Does America really run on Dunkin'? If not, what does run on Dunkin'? And what does America run on? Plus: Eric and Matt are handed a very-specific ultimatum from Tim at Against All Oddities.
LAST CALL FOR MASCOTS! If you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the YDAFT Mascot bracket! Who should represent this cluster of a pod? Send us your suggestions!
As always, you can submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Does America really run on Dunkin'? If not, what does run on Dunkin'? And what does America run on? Plus: Eric and Matt are handed a very-specific ultimatum from Tim at Against All Oddities.
LAST CALL FOR MASCOTS! If you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the YDAFT Mascot bracket! Who should represent this cluster of a pod? Send us your suggestions!
As always, you can submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
No, go ahead with your story. I guess I, as I've said many times, like Frazier Crane, I'm listening.
Eric:You know, I've never watched Frazier, nor have I ever watched.
Matt:Cheers, what? Hold on. Whatever story you had, I don't give a shit anymore. What? What do you mean? You are you, you're both. Are you bullshitting me?
Eric:No, I'm not saying I've never. I've never watched. I've never watched Frazier and never watched Frazier because I never watched Cheers.
Matt:You've never. Ok, hold on First of all. You. Ok, hold on. You do not need to watch Cheers, to watch Frazier First of all, it helps, but you don't need to.
Eric:I require backstreet. Do you know what I ask about every fucking time Don't like. Oh, you should play Fuck when people like. Do you have any idea how long it took me to start Witcher 3? Because I had to get over the mental hump of having never played the first two witchers?
Matt:Yeah, neither did I, and I did just fine, even though I didn't love the game as much as other people did. But we'll move on from that. Let's get back to the cultural touchstones that are Frazier and Cheers. First of all, a lot of Frazier's backstory is retconned in Frazier from Cheers. A lot is brought over, but he famously in Cheers talks about how his dad is dead.
Matt:And in Frazier I did know that in Frazier is a little bit of a problem, but they solve it quite easily, my guy, because in there's an episode, mid series eventually, basically all the major characters from Cheers make a cameo at some point and when Ted Danson comes on as Sam, he meets Marty and he's like, oh hey. And Marty's like, oh, I bet Frazier told you a lot about me back in Boston. He was like, actually he said you were dead, and then we have a plot for an episode.
Eric:See, that's good shit, Well done, well played to Danson.
Matt:No, Ted Danson is an actor. He had nothing to do with the creative writing or Ted Danson. Ok, all right, hold on a second, ted Danson. What do you mean, you? How many times have I brought up Frazier on this show and you're just now telling me in a cold open that you've never seen the show.
Matt:Yeah well, we need. You asked me about the Frazier reboot on Mike on this show, yeah, and you said nothing. And is that are you? So Let me ask you something, eric, you so much of a coward that you couldn't bring it up, is that it?
Eric:As well as I, really well, because it's it's I'm aware culturally of Frazier I spoke, I've spoken at length about a genre of music I refer to only as Frazier.
Matt:And you feel maybe you're not good enough to watch it. Is that it?
Eric:No, I just never got around to it. I like my, my show, metta growing up was like all in the family, good times, the Waltons fucking what's the other said little house on the prairie.
Matt:You have just named a bunch of shows that are even older than Cheers.
Eric:I know, dog, I know that's what we had. I love Lucy fucking it. That was the. That was the meta in my house.
Matt:Uh huh, ok, yeah, I watch Nick at night as well.
Eric:Cheer. I think my folks watch Cheers, but they probably watch Cheers when it was coming out Unlike Sorry. I just realized how absurd that is because, unlike all the other reruns, I grew up watching the phase.
Matt:So when I yeah sure we're having a real interesting Marty McFly moment here for you. Yeah, yeah. But I will say Lindsey and I are watching. Lindsey also never suck Cheers, so we have been like casually working our way through the whole series of Cheers but she had seen multiple episodes over time. And same thing with Frazier.
Eric:I had seen that. Yeah Well, as a kid I know I have seen Cheers and Frazier on the television. I've never in my life sat down and gone All right. Now time to watch Cheers and or Frazier, and.
Matt:I want to know.
Eric:And it's not for any reason other than it just hasn't happened. I know the broad strokes you know the broad strokes. Everybody knows your name.
Matt:All right, let's leave Cheers down. Let's put it down on the bar for a moment. Ok, ok, what, what do you know? What are the? Tell me, eric, please tell me the person who has seen every single produced second of Frazier. Yeah, what are the broad strokes of Frazier?
Eric:All right.
Matt:How many seasons, by the way?
Eric:you. I'm going to say I'm going to, I'm going to guess. I'm going to say six.
Matt:It's 11. It's 11. It's on for over a decade.
Eric:So I know it has 11 seasons. I know, I know, that Frazier is a radio host man. He hosts, he hosts radio. I know he's a doctor. Ok, I know he's a doctor.
Matt:Uh huh, uh huh.
Eric:He has a doctor.
Matt:Yes, he's a psychiatrist.
Eric:Yes, he's a psychiatrist, ok, so yes.
Matt:He is doctor, frazier Crain is his name.
Eric:He has. He has brother Niles, he does.
Matt:He does, and they are again in Frazier exclusively, but yes, yes, and I know they are often at odds. More early seasons than later, but yes, I know they're all comparatively speaking affluent. Yes, they oh yes.
Eric:They, they, they're, they're all like, at a bare minimum, upper, upper middle class.
Matt:No they're Frazier is rich. They're Frazier is straight up rich, and so is Niles.
Eric:OK, they're straight up rich. Ok, cool, it is, it is, it's, it's the friends dilemma. I'm like it's really hard for me to believe any of this when I see these apartments.
Matt:Well, frazier Frazier's view of Seattle does not exist, like it is not possible, the view that he has.
Eric:There's no building that does that.
Matt:Well, for one thing, the space needle is right in the middle of it, as opposed to where it actually is, which is like on the outskirt of the city.
Eric:Well, yeah, well, how else, how else would Frazier know he was in Seattle if he could not view the? Well, so, so His but that's.
Matt:you know that's not an uncommon sitcom thing, that the background doesn't actually exist, but I will say that Frazier is actually directly responsible for increasing the population of Seattle, which went like basically directly up after the premier of Frazier and continued to do so for much of its early run.
Eric:That's so fascinating, that's so wild. Yeah, I know there's a dog.
