for my hypotheses  
Eric:    00:56:36    And I've, I've ordered these roughly in terms of what I think probably least difficult and most difficult. All  
Matt:    00:56:43    Right. All  
Eric:    00:56:44    Right. Place number one.  
Matt:    00:56:46    Okay. So this is place number one, review number one, I'm ready.  
Eric:    00:56:50    Quote. Terrible that they use pythons in their show with all the noise, lights and actors jumping into the pool. If I would've known this, I never would've bought tickets.  
Matt:    00:57:01    Hmm. Okay. Interesting, interesting. Pythons Pool  
Eric:    00:57:06    Review number two. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, to be honest, the only interesting thing to watch in here are the nipples. There are also many, many bad dressed and stinky people. Prepare to wait long and share your table with four to five others. Xd.  
Matt:    00:57:24    Okay. Nipples, pythons, pool. Interesting.  
Eric:    00:57:27    Review number three. Ah-huh.  
Matt:    00:57:29    <affirmative>.  
Eric:    00:57:30    If you're really into bare breasts or haven't seen any live shows since 1973, this show will knock your socks off. Otherwise, it's overpriced. Mediocrity. The best part of the show was the bedazzled clown pants. The worst part was everything else. Scene changes were elegantly covered by a 62nd symbol rush in black. The lighting package was recently upgraded, but the design and programming hasn't been since the original. You'll see better lip sync on RuPaul's Drag Race, and it probably will not cost you $80 for a cheap bottle of wine.  
Matt:    00:58:05    Oh my God. Okay. So there's a lot to work with there. Oh, yeah. So we're dealing with a show, dealing with a show of some kind that involves water. Something's jumped to my, I can't remember the name of the specific show, but I do have a hypothesis of the group performing this show.  
Eric:    00:58:30    Hmm.  
Matt:    00:58:31    And I can't tell from your Mm. If I'm on the right track or not care to tell me. She didn't say,  
Eric:    00:58:38    Oh, no. Goodness, don't I,  
Matt:    00:58:40    Golly, geez. See, the answer I have feels too vague unless I get the exact show. And that makes me think that you wouldn't have done that. Cause that  
Eric:    00:58:49    No, I'm not, I'm not making you guess a specific show. Perf,  
Matt:    00:58:53    Because what I'm thinking of is a well-known theater troupe, shall we say. Okay. That has many different productions. And I'm thinking of a specific production involving water. And that feels like not what you would pick, because I have a well-known troupe, not a well-known location. So that tells me I'm wrong. I don't think, based on what you're saying, it could be something like SeaWorld, which jumped to mind in your first review.  
Eric:    00:59:20    That is not, that is not your guess.  
Matt:    00:59:22    No, no, no. I'm talking to, I'm talking through with you, babe. I'm talking with through.  
Eric:    00:59:25    Okay. Okay. Okay.  
Matt:    00:59:26    Because you know, the, the, this audio platform, you gotta know my thoughts.  
Eric:    00:59:32    And yet to be clear, I'm keeping with the rules. We are talking about a location,  
Matt:    00:59:36    Well-known place, place  
Eric:    00:59:37    Well known,  
Matt:    00:59:38    Got bear chested, overpriced wine. Where would this be? Oh my God. I don't think, I know.  
Eric:    00:59:49    Also, don't lose sight of the nipples.  
Matt:    00:59:52    I have not lost sight of the nipples. Don't think for a second. I've lost sight of them. I've got my eyes locked on 'em, if I'm being honest with you. Bare chested nipples. Eric, you said easy to hard. This doesn't bode well. I feel  
Eric:    01:00:09    I'm, you're so mad when I tell you  
Matt:    01:00:11    I'm stumped off the, the right away. And I do feel like I'm gonna be,  
Eric:    01:00:15    You can do this.  
Matt:    01:00:16    I do feel like I'm gonna be mad when I, when I hear the answer. I know this place.  
Eric:    01:00:22    Oh, you know this place. You  
Matt:    01:00:24    Know for a fact, I know this place.  
