Is there a formula for making the perfect James Bond villain? Matt and Eric dive deep into the weeds of Bond's enemies to find out in an all-new YDAFT Investigation. Then the boys clear out The Thoughtline with multiple circle-back voicemails.
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at email@example.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Matt: 00:00:00 Hey, Eric, what would you say is the best job you ever had? And it can be part-time job, summer job, whatever. What, what would you say is like the best job you've ever had?
Eric: 00:00:12 Oh, best job I ever had. Um, oh, that, yeah. That was 100% when I was, uh, karate daycare, when I was, when I was teaching martial arts and, and running. Yeah. That helped me run a summer camp. I, I I, during, especially during the summer, cause I'd get to like absolutely stomp kids in Super Smash in the back room, and then I'd bring them right out and then just start, you know, roundhouse kicking 'em across the dojo.
Matt: 00:00:38 Nice. Now when you say roundhouse kick across Jojo. Yeah. Is that accurate, or is that an exaggeration?
Eric: 00:00:47 I mean, it, that is an exaggeration. I would never like kick a kid as hard as I could or anything, but I would, like, when they're in their sparring gear, I would just pick them up and throw them into things. They loved it. They're little, little kid. Like, I have piles of sparring bags, so that like, we're basically a cushion. I just throw 'em into it and they, they begged me, like, they begged me to pick 'em up by the legs and spin 'em around and stuff. Well, because kids have that wolverine que healing of it. Like, I could just like toss one out a window and they're fine.
Matt: 00:01:14 Yeah. Did you test that?
Eric: 00:01:16 Not Next question.
Matt: 00:01:19 Got it. Got it. It does sound fun. I it does sound fun being picked up and thrown around by you.
Eric: 00:01:25 Oh my God. Yeah. They, it was like their favorite thing in the world. They would <laugh>. I was like, oh, Mr. Mr. Eric's tired.
Matt: 00:01:32 You're like a gentle giant. Yeah.
Eric: 00:01:34 Yeah. I would, one time, I, I, I sparred a kid while wearing a bunch of five year olds, like armor. Like, I had a kid clinging to each limb, <laugh>. It was just like a me suit made out of children.
Matt: 00:01:46 Yeah. That does sound like a, that sounds like a fun time being j Jolt jostled around and jostling children from your point of view,
Eric: 00:01:55 It's a grand old time.
Matt: 00:01:56 Yeah. And this is when you were driving the van? Yeah.
Eric: 00:01:59 Yes.
Matt: 00:02:00 Now you said daycare. Was it actually a daycare situation
Eric: 00:02:04 Or? It was an afterschool daycare too. So we'd, we'd, you know, every day after school we'd pick the kids up from their elementary or middle school, and then we'd bring them to the studio where they'd do, uh, they'd do their homework and activities and stuff until it was time for karate class. And then their parents would come pick 'em up.
Matt: 00:02:18 Nice. Yeah. Yes.
Eric: 00:02:20 It was a sweet job. It, I didn't make much money at all, but horse. But it was my favorite job I ever had. My boss was a saint, miss Wendy. She was amazing. She would buy me food all the time.
Matt: 00:02:33 Nice. Yeah. My favorite job also didn't make much in the way of the finances. It was, uh, I worked for the parks and rec department at two different pools. I don't know if I've talked about this on the show or not. I
Eric: 00:02:49 Don't think you have.
Matt: 00:02:51 Uh, because I know it might be hard to picture me as a lifeguard.
Eric: 00:02:56 I am, but I'm now picturing it and I love everything I'm seeing. I just automatically see the dollop of suntan lotion. Just like right on the nose. Yeah.
Matt: 00:03:06 You see
Eric: 00:03:07 It? Yeah. Yeah.
Matt: 00:03:08 Yeah. You think I rocked
Eric: 00:03:09 That? Look, I think you did. You rock that Look, please tell me, God, I want nothing else from this life. Tell me you rocked that look.
Matt: 00:03:17 No, I was never a lifeguard. I worked as the office attendant, <laugh>
Eric: 00:03:22 <laugh>.
Matt: 00:03:23 Now, let me tell you why I like this job so much. Uhhuh <affirmative>, as the office attendant, my main activity was reading and I read so much that summer. I just had a book open. I read the entirety of the Sherlock Homes Cannon, Jesus <laugh>. I read, I read Shutter Island that summer. I read so many things and I read, most of the reason Shutter Island stood out to me is when there's rain. Right. The pool has to close. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I mean, if there's thunder, the pool
Eric: 00:03:59 Has closed. Yeah. It's automatically like, pool's closed.
Matt: 00:04:01 But if it's raining like a drizzle, the pool can technically be open. Yeah. So there was this like, rainy summer, afternoon day, you know, day or whatever, and nobody's coming to the pool cuz it's like raining. But the, there was no lightning or thunder. So the parks and rec didn't call it, like, didn't say like, okay, no work. So me and like two lifeguards, <laugh> are just at this pool hanging out. And I basically read most of that book in a day. <laugh>, uh, just sitting there by myself. It was great. It was absolutely great. But the other thing I got to do is I got to work the microphone,
Eric: 00:04:48 Fred. Oh, fuck yes. Okay. I was waiting, I was waiting for it. Yes.
Matt: 00:04:53 The microphone for the pools was in, in the office. So I would be the person who called the adult swim <laugh>. I'd be the person who said when the, uh, adult swim was over, which was my favorite thing because inevitably somebody would jump in and, you know, I'd have every they, you know how children are. Oh, they line up on the edge of the pool at the end of the adult swim, and I'd say like
Speaker 2 00:05:21 A turn should overlook swimmers, the adult
Matt: 00:05:25 Swim. And then this one kid jumped in and <laugh>, uh, what do you think I did?
Eric: 00:05:34 <laugh>? Uh, I, I think, I think I know exactly what you did. This kid jumped in and, and you hit him with something along the lines of, uh, I did not say it was over yet.
Matt: 00:05:45 <laugh>. I literally was like, excuse
Speaker 2 00:05:47 Me, pink shorts. There's an adult swim in Progress.
Matt: 00:05:51 <laugh>,
Speaker 2 00:05:52 I'm gonna need you to get outta the pool.
Matt: 00:05:54 And so like, he gets out of the pool, he's like looking back at me like, are you fucking serious? And he, and then he like, runs or across the side. So of course I went No running
Eric: 00:06:06 <laugh>.
Matt: 00:06:07 And then as soon as he got to the his position, I gave it a beat and said, the adult swimmer is now over. You can get in the pool
Eric: 00:06:15 <laugh>. Oh. Left off the,
Matt: 00:06:19 Oh my God. It was so, oh yeah, then it's like chaos. Of
Eric: 00:06:22 Course. Oh, amazing. Yeah, because we would, we would take the kids to the pool for the sum for Karate Day and exactly what you're describing, all the kids, they just sit on the edge of the pool. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> just mean mug in the adults. And my kids would, would just silently like very quietly heckle everyone who was in the pool while they had to sit there and wait. Uh, this is so, uh, just so they just, so they, they and I could hear and we could all have a giggle about
Matt: 00:06:45 It. Well, my favorite thing on Mike to do though was, and I maybe if I have told this story before on this show, I apologize. But, uh, I, because now it sounds familiar to me, but I have told it many times over my lifespan. So I had a secret activity
Eric: 00:07:03 That was the sound of me being very interested in whatever you're about to
Matt: 00:07:06 Tell me. Oh, okay. I was gonna say, the silent stare is not the best audio in the world. All right. All right. But the, uh, so I
Eric: 00:07:13 Was trying to build suspense.
Matt: 00:07:14 Oh, uh, well, I'm sure everyone is suspended. So what would happen is this, yeah. The manager of the parks and Rec department, we had these two pools and I mm-hmm. <affirmative> would alternate where I was being the office person at Skyline and overlook. And she always went to Skyline first. So when I was at Skyline and the boss showed up, we'll call her Susan. I don't think that's her name. Uh, I can't remember what it was. <laugh>. So let's say it's Susan. Susan. And so Susan is, comes to Skyline, right? The second she leaves Skyline, it is the responsibility of the Skyline office attendant to call, overlook and tell them Susan's coming. And so when, like,
Eric: 00:08:02 Like this is fucking, like 19. This is Prohibition. Yes. And your moonshiners.
Matt: 00:08:08 And so if I am the overlooked person, and I get the call, yeah. I page the pool area, I, I mm-hmm. <affirmative> on, I get on the microphone and I forget what the name was truly, I'll call it Joe Schmo did
Eric: 00:08:25 That. Oh, okay. Joe Schmo.
Matt: 00:08:26 So I I page the pool and just say, excuse me, Joe Schmo, could you please report to the office? Joe Schmo, please report to the office. Eric. Yes. There was no Joe Schmo. There was no Joe Schmo. That was for the lifeguards. That was their
Eric: 00:08:45 Oh, that
Matt: 00:08:45 Was to tell them, tell
Eric: 00:08:46 Signal
Matt: 00:08:47 Susan is coming, bro, prepare yourselves. Pay attention. Wake up <laugh>. If nothing, wake up if necessary. But stop flirting with the other lifeguards, <laugh> and pretend to do something. God,
Eric: 00:09:01 I lived for that shit. Like, I just live for like absolutely secret codes. The the let you know, the, the, the man or the Suzanne is coming. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. So you, you lived, you lived this life of, of, of bookly matters and intrigue and, and, and power. All on the taxpayers dime. I respect it.
Matt: 00:09:25 Absolutely. Also, there was one afternoon where I saved a goose.
Eric: 00:09:29 Fuck yes.
Speaker 3 00:09:30 <laugh>.
Matt: 00:09:31 I did. I saved the goose. It got hit. It's head stuck in the,
Speaker 3 00:09:35 The Fed.
Matt: 00:09:47 Well, hello everybody, and welcome to you. Didn't ask for this, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions. My name's Matthew Shea.
Eric: 00:09:57 My name is Eric Poach.
Matt: 00:09:59 Eric Poach. How are you today on this? Our 59th go round.
Eric: 00:10:05 Ooh. 59. Not on my dime, son. What? We're shutting it down. Shows over what? No, I'm done with it. No. Oh, man. No, I'm feeling great, my man. How are you? How are you doing?
Matt: 00:10:18 I'm just, I'm just peachy. As my father
Eric: 00:10:20 Likes to say. Oh,
Matt: 00:10:22 Absolutely.