Matt:Those people didn't get the same city that's in the show, but, but, but, yes, what were you going to say?
Eric:I said, I know there's a dog.
Matt:There's a dog. Do you know the dog's name or the actor's name? Both are one word.
Eric:The dog. Sorry, the actor who plays the dog. The actor who plays the dog.
Matt:The dog actor. The actor who plays the dog is what I said. Let's give artists the respect they deserve. Yeah.
Eric:I'm going to say hold on.
Matt:I can't tell if you're taking this long just to prove, just to poke the flames, or you actually don't know I'm giving it due consideration. I didn't think you'd know, the actor's name.
Eric:OK, that that's a bonus. Ok, the dog's name is Sippy. It begins with S.
Matt:It doesn't, but it does not. But you were pretty close, it's Eddie.
Eric:Eddie, ok, eddie the dog.
Matt:And he's played by Dr.
Eric:Dr psychiatrist, radio man Frasier Crane's erstwhile dog companion.
Matt:Yeah, actually that is very incorrect. It is Marty's dog, his dad and Frasier famously does not like Eddie.
Eric:Oh, yes, I do know that he kind of does.
Matt:The thing is he kind of does he loves him, but he doesn't want to admit it. It's like a whole, it's a whole character flaw really.
Eric:I do know this much. I know this very specific thing because I was once shown the scene.
Matt:I know that Frasier huh Moose is the name of the actor who plays Eddie the dog actor. I don't understand why you don't want to respect artists.
Eric:OK, no, no, no, no, no. I just, I just like, I'm making sure that I like, I like, I.
Matt:Yes, eric, in my head I'm like the dog is. Did the dog get a?
Eric:voice by someone. Ok, the dog is played by a dog.
Matt:No, he's, he's. He's a dog, eric, he's a dog and therefore played by a dog, but if you feel the need to to elaborate that, he's a dog actor more labradorate. No, Eric, he's a fucking.
Eric:Jack Russell.
Matt:I continue with your question.
Eric:Another thing I do know is that Frasier Crane is terrified of the sight of blood. He will faint if he sees it, because there is an entire scene in one of the episodes in which, if you're about to- hit you with Niles is afraid of blood. That's Niles. Ah, niles. Well, I so suffice to say I have not watched Frasier. Let me, let me guess, but I know, I think I know the scene.
Matt:I think I know the scene you're talking about. I think I know the scene you're talking about. You're talking about when Niles is ironing his pants.
Eric:Yes.
Matt:Yes, it's very, very famous.
Eric:Because I was shown that scene by one of our professors.
Matt:Steve Sata said it to you in scene.
Eric:Yes, yes, and he said this is a masterclass in comedy.
Matt:In high comedy specifically. Yes, In high comedy, the. It is a wordless scene. There is no dialogue. It's cold open. I believe, if memory serves, it's cold open. Yes, so he's trying to iron his pants and basically it turns into a farce.
Eric:It's one of the most famous scenes in the show. One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.
Matt:It is truly. I watch it, not infrequently, just to boost my own mental health. Yeah, ok. So what I'm hearing is we need to. Not only do we need to get together and just have a day where the two of us watch soccer, but I also need to get you into Frasier now, add it to the bingo card.
Matt:I have so much work to do on you. I have such sights to show you. You have, so you have so far to come. You know you're just so far behind Eric. When George Bush said no child left behind, he was. This is what he was talking about.
Eric:I was left behind.
Matt:This is this is the future.
Eric:That it was feared. It becomes sort of like like the odyssey at some point, like I am no child and I was left behind.
Matt:Yes, to let us we will bring you up to speed.
Eric:Baby, you toss the salad, I'll scramble the eggs.
Matt:I'm going to help you, eric. Okay, I'm going to help you. Oh, I have such dreams. Well, hello everybody, and welcome to you. Didn't Ask for this, the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. My name oh, it's Matthew Shea.
Eric:Oh, and I'm sorry, mine oh. Hi, I'm Eric Poach.
Matt:Eric Poach. How are you, Besides undereducated?
Eric:Yes, aside from that doing wonderful, this is the first weekend in like a month that I haven't had any sort of like obligations or commitments other than this show, which is honestly baller. That's great. That's a good weekend where I just get to look forward to recording. Last weekend I was in the woods for three days camping and it was dope. And then going back to work on Monday was a fucking drag because I went from only natural end or campfire light, surrounded by people I love and adore communing with nature, to the most aggressive overhead fluorescent lights on this God's green earth.
Matt:Yeah, it's. I mean any kind of fun weekend. So Sunday for me? We talked about this when we ranked the days of the week a long time ago. But the yes, I feel Sundays always get a short straw for me, because when sun, when even as far and it's a bad trait, it's a problem of mine but even as far out as like Saturday night, I start thinking about the thought of God damn it, I got to go to work on Monday.
Eric:You know the long dark tea time of the soul.
Matt:And so so much of Sunday for me feels like, oh, I'm running out of time, I'm running out of day. And so since we got the house, the for the last like six weekend straight has been some sort of project. So like last Sunday was the Super Bowl, when we were two Sundays ago, Anyway, when it was the Super Bowl last Sunday.
Eric:It was when I was camping.
Matt:That's right. So when during the Super Bowl, since we knew we, you know we got some snacks and stuff. We because, again, I hate American football and I'm morally opposed to its practices, but but I'm also an American, so I watch the Super Bowl. You love a Super Bowl, I love a commercial.
Eric:Really I'm there for commercial, except I love a weird feet one.
Matt:Yeah, there's a weird feet one from Jesus who probably wouldn't have spent over $20 million on a commercial.
Eric:No, probably would have spent that feeding the poor yeah.
Matt:Yeah, fighting disease, all kinds of uses for that money that building affordable housing, more in line with you know. They asked. They said he gets us. I am questioning whether the people get him.
Eric:Yeah, I don't think. The problem is was J Creasy in this equation? There's no need to do that, mahoney.
Matt:There's no need to call me J Creasy.
Eric:I put respect on that name, okay.
Matt:If that's, if that's your version, I guess. First, sorry Matt to a holy figure of many people on the planet.
Eric:Can we fully in the sound of me turning the other cheek.
Matt:I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. I'll put something in there.
Eric:It's just, oh sorry, it's just, if you can get it, it's the popping of the vertebra in my neck. You know what?
Matt:Eric, I'm going to put something in there for you, and I'm sure you're going to be happy with it.
Eric:Hell yeah, hell yeah. But all that to say.