Eric:    01:00:26    I, you know of this place. I'm gonna be so mad. 100% you do.  
Matt:    01:00:29    Since the 1970s clown pa. I, Eric, I hear all the hints you've included. Bedazzled, clown pants, nipples, pythons, a pool, $80 bottle of wine. I'm coming up with just nothing. The only thing I can think of is Cirque du Sole, which is again, a, a, an entity, not a location. And, and so I don't think that's correct, but it's like, the only thing I'm thinking of, and I don't know what else this could be. And, and I know I'm taking too long. This is only the first location.  
Eric:    01:01:03    I know.  
Matt:    01:01:05    I guess that can't be right. I can't think of any other place that's like what you're describing. It feels like you're describing the plot of water world.  
Eric:    01:01:14    Hmm.  
Matt:    01:01:15    I got nothing. I got absolutely nothing. I'm gonna have to go with, I guess Cirque Dule. I know that's not right. It's not even a location, but like the one in Vegas, the water show I saw  
Eric:    01:01:28    Matthew.  
Matt:    01:01:29    That's my guess.  
Eric:    01:01:31    We are speaking of the Mulan Rouge.  
Matt:    01:01:35    The Molan Rouge. Damn, Eric. Damn. I know, I know. Okay. I hear it now. I see it now.  
Eric:    01:01:46    Yep.  
Matt:    01:01:47    But damn, Eric, that's Cole.  
Eric:    01:01:49    Uh, bonus, bonus review. I could only tell you this after. After, sure. Yeah.  
Matt:    01:01:54    Love  
Eric:    01:01:54    A bonus review. I love a bonus review. Bonus review quote. CanCan more like, can you not a  
Matt:    01:02:02    Plus. Got 'em. Got a move on.  
Eric:    01:02:04    Got 'em. Got 'em.  
Matt:    01:02:05    All right. I'm, oh, for one. Let's move on from this embarrassment.  
Eric:    01:02:09    The next location.  
Matt:    01:02:10    I'll remember this, don't you worry.  
Eric:    01:02:12    Oh, come at me. Come at me, son. Cause I'll be coming. God, review number one. Yeah. Location number two.  
Matt:    01:02:18    Yeah.  
Eric:    01:02:19    They meet you in some obscure place, and if you don't speak the language, you won't find it. I spent $100 on cabs because the original cab driver took me to the wrong place. I can't call the, I can't call place with my phone number.  
Matt:    01:02:35    Someone didn't write their sensor out.  
Eric:    01:02:37    Ooh, I'm so glad I caught that. Cause I censored everything else. I was so mad. I'll start from the, I, I can't call the place with my phone number, and I also need wifi for it to work. So I borrowed someone else's phone and called them to let them know I was on my way. It was terrible weather. Rainy, windy, and cold. And I waited at a building. I waited at building six for 15 minutes, walked to the local KFC to get wifi. Turns out they already left.  
Matt:    01:03:06    The KFC left.  
Eric:    01:03:08    No, the people he was supposed to meet.  
Matt:    01:03:11    Okay. All right. All right. That's a whole lot of, a whole lot. Next, give me the next review. Yep.  
Eric:    01:03:16    Review number two, little preparation from the guide on dealing with simple math leads to stress from minute one on the tour. I gave the money to the guide to pay for the tour, which she quickly puts in her bag quickly. Starts saying that there are 200 currency units missing, but refuses to count, saying that it is mixed with other payments. The issue was solved, and I lost 200 currency units on this tour. Don't come here expecting good customer service. She's gonna suck any cash she can out of you.  
Matt:    01:03:51    What the fuck, Eric? I'm I again, have nothing. Two reviews in number three, please.  
Eric:    01:03:59    The poor state of the toilets was only mentioned once we were on the road. The tour was comprehensive and the guides were knowledgeable. But the male guide, Igor was very sexist. When I asked him why there were few women on the tour, he said it was because it was a long day with lots of walking.  