Eric: 00:10:23 My, my dad's favorite is, uh, can't complain. Nobody will listen. No <laugh> it, it, it's, it's just pure dad energy
Matt: 00:10:32 <laugh>. That is a lot of dad energy. Yes.
Eric: 00:10:34 Yeah.
Matt: 00:10:35 Can't complain. Nobody will listen. I might steal that.
Eric: 00:10:40 Oh, please. Yeah. Put that in your back
Matt: 00:10:41 Pocket. But actually, I mean, I do complain often, even when no one's in the house. So <laugh>, it's, it's never stopped me before. This lack of audience <laugh>. So why should it stopped me now, man. Well, uh, now Eric, do you have any anecdotes to delay what could be a decent start to the program where we jump right into the show?
Eric: 00:11:05 Oh,
Matt: 00:11:05 But I'm, I'm allowing you to sabotage. Oh,
Eric: 00:11:08 I don't know. I don't know. Do you consider, uh, a beloved celebrity falling from grace, thus fulfilling one of our bingo spots to be, uh, worth worthy distraction?
Matt: 00:11:17 Who fell from Grace?
Eric: 00:11:19 Zachary Levi.
Matt: 00:11:21 Oh, Zach did. Zachary Levi did fall from Grace
Eric: 00:11:24 Star, star Exam. Star of Chuck, voice of fucking Flynn Rider Eugene, whatever his name is from Tangled.
Matt: 00:11:33 He was also in the marvelous Mrs. Mazel season two most prominently. And he was also in that livestream production, Broadway production of She Loves Me, where he's very good in it. Yes. And turns out he's an anti fucking vax piece.
Eric: 00:11:53 Shit. Anti-vaxxer rumors of his Shazam contract not being renewed.
Matt: 00:11:59 Oh, why now? Why? Just because of like his anti-vax, super Republican shit that he's posted on
Eric: 00:12:05 Twitter. Uh, yeah. Well he, cuz he kind of went all in on Twitter just talking about how Pfizer's an evil company and, and not to trust them and anti va facts
Matt: 00:12:14 Backtrack. Yes, he did retweet something saying like, should Pfizer be, uh, prosecuted, I think? And he said Yes. Um, so there's a lot of endorsing going on. Um, we don't, you know, we don't know all the details necessarily, but we know enough to know he's a piece of shit. It turns out it's real unfortunate. I liked him. Yeah. I liked him no more. So you're right at this.
Eric: 00:12:38 Still should have just got the 5g like the rest of us dog
Matt: 00:12:42 <laugh>. It's, it certainly does, um, fulfill that square of the Bingo card. Yes. But at the same time, the Simpsons has been renewed for two more years.
Eric: 00:12:55 Yes. Well, two more seasons. They could get a lot of season in a, in, in a year.
Matt: 00:13:01 So they can't and won't I know <laugh>. So they, so the, uh, so that one however, is a goose egg for us. And this is just a reminder that if you haven't filled out your 2023 you daft Bingo cards, you can do that. There's a link in our link tree on Instagram and Yep. Various posts. It's a template on Canvas, a downloaded, fill it out, send it in. And if at the end of the year, one of you out there or multiple have a winning ticket, you get to win a guest ship on the show. Isn't that something? Now, Eric, we didn't set a deadline
Eric: 00:13:40 Oh. For like, getting your bingo cards in, I would say
Matt: 00:13:45 Things are already coming True or not coming true. So I know, you know what we're gonna say. Yeah. You know what? Yeah. We'll, we'll go by episode. If episode 60 comes out, you're too late. How about that? You're too late, so just go do it. Right. The fuck. Now if you're interested, okay. Yeah. Um, do that. But otherwise we'll play along and listen, you got a couple gimmies there. You already got the Zachary Levi, and, uh, you know, not to put The Simpsons
Eric: 00:14:12 On. And Matt, while we're here, while we're talking about here, we're, while we're derailing, I do wanna point out, uh, a very good friend of mine and a dear fan of the show reached out to me after that episode dropped. And, and you know, she told me, she said, you know, the, I, I really enjoyed that episode, but the only part I did not like was the part where you guys talked about Morgan Freeman and Tony Bennett dying. She was like, that was jarring. I was like, ah. And I just wanna reiterate once more a, it's a valid feeling. Sorry if I bummed anyone out. Two, I don't want Morgan Freeman to die. Morgan Freeman fucking rules. I, I want to be wrong so bad, but I am gonna throw things on that bingo card that like, are fucking out there and could fucking happen. Yeah. Who
Matt: 00:14:53 Knows? That's the whole point of the bingo card. I don't you didn't have that on the bingo card phrase now because you did that and I had to reciprocate. I picked someone who was old and ill. So, and
Eric: 00:15:05 You're a monster for that.
Matt: 00:15:06 I just, I just playing the probabilities. But I,
Eric: 00:15:09 But I just wanted to say, Hey, you know, if I, if we bummed anybody out, we even trying to bum you out. We don't want Morgan Freeman to die. Morgan Freeman rules.
Matt: 00:15:17 Absolutely not.
Eric: 00:15:19 In fact, I hope out of defiance of God and this bingo card, Morgan Freeman lives to be like 150 years old.
Matt: 00:15:26 Absolutely. I'll take anything that, you know, makes your bingo card fail. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I think that was a decent distraction at the top of go of the show. Should we jump into the program?
Eric: 00:15:37 Hell yeah.
Matt: 00:15:38 Absolutely. Now here's Eric. This is an ongoing <laugh> project I guess that we're doing where we're answering questions that we made as test questions. Not test questions. Yes. But examples in our trailer,
Eric: 00:15:53 We, when we've never actually done when this podcast was, but a twinkle in our eyes.
Matt: 00:15:58 Absolutely. And so the question we have today is, is there a formula for creating a James Bond villain?
Eric: 00:16:09 Oh,
Speaker 4 00:16:11 Dinging ding, ding, ding, dinging, ding, dinging, dinging, dinging.
Eric: 00:16:18 Sorry.
Matt: 00:16:19 That's the one
Eric: 00:16:20 That's that's that's the one. That's it. There it is.
Matt: 00:16:23 So what we're after here is to find a formula and then see if we can use that formula to create this bond villain.
Eric: 00:16:32 Oh, shit. Okay. So we are, we're gonna be doing a lot of, this is a lot of inquisitiveness. This is a lot of, yeah. A lot of, I some might say an investigation of sorts.
Matt: 00:16:43 I think this is a you deft investigation, Eric. Yep. I, I don't know. I I know the listeners don't know this about me. I don't even know if you know it about me, but I'm a very big James Bond
Eric: 00:17:00 Fan. I I did know that You are, you would becoming so correct to this.
Matt: 00:17:05 Absolutely. I did. At one point in time growing up, I prided myself on being able to say that I've seen every James Bond movie at least four times.
Eric: 00:17:16 Jesus.
Matt: 00:17:17 I have, I have fallen off of that in the, in the Daniel Craig era. Ah, no, no. Knock against Daniel Craig. I'm just saying the, uh, I haven't been able to do that as I've grown older and weaker <laugh>.
Eric: 00:17:31 Also, can I, can I just hit you? Let's just get it outta the way. Who's your favorite James Bond?
Matt: 00:17:35 Sean Connery.
Eric: 00:17:36 Okay.
Matt: 00:17:37 Who's your favorite? James Bond.
Speaker 4 00:17:39 Oh,
Eric: 00:17:41 Roger Moore.
Matt: 00:17:43 I do. Now here's the thing, let's take a moment to talk about Roger Moore before we get into this. Roger Moore is the most controversial bond, is
Eric: 00:17:50 What I would say. That's why he is my favorite. Cuz every time I answer the question with Roger Moore, I either get a thank you or a fuck
Matt: 00:17:57 You Roger. And there's a lot of people out there who fucking hate Roger Moore
Eric: 00:18:01 Too. Like loathe the man.
Matt: 00:18:03 And to those people, I have to say, listen, shut the fuck up and examine the context. Roger Moore was tasked with being the 1980s bond. Yeah. Okay. There was a level of wackiness that needed to be in the film because that's the kind of films that were being made.
Eric: 00:18:25 Everyone was doing cocaine,
Matt: 00:18:28 Everyone was doing cocaine.
Eric: 00:18:30 Everyone had cell phones that were like sending unshielded radiation into their
Matt: 00:18:34 Brains. And let us not forget that Roger Moore's first film, one of the Best Live and Let Die picks up the fucking pieces of this franchise after they forced Sean Connery to come back to Fix the Mess. Left by George
Eric: 00:18:50 Lazenby. That piece of shit, I don't even know who that is.
Matt: 00:18:53 George Lazenby played Bond for one movie on her Majesty. Secret Service one. You done. Wow. You don't even know the lengths of the bonds.
Eric: 00:19:02 Oh no, bro. Man,
Matt: 00:19:03 We are coming at this from two different levels of expertise,
Eric: 00:19:05 Bro. I know villains though. Let's fucking go.
Matt: 00:19:09 Well, please, yes. Pump your fucking horses. Yes. Cuz I've got caveats. Fuck
Eric: 00:19:14 About <laugh> my horses.
Matt: 00:19:15 Pump your fucking horses. <laugh>. <laugh>.
Eric: 00:19:20 Sorry, pump. That's the sound of me adding that to the Rolodex for life. That is, I'm gonna pump your horses. Pump your fucking horses.
Matt: 00:19:29 So I guess the following is gonna be a spoiler alert for like a 50 year old movie. If you haven't seen <laugh> Hunter Majesty's Secret Service, which is low key, one of the most important bonds cuz Bond gets married.
Eric: 00:19:42 Was this, was this the one that the dude in the fucking clown outfit in the beginning of the movie, like there was a secret service. He like it was an agent trying to escape capture. He was a party clown.
Matt: 00:19:53 No, that's Octa pussy. Okay. Sorry. He wasn't a party clown. He was a
Eric: 00:19:58 Clown. He
Matt: 00:19:59 Was dressed as a, with the Fache egg.
Eric: 00:20:01 I can't remember, dude,
Matt: 00:20:03 It's, first of all, you should always remember when a fruge egg comes into your vi visibility. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and, uh, no, I think you're talking about the opening of Octopussy. Okay. Great movie, great title. Now the end, one of the very few instances of, uh, the, I forget her name, I'm so sorry. The, the actor who plays Octopussy was in another James Bond as a totally different character.