Matt:All that to say, watch the Super Bowl, watch the commercials, and we had specifically been like that Sunday. Oh, we're not doing any work, no projects, no housework of any kind, and we'll so.
Eric:You were ready for some football?
Matt:We were we were. Again. You know, even though I don't, I will say this I think people who like football would agree. Until about the last 10 minutes. Pretty fucking boring game.
Eric:And then, apparently, it became the most exciting game.
Matt:It was very oh, the overtime was very exciting.
Eric:I have only heard all of this second hand.
Matt:Yeah, and look, I was rooting for the Chiefs. Why? Because I'm rooting for Taylor. If Taylor's going to be happy, I'm going to be happy, you know that's all. I want and I understand that Kelsey had said I do like Travis Kelsey. He did have some asshole behavior in that game and the Ravens game that you know. Especially around here people were very like anti-Kelsey.
Eric:Oh, people were losing their goddamn minds.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, it wasn't the greatest ref game even I, even I can spot that. But the and yeah, he was a bit of a dick, but like you know the thrill of the fight and all that, the heat of the moment, you know he kind of apologized, kind of apologized on his podcast, but I do like him and his brother's whole thing and their podcast.
Matt:actually, I do like it. I only see the. It's one of those podcasts that I only interact with by seeing clips on TikTok. I don't actually listen to it. That's why we need to get on TikTok, so we can be that for someone else.
Eric:We got to. We got to, we got to take some talks.
Matt:Eric, should we? You know, before we get distracted talking about more bullshit um should we do the show?
Eric:Let's, let's, let's do the show Our first.
Matt:Eric, why don't you give us our first question?
Eric:Our first question. This is submitted by Aaron via email. Aaron, as always, thank you for the gold. Does America really run on Duncan? If not, what does run on Duncan and what does America run on?
Matt:This is a great question. Yep, I let's start, let's get a baseline, let's rip the bandaid off. What are your thoughts on Duncan?
Eric:I love Duncan. I love some D dunks. I love sour cream doughnut Love there. Whenever I order a coffee with cream and sugar, they never ask me how much I want.
Matt:No, they don't ask anyone there. They don't ask anyone. No, they don't ask anyone.
Eric:It's, it's always the right amount. It's, it's, it's it's.
Matt:it's perfect, Because that's my thing with Duncan it's. I've accepted, because I don't do the sugar, I do the cream, but I have accepted what my Duncan coffee will taste like when I receive it.
Eric:Ah, okay, you've made your peace with it.
Matt:If I were making it, I'd put less cream in there. But because it gets handed to me, they I will say this are very consistent in the amount of cream they put Incredibly consistent.
Eric:And yeah, and honestly, for me the thing is too much cream is never an issue, for me it's too much sugar, and the sugar level D dunks gives me is always like right, right, perfect. So it might be like a hair over where I would put it, but that's fine, that's we built in those tolerances in the assembly drawing when I was born. Okay, so I love D dunks. America does not run on Duncan.
Matt:Now you came in very strong with that. We didn't even start exploring the question. Why do you say no? After all, they say yes, look man.
Eric:I wake up, get out of bed, brush my teeth.
Matt:Drag a comb across your head.
Eric:I comb across my head, fucking, wash my face, look six inches in the mirror and say get the fuck out there.
Matt:You were just. You were sort of dancing around the lyrics to a day in the life by the Beatles, so I thought I'd chime in, but I've also realized you'd probably don't know that either. So anyway, I apologize.
Eric:And I'm trying to approach this from an almost empirical sense. I'm a man of science, matthew. Science fiction maybe.
Matt:I do all that I got him. That's good, it's good, thank you.
Eric:It's good. It's good burn Solid. Thank you, I dress, I take my legal meth, my ADHD meds. I get in my car.
Matt:I was going to say maybe we skip ahead to when you're out the door of your morning routine.
Eric:So there we are, and I'm on my way to work. At no point in that entire process does my brain and Matt, am I not an American? Would you not call me a red-blooded American? I would call you an American. I have literally never like I've, I've, you've never left the country Is that what you're about to say? With the exception of I've been to. I went to Belize on a cruise once and I was still in the Americas.
Matt:I have never left the Americas. That's pretty different than the US, my guy.
Eric:True, but I just realized that kind of technicality. But I have never left this continent, at no point in my journey in the morning, at any point do I think I need some D-Dunks. D-dunks is like a kind of like. Every now and then when I hear America runs on Dunkin' I'm like I'm like that is like D-Dunks is like I can't get my shit done unless I got my D-Dunks, and that's just not the case.
Matt:Sorry, I was. I'll be honest with you. I was refreshing myself as to where bullies was.
Eric:Mexico yeah.
Matt:Yeah, the tail end of Mexico there. Yeah, I see it there. I'm going to go to the Guatemala and Yucatan Peninsula up there.
Eric:Do you know what? Do you know what runs on D-Dunks? Tell me.
Matt:Boston. I'll tell you, that does Boston. There's no, there's no question. Boston runs on Dunkin' no one can take that away. They love Dunks.
Eric:They dunk it up there. Wait, are you asking me? Yeah, I don't know, Is there does. Does Boston and D-Dunks have like a oh yeah, my guy, A situation ship?
Matt:They very much do. It's like a part of the culture and I had no idea that's part of the whole Ben Affleck thing about how much he loves Dunkin' and Boston and it goes together and yeah, no, they've got so many. I think it started there. I think that's where it's Mecca is Gotcha. Yeah, no, no. No, boston, massachusetts and in general the like you know, northeast in general have like a real affinity with Dunkin'. It's a New England thing.
Eric:It's a no, I didn't. I legitimately never knew that that's cool.
Matt:And they don't really have them on the West Coast very much.
Eric:See, and that, I think, would also lend credence to my position of if we're, if you're gonna say, america runs on Dunkin' I need it to be like a staple, like a fixture Now.
Matt:Eric From sea to shining sea baby. Now I've got some data here for you.
Eric:There D-Dunkin' Alaska.
Matt:Would you like to? I don't? Yes, there is. Would you like to see the map? According to Scrape Hero, which just says a data company. So who knows if this is very true.
Eric:Congratulations. You found the sketchiest fucking data company in existence.
Matt:Okay, so according to this, they have 28,776 locations.
Eric:Oh, yeah, huge representation East Coast.