Matt:    01:04:22    Eric, what  
Eric:    01:04:25    <laugh>  
Matt:    01:04:26    What are you trying to do to me, Eric? And this isn't the most difficult location, uh, man, I am gonna fucking remember this. Igor, we're on a tour, maybe a driving tour.  
Eric:    01:04:39    So, so some sort of tour, uh, they, they ask you to meet in some obscure place. That's  
Matt:    01:04:45    The part that's getting  
Eric:    01:04:45    Me. You don't speak the language, you won't find it. This guy had to go to a K FFC to get wifi just so he could contact the tour group. And that's when he found out. They just, they left without him.  
Matt:    01:04:58    Yeah, I recall.  
Eric:    01:04:59    Yeah. Uh, apparently sketchy tour guides, cuz they'll, they, they'll take, they'll take your money and then say, oh no, you underpaid. And then they'll go, oh, I can't find it. Uh, so like, little recourse from these tours. Poor state of the toilets. Uh, they say the tour is good and comprehensive, uh, uhhuh, but the male guide Igor was very sexist. Okay.  
Matt:    01:05:22    Eric, Jesus. God. Um,  
Eric:    01:05:25    This one's up. Not gonna lie.  
Matt:    01:05:28    Poor say the toilet's. Igor, I feel like Igor is a red herring. I think you're trying to direct me a certain location.  
Eric:    01:05:35    I I would, I would say there's a reason I kept the name in there. It was not to deceive you.  
Matt:    01:05:41    Okay. So maybe it's not a red herring. Okay. I have an idea. Okay. But I would, but I don't kn I can't remember the actual name. I just remember its significance. Am I able to google a keyword to get a name? It could be wrong.  
Eric:    01:06:02    I would say. I would say so.  
Matt:    01:06:04    Okay.  
Eric:    01:06:04    I would, I will allow it.  
Matt:    01:06:06    I promise you. I'm not doing like a, a any key term.  
Eric:    01:06:09    No. Oh bro. The, the even possibility of you doing that is so far from my mind. Cuz you are one of the most, you are.  
Matt:    01:06:17    Okay.  
Eric:    01:06:17    You have, you have so much integrity. It pains me. Matthew.  
Matt:    01:06:21    Here's what I, I'll tell you what I Googled and I'll tell you the answer.  
Eric:    01:06:25    Okay?  
Matt:    01:06:26    I really think I'm wrong the longer I sit with this. But cuz Igor is a different thing. But,  
Eric:    01:06:34    And, and, and, and I will say again, I know you know this place,  
Matt:    01:06:38    Then I feel like I'm, I feel like I'm wrong. What I Googled was, so I'm gonna guess brand castle. And what I Googled was Draculas castle reel. And so I'm guessing brand castle.  
Eric:    01:06:55    You're you're locking that in.  
Matt:    01:06:58    I'm lock. Mm.  
Eric:    01:07:00    Ho I, because I was even, I was, I was gonna, the, I do want to be clear, just to give you an idea, not an idea, not even a hint, but I just kind of like, kind of like tell you like how I had to sort of approach this to get  
Matt:    01:07:12    These, okay.  
Eric:    01:07:14    You will not find Google reviews for this place. I had to go, I had to dig deep to find reviews of this place.  
Matt:    01:07:21    So these are not Google reviews.  
Eric:    01:07:23    These, these are TripAdvisor reviews that I had to pull.  
Matt:    01:07:27    And you didn't disclose that at the beginning.  
Eric:    01:07:31    I'm sorry. I'm sorry.  
Matt:    01:07:33    That's, I told you when I gave you  
Eric:    01:07:34    Yelp reviews, that that's why I'm, that's why I was like, before you locked that in, let me give you the, like, I'm realizing, I was like, let me tell you, I had to pull from TripAdvisor. You're  
Matt:    01:07:44    Telling me, Eric, that this is a well known place and it's not well known enough for there to be Google reviews.  
Eric:    01:07:50    Oh, it's very well known. Those two  
Matt:    01:07:52    Things don't go together, Eric.  
Eric:    01:07:54    Oh, they do? Oh, they do. Oh, they do. Matthew.  