Eric: 00:20:25 Oh,
Matt: 00:20:25 There's a few instances of that now. All that we are getting distracted right away. Yes. All I'm saying is Roger Moore had to pick up the pieces mm-hmm. <affirmative> of this franchise after a bungled transition. Okay. And then he had to go be down in Louisiana and <laugh> and deal with, we deal with all those shenanigans Live and Let Die a great movie, Roger Moore. Great Bond. Um, not here to debate that. My order in case you were, if just to go the whole distance with this, it would be Sean Connery Pierce Bron Love Pierce. Because he was my bond when I, when I, you know, of our era. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll say this, James Bond, I mean Pierce Brosnan more than any other James Bond, born to play James
Eric: 00:21:08 Oh one 100%
Matt: 00:21:10 Born genetically created
Eric: 00:21:12 To play in a lab by, by, you know, m m m six or whatever. M one 16, m i six I six.
Matt: 00:21:21 M i six is not fictional. So that's
Eric: 00:21:22 No, I know. It's real. It's very real and very English.
Matt: 00:21:26 Anyway, then I'd say probably Daniel Craig above Roger Moore. It's a different take, but it's a different kind of bond. Roger Moore, then Timothy Dalton, who is only bonded in the first place, cuz Pierce Proton's contract with Remington Steel didn't expire yet. And then George Lazenby and then Peter Sellers actually, who is the first person ever portray Bond on film. Fun fact, in the parody of Casino Royal. That's true. That's a little fact for you, <laugh>. But we're here to talk about villains now. Eric, gimme a favorite Bond villain. I'm, this is a test. Yeah, but gimme a favorite Bond film. This is a test because there's a, there's an important note
Eric: 00:22:03 Here. This is a test, but, oh,
Matt: 00:22:05 Before we get into it, so please, who's your favorite Bond villain?
Eric: 00:22:08 Okay. It is a toss up. Uh, I, I have one from the modern era and I have one from like, kind of like the classical era.
Matt: 00:22:14 Absolutely. I love it. I love it.
Eric: 00:22:16 Modern era Scene Bean, Sean Bond,
Matt: 00:22:20 Alec Trillian oh oh six. Yes. Sure. Yeah.
Eric: 00:22:22 Very good. Classic era. Uh, fucking Goldfinger.
Matt: 00:22:28 Good. Okay. Great. Both great bonds broke, great Bond villains, great bond films. All that is good. And they are both Bond villains. Because I wanna be very clear with you, Eric, there is a big difference between a villain and a henchman.
Eric: 00:22:45 Yes. Or there, there're I would also argue that there is a, there is two classes, right? Go on. There is antagonists and villains because all villains are antagonists not the same way. Like, there, there's, like, there, there
Matt: 00:23:00 I see what you're saying.
Eric: 00:23:01 Yeah. There are people in the Bon Uverse where like, they're there to be a threat, but they're not really, like, they're not a villain. They're not sure seeming they're, this isn't part of their grand plan, but
Matt: 00:23:16 They still fulfill the title of Maine antagonist. Yes. There can be multiple in a movie. Yes. But, but some of your favorite characters from the James Bond era or the James Bond Cannon Jaws odd job. Yep. These are all henchman.
Eric: 00:23:35 No, that they are a different category. We are agreed on this. I was even gonna say, odd job and Jaws killer, fucking badass. They're henchman, but they're, they're antagonists, they're henchman and they're not, they're not villains.
Matt: 00:23:47 And I would say if we're putting together a formula, having a notable henchman is part of the formula.
Eric: 00:23:54 Notable henchman key.
Matt: 00:23:57 And Eric, I just want you to know I did a little legwork on this. Uh, okay. I've just shared a Google sheet with you that I've been working on where I, uh, where I just pulled some stats there.
Eric: 00:24:09 Oh, dear Lord.
Matt: 00:24:11 It's called the bond villain data. What I've done here, Eric, is I took a spreadsheet that already existed Yeah. On, uh, the Bond Wiki and I added some additional data categories to it. Here you'll see <laugh>, every film broken down with their respective villains. And I added some categories about their objectives, uh, their notable traits, and whether or not they have a layer. And of course, if they're a member of Specter, all of which I found to be useful information. You're seeing this for the very first time. Eric, tell me, what do you think?
Eric: 00:24:49 I am, I did not understand the word a agog until today.
Matt: 00:24:54 <laugh>
Eric: 00:24:56 I, my mind love Good spreadsheet is blown. No, I
Matt: 00:25:01 Love a good spreadsheet. So I did this mainly because I thought it's important to go through the objectives of these villains. Yes. Get to know the motivations behind Bond villain because our, our ob our objective here is to come out of this with a blank bus blank minus blank equals bond villain. Right. Perfect.
Eric: 00:25:24 B, perfect Bond villain. Yes.
Matt: 00:25:27 What are the ingredients? Yes. To make a bond villain? Because I think we can agree as a fa, as a somewhat super fan of the James Bond series, the bond villains can be a little formulaic. It feels like a little dead, much dead
Eric: 00:25:44 Much to our benefit in this
Matt: 00:25:46 Exercise. Much, much to our benefit in this exercise, but also to society. The evil mastermind with a plan has become a trope largely due to James Bond. So let's jump in, Eric.
Eric: 00:26:01 Okay.
Matt: 00:26:02 What, what would you like to start with?
Eric: 00:26:04 I feel like objective should be kind of where we start, like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, like a, a villain's objective now. Absolutely. Now looking at these objectives, specifically the objective categories, the
Matt: 00:26:17 Two Yeah. That's the one I added in
Eric: 00:26:19 The two most. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> common. I would say, uh, well, there's, uh, financial gain and
Matt: 00:26:29 Overwhelmingly the
Eric: 00:26:31 Overwhelmingly financial gain because all these other objectives, the other two most common ones, I would say revenge and world domination, um, are usually Yes. Via financial gain.
Matt: 00:26:44 Absolutely. So,
Eric: 00:26:45 So it's, it's all, it's gotta be about that paper. It's gotta be about that money.
Matt: 00:26:52 Or it doesn't need to be paper. It could be Gold Bull as it
Eric: 00:26:55 Was. It could be Bitcoin,
Matt: 00:26:57 It c Mm.
Eric: 00:26:59 I think the world's, I I, I'm gonna call this shot now, in the next five years, we're gonna get a Bond movie where like Bitcoin or cryptocurrency plays a huge disappointing role.
Matt: 00:27:10 That could be true, that could be true. But of course we're all interested to see where Bond goes from here.
Eric: 00:27:16 But Yeah. But fin financial gain, there, there has to be, and, and, and Matt, as you said, it doesn't have to be specifically like one currency or another, but wealth, the, the massive accumulation of wealth. Yes.
Matt: 00:27:30 The, I think the Bond villain either, and I would say beginning, starting out, he has to be rich.
Eric: 00:27:38 Oh, yeah's has to be rich thing that always blows my fucking mind. They're usually already obscenely wealthy.
Matt: 00:27:44 They have to start rich to begin with. Yes. And they either are trying to corner the market on something and create a monopoly or steal money, uh, to, for their own financial gain or as means of revenge. Or to another favorite of them is to provoke a war between nations that will either result in financial gain or
Eric: 00:28:10 World domination
Matt: 00:28:11 Destroying each other so they can make their way towards world domination. Um, and sometimes the world domination is part of the financial gain and vice versa. Yes. But I would say it is a little bit of an either or situation. Either the primary objective, the primary motivation is money and wealth, whether that be for revenge or whatever, or it's world domination and financial gain might play a part.
Eric: 00:28:40 Yeah. It's always, it's kind of gonna always be a square rectangle thing, like between the different villains. Like, I want to become obscenely wealthy via taking over the world, or I want to take over the world via becoming insanely wealthy.
Matt: 00:28:55 What I'm gonna write down on my little scrap paper here is that we start formulating this is financial gain or world domination. Yep. In parenthesis as one condition.
Eric: 00:29:07 Yes. Um, I will also say, and and, and please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like we, we get more of this aspect in the more modern era of bonds. The vibe I generally get is even though the villain is usually stinking rich when the movie starts there mm-hmm. <affirmative>, their origin story is usually humble in some way.
Matt: 00:29:29 Humble
Eric: 00:29:29 Beginnings. They were like, absolutely, I was a child soldier, an expert, or I was, I was a beggar and urchin and I clawed my way, or like my entire family was murdered and I was adopted by
Matt: 00:29:41 The a hundred percent. A hundred percent. The Yes. They or they were abused in some capacity and Yeah. You know,
Eric: 00:29:50 By the government, by their family, by their
Matt: 00:29:54 Society
Eric: 00:29:54 Were wronged. They were wrong. Perceived
Matt: 00:29:56 Slight.
Eric: 00:29:57 Yes. Yes. Uh, their reaction is probably not proportionate to the slight they received, but here we
Matt: 00:30:05 Are a hundred percent. A hundred percent. And, uh, as I put here right next to the objective category, I thought it was also important to note whether or not they had what I'll call a notable trait.
Eric: 00:30:19 If nothing else, we could throw out every other aspect of this. For me personally, the notable trait is the most like, critical thing.
Matt: 00:30:30 Now, there are plenty, maybe half of them who don't really have a notable trait. And by a notable trait, I mean like Blofeld has the famous scar on his face Yes. And a blind eye. The, uh, doctor knows got metal fucking hands. Yes. The, you know, these are, these are some of these well-known traits. Goldfinger doesn't really have a well-known trait actually, but the whole dressing in gold and yellow.
Eric: 00:31:02 Yes. That is a not trait. Like that is
Matt: 00:31:04 His, it's a notable trait.
Eric: 00:31:05 It's their, it's their brand.
Matt: 00:31:06 He's got the calling card of painting people in gold so they die.
Eric: 00:31:11 Yes.
Matt: 00:31:13 There's all that. Uh, so that also constitutes a notable trait. Then there's just people who are Russian, you know,
Eric: 00:31:23 That is a notable trait as far as James Bond is concerned. <laugh>
Matt: 00:31:27 Or German or something. Yes. Or are Christopher Walken, you know, these are some of the
Eric: 00:31:32 Traits. Yes. It always comes back to Russia or Yes. Or the Axis Powers.
Matt: 00:31:38 And speaking of a view to a kill, people like to shit on them movie and shit on Max Zen as a, as a villain, he's certainly not the best villain. And I do sort of feel like the talents of Christopher Walken were wasted a little bit. Mm-hmm. But it's still a fun time, I think. Yeah. You've got Christopher Walken trying to kill bond. It, it's, it's not That's a great setup.