Matt:East Coast in general. Northeast is loaded, very sparse across the Midwest. Very sparse Clusters in Texas but with all due respect to Texas, I assume that's where people live those clusters.
Eric:Yes, those are just population centers.
Matt:And they've kind of hit the major points of looks like the Bay Area of California and then the Los Angeles, san Diego.
Eric:I don't see a fucking dot in the Northwest.
Matt:Not a dot, but there is a dot in Alaska and Hawaii, so we do have those. Okay, so you know Southeast is pretty covered. You know it's not like the Northeast, where it's every two inches.
Eric:Yes, so what I'm seeing from this graphic is that East Coast, beast Coast, runs on Duncan.
Matt:Let's compare that to no. There's no way. This is true. I think maybe I have a bad site in Scrape Hero because but, matt, they're a data company. I know, but according to Okay. So look, here's what I was pulling up, because what I wanted to compare it to is, of course, starbucks, if we're going to go off of major stuff. So, according to Google and Wikipedia, starbucks has 38,038 locations in totality, but according to Like on the planet.
Matt:Yeah, it does say in the. Yeah, that's true. On the planet, 84 countries, it says here. Now, according to Scrape Hero, it has 16,000. That's significantly less than Duncan in the United States. So 16,000 in the country, 16,386 is what Scrape Hero is saying and, as we can see, the spread, significantly better, significantly better, much more consistent with market trends.
Eric:Yeah, see, that's see, the shining sea. What I'm seeing and I'm not even a fan of.
Matt:Starbucks. I also pulled this fact up, which is Starbucks holds the highest market share in the US coffee and snack restaurant industry, with 39.8% share compared to Duncan's 20.4. Now, I assume those facts and figures mean something, but I don't know what it is. And did I hear you say you don't like Starbucks?
Eric:It's not that I don't like that, I just not. I'm not. I don't gush over them. I like if I want coffee and there's a Starbucks near me, I'll get coffee.
Matt:You'll get coffee without being a snob about it.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, I'll fucks around with a PSL, oh my.
Matt:God, you're speaking my line. I love a PSL.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, like I'm not, I'm not, like I would hear like oh no, it's just like it's coffee, it's it's.
Matt:Well cause, starbucks has reached that point, like look, I don't think anyone thinks Starbucks has the best coffee in the world anymore you know, but like and when it first like hit boom town status, it was a thing, it was a phenomenon. But like, it has definitely reached that point in its cultural lifespan where all the sudden people like, hate Starbucks, like, are coming out. And I'm not saying that the company itself hasn't done some shit tea things, no, they absolutely have.
Eric:Yeah, like that like this is. This is speaking out completely outside of the horrifically unethical business. We're just talking about the product right now, not the labor issues.
Matt:We're just talking purely about the Starbucks experience.
Eric:Yes, it's, it's. It is the definition of mids to me, and it doesn't mean bad, it just means mids. I'm very comforted by Starbucks.
Matt:The like. I know exactly what I'm going to get.
Eric:You want to talk about consistency? Absolutely, fucking Lutely. I know exactly what I'm going to get. And I'll tell you this the Frappuccino family better better than any frozen drink Duncan has to offer.
Matt:Yeah, cause like.
Eric:Starbucks like really pioneered the frappe. The frappe is Starbucks's best quality.
Matt:Starbucks is best quality in my opinion.
Eric:They may not have invented it, but they, they, they model tea forwarded it.
Matt:They, they. I mean, they didn't invent the frozen drink, but they did call, they did invent the Frappuccino. It is their trademarked word.
Eric:Yeah, yeah. But yeah, like the concept of the drink itself probably already existed, but they were. They were the ones that gave it a cool name.
Matt:Yes, yes. Yeah, the. So what I'm hearing is Starbucks is bigger in the grand scheme but, according to US locations, much more Duncan but much, much more focused in the Northeast. So, yeah, I definitely don't think you could say that it runs on Duncan in. But I think, unequivocally, to answer the question, what does run on Duncan? I think that's Massachusetts. I think Massachusetts runs on Duncan, massachusetts runs on.
Eric:Duncan. Just looking at the graph, I mean, like I said, I'm a man of science, I need to approach this empirically. Those mass holes run on Duncan. They run on Duncan. I can say that I have friends from New Hampshire, so I can say that.
Matt:Yeah, I can say that too, because I am a Yankee fan, so I'm I'm legally allowed to.
Eric:And and also this goes out to all my friends listing who might be from New Hampshire. I was informed many years ago by dear friend that I am, like morally obligated to say this anytime New Hampshire gets brought up in conversation live for your die, live for your die. They have the best state motto out of it.
Matt:We yeah, they certainly have the best license plate, for sure, oh what's their?
Eric:what's their license plate? It just says live for your die.
Matt:And yes, it just says live for your die.
Eric:Yeah, Like they they. They knocked 10 out of 10. First try, they got it they nailed it. They nailed it, just like us and our and our bitch in flag.
Matt:Maybe we should do here's listeners let us know. Maybe we should do a definitive ranking of state mottos or or state songs or something.
Eric:We can't do state flags because I mean that's a conflict of interest. At that point Listen listen.
Matt:if this is your first episode, let me let you in on a little secret. Eric and I live in Maryland.
Eric:Okay, AKA the state with the objectively, empirically, scientifically best flag Best flag.
Matt:And let me just say this I am not. I am now a Marylander. I've lived here for over a decade in some capacity. I own, I own property, so I am. I'm unequivocally a Marylander at this point in my life. But I was born a Pennsylvanian and I will always be a Pennsylvanian deep in my soul. And my parents are both from Long Island, so I also have New York blood, which people like to make fun of me when I say but when I get around my extended family I suddenly have a New York accent. It's, and I can't control it.
Eric:It's really fun to watch.
Matt:It's, very it's. I don't know what happens when I'm around my extended family.
Eric:He starts drinking coffee at 10 pm.
Matt:I mean, we do just that.
Eric:But all that to say Maryland, Maryland, best flag.
Matt:Well, when I came here, well, let me say all that to say. When I came here I was like Maryland's flag is ugly Okay, it's dog shit. Look at Pennsylvania's flag. It's a regal, just blue, with a little seal that no one knows on it. Okay, it doesn't get much. Much boring and much more you know stately than that.
Eric:And I would say like, I would say like 39 other states agree with that sentiment.