Matt:    01:07:59    What the fuck, man,  
Eric:    01:08:02    I know you're being mean  
Matt:    01:08:03    To  
Eric:    01:08:03    Me upset. I love you.  
Matt:    01:08:05    No you don't. I love you. Clearly you don't. You want me to get a goose egg? You pilled difficult things. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And you even, you're even in, you're even rubbing an in. I gave you a guess. I was a second away from locking an in. You're like, Hey, just so you know, you're fucking wrong. Idiot. Molly.  
Eric:    01:08:21    No. I was like, I, no, I realized like I cannot include conscience.  
Matt:    01:08:25    No, you're coming at me. Let  
Eric:    01:08:26    Him lock. You're  
Matt:    01:08:26    Attacking me. <laugh>. You're attacking me. Ah, my God.  
Eric:    01:08:32    I know. Fuck. I know, bro. Fuck. I'm savage because I also know yet again, when I say it, you'll be furious.  
Matt:    01:08:41    I'm, I'm upset. Um, I'm upset. <laugh>. Okay.  
Eric:    01:08:45    The glasses are off. Rubbing the bridge of the nose.  
Matt:    01:08:48    I'm upset. All  
Eric:    01:08:49    Right. I'm watching my brand  
Matt:    01:08:51    Castles unravel. Brand castle's fucking wrong. All right, so, well, originally I was getting like a great pyramid vibe, which I already did, so I know it can't be  
Eric:    01:09:01    That. Yep. And I did reference the list. We have not done this before. I figured  
Matt:    01:09:04    You did the, you gotta meet in an obscure place. Is this a non sketchy  
Eric:    01:09:11    Tour guides, sketchy, sexist tour guides named Igor?  
Matt:    01:09:17    I don't think this is right. This can't be right. Is is this a mythical place?  
Eric:    01:09:21    No,  
Matt:    01:09:22    Because I was gonna say like El Dorado or some shit, uh,  
Eric:    01:09:26    It is very real. That's  
Matt:    01:09:28    Very real. But yet secret and has no Google reviews, Eric.  
Eric:    01:09:32    Oh, it's no secret. But  
Matt:    01:09:34    You have to get in an obscure location to get to it.  
Eric:    01:09:38    Yep.  
Matt:    01:09:40    And there's no Google reviews.  
Eric:    01:09:42    No Google reviews. You're gonna laugh so hard cuz you're gonna understand exactly why there's no Google reviews When I tell you, or if you guess it,  
Matt:    01:09:51    Where's this fucking someplace in North Korea or some shit? <laugh>. Eric, I, again, I have no fucking clue. Not a goddamn clue. The best I came up with is brand castle. And if I'm being honest, I thought that was a bit of a stretch.  
Eric:    01:10:05    <laugh>. So,  
Matt:    01:10:07    So, so fuck it. I'm not locking it in. I know it's wrong. I have got nowhere else. Brand castle. Final answer. Fucking tell me what I what did wrong, Matthew.  
Eric:    01:10:17    You dick <laugh>. Before I give you the answer, let me ask you a question. I  
Matt:    01:10:22    Hate you.  
Eric:    01:10:23    Go ahead. What is the cost of lies, Matthew? I don't,  
Matt:    01:10:27    You're about to tell me because you're lying to me telling me you gave me, uh, you're playing the game correctly. You're giving me non Googleable places. So what's the cost of a lie? Eric,  
Eric:    01:10:38    Cher Noble,  
Matt:    01:10:39    Eric, Eric <laugh>.  
Eric:    01:10:43    Eric ah, Cher Noble. Matthew,  
Matt:    01:10:49    You chose violence today. You chose violence today.  
Eric:    01:10:52    I chose violence.  