Eric: 00:31:59 But yeah, we gotta have a notable trait. Gotta be something about them. And like, it's usually something like,
Matt: 00:32:06 And this is is where it gets a little dicey too, because, you know, nowadays of course, like with the last film with Ram mal character, there's a little bit of backlash about James Bond continuing the trope of a villain being scarred and mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, being deformed.
Eric: 00:32:26 Oh yeah. Like physically disabled in some way and like equals
Matt: 00:32:30 That is, is evil. And that is a, is a bit of a, a thing that bonds started in a way, but not started, but certainly pro, you know, propagated
Eric: 00:32:41 <laugh> and then all of the good people are gorgeous and, and physically fit. Right. And yes,
Matt: 00:32:47 A hundred percent. But so I, I don't know that they need to have some sort of like deformity.
Eric: 00:32:54 No, but they gotta have some either badass thing about them or like, cuz me personally, why I see like, the facial scars. My, my thinking, my thinking is never, never, ugh. My thinking is fucking cool.
Matt: 00:33:08 Yeah. Also
Eric: 00:33:10 Fucking cool.
Matt: 00:33:11 They look like they have an ax to grind, you know? They, it looks like they've been wronged.
Eric: 00:33:19 I know
Matt: 00:33:19 Know. And so that is important I think. Yes. But it doesn't have to be the physical trait. No. Visibly like that. It could be, you know, it could be, some of them have just been, Ooh, I'm just so goddamn smart, I can't control myself. And, and then there's the next category that I wrote down, which is whether or not they have a layer.
Eric: 00:33:43 Gotta have that layer dog.
Matt: 00:33:45 I think you do. There are some people who don't have like a, a ki like a a a like a, a a that don't have a signature, a signature location. Yeah. But they still have some cool room where they
Eric: 00:34:00 S Casino royale for example. Right. Like their layer is the poker table.
Matt: 00:34:06 Is the poker table or his, his his room and uh, his penthouse suite. Yes. Someplace where they can corner bond where they can. And this is an important part of a bond villain. Inexplicably explain the plan.
Eric: 00:34:22 Oh, 100%. Yeah. That, that's how you know you have a villain. They're
Matt: 00:34:27 Exploring. That's how you know how you have a villain. If they will sit you down and explain their
Eric: 00:34:32 Scheme and for it to be perfect Bond villain, they will be doing this while you are at their mercy. They are about to kill you. And they're gonna tell you the whole plan. They're not just gonna casually
Matt: 00:34:43 Tell you, you expect me to talk. No. Mr. Bond. No Mr. Bond. I expect you to die. <laugh> one of, one of, if not the best lines of the entire franchise. Yes. Um, and that's what's,
Eric: 00:34:53 And then couldn't be fucked to, to wa to to stick around and and watch it unfold. Yes.
Matt: 00:34:59 Never, never wants to watch Bond die. Just assume it happens. And go on to, to the next part of the plan. <laugh>. Yes. Uh, that's also key aspect. So I think we've got some key elements. Financial gain or wor or world domination as a motivator.
Eric: 00:35:20 Yes.
Matt: 00:35:21 A notable physical trait doesn't need to be a deformity. No. Could be, uh, like we said, Dr. Nos got them metal, metal MITs. It could be, uh, the ability to see the future, you know, know something, something like
Eric: 00:35:38 That. Yes. Something, something cool.
Matt: 00:35:40 Something iconic. Uh, scare Munga got the golden gun.
Eric: 00:35:45 Yeah. The, that was, I always loved the Golden Gun.
Matt: 00:35:48 That's, I love, man, with the Golden Gun. Such good one. It's such, yes. Such a good film. The so something that is like, Hmm.
Eric: 00:35:57 Just pop. Like when you're, when you're leaving the movie theater, like afterward, like you're telling people about the movie, like the following week you're like, oh my God, there's this guy, there's this, there's this person with the, with the holy like God, he's got this thing. The the, the one that
Matt: 00:36:10 He's got a signature,
Eric: 00:36:11 The one that fucked me up the most. I believe it was Skyfall. It was the one where, where the villain was the guy who, like, he had bit the cyanide capsule and it failed to kill
Matt: 00:36:23 Caviar Dam.
Eric: 00:36:24 So his whole, like his fucking jaw was gone. Yes. And he had a process when he pulled, it was like,
Matt: 00:36:29 Ugh. Yes. He reveals the teeth. Yes. Ugh. That is also, oh, you know what? That is also a thing that Reoc accrues. They're like revelation of something. Ray and Amy Mallek got that, that Phantom of the Opera mask on to cover his
Eric: 00:36:44 Scarring. Yes. And, and that's, yeah. Not only will they explain their whole plan to bond, they will explain their whole motive to bond. Yes. Usually. And, and usually the motive explanation is not in a, and I I'm about to kill you. Capacity. Usually it's when they're doing that. Cuz th this will also happen Bond and the villain have to have like a little meat cube. Like they have to have their, their mm-hmm. <affirmative>, their little, we're not trying to kill each other. We're just sizing each other up. Like bond playing cards with, uh, Goldfinger at the beginning of the movie to like mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, when you figure out the guy's cheating or like when they're playing golf, there's always, or like they're at dinner, they're having drinks, there's a bunch of people around. They can't just start fist fighting each other.
Matt: 00:37:29 No, no. There is always a feeling out. Unless your scare Mongo where your home motivator is. You think Bond is the only man equal to you and want to challenge him to a duel. The <laugh> the
Eric: 00:37:42 Most forward straight talk fucking cool ass motivations. The
Matt: 00:37:46 Most straightforward of the bond plot lines, I think is man with the gold account, <laugh>, uh, everything, everything else that happens in that movie is set dressing. That's the main thing. Yeah. Uh, they just, he just wants to kill him. <laugh>. Um, but it's a grand scheme. Right.
Eric: 00:38:05 Gotta have a grand scheme.
Matt: 00:38:06 Gotta have, it has to be able to be described as a scheme. Somebody has to put it together with yarn on a corkboard.
Eric: 00:38:15 Yes. Yes. And it has to be like, it just has to be, it has to be dramatic. It has to be something fucking way over the top. Yeah. You're not gonna, you can't, it doesn't count If your villain is like, oh, I'm gonna become the richest man in the world by like, crypto mining or like, or like buying, like, no, it, it has to be something that borders or just straight up is impractical.
Matt: 00:38:39 We keep using Goldfinger as an example. So let's dissect gold finger. Goldfinger wanted to blow up Fort Knox's gold bullion, so his gold supply would go up in value. That's it. He wanted to, the mission was to increase the value of his gold. And he was gonna go about that <laugh> by detonating, I believe a nuclear bomb in Fort Knox <laugh>. And so the, is that necessary gold finger? Did we need to go to those lengths? I don't think so. I don't think, I think there were other methods that could have been used
Eric: 00:39:22 There. There's an amount of audacity to these plans.
Matt: 00:39:27 Yes, absolutely. That's, that's
Eric: 00:39:29 It's kind. We're dealing with megalomania.
Matt: 00:39:31 So we have they're motivation. Financial gain. Yes. Or world domination as a primary. We have that. They, we, they have to have some sort of henchman.
Eric: 00:39:40 They gotta have a cool henchman. The henchman, uh, not required to, but for our ideal, their henchman will also have a notable, like they're a OneNote kind of trait, but they play that note. So Well,
Matt: 00:39:52 If anything, the henchman having a physical characteristic is more important. <laugh>
Eric: 00:39:58 Usual. Yeah.
Matt: 00:39:59 Than the villain.
Eric: 00:40:00 Jaws is my favorite henchman in
Matt: 00:40:03 Jaws is Jaws is without a doubt. And people are gonna come from me. Maybe Jaws is without a doubt the best henchman in the James
Eric: 00:40:12 Fucking good. They're
Matt: 00:40:13 Far and away. The, there's no competition. Odd job as a metal hat. <laugh>. There is no competition to this super tall, super strong man with fucking iron
Eric: 00:40:26 Teeth. <laugh>. I know. Like, he just ev he's, he does everything you want to hench him to do. He he, he follows instructions. And when people see him for the first time, their response is probably along the lines of, Nope, fuck that. And then do not want,
Matt: 00:40:41 And then falls in love becomes an ally.
Eric: 00:40:45 I know. Like, fucking a Yes.
Matt: 00:40:47 Who saw it coming? Who saw it coming? Ugh. But then he's so good. This is how good he is in the film Cannon. He falls in love after crashing in a gondola and <laugh> sky gondola. And then he, uh, helps bond. And then he's brought back in video games just straight back, just ignored that completely. There. Just, oh yeah. We have to make you a villain again. Oh, yeah. And, and that he specifically, I'm talking about everything or nothing. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, which I don't know if you played, but No. The best, it's the best Bond video game with an original story.
Eric: 00:41:26 Okay. Thank you. That I was like that. I was like, man, I was like, you best qualify that shit. Somehow it is the
Matt: 00:41:32 Best to game
Eric: 00:41:33 Of
Matt: 00:41:33 My house. It is the best bond game with an original story. There we go. Um, and if I don't need to say anything else, Heidi Klum is both villain and Bond girl. Cuz those are often one and the same. Yes. But the main villain. The main villain, Willem Defo, ladies and gentleman Soul. Ah, I mean, come on. It's so fucking good. It's a great f and and it's technically Pierce Parson's last appearances Bond. Cuz it came out after Diana another day.
Eric: 00:42:07 That would honestly, that would be my v Like if I, if I was like, Hey, we're casting our ideal von villain, fucking throw Willam Defoe in there. Will, can, he's already got the, he's already got a really distinct physical trait. I don't know how he'd work it into the movie, but
Matt: 00:42:23 <laugh>, what, what
Eric: 00:42:25 Is teeth? Oh, I, no, the fact that Willam Defoe is goddamn hung, like 12 horses, if rumors are to be believed, oh, in movies, they have to make a prosthetic dick that's smaller for him because it's distractingly massive. I'm talking about Willam DEOs obscene dong,
Matt: 00:42:49 Willam de dong. Am I right? Mm-hmm.
Eric: 00:42:51 <affirmative>,
Matt: 00:42:52 Sorry.
Eric: 00:42:53 Willam dong fo
Matt: 00:42:56 <laugh>. William dong fo It
Eric: 00:42:57 Was right
Matt: 00:42:58 There. You know, it, I, they could work that into the movie. It could just be complete. Just continually allude to his giant dick.