Matt:Absolutely. But here's the thing about Maryland that I've since realized Nobody loves anything as much as Marylanders. Love Maryland, love Maryland. Yeah, no it's a cult. Nobody loves anything more than Maryland loves itself. And the flag, I will say, has overtaken me. I own a flag hat. I own various Maryland flag merchandise. At this point I'm always looking for more. It's a great flag.
Eric:It looks good on everything.
Matt:It looks good and there is and this is very important, I think for the flag. There is no mistaking it.
Eric:No, yeah, you will. You will. You can pick it out of a lineup with all 50 states immediately.
Matt:If you put Pennsylvania's flag, pennsylvania's flag, up with the other states flags that are just like a seal in the middle, I actually don't know that I could tell you which one is Pennsylvania. I actually don't know that. I could do that, yeah. But if you put a lineup of all 50 states flags, anyone should be able to tell you which one is Maryland.
Eric:Well, because it's the one flag going ka.
Matt:It's the one flag saying we basically put all the colors yeah.
Eric:Damn. Yes, it's so. The audacity of the flag is what I love. It is the most audacious flag I have ever seen in my life. It truly is loud and proud.
Matt:Yeah, but none of that has anything to do with the question.
Eric:But yeah. So if I say Maryland best flag, New Hampshire best motto, duncan, massachusetts runs on Duncan.
Matt:So it's a three-part question Does America run on Duncan? We said no, no. If not, what does run on Duncan? I would say Massachusetts, massachusetts, perhaps we, we could even say the whole Northeast runs on Duncan. And then, finally, what does America run on? But before we get to that, I want to say one thing in terms of a chain donut slash coffee place. I love Duncan, I do. I like donuts, I like the coffee, I like everything they got to offer. Really I do. But they can't hold a candle to duck donuts. Someone had to say it. Duck donuts, yeah. Someone had to say it Blows Duncan, so far away it might as well be on the other side of the planet.
Eric:Duncan your donuts. Like I eat your donuts, I like your donuts, but compared to a duck donut dog, a hot fresh made donut and also the coffee.
Matt:I have to say duck donuts coffee is better too. The whole experience is great.
Eric:Cause we're talking about. Cause duck donuts and this is just so more expensive. They're like the hand dip. They're the ones that are similar to like fractured prune and like they're like the dense they make them right away.
Matt:Yes, the cake donuts.
Eric:The flavors are out of this fucking world. Each one, and you only need really one of them. Yes, Like D-Dunks and I'm sure this is by design I could eat like five or six of those fuckers, Absolutely.
Matt:And they're 99 cents. Of course you can.
Eric:Yeah, For what I'm paying for it. The D-Dunk Donut is perfect.
Matt:If I stop by Duncan solely to get a coffee, you know I'm driving somewhere and I'm like, oh, let me stop by and get some coffee. For the road I'll inevitably go in there and be like anything else and I'll be like, no, just the coffee. Throw one of those strawberry donuts on there.
Eric:Like that's me. I'll always grab a sour cream donut.
Matt:I love sour cream donuts. Yeah, just toss it on.
Eric:But duck donuts dog, duck donuts dog.
Matt:And they stay good after they're no longer hot. But when you eat a fresh one, it's a religious experience. Good, good. You will see God in that donut. Yeah.
Eric:Yeah, so like, but as God, like as they are, america doesn't run on them. So which brings?
Matt:us to the third part. Certainly not, definitely not. America cannot.
Eric:That is not sustainable. America cannot run on duck donuts. It is a special treat America cannot run on duck donuts.
Matt:We whoo Okay, so what does America run on? Now, we could approach this two different ways. Is it a coffee place? Is it a breakfast place? Is it a restaurant of any kind, or is it something unrelated? Or is it a concept or is it a concept? I think it's a concept. What would you say? You've got something cooking. I can see it.
Eric:Honestly, I just I'm just gonna throw it out there. Let's see how it does. Yeah, let's see. Let's see how audiences play with it. I think America runs on spite, spite. I think our country was founded on, built on- Founded on, you'd say, runs on spite. Oh my God, yeah, our country was founded on. You're gonna charge me how much To do what Fuck off.
Matt:All right, that's not spite, that wasn't spite.
Eric:Sail across the ocean and say, fuck you, we're our own country.
Matt:now that was that, first of all, you're really conflating events and timelines of the American revolution.
Eric:We were already here when we got to the fucking part. Look man, America doesn't run on history books, okay, Okay.
Matt:I wanna give you pushback about that, eric. I want to, but I know that what you've said is true. I'll say this my America runs on history books, but many other people in this country do not run on history.
Eric:How about this? Could I tweak it somewhat? You can do it. Everyone want my guy. America runs on Shaden Freud. Schadenfreude, schadenfreude, schadenfreude, schadenfreude.
Matt:America does sort of run on Schadenfreude. And for those who might not be familiar with Avenue Q, why don't you go ahead and say what it is?
Eric:Schadenfreude is. We've all experienced it. German word and there's no nice way to say it. It just means taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
Matt:Yes.
Eric:Or the misfortune, or yet to.
Matt:Happiness of the misfortune of others, I believe, is the accepted description.
Eric:It is pretty much the chemical opposite of the golden rule.
Matt:Yes, and I actually think you might be on to something there. I think that is very true. How many hidden cameras, America's Funniest Home Videos, bloopers, all these different shows that we've had and loved over time, which is all about people falling on their ass or breaking a window, spilling ice cream? I think you might be right, Eric. I think America might run on Schadenfreude.
Eric:We run on Schadenfreude.
Matt:But the American Revolution was not built on spite. I do have to give you pushback on that. Fair Built on this search for justice.
Eric:One might say Fair, Of course I am grossly oversimplifying the history of our country.
Matt:Just to clarify before I'm canceled. At the time it was of course the search to end injustice for a how can I put this very specific subset of people?
Eric:Very narrow case.
Matt:use of human beings Could be just the white men, could just be them. Could be that they were talking about Almost exclusively. So I don't know that we need to come up with any other candidates here, because, let's face it, america does love laughing at somebody else falling on their ass.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, oh my God, and we love nothing more than people coming to us begging for help.
Matt:Yes, that is that we do love that.
Eric:Yeah. So it's like the cherry on our fucked up little little socio, like geopolitical cake. We love watching the misfortune of others and we love when they come asking us for help and then we love not giving it to them. It's fucking wild.