Matt:    01:10:53    You chose violence today. Lemme tell you, you are coming from me. You are attacking me. It is as if we are back on stage in 2011 in the Scottish play. I'm mcbe. You're McDuff. And you're coming at me. You're going from my head,  
Eric:    01:11:10    Slowing your fucking head off. You  
Matt:    01:11:11    Are so upset that I won the first season of Google grapes that you wanted to make sure I get a goose egg. So if we're going easy to heart, these two fucking difficult, and this one's the last one. So fine, bring it on. Lay on McDuff, lay on, bring it to me. Re review. Come on. Location number three. I'm fucking ready. Look  
Eric:    01:11:30    Where stands the youth, the usurers cursed.  
Matt:    01:11:34    Look. Oh, don't get me in the character Now.  
Eric:    01:11:38    <laugh>,  
Matt:    01:11:39    You've un untimely, ripped motherfucker. Now bring it to me. Lay on McDuff location three. I'm ready. I'm clipping like crazy. I'm seeing my levels go red. Go.  
Eric:    01:11:53    Location three. I  
Matt:    01:11:54    Hate you.  
Eric:    01:11:55    The logo 6 66 is a big no to me. You teach people to trust in science. While we should trust in our Lord and save your Jesus Christ. He loves us so much. Repent and give your life to Jesus Christ. End times are coming. Have faith. Don't fear and trust our Lord Christ.  
Matt:    01:12:16    Okay? Okay,  
Eric:    01:12:18    Review number two, friendly staff except for the Italian guy. And I'm Italian too. I went with my parents yesterday and to my kindly request for information if the microcosm was open, he answered with a rude and loud, eh, <laugh>. Like I don't un quote, like I don't understand nothing, man. To put it in a not vulgar way, because probably he hadn't heard what I said. Perhaps I was speaking too low. But the place was very silent before his big, eh, so I tried to speak in a low voice. Anyway, we showed our green passes and we went inside because I wanted to show more about place to my parents. Green pass. I don't know if he wanted to be funny or what. The fact is he didn't succeed completely out of context in such an international environment.  
Matt:    01:13:15    Wow. And look at you holding your hands like ke make sure you pencil this in international and fire you.  
Eric:    01:13:22    You can see the italics God. Third review note. This was translated by Google. So this was in another language translated  
Matt:    01:13:30    By Google. Great. Excellent  
Eric:    01:13:32    Quote. Why do they claim that they are Satanic followers and that they want to send something in or get something out? Why was a Satanist ritual made in country when the tunnel was opened? So we have several reviews, claims of sat, of satanism. Eric, of science. I hate you. International. I  
Matt:    01:13:54    Hate you so  
Eric:    01:13:55    Much. Oh, I know, bro.  
Matt:    01:13:56    Wait, just, just you wait until it's my turn.  
Eric:    01:14:02    Oh man, you are, you're gonna go fucking God scorched Earth on  
Matt:    01:14:07    My ass. Oh, it's gonna hurt. It's let me, I don't know where I'm gonna pick yet, but it's,  
Eric:    01:14:12    I'm watching as Goku is you, I'm watching Goku stripping off his weighted training clothes. Oh  
Matt:    01:14:19    My God. Okay, so we got Italians involved. Different language. I got Eric for the third straight one. I have nothing.  
Eric:    01:14:32    I feel, I feel guilty at this  
Matt:    01:14:33    Point. I'm thinking of the, the, the Satanic temple. Cuz you're laying it on so goddamn thick. But that's an false,  
Eric:    01:14:40    I would say, I will say this much from the overall tone and like a bunch of views like this. They're accusations of satanism. Not so much. You know,  
Matt:    01:14:48    I, I picked up on it. I picked up on it. I thought you might be talking about Stonehenge, which I, we already did.  
Eric:    01:14:56    We already covered.  
Matt:    01:14:57    So it can't be that God damn.  
Eric:    01:15:01    I will say another key one. This, this, this is why the third review is so important to me. Uh, why do they claim that they're Satanic followers? That that's it, that's just an accusation and they want to send something in or get something out. Why was a Satanist ritual made in country when the tunnel was opened?  
Matt:    01:15:19    I clocked the tunnel. I clocked the tunnel.  
Eric:    01:15:22    That's all. It's all, man.  
Matt:    01:15:24    I don't know what that means. I don't know what, what?  