Eric: 00:43:05 Yeah. It j but never show it. We're gonna be tasteful, but you just have to constantly, we're not even gonna show outliner bulge. We are just going to allude to it. No,
Matt: 00:43:16 Constantly. No, they can't show it. They got a PG 13 rating to hold onto it. Yes. Yes. <laugh> gotta hold onto the PG 13 rig. Yes. That's why there's very
Eric: 00:43:25 Little
Matt: 00:43:25 Blood <laugh> in most bond movies. Just a
Eric: 00:43:28 Lot. Or they die in explosions.
Matt: 00:43:30 In explosions and boiling vats. <laugh>. Yep. And I think that might be our final point of, of full bond villain Dom
Eric: 00:43:40 Uhhuh. <affirmative>
Matt: 00:43:41 Is you need to a die and b die in a very dramatic circumstance.
Eric: 00:43:49 Usually ironic as well. Yeah.
Matt: 00:43:52 Something destroys them. Their own creation turns on them somehow. Yes.
Eric: 00:43:58 Evil sowing the seeds of its own demise.
Matt: 00:44:01 What it is, my friend, is hubris,
Eric: 00:44:04 Hubris. Speaking of hubris,
Matt: 00:44:06 The ultimate bond ally
Eric: 00:44:07 Hubris. I, I I did want to touch briefly back on layers. Uh, a a notable distinction for many of the layers, not all, but for many of them, and one I think is key for an ideal bond villain. Usually their layer is somewhere that is fundamentally incompatible with human life. In a volcano. In
Matt: 00:44:29 An arctic
Eric: 00:44:29 Arctic on the fucking moon. Like it is
Matt: 00:44:32 On a remote desert island,
Eric: 00:44:34 On a remote island where there's like poisonous snakes everywhere and thing like 10 different things that'll kill you if it looks at you funny. Like, it, it,
Matt: 00:44:42 It is in the bottom of the ocean. There's always an element to of it. If the layer, when, when you a tourist visit the lair, if you're able to say, how did they even build this place? Yes. That's what we're talking about, <laugh>. Yes. That's what
Eric: 00:44:59 Money Mr. Bond. The almighty dollar.
Matt: 00:45:02 That's what makes the world turn Mr. Bond. Um, <laugh>.
Eric: 00:45:07 I'm all about that. Skrill. You see
Matt: 00:45:10 <laugh>. That's why I have built this base here in the earth's core, uh, <laugh>. Mm. Yes. Exactly. So motivation. Yep. Henchman. Yep. Notable trait.
Eric: 00:45:24 Notable trait
Matt: 00:45:25 And notable layer, I think is where we're at.
Eric: 00:45:28 Notable layer and, uh, over the top Death die. Over the top death via hubris.
Matt: 00:45:35 Via, oh yes. All hubris related death.
Eric: 00:45:39 <laugh>. Yes.
Matt: 00:45:40 <laugh>. Yes. The IOUs effect, if you will. <laugh> <laugh>.
Eric: 00:45:46 Ris, man.
Matt: 00:45:47 The ultimate bond villa.
Eric: 00:45:48 Hubris. S that's, that's gonna
Matt: 00:45:50 Be the guy's name. <laugh>, I, IRA. Hubris.
Eric: 00:45:55 Yes. Ira. Hubris.
Matt: 00:45:57 <laugh>. Yes. Oh man. So I think, I think it's all additions. I don't think there's any subtraction to be done. I think that might be the formula right
Eric: 00:46:07 There. Yeah. That's, that is the formula.
Matt: 00:46:10 Yeah. I don't think we broke any ground here.
Eric: 00:46:14 No, but we're about to, which is really quick. We're just, and this is just gonna be, we're gonna off the dome this Matt, with that formula in mind. Let's just real quick, we're gonna spaghetti at the wall, the perfect villain. Uh, his name is Ira Hubris.
Matt: 00:46:28 Ira hubris.
Eric: 00:46:29 Okay. What's the next piece of the formula?
Matt: 00:46:32 The next piece of the formula is he's either after financial gain or world domination or
Eric: 00:46:36 Both. He, uh, he's, I think he's gotta be all about that paper. Do you agree?
Matt: 00:46:40 Agree.
Eric: 00:46:41 He's gonna do it by dominating the world, uh, via cryptocurrency.
Matt: 00:46:45 Okay. So yeah, you wanna stick with the cryptocurrency. That's
Eric: 00:46:48 How he got, that's how he made his, that's how he made his billions. Alright,
Matt: 00:46:52 So then, yeah,
Eric: 00:46:53 It's gonna, it's tie in later
Matt: 00:46:55 If we're doing this off the dome. And if we're trying to do this quick, here's what I'm gonna suggest. Yes. If cryptocurrency is going to be the new currency, all the other currency needs to be destroyed. So he has some sort of satellite bombing Yes. Scheme set up to destroy all the world's treasuries at once.
Eric: 00:47:14 That and like, shit, like he's going to, like, there's gonna be like a mega virus that wipes everyone's like, bank accounts out. Like there's no, like, it's, it's just the entire world currency as aside from crypto, whatever his cryptocurrency is, is just going to be destabilized.
Matt: 00:47:31 Yeah. Yeah.
Eric: 00:47:32 And he has Okay. Probably all of it.
Matt: 00:47:35 <laugh> now he, we gotta give him a henchman.
Eric: 00:47:38 Oh, yeah. Uh, his henchman. I think this henchman is, I don't think this guy is going to be the technological wizard. I think his henchman is gonna be some kind of like wild ass hacker, like, like a hacker who's so good at hacking that, that effectively like, makes up for his lack of physical strength. I got it. And like, brawn get hit. I
Matt: 00:48:01 Got it. Hi. The hacker has some sort of device, like a, like a remote control. Yeah. That he can point to any nearby electronic leak controlled device and can take control
Eric: 00:48:14 Of it. Matt, let me hit you with this. I th I love that. To that end, his henchman isn't a person at all. His henchman isn't ai.
Matt: 00:48:23 Well, it's revealed that he's an ai. Yeah.
Eric: 00:48:25 Yeah. Like Bond is trying to find this henchman. Like,
Matt: 00:48:28 Oh, you're not saying a robot, you're saying
Eric: 00:48:31 No, it's literally an AI that just like jumps from device to device, like taking control of them.
Matt: 00:48:36 No shit, Eric, that would be such a good reveal of that would be actual sick of the actual villain. If you, if they're chasing somebody who's just a proxy that's like this big star and the actual villain behind everything is how 9,000 <laugh>.
Eric: 00:48:52 That's, bro. Like, that's 100%. Like the entire time MI six is like, we have tried to track this guy. Like we can't find him. He keeps changing identities and like several time Bond thinks he has him cornered and he doesn't,
Matt: 00:49:05 He never does.
Eric: 00:49:06 Does he never does
Matt: 00:49:07 Now. So we have that And where is Ira hubris layer gonna be?
Eric: 00:49:12 Ooh.
Matt: 00:49:13 Oh wait, we first, we first we need to give him a trait.
Eric: 00:49:17 Oh. Oh, IRA hubris. Oh, his trait. His kick ass trait.
Matt: 00:49:22 Well, there's the easy thing of saying he's like the Elon Musk. He's just the, he's already the richest man in the world sort of thing.
Eric: 00:49:31 Yeah. That that, but yeah, that's usually like a co like a lot of them are already rich as fuck, but rich as man in the world.
Matt: 00:49:38 Yeah. The title, you know, the status and he wants to cement it by doing this and making crypto the only, uh, the only way to go.
Eric: 00:49:47 This could be a weird trait he does paradoxically, he's unleashing this plan or whatever, but like, he's a complete Luddite. He doesn't u like he's bad with cell phones and stuff. Like, he doesn't fuck around on computers. Like, he just like <laugh>. You have to reach him by rotary phone and shit like that. Yeah.
Matt: 00:50:06 This is interesting.
Eric: 00:50:07 He's, he's like that annoying. A like, oh, I, I went off the
Matt: 00:50:10 Grid. That's interesting to You're almost giving him like a, an antis specialty.
Eric: 00:50:16 Yes. His and, and I feel like in the setting of this movie, I feel like that would be like, yeah, he's know what anti specialty.
Matt: 00:50:25 We can keep it simple. Maybe he's got like a curly Q mustache.
Eric: 00:50:29 Oh yeah. He's very, I think he's like very old school. Like, I think he's one of those douche bags that always, like, I was born in the wrong era,
Matt: 00:50:35 So maybe he looks like, uh, our, our friend, the mono monopoly man, uh, uh, uh, what's his, I forget his name. We revealed it in the monopoly episode. The, uh,
Eric: 00:50:45 The mono. Oh, uncle Penny bags. Rich
Matt: 00:50:47 Uncle Penny bags. Yes.
Eric: 00:50:49 <laugh> Rich uncle Penny bags. He's got big rich uncle Penny bags, bag energy.
Matt: 00:50:52 Yeah, he looks like that. He looks like that.
Eric: 00:50:54 Oh my God. The Monopoly guy is basically the villain. He
Matt: 00:50:58 Looks, he looks like the monopoly guy. And we're gonna give him what the monopoly guy doesn't actually have the monocle.
Eric: 00:51:04 He's gotta have the mole.
Matt: 00:51:07 He has the monocle
Eric: 00:51:08 The mole is how he controls his AI henchman. We'll figure out how that works.
Matt: 00:51:12 Well, that's what's revealed. He, everybody, nobody, you know, he always acts like he's this old-timey guy. He doesn't like any technology. But that mole is like the way Google Glass was supposed to work.
Eric: 00:51:23 Yes. <laugh>. Yes, 100%. And there'll be a scene where they're fight like, like he, he gets knocked down and like James just, just fucking steps on the mole. Like when it's on the red, like he's reaching for his mole and James
Matt: 00:51:37 Circuits out. Yeah,
Eric: 00:51:39 100%. And
Matt: 00:51:40 Then, and then shit. And then our henchman is like, I'm flying blind. Dai, I'm flying. Yeah. <laugh>,
Eric: 00:51:47 Are you still there? Are you still, uh, yeah, exactly.
Matt: 00:51:51 The
Eric: 00:51:52 Put a whole lot in the monocle. Hubris. Hubris.
Matt: 00:51:55 You know why? Because his heart, he doesn't actually have his heart. He gave his heart to the ai. The AI is running off of his heart so he could live forever.
Eric: 00:52:03 Oh my
Matt: 00:52:04 God. So he could live forever.
Eric: 00:52:06 Oh my God.