Matt:We love nothing more than someone asking our country for help and saying well, I don't know. I don't know how much oil you got, but you know. Politics aside, eric, let's talk for a second. I think we've hit the nail on the head. I think we've hit the truth of what America runs on, which is shot in Florida. But if we because we were previously talking about Duncan and restaurants if we had to name a restaurant that America runs on, what would you say oh oh, 100% 7-Eleven.
Eric:You think 7-Eleven, I think 7-Eleven, Because I don't think I'm inclined to say like a sheets or whatever. Those are all region specific.
Matt:They're all regions 7-Eleven 7-Eleven is everywhere and Everywhere.
Eric:It's where you can get gas, it's where you can get smokes. It's where you can get a glizzy. It's where you can get fucking, like all. You can buy condoms, you can buy fucking.
Matt:Got everything you needed.
Eric:You can buy rhino dick pills that have little little stick figures drawn on them with massive little boners Like there's, there's, so like it has, if your goal is to not die. Yeah 7-Eleven's got you babe.
Matt:I think that's true, if I was looking for some place that might have a drive-through because some not all, but some Duncan's do have drive-throughs, of course I probably most actually these days.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:But what I'd say is I'd offer this up McDonald's.
Eric:McDonald's, mcdonald's if we're going just purely off like food place.
Matt:McDonald's. It's there. You know what it is. You're on a road trip. It's getting around lunchtime. You pass a sign that says McDonald's. One says oh fuck it, we'll just go there.
Eric:Step through our golden arches.
Matt:Step on through baby.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:I don't know how many billions served at this point.
Eric:No, yeah, I loved the point where they just kind of gave up.
Matt:They stopped those signs because they were like we can't, yeah, which was a bummer.
Eric:Which was a real bummer.
Matt:So, aaron, there you go. There's three answers for the price of one. And look at that, eric. This episode just dwindling away, so I think we should move on to the next question, and this came from an email as well. This came from Tim over at the Against All Oddities podcast. Thanks, tim.
Eric:Thanks Tim.
Matt:Now, first, he did want to just comment on something from a previous episode, to say that water is irrefutably soft. Do you give any pushback, eric?
Eric:Go ahead and read what was the title of the email. It had a subject line.
Matt:Water is fucking soft bros, Thank you.
Eric:I just wanted to make sure we're putting respect on my man's email. Is water soft? Tim has taken the position that water is irrefutably soft. Yes, I'd say that's a perspective.
Matt:To be fair, he did say the following as well. We might as well read the whole goddamn email. Yeah, yeah, matt made the point that if you fall from a high enough height it will break bones. Yes, yes, but if you're falling from a height where you can reach terminal velocity, you're shaman extra soft of the same depth of that water will also break your bones, which is a valid point. A cruel tempest that rages with gentle rain drops that furiously pelt. What A cruel tempest that rages with gentle rain drops that furiously pelt your skin and feels like bullets. I keep trying, tim. I keep trying to read it in a way that makes sense.
Eric:Tim the problem isn't your poetry, it's that we. You know this is very much. Those who were dancing were thought to be mad by those who could not hear the music my dog Also soft, it's just the water backwards falling into your face.
Matt:I'd argue anything moving at great speeds and hitting your face would not feel soft. And then, okay, now this is a new email and this has the question that we came here.
Eric:Okay, we'll get to that.
Matt:We'll get to that. Oh sure, yeah, go ahead, Eric. What do you want to say about water?
Eric:I agree with it. I agree. I will say agree with this assertion. Say look you go in terminal velocity. Anything you hit is going to fuck your day, your day. Absolutely. That's just facts, that's just science.
Matt:And to be fair, I only threw that out as like, oh well, because I said it was soft and then said, well, I guess if you fall from a great heart it kills you. But you know, I wasn't trying to say water isn't soft.
Eric:But all that to say, tim, yeah, that's certainly a perspective and I appreciate you sharing it. And I'd say you know there's a lot of, there's a lot of conversation to be had around this topic and I encourage others to you know, share their views.
Matt:I can feel the listeners turning on a different podcast. Is water soft?
Eric:Send us an email today. Now to the question.
Matt:And Eric, you're going to like it and I'm going to hate it. Here we go. Here's the sitch. Matt will get financially compensated for every minute that he stays in a mosh pit. He will get $1 per heartbeat per minute. So 100 beats a minute is $100 a minute. Here's the question, and it's for Eric. Eric, you get to choose the band and how long Matt stays in the pit. You will also get the same amount of money. Matt gets to, but sorry, you also get the same amount of money, but Matt gets to choose how you spend it. What's the band? When does Matt get pulled out of the pit? And Matt, what does Eric spend the money on? So, eric, first of all, I can see you chomping at the bit, and this is a question apparently for you.
Eric:I'm chomping at several bits right now.
Matt:Let me just say one thing real quick One dollar per heart rate per minute and I think 100 beats per minute. My understanding as a mosh pit is probably I got at least a pulse of 100 going on in the pit.
Eric:At a minimum. I think that's fair.
Matt:So, basically, on average, the average let's say the average is 100 beats per minute. That's 100 bucks per minute on average. Not enough, not enough for me. So let me ask you something, eric what's the time?
Eric:So that's what I was going to say I would scrimp and save. I would budget $500 to give you five minutes in the mosh pit $500 to spend five minutes in the mosh pit. $500 for five minutes of work. Not even work. You just got to be in a place, alright. Eric, I will say I feel like I would be wasting your time with $100 for one minute but for $500 for five minutes long enough for you to get in.
Matt:Regardless of the heartbeat scenario that Tim put on the table.
Eric:you're telling me $500, five minutes $500, five minutes, but I would also budget. I would want to do it right. If the prompt is heartbeats per minute, we're going to hook you up with a Fitbit, I don't need a.
Matt:Fitbit, I got a fucking Apple Watch right here there you go With precision.
Eric:We will monitor your heartbeat and I will also budget like hey look, if your heart gets to pitter-patter from the sound of the beat, the rhythm of the street. It's a lesson and it comes from the heart.
Matt:I'll say this just sitting here right now, and it's 72 beats per minute.
Eric:Oh, we can get that up.
Matt:Well, certainly during the Frasier conversation it was higher, probably 120.
Eric:But if I say I would set money aside to give you five minutes in the pit, and I'll say this Five minutes.
Matt:You wouldn't make me go further, honestly, dawg.