Eric:    01:15:33    I wish you could all see the look that one of my best friends is giving me right now. <laugh>.  
Matt:    01:15:40    I'll put up a screenshot.  
Eric:    01:15:42    <laugh>.  
Matt:    01:15:44    Fuck you. All right. All right. I'm coming back to the mic. All right.  
Eric:    01:15:50    Okay. Okay.  
Matt:    01:15:50    Right. I got nothing, Eric. I got nothing. I don't know how I'm supposed to get this. I guess I'm just off today. I can't believe I'm gonna get zero. I can't believe I'm gonna get zero. I can't believe I'm gonna get it. Zero. The fucking, I don't know the fucking Vatican Cacus. I don't know. Eric.  
Eric:    01:16:09    Is that your  
Matt:    01:16:09    Guess? No. Okay. Not really. You can't go there.  
Eric:    01:16:13    And I will say again, and I say this with love. You do know this place.  
Matt:    01:16:18    Thank you. I'm so glad that I do.  
Eric:    01:16:20    Famous, famous. I,  
Matt:    01:16:22    I, it better be. Are there Google reviews of this one? Are these from TripAdvisor? These  
Eric:    01:16:27    Are, these are Google reviews.  
Matt:    01:16:29    You must be so proud of yourself. Huh?  
Eric:    01:16:32    Who me?  
Matt:    01:16:33    You must feel so good.  
Eric:    01:16:36    Me. What did I do?  
Matt:    01:16:37    <laugh>. You know what you did. All right. I, I, Eric, God damn  
Eric:    01:16:42    It. I know, I know. This is like this, this is a fucking, I'm trying to  
Matt:    01:16:46    Think of something halfway intelligent.  
Eric:    01:16:49    We got tunnels, science and Satanism International.  
Matt:    01:16:53    Maybe it's me. Maybe my brains just not working right today, Eric, because I once again have nothing. But I know I gotta give you something.  
Eric:    01:17:02    This is like watching a collision in real time, I feel. Yeah. It is  
Matt:    01:17:05    Terrible. It is. I feel it is like that. It is like Thatcher Noble, God damn it. <laugh>.  
Speaker 6    01:17:12    Um,  
Matt:    01:17:14    I want you to know, my, the only notes I've written down right now are pythons, pools and nipples.  
Speaker 6    01:17:19    <laugh>. <laugh>.  
Matt:    01:17:23    Why did you do this? Why did you do this?  
Eric:    01:17:25    Because I lost last time. I had, I had to, I had,  
Matt:    01:17:29    We're tired. We are tired, Eric.  
Eric:    01:17:32    I know, I know.  
Matt:    01:17:34    Oh, you have no idea what's coming your way.  
Speaker 6    01:17:37    <laugh>.  
Matt:    01:17:40    True. Eric. Truly, I can't give you a guess something that I think could be right. I can't give you anything. Ooh, the fucking, I'm getting like weird, like Da Vinci code vibes. Like we're talking about the Knight's Templar or some shit.  
Speaker 6    01:17:59    <laugh>.  
Matt:    01:18:02    The, the Duomo. That's my guess.  
Eric:    01:18:05    Duomo  
Matt:    01:18:06    The duomo is my fucking guess. Eric. Why is it my guess? I don't know. Okay. I don't know the Duomo. Go ahead. Let's get this over with Matthew, the Duomo. I said  
Eric:    01:18:16    I am speaking of course of Cern, A K a, the Large Hadron Collider.  
Matt:    01:18:22    Eric, Eric, yes. A well known place.  
Eric:    01:18:29    I'm sorry. There. I don't know how many articles you read about how this thing was gonna end the fucking world when they turned it on.  
Matt:    01:18:38    Eric.  
Eric:    01:18:39    Bonus, bonus review though, Eric, this, if I could salve the bonus review. Can you stop creating dark matter? I'm tired of my childhood memories becoming a mandala effect.  
Matt:    01:18:49    The fucking, fucking hydraulic collider,  
Eric:    01:18:53    The large Hadron Collider,  
Matt:    01:18:56    Eric  
Eric:    01:18:57    In Switzerland.  