Matt: 00:52:07 What's powering this husk of a man? Not for me to a answer right now. Jesus
Eric: 00:52:13 <laugh> Jesus.
Matt: 00:52:14 And then his layer, where can we locate it?
Eric: 00:52:18 Oh, his layer does his, is it too easy to say that his layer is cyberspace?
Matt: 00:52:26 It is
Eric: 00:52:27 <laugh>. It is. It's too easy. It's too easy. Um, his layer in keeping with that, I feel like
Matt: 00:52:35 I, like you're off the grid energy. You were bringing this maybe. Yeah. Maybe it's like a, uh, like an old Victorian mansion on like the Moors of Scotland. <laugh>,
Eric: 00:52:47 Let me hit you with this. Matt. The Winchester mansion.
Matt: 00:52:51 The Winchester mansion. You
Eric: 00:52:54 As a villains layer.
Matt: 00:52:56 Yeah. I mean I I I I like the, not the actual Winchester mansion, but that vibe. Is that what you're suggesting? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Are you suggesting he's literally in the Winchester mansion?
Eric: 00:53:06 No, I, I think, I think like a Winchester esque mansion where it's just like purposely designed all like, you can't, like it's, I think that's, that's like what makes this adventure so hard. This caper so hard for James. Cause on the one hand he's battling this Yeah. This almost omniscient seeming a AI henchman. Yeah. But on the other hand, he's trying to get to a guy whose whole deal is like, I don't use te you can't use technology to beat me. Like, like he's like in his layer and it's just like, you have to try to figure out, it's almost like the man with the golden guns layer. Like where it's like a maze on the inside. Yeah. And they're like real house of mirror shit that allows for a lot of environmental stuff that this dude can bring to bear against James Bond.
Matt: 00:53:47 Yeah.
Eric: 00:53:48 Lots of pulleys and levers. Lots
Matt: 00:53:49 Of pulleys and levers. Lots of fake doors going nowhere. And then I think the, the, so first of all, the formula works. We've created an amazing Bond villain in,
Eric: 00:54:03 Oh my God, this kick ass. I'll also mention this, this mansion is going to be how he plans to kill James Bond. I think he makes a mansion so fucking in navigable inable.
Matt: 00:54:14 Navigable
Eric: 00:54:16 In navigable. Yes. That he's like, Hey, I'm just gonna, I've put you in the center of my mansion and you have to escape. You're not going, you're to, you're gonna starve to death before you ever leave this. It's called labyrinth. You'll die of thirst.
Matt: 00:54:27 It's called the Labyrinth.
Eric: 00:54:29 I know. When you're, try, when you start in the center and try to escape. It's a labyrinth when you're trying to get to
Matt: 00:54:33 No, no, no. You're trying. No, I'm saying the name of his layer is the Labyrinth.
Eric: 00:54:37 Oh, the Labyrinth one. Hundo percent. Oh. And there can even, oh, and the, uh, the, the name of the AI could be mysterious. That was the name of the bull. That was the name of the Mear. Yeah. In the, in the, in the labyrinth.
Matt: 00:54:51 In the Labyrinth. A hundred percent. So the Eric, I think our formula works.
Eric: 00:54:56 I think our formula works. Do you want some cherry on top? Cuz this is, this is kick ass. Gotta have
Matt: 00:55:01 That chair. Matt. This is,
Eric: 00:55:02 This is me and you.
Matt: 00:55:04 Here we are
Eric: 00:55:05 Your dream of dreams. Yeah. You can pick anyone from any time, any place to play James Bond to our Icarus hubris.
Matt: 00:55:15 Oh, we're not gonna cast er I hubris. Oh, we can. And please get his name right.
Eric: 00:55:20 Yes. We need to cast iai hubris and we need to give him his bond.
Matt: 00:55:24 Okay. So
Eric: 00:55:26 We can pick.
Matt: 00:55:27 And his
Eric: 00:55:27 Hench one the voice and his hench The
Matt: 00:55:30 Voice,
Eric: 00:55:30 The voice of, of, of Aster,
Matt: 00:55:32 Who is also has a human proxy that is revealed is not actually him, but it's, it can be the same voice.
Eric: 00:55:41 There are so many red herrings. For, for, for, yeah. Mysterious. Um,
Matt: 00:55:45 Now it's a little,
Eric: 00:55:46 It's a voice of a
Matt: 00:55:47 Series. It's a little on the nose because mm-hmm. <affirmative> of his work in the Marvel Cinematic universe. But Paul Beany comes to mind.
Eric: 00:55:56 Paul Beany definitely comes to mind. I would also say Alan Tu
Matt: 00:55:59 I was just about to say Alan Tu dick,
Eric: 00:56:02 I think, I think Alan Tu Dicks is, is the way to go.
Matt: 00:56:06 Oh, you want to know why? Because he's got that ability to play such like a lovable, like aloof character. And that is the first version of the AI henchman that we meet. Bond thinks he's an ally.
Eric: 00:56:22 Oh yeah, yeah. Bond thinks he's like, oh. Like in on the team. Like, oh, I can leverage this computer against his feeling.
Matt: 00:56:28 Yes. Yes. And then, and then it's revealed. No, no, no, no. He's b been behind it all the whole time
Eric: 00:56:35 Goes full hell. 9,000. Like all emotion drops from his voice. He's like, I don't have to put on this charade
Matt: 00:56:40 Anymore. So that's the, that's the henchman who
Eric: 00:56:43 Plays? That's the henchman
Matt: 00:56:44 Ira. Hubris
Eric: 00:56:46 Ira Huber. Uh,
Matt: 00:56:47 Here's an, here's an idea because this gets flipped around all the time.
Eric: 00:56:53 Okay.
Matt: 00:56:54 This could be the ultimate like payoff in some to some degree. Iris Elba.
Eric: 00:57:02 Iris's Elba would be fucking phenomenal. Iris Elba is also my dream bond for the record.
Matt: 00:57:09 Well, he's, it's, it will never happen. He's already said he is not gonna, he's he already
Eric: 00:57:13 Feels you too. He's not gonna do it. Oh, okay.
Matt: 00:57:15 Yeah. Um, but yes,
Eric: 00:57:17 But I, I would, I would, I would also, I I see your Idris Elba. Let me hit you with this, because Iris Elba is al it also feels almost easy because Iris Elba just knocks it outta the park in everything he does. But let me hit you with this. They've worked together at this person in Alec Alan Tud. And if we're trying to capture almost that, that financial domination, crypto bro energy. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, Nathan Fillion, I feel would interest would make a interesting, would make very good.
Matt: 00:57:47 I thought, I thought, here's what I thought you were gonna say for a second, and now I just sort of want to see this dramatic turn that no one would see coming. Nathan Lane
Eric: 00:57:59 <laugh>. Oh my god. Nathan Lane sold, sold Sir
Matt: 00:58:05 Nathan Lane somehow. And he's like v he's vicious in this movie.
Eric: 00:58:10 Nathan Lane with the fucking, with, with the fucking, uh, Daniel Plainview mustache. Yes. So we get, we Oh
Matt: 00:58:17 Man. Oh man. Speaking of Daniel Plainview
Eric: 00:58:19 And David Lane's good at, played a real son of a
Matt: 00:58:20 Bitch. Daniel Day Lewis is a bon villain. Would be unforgettable. Truly. We
Eric: 00:58:25 1000%. It would be fucking incredible.
Matt: 00:58:29 Or, you know, who'd be good at, on all these that we, that we're can throw in here. Michael Shannon.
Eric: 00:58:35 Oh, Michael Shannon. Michael Shannon would be killer for this. I
Matt: 00:58:41 I'm kind of falling in love with Michael Shannon
Eric: 00:58:44 <laugh>. Yeah. I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm all in on team Michael Shannon.
Matt: 00:58:48 Although I really like the idea of giving, let's give some other, he's in like two scenes, uh, and then dies in an explosion. He's like an evil bank manager is Nathan Lane. I want, I want to in this term,
Eric: 00:59:02 Nathan. Nathan, you can have, we'll, we'll throw you that bone.
Matt: 00:59:05 Nate Saban now, now you want, you really are asking a lot. You want us to pick the next James Bond is basically what you're
Eric: 00:59:11 Asking. The next j Well, sorry. Our, and Matt, this is like, again, in a world where living or dead? Anyone we want.
Matt: 00:59:19 Oh, living or dead. That's
Eric: 00:59:22 Interesting. Yeah. I would say the only rule is they can't have previously played.
Matt: 00:59:25 Oh, well, obvi, um,
Eric: 00:59:28 Anybody?
Matt: 00:59:30 Hmm. Well, living or dead really opens the
Eric: 00:59:33 Floodgates. <laugh>.
Matt: 00:59:34 Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,
Eric: 00:59:35 Do we wanna limit it to living? Do we wanna limit it to, to, to current roster of, of humans?
Matt: 00:59:40 Yeah. I mean, it does sort of feel like we're trying to pick a bond candidate, um, which is a lot of pressure on me. I want to point that.
Eric: 00:59:48 Say, so let's, so, so Nick's everything I just said. Let's, let's just go from Matt. We can pick any bond we want from any actor currently living can play James Bond. Who do we pick? Hmm. I know Idra is off the table, though. In an ideal world, instant pick for me. Um,
Matt: 01:00:08 Here's an idea. Here's an idea that I think I've heard. I've heard this floated.
Eric: 01:00:13 Okay.
Matt: 01:00:14 Tom Hiddleston.
Eric: 01:00:16 Tom Hiddleston. Timmy Hitty. Yeah. There's
Matt: 01:00:20 No reason to call him titty
Eric: 01:00:23 Hitty. Timmy Hitty. Timmy Hitty. I, I love Timmy Hitty. I've just started watching Lowkey too. I would, I would, I think he'd make a, I'd think he'd make a killer bond.
Matt: 01:00:32 Hmm. I'm trying to think of another good ua. British man. <laugh>,
Eric: 01:00:38 Uh,
Matt: 01:00:39 Isn't Robert Pattinson British? Actually,
Eric: 01:00:42 Is this, is this the limitation you're you're putting on yourself? They have to be British.
Matt: 01:00:46 They don't have to be British. After all. Sean Connery ISN isn't, but, um, yeah. And neither is Pierce Bron.
Eric: 01:00:52 <laugh>. Nope.
Matt: 01:00:53 Uh, but, but they, the, I mean, James Bond will be British.
Eric: 01:00:59 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The character will be British character
Matt: 01:01:02 Has to be British. There's no, I, you know, I, I can give some wiggle room with things, with what makes Bond bond, but being British is one of them.