Eric:Five minutes in pit time. That's a bit. Depending on the band, that could be two or three songs. You're in the pit. It's kind of like fight time. Have you ever talked to people who like spar or fight, like they say okay, you're going to go for like a two minute sparring match. Two minutes is a fucking eternity in fight time. That is a very long time to be in it. Five minutes, you're going to get your, you will. Five minutes is perfect because by the end of it you will, you will know objectively and empirically exactly what your opinion of Mosh pits is, because right now you don't know. You know what you think you'll think about a Mosh pit. You know, you, you, you have suppositions about your feelings vis-a-vis being in a Mosh pit.
Matt:But you do not know, I suppose you're correct. And for anyone who's new, I've said many, many, many times I will never Mosh, I will never rave, and Eric is determined to get me to do these things. He will fail. But but you have a point with $500 for five minutes of work. I am not a stone. Okay, I am not immune to the draw of $500 for five minutes of work. I will. I will get, I will raise the stakes here, Eric because, I know you're not going to do this.
Matt:I'll bring this into the realm of real life. I will Mosh for $500 for five minutes If I am also paid $500 as a travel allotment, so $1,000 total $1,000 for five to get me to the den of sin in which the Mosh pit happens.
Eric:I cannot make this go. Fund me fast enough If you come up first thing in my fucking life, that I'm like. This is what I. This is I will put it out there.
Matt:If you're going to pay me $1,000 to get to, get from and spend five minutes in a Mosh pit, I'll agree to it. Oh, okay, for $1,000.
Eric:Okay.
Matt:There's no way. There's no way you're doing it. There's no way you're doing it.
Eric:All right, just making some notes.
Matt:Sure, you make all the notes you want. You're not going to remember this.
Eric:Why do you think I'm writing it down, Matt? Why do you think I'm writing it down, Matt?
Matt:Because I'm saying that, because I can't argue with that. I can't argue with a grand to go to a club, spend five minutes doing something I'm deeply uncomfortable doing and stopping.
Eric:Can I, can I, can, I Do I get to leave after the five minutes. You can. Yes, your only obligation is to the Mosh Great. But will you want to leave? I'll fucking find out now, huh. But one more little caveat. I don't think this is raising the stakes so much as like this is my ask if I do raise $1,000 to make you Mosh for five minutes, I will want a, a mounted GoPro aimed directly at your face.
Matt:Why else would I see it? Why else would I do it without?
Eric:the content. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man does it for the content. So that's established. Good to know. Putting that in the bat pocket.
Matt:So I'm going to give you your personal checks to Eric Poz.
Eric:Yes, Uh, sorry. I just can't stop thinking about how fucking on-brand it is for all of the things we've talked about, like maybe building out a Patreon, like fundraisers.
Matt:I'm just going to invest it in the show.
Eric:The first time that I actively go out and get money from the show is so you can go Mosh for five minutes. I love it Okay.
Matt:I mean, I'm just going to like buy mics with it, you know.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're just really investing. So this is a, a Yedaph fundraiser and the and the, the. Uh, what's the word?
Matt:500, how about this 500, the 500 travel stipend? That's for me the 500 I earn in the Mosh pit. That goes to the show. Where do you think you'll be going for 500? I don't know. I don't know where these places are, these mole people.
Eric:So, so that's all well and good. Yeah, what show cause? This is what I've been chewing over ever since I got this email. What a delicious question. What show Cause? There's two, there's two wolves inside of me, matt. One wolf is saying let's, let's, let's, let's, get our boy, like, let's, give him a good, fucking awesome, like good time, mosh experience. I'm thinking bands like P Lander Z. I'm thinking bands like Cowabunga Pizza Time. I'm thinking bands like Goggle, bridello. These are all, like, I would say, on the Mosh scale. These are the, these are the right that, that happy, creamy center where it's like those perfect equal parts. Like, okay, we're moving, we're thrashing around, we're bumping in, we're having a good time, someone might fall down, we get them right back up Mosh. But then there's another wolf inside of me, matt. I I'm not going to lie that. That second wolf that's inside of me, that wolf, that wolf's got that dog in him. Okay, that wolf's got that dog in him.
Matt:Matt the wolf has the dog in him.
Eric:Got that? No, not, not dog that dog in him.
Matt:Okay, you don't have New York blood, so knock that off. And second, second of all, shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't it be the dog having a wolf in him? Matt, you'd think.
Eric:you would think it should be the other way.
Matt:You'd think, for where we're going that one would think.
Eric:But where we're going Matt, there's a lot of things you would make assumptions about and you'd be wrong. Okay.
Matt:That's where I'm like all right. Since, eric, I just want to say, seeing your face light up and seeing you take the action of writing something down, I am afraid of what I've said in this episode. I am. I am afraid that one day you're going to show up to my door and be like here's $1,000 of cash, get in the car, Get in the car, Get in loser.
Eric:We're moshing.
Matt:And I'll be like, oh fuck, Now I got a fake and injury.
Eric:Depending on where we go, you might not even have to fake, oh no not accessibility, oh what? So when I think about shows where we got that dog, you know, yeah, I can't please stop saying it. That's where we're going to. Infinite pizza. That's where we're going to, but infinite actually. Sorry.
Matt:I have my intention with infinite pizza now.
Eric:Infinite pizza is my friend Becky's band.
Matt:Oh, it's a band. I thought it was a place.
Eric:It's fucking incredible. They're fucking amazing and you can go really hard at their shows. But Becky's also really fucking smart and brilliant and like really good about like dictating what is and is not cool. All that was just to say that infinite pizza. Go check them out. They're fucking incredible. They got that dog in them.
Eric:But this is where, matt, we get into the realm of every time I die. This is where we get into the realm of, like, soul glow. This is where we get into the realm of, basically, matt, there's a, there's a on the one end of the bell curve Once the songs start getting to a runtime length of one minute or less. That is where we, where we get into that like we mashing, we out here, we thrashing. This is where you're going to really feel the fight time, matthew. You're going to feel that that five minutes that's, that's a pretty much a whole album. That place we're going.
Eric:But I don't know if I want to do that to my boy. I don't, I don't. And my goal here, matt, is to introduce you to a concept. It's kind of like if we were having a conversation about oh I don't, I'm just going to pick something. I know nothing about psychedelics. If you or I were to have a conversation about psychedelics and I was, you know you, you know I was trying to like kind of Get me to do it, give you an open mind, dip your toe into it I wouldn't be out here being like, hey, okay, you want to try out psychedelics, let's go to Peru and do some ayahuasca. Yeah, I, I maybe kind of start you off with let's, let's, let's take, like I don't know, something like a gram of shrooms, put it in some tea and drink that, see how you feel. Sure, that's where I'm like, I think. I think I want to take you, I want to take you to that creamy center of Mosh, because then it might get you hooked. It might, it might get you hooked.