Matt:    01:18:59    All right, Eric. I, Eric, yes. I accept my o for three. The first time. I believe that's happened. An o for three. A perfect failure, if you will. I accept it. I accept it. So, so far, my season total hasn't grown at all. I'm still at two, but Eric Mulan Rouge, Cher Noble, and the pike Bababa glider. I'm gonna cause you pain. Eric <laugh>. I'm gonna cause you pain. Oh  
Eric:    01:19:32    God damn. I can feel, I can see the aura around you. You,  
Matt:    01:19:37    You went for blood. Eric, you can't tell me you didn't. I I, you can't tell me you thought any one of these was a gi  
Eric:    01:19:46    I hurt my friend very badly.  
Matt:    01:19:48    Did you honestly tell me, speak from the soul. Did you think a single one of these was a gi  
Eric:    01:19:55    No, because I respect you too much.  
Matt:    01:19:57    Did you think, oh, he, he's, he's definitely gonna get this. He the  
Eric:    01:20:00    Hardest. I didn't say easy to hard.  
Matt:    01:20:01    Sure. But you said, did you, when you picked these out, did you really think, oh, he's probably gonna get this?  
Eric:    01:20:08    I I, I,  
Matt:    01:20:10    No, you didn't look at the hesitation. Look at you grasping for those straws. You went for blood, Eric. And so blood will have blood. That's all I will have to say  
Eric:    01:20:21    To you. And also with you,  
Matt:    01:20:23    <laugh>  
Eric:    01:20:23    Destroy me, Matthew. Wow. I have, I have, God, it's coming. The, the gauntlet I have thrown.  
Matt:    01:20:29    It's coming. So let me just say this. It's coming. All right, Eric. All right. Hey,  
Eric:    01:20:36    I love you.  
Matt:    01:20:37    I love you too. And I fucking never go,  
Eric:    01:20:39    Never, never end the podcast angry.  
Matt:    01:20:41    I'm never gonna end the podcast angry, but oh, I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you next time.  
Eric:    01:20:48    God.  
Matt:    01:20:49    God, I'm coming for you next time. I'm  
Eric:    01:20:50    Already dreading it.  
Matt:    01:20:52    But for this time, not all about do it.  
Eric:    01:20:55    Okay.  
Matt:    01:20:56    For this episode, <laugh>, you didn't ask for this. Starring me, Matt Shay, and this fucking guy  
Eric:    01:21:04    Eric. Poach. <laugh>.  
Matt:    01:21:06    Yeah. There you go. So if you'd like us to, uh, answer a question for you on the show, we'd love to have it. You can submit it to us at you didn't ask for this gmail.com, all spelled out, or you didn't ask Pod. That's the letter you didn't ask. Pod on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and so on and so forth. Uh, you can also leave us a voicemail about a question or about whatever the hell you want on the thought line at 4 1 0 9 2 9 5 3 2 9. Eric, did I miss anything with the business?  
Eric:    01:21:43    Not a goddamn thing. Impeccable as always.  
Matt:    01:21:45    Thank you so much. And with that, for all of us here, you didn't ask for this. My name's Mache.  
Eric:    01:21:52    My name is Eric Poach.  
Matt:    01:21:53    And listen, you didn't ask,  
Eric:    01:21:55    But Mulan Rouge starring Ewen McGregor and Johnny Legs and Nicole kids. Mm. And like just, yeah. Fuck.  
Matt:    01:22:05    Just everybody  
Eric:    01:22:06    Baller movie though.  
Matt:    01:22:07    What? A film. Such a good film. What film? Film?  
Eric:    01:22:10    Uh, yeah. Oh God. Jet,  
Speaker 7    01:22:13    Relax.  
Eric:    01:22:14    Yeah. Yeah. <laugh>.  
Speaker 7    01:22:15    You don't have to win on the Light  
Eric:    01:22:20    Fucking Power.  
Matt:    01:22:26    Yeah. That'll work.