Eric: 01:01:12 <laugh> being British is, yeah. It could be anybody, but that per the character has to be British. Let me, let me hit you with this. Let me hit you with this, Matt. And mind you, I think this fits the vibe of our movie. Perfectly heavy. Like ai, whole lot of technology, whole lot of gadgets. Matt, I think we're gonna be dealing with a bond who is advanced in years, somewhat an older bond. Oh, interesting. Who's like maybe getting a little too old for this shit. Let me hit you with this. Liam Neon.
Matt: 01:01:43 Mm. Let me sit with it for a moment. Let me sit with it. Ah, maybe there's something about it that I don't like, but I know, I know what you're going for now. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you're going for this Dark Night returns. Batman Beyond type feel.
Eric: 01:02:04 This is also where I would pitch D-Day Lewis,
Matt: 01:02:08 If we're doing that. I might throw out D-Day Lewis for sure.
Eric: 01:02:11 I would. I honestly, if it could be anyone as long as, and, you know, he'd nail it like, you know, he'd fucking nail like the, the, the, him playing British is no issue.
Matt: 01:02:20 Alan Rickman young, Alan Rickman,
Eric: 01:02:23 Al Young, Alan Rickman would've been fucking credible. Um, young
Matt: 01:02:27 Ian Mcklellan,
Eric: 01:02:29 Young Ian Mcklellan. Ooh, young, uh, sir Alec Guinness.
Matt: 01:02:34 Ooh, that's good too. Damn, son. Yeah.
Eric: 01:02:39 Yeah.
Matt: 01:02:39 Damn. Yeah, these,
Eric: 01:02:40 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt: 01:02:41 These are good. We went totally the opposite direction of pulling out dead o only dead people.
Eric: 01:02:47 <laugh>. I know. We just started exclusively naming dead people.
Matt: 01:02:50 I mean, most of actually, who, I'm going back through the list, uh, Ian Macallan. Yes. Still live and
Eric: 01:02:54 I, Ian Macallan Long may he reign? Yes,
Matt: 01:02:57 Absolutely.
Eric: 01:02:57 Um,
Matt: 01:02:58 But if you wanted an old age bond, that could be kind of funny. I,
Eric: 01:03:02 I, I, yeah. I want like a, not only an old bond. I, when I say grizzled, I mean, like, he's not, he's still suave and a gentleman, but like, he's not, he's not out here just trying to fuck everything that moves. He's just trying, he's, he's, he's, he's like, um, come on, this is my last one before retirement.
Matt: 01:03:20 Yeah. You just one more job.
Eric: 01:03:22 Or they bring him out of retirement. For this one,
Matt: 01:03:25 You're sort of describing the plot of Never Say Never Again, which is not actually a Bond movie. Um, it's not an official Bond movie. Sorry, Sean, you shouldn't come back. Um, but yeah, he was, he was already, that was the, like, out of retirement old age, and it's just a remake, a Thunderball, um, oh, it's a bad movie all around. Don't see it. Uh, okay. <laugh>. But it is the last time Sean Connery played James Bond. Um, mm. But it's not a real Bond movie.
Eric: 01:03:55 Mm mm. See, the problem is, is the, the person I wanna nominate is just, would also just be so amazing at playing a Bond villain. Uhhuh <affirmative>, um, uh, Jared Harris.
Matt: 01:04:08 Interesting choice. Interesting choice for an old, I love Jared here for
Eric: 01:04:13 An older Bond.
Matt: 01:04:14 Yes. Jared Harris. Uh, for those who might not know from, uh, Cher Noble. Uh,
Eric: 01:04:20 Cher Noble, um,
Matt: 01:04:21 Lots of
Eric: 01:04:22 Things. Uh, he, he was Mor Yardi in the, in the, uh, Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock movies. Yeah.
Matt: 01:04:27 He was, he was the king in the first season of The Crown as well. Yes. Um, anyway, uh, he is lots, yeah. Jared Harris. That's a good old age bond. Oh,
Eric: 01:04:37 Man. I mean, if we wanted to swing for the fences
Matt: 01:04:43 Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,
Eric: 01:04:43 If we really wanted to lean on the, on the old, but like
Matt: 01:04:48 Anthony Hopkin still,
Eric: 01:04:49 Still has his tricks. Anthony Hop, uh, let me hit you with Sha. Michael Kite.
Matt: 01:04:55 Mi <laugh> Michael. Kit Sha.
Eric: 01:04:57 Michael Kite
Matt: 01:04:58 As a, as a, as a as James Bond and Hospice at this point. Yeah. <laugh>. Um, yeah, I don't know. I mean, maybe, maybe
Eric: 01:05:11 <laugh>. Oh man, I just looked up a Google. Oh,
Matt: 01:05:14 <laugh>,
Matt: 01:05:17 Sir Michael. Oh man. Sir Michael, you are such a baller. You are so fucking cool. You cannot be in this movie, <laugh>. No, no. You cannot. No. Oh, he could play q I would caster Michael kind as q he could play Q or M. Bring M back to being Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. Um, the, well, actually we already did, but the Yeah, yeah. He'd be a great cue actually. He, he's cute fucking, he's our bond. We're, do, do you wanna go? This is a real question. Are we picking a future person or a dead person? I think we picked the next bond. I'm honestly just gonna call, I say D-Day Lewis. Like, I just keep coming back to Dday Lewis because it would be controversial. He's too old. He's too old. He's not too old. Too old. He's going for grizzled bond. If we're going for old grizzled bond.
Matt: 01:06:01 Sure. Okay, sure. If we're going for old grizzled bond D-Day Lewis. I'm good with that. Yeah. Next bond, future bond, like longevity bond. I'm with you on Timmy Hitty. Ah, yeah. I'm not even a hundred percent behind my own suggestion, but yes. All right. I think we've successfully investigated this, the, the, whether or not this formula works. We've made the, we've found the formula and we've proven the formula. One more, one more. Just gonna toss it out there. Killian Murphy. Oh, Killian Murphy. He's got good villain energy. He's got good villain energy, but I, I think he'd also make a bitch. Killian Murphy could be the good, good for the AI too. Yeah. He'd be, he's he's got that good, like, oh, don't deal on all these. Yeah. Smoke smokes here. So there you have it, folks. Investigation complete. So, Eric, we, uh, have completed our investigation for the day, but as promised, um, we last episode said we would circle back to a voicemail that we've been sitting on from the one and only Zach Deuce, but we actually have some other voicemails. Sack d circle back for me. So this, this, this is really just a voicemail segment, just emptying out the, the, the b the inbox. Ooh, I see that light's a blinking. Who gave us a call. We already know. Let's, let's take a listen.
Speaker 5 01:07:36 Matt, Eric, it's Zack from Meet cast, effing cultured, and, uh, 52 other podcasts.
Matt: 01:07:45 Absolutely.
Speaker 5 01:07:45 I just got done listening to your most recent episode about the game,
Matt: 01:07:50 Which you lost.
Speaker 5 01:07:51 While I do agree that you can never truly win the game, because to win the game must come to an end. I will argue that those listening to that episode, if they have no knowledge of the game, they do not, in fact, lose the game because they do not understand the game. They cannot lose without knowing specifically what it is that they are thinking about. Mm. To say that they're thinking about the game, well, they don't know what the game is, so they can't lose the game. That's just like saying words out loud would cause them to lose, which is not the rules of the game.
Matt: 01:08:30 Okay.
Speaker 5 01:08:31 I need you both to rescind your accusation that those that have no knowledge of the game have lost the game. Or I will be forced to debate this with you, live in person, maybe at a future date coming soon. Hmm. I will leave it up to you. Good day. Both of you
Matt: 01:08:50 Exits with a flourish.
Eric: 01:08:51 God, maybe the, I don't think the, the, the phone he was on picked up the sound of the gauntlet being thrown down.
Matt: 01:08:58 Absolutely. But Zach, I hate to not only let you down by not acquiescing to what you want us to, oh, shit. But in fact, I'm gonna, I'm gonna clap your right back. Right away. I believe as stated on that episode, the rules of the game, which I'll remind you, you just lost. Do say that everyone is playing the game, whether they know it or not.
Eric: 01:09:24 That's some, that's some Calvin Ball, like application of rules. But rules is rules. You know, we, you know, we're not here, we don't make the rules. We just break 'em.
Matt: 01:09:34 I think it is a rule. I th we read it from the Wikipedia,
Eric: 01:09:38 And if Wikipedia says it, I'll let you do the, do the math.
Matt: 01:09:43 Here's what it says under the game. Mind game.
Eric: 01:09:46 Go on, go on.
Matt: 01:09:48 Depending on the variation, it is held that the whole world, or all those who are aware of the game, Uhuh, are playing it all the time. So it's an either or, depending on the variation, it is helping, depending on the variation, deserve the whole world or those aware of the game. I've always heard that everybody's playing the game.
Eric: 01:10:10 I have, I have always heard that as soon as you learn about it, you are now playing it. Interesting. And
Matt: 01:10:15 That, so basically you're taking Zach's side.
Eric: 01:10:17 Look, look, I'm not, I don't sit here day after day EP after EP saying, Zacky D is the boy for me, and just gonna leave my boy out there.
Matt: 01:10:28 All
Eric: 01:10:29 Right. I've gotta back him up. But I will say, I will clap back on him on something on your behalf, Matt. All right, Zack, implying that we are just not frothing at the fucking mouth to have you on our show 100% of the time. And that we need the excuse of debating you to get you on here because we love you so much, and we just have you any goddamn time. That dog just won't hunt.
Matt: 01:10:53 Yeah. Yeah. Zack, again, open invitation. You might as well just wander on in. You just
Eric: 01:11:00 Stumble on in. You got a key,
Matt: 01:11:02 But I don't know. I think I, I guess, okay, fine. You want us to acquiesce Eric? Fine.
Eric: 01:11:09 I would say, yeah, they can neither win, but they can't lose
Matt: 01:11:12 Because they just, they're living. This is, this is some, what's the sound of one hand clapping tree falling in the middle of a forest? Like this is some, someone's gonna achieve enlightenment off of this, but the problem is they'll never know. They'll never know. They'll never know that they can't win, and they'll never know that they can lose. But it's, unless they learn about the game, in which case you could, you could mark that as a loss, honestly. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Because now you have to ask yourself the question. Now you're burdened with the knowledge. Yes. All right. Zack and Eric, fine teaming up against me. Fine. Ba bam. All right. Let's get to our next voice. Zachy the only man I would betray you for. I just want you to know that. Okay. Okay. That you think that makes me feel better. Yes. Yeah, it does. It does. A little bit. Yeah. It's a little good balm for that wound. All right, next voicemail. Here we go.
Speaker 6 01:12:06 Hi, you didn't ask for this. My name is Jennifer. I happen to have been a person that submitted questions in the past, uh, most recently about spoons. And I have to say, I have a little bit of gripe about your 2023 bingo card <laugh>. Just finish the episode, and somehow you guys didn't have a single mention about anything related to the weather, nothing about climate change or wildfires, or fire tornadoes, or, or the fact that, you know, seven states in the west might not run out of water this year if the Colorado runs dry, or, or the fact that in 2022, the Mississippi ran dry and they had to stop barge traffic. It just seems like such an obvious miss from you guys, but I'm quite honestly, a bit disappointed. Interesting. I feel that you might need to revisit the Bingo card and add anything about the weather. Thanks so much for your podcast. I really enjoy listening to it. Take care.
Matt: 01:13:01 Now, before we get into that, Jennifer who air it out, may or may, may or may not be my sister-in-law. It's hard to, there it is. Tell she called back.
Speaker 6 01:13:12 She is Jennifer again. I forgot. There was one more thing to mention, and that was about how long Pan should soak overnight. I happen to agree with Lindsay on this one. Pan should be soaked overnight. Anything less is a joy and a privilege. For those of you who are able bodied, for some of us that suffer from say, ER syndrome or any other conditions, it can be hard to scrub the hands. And letting them soak overnight is such a great way to just make it a little easier on your wrists. That's it. All right. Take care. And again, thanks so much for the show. Really love it.
Matt: 01:13:49 Well, Jen, thank you so much for your support for submitting all your questions. It's, it's listeners like you that's, uh, are the, and Zach, that are the, the lifeblood of this show, calling the thought line, giving us questions. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you rank among the UAF giants, and now we have to tear you apart, I'm afraid. Um, so I'm, I'm not Stop eating
Eric: 01:14:16 Eric. No, sorry. I'm just eating my words.
Matt: 01:14:19 Okay. We are not, here's what, we'll, okay. Let's go one by one. Ac accusation by accusation, if you will. Yep. Let us start with her first point about, uh, fuck
Eric: 01:14:37 Weather. Yes. Envi.
Matt: 01:14:39 <laugh>. Thank you. <laugh>. Thank
Eric: 01:14:41 You. Environment. So, I, I will, I, yeah. I will say to that, the thought did occur to me, you know, weather stuff, but sometimes, see for me personally, our bingo card, wild shit that, that we would love to see happen. Yeah. Like kind of out there. French,
Matt: 01:14:58 Jen mentioned when it comes wildfires, uh, the, the west running out of water, those are all things that are happening. Wild. There's gonna be a wildfire guaranteed. It's also guaranteed to rain. Okay. Is that what we're talking about? Yeah. You want us to say it's gonna rain on Tuesday? The fruit? I don't think so, Jen.
Eric: 01:15:18 The, the fruit can only hang so low.
Matt: 01:15:21 And I just wanna say this, Jennifer. Yeah, that's true. There's gonna be wildfires. I think you threw fire tornadoes in. That's fun and devastating. We could have put that on the list. We could have talked about it. We're supposed to be a comedy show.
Eric: 01:15:35 Yeah. We put cheerful things on there, like Morgan Freeman dying. We're
Matt: 01:15:41 Supposed to be a comedy show. We can't be talking about these negative concepts.
Eric: 01:15:46 Gut busters, like old and infirmed Tony Bennett kicking the bucket.
Matt: 01:15:51 So what if we picked a couple of people
Eric: 01:15:54 Off <laugh>?
Matt: 01:15:57 You know, what's a few dead celebrities between friends?
Eric: 01:16:00 It's, we tried to go for things that were Yeah, that could happen theoretically,
Matt: 01:16:07 But, but it's, it is an easy give me that. We could have, uh, we could have thrown a, a hurricane name on there. We could have picked a hurricane name. There's gonna be those. Uh, we could have picked something like that. Uh, we, the, the San Andreas fault would open up, uh, which is both the plot of a Bond movie and the plot of that movie San Andreas with the Rock, I believe. Yeah. Um, it's
Eric: 01:16:35 Honestly, if I was gonna pick something, it would, uh, if I was going to go for something, I would've said something along the lines of old faithful stops, just old faithful, just Wow. Dies.
Matt: 01:16:45 That hit me with a harder hit. Yeah. Then either of the death sweeper <laugh> that affected me emotionally more than anything else, <laugh>
Eric: 01:16:58 Than said. So while, while we will say I, I'll I'll say this. If old faithful stops, you can just pick a square and take it <laugh>.
Matt: 01:17:06 Yeah, sure. If you, Hey, if you're making your own thing, you can, you can add a square, you can add one square, you can add one square, one dealer's choice. You get one dealer's choice. You don't get to come in here and make up everything on the spot. We spend a minutes of an hour putting, putting all this effort into getting you best. And by possible candidates, we
Eric: 01:17:28 Mean, Matt.
Matt: 01:17:29 No, I'm talking about on the episode. Oh, yes. You and I, together, we put all this, we do all this hard labor for the people, for the content. So you can listen to it at work or on the road, <laugh>, <laugh> and or maybe the Jim. And now you come at me with these kind of corrections about, you want me to say that Lake Mead's gonna run outta water? Well, it's okay, but
Eric: 01:17:52 Suffice to say we could've, we didn't.
Matt: 01:17:55 We could've, we didn't. But you know what? We're giving you a dealer's choice. So you can, you can put that in if you're submitting a bingo card now to your next accusation. Ooh, I'm
Eric: 01:18:08 Numb. Numb. Mm.
Matt: 01:18:10 About soaking the dishes,
Eric: 01:18:12 Delicious words that I'm eating.
Matt: 01:18:15 L sure. You eat 'em. You go ahead and eat 'em. Yeah. Not me. I don't have the diet for
Eric: 01:18:21 Words. Oh, shit.
Matt: 01:18:23 Here's what I'll say. What I believe we said in that episode was that y not that you don't need to soak dishes to make
Eric: 01:18:33 No, you do
Matt: 01:18:34 Need to soak easier to clean
Eric: 01:18:35 Certain dishes. 100%. You need to,
Matt: 01:18:37 What we said was, no dish needs to sit for like eight hours
Eric: 01:18:44 Yeah.
Matt: 01:18:45 In order to achieve that easier feel. But I do hear what you're
Eric: 01:18:50 Saying. I would say for me, soaking it in hot water and soap for an hour or two, there is nothing that soaking it overnight is gonna give you that that hour two ain't. But I think it's gonna, that's, I think it's gonna get you to the same place. I could be wrong. I don't know how you cook. Y'all might, y'all might have some wild ass recipes that require
Matt: 01:19:09 Us. I think the, what I, I think what Jennifer is saying is leaving it overnight makes it easier. And, and you don't have to worry about it that same day. You, that's true. Call it
Eric: 01:19:22 Dinner like nine this way. You're not up at like 11 scrubbing a dish,
Matt: 01:19:26 Going back for the dish. Just let it sit overnight. Okay. Percent. In that respect, I will eat those words. Oh,
Eric: 01:19:34 100%. Yeah. No, like you gotta do, because like, remember, uh, remind me again that we, we live in the, the, the land of the free, you soak your dish. However the fuck you wanna soak your dish. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Matt: 01:19:47 Sure. Especially not the two of us.
Eric: 01:19:49 Oh God, no.
Matt: 01:19:50 But yeah, no, no, no illusion that, uh, it's not necessary to, to never wa uh, soak dishes. That's not what we're saying at all.
Eric: 01:20:02 We're pro soaked dish. We're pro soaked dish. Know what you s it's 2023 America. Soak the dish, how you wanna soak the dish.
Matt: 01:20:12 And that's all we're gonna say about that particular matter, I think at this time. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, Eric, I think that'll just about do it for this show here. I think
Eric: 01:20:21 It'll be just about Do it, Matt. Give him the business. All
Matt: 01:20:25 Right. If you insist, the business is as follows. Folks, we need those questions. We need those questions. We need those local legends. We need those little anecdotes. We need those corrections. We need whatever you want to give us, baby, we need it. And you can give it to us in various ways. You can send your shit to you. Didn't ask for this gmail.com all spelled out, or visit us on the social medias at You didn't Ask Pod. That's the letter you didn't ask Pod. We're on Instagram, we're on Twitter, we're on Facebook, we're on YouTube, we're all over the place. Submit your stuff. And by all means, if you like the show, drop us a review and Apple Podcasts or Spotify, you can throw the stars up there and especially good pods. Hey, if you wanna listen to old shows or best ofs that you skipped, listen to it in good pods. Send us up the rankings. Help us fulfill a bingo card. That's, uh, is what I there. That's a good bingo. Uh, or you can hear yourself on this hear show by calling the thought line at 4 1 0 9 2 9 5 3 2 9. And leave us a message like Jennifer did twice, or Zachary did many, many times. Eric, did I miss anything?
Eric: 01:21:44 You didn't miss a goddamn thing.
Matt: 01:21:47 Wow. Then my friends from all of us here, you didn't ask for this. My name's Matthew Shay.
Eric: 01:21:53 My name's Eric Poach.
Matt: 01:21:55 And listen, you didn't ask,
Eric: 01:21:57 But I'm thinking now. Cause I was thinking we didn't, we didn't talk about what the actual cryptocurrency would be. I'm thinking it needs the word bonds in the name of the cryptocurrency. So you have this really fucking stupid scene where like, like, so how can I help you? And he is like, ah, bonds James. And he's cut off and he is like,
Matt: 01:22:18 Oh, and it's just bonds.
Eric: 01:22:19 It's just they're just called bonds. Yeah.
Matt: 01:22:22 Or crypto bonds or
Eric: 01:22:23 Something. And now like, he can't go anywhere and introduce himself and act cool anymore cuz crypto, even crypto is taken that, oh, that's,
Matt: 01:22:30 That's the ultimate revenge. That's how you get back nullify the cool factor.
Eric: 01:22:35 Yes. 100%. That's how we know James is gonna be an old man yelling at a cloud in this movie.
Matt: 01:22:40 So once again, the real villain was capitalism once again. Hey, capitalism strikes back
Eric: 01:22:47 Speaking, which you could sponsor us by
Speaker 3 01:22:50 The.