Matt:I think you're being I think you're being very optimistic right now.
Eric:Oh I, I gotta be.
Matt:I gotta, I gotta be the only I will say the only reason I'm even entertaining this is the idea of a comma. Okay, the only the reason I'm even considering it is a thousand dollars for less than 10 minutes of work. Yeah, it's the only reason I'm considering it, because it will be work for me. I will not be happy. I will not enjoy it. I know this. I know this about myself.
Eric:You gotta what I what I will ask of you.
Matt:What are you going to ask me to do? Have an open mind.
Eric:I do ask you as I would ask theoretically if we were talking about like psychedelics or something Keep an open mind, Keep a don't. I'm not asking you to hold one position or another. What I'm asking you to do is to hold space.
Matt:Hold space for new ideas to form For a thousand dollars. I'll hold 10 minutes of space, yeah.
Eric:Ten minutes for a thousand dollars.
Matt:I assume that meant five minutes to get there and back and five minutes in the pit. Five minutes in five minutes out, by the way. By the way, we need like an extraction team. There's no way in hell I'm paying a cover for any of these places, if that's a thing.
Eric:No, I'll, I'll get you ticket. I'll get you ticket If that's a thing.
Matt:I'm not paying, and you know what I respect. I respect your respect for these bands and all these things. I'm not paying for the show. I'm coming in that though you could, if you want. No, I was going to say you could take it out of my $500. But no, you can't and that also needs to be covered.
Eric:That's right, brother. I'm like walking on negotiation territory. I never thought I'd be standing on, so this is great. I'm like I'm willing to go. Honestly, you know what I think?
Matt:I think the nice landing spot is For a thousand dollars total, I'm willing to entertain it.
Eric:You know where I think I want it to be. I think I've got it. I'm going to take you to Guar. I'm going to take you Now.
Matt:Guar is a band I know. Oh yeah, I've heard of Guar and I like their vibe. I don't think I'd like being there, but I like hearing about it. I like other people enjoying it.
Eric:I will say this you will, if nothing else, having been to a Guar show, for the rest of your life you'll be able to say I've been to a Guar show, and that is an experience that can only be, only be known or experienced at a Guar. It is.
Matt:Eric and I am happy to be paid a thousand dollars to be able to say that.
Eric:We'll get you in there. We have several friends and associates that worked with Guar.
Matt:I, Eric, I'll tell you what.
Eric:Shout out to my boy, ryan Purple.
Matt:Guar is a band I've heard of. It's a band I know visually, yeah.
Eric:You know exactly what they're about as soon as you look at them.
Matt:I know what they're about. There's a theatricality to Guar that I know of already that appeals to me, that I could see myself after being subjected to five minutes of physical abuse and a mosh pit. I could see myself being like well, maybe I'll stick around. I don't think that'll happen. I think I will leave. Who could say Again $1,000 for five minutes of work I can't really argue with. I can't really argue with.
Eric:I'll tell you why.
Matt:I had to just buy a furnace for this house. So really, if you wanted to up the stakes, I could go more if I'm gonna get to a much higher percentage of dollars.
Eric:Regardless of what your opinion of the scene or your desire to be in an afterwards, I guarantee Very good. You'll have a good story for the rest of your life.
Matt:I'm sure I will. I'm sure certainly for a cold open.
Eric:Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's be honest, that one we would dedicate an entire episode to the debrief.
Matt:Oh, come on, we'd have mics on in this thing, for sure. Oh yeah, we'd have to, and I, first of all, you'd be in just to make sure you'd be in the pit with me, right?
Eric:Yeah, oh, 100%, every step of the way.
Matt:I'm gonna need a chaperone.
Eric:Every step of the way.
Matt:I'm gonna need a mosh chaperone.
Eric:So we've, oh, a mosh chaperone, a mosh lifeguard, so to speak.
Matt:Well, yeah, I mean that's what we previously, but you said when you were a mosh lifeguard, I thought you weren't actually in the pit.
Eric:Oh no, when I'm a mosh lifeguard, that is my role. When I'm in the pit, I'm just constantly looking after people, then yeah then in that case I need my lifeguard.
Matt:Yeah, I got you, baby, I got you.
Eric:So that establishes that. So we know the price, we know the what, we know the how much, we know the who. So now it comes to your part.
Matt:Yeah.
Eric:What would you pay me? $100 a minute, and it does not have to be five minutes like mine. That's just. That's my personal for you getting to experience a mosh bit.
Matt:Well, the question was you will also get the same amount of money, but Matt gets to choose how you spend it. So you're getting $1,000 too. Okay, okay hell yeah.
Eric:So $1,000 for five minutes of something of your choice.
Matt:Yeah, what would you pick? Whatever you want, baby, I want to enjoy your life, matthew. Matt, I never ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with or morally opposed to in some way. You know that's sneaky says see, that's not my style, that's not how I roll air.
Eric:It's an old bit, sir, but it checks out.
Matt:And you know what it's your bit? Yeah, yeah, it's your bit how does it fucking feel, asshole?
Eric:Oh God, is that what I've been doing to people? It's, that's pretty funny. It's an old bit, but it checks out.
Matt:That's so funny. That is, that's also very funny. No, because I'll be honest, eric, I you know I would. That is my answer to you, but the when we got this question, I was like that's one wolf's answer.
Matt:That's one wolf's answer. Well, I was also like well, it's got to be a similar vein, right, I'm uncomfortable even thinking about going to a match pit, so I got to find something. You'd be uncomfortable. Here's the thing, eric. You are so much more you are comfortable with all this. You enjoy almost all of the stuff I enjoy, but then you enjoy more experiences. You know what I mean, and this I'm gonna. This is I'm being very authentic with you.
Matt:One of the first things that attracted me to you as a friend and person was how willing you were. In I'm talking day one of college, night one of college you jumped on a table in the union at some like welcome freshman event, you know, and like just because there were like four people sitting on a couch like not talking to each other. I forget the context, but I know you jumped on this table. We barely knew each other. For like two days We've been in the same circles and we fell into into two roles that we have continued to operate, because you were doing some bit on the table to these awkward freshmen who were like, oh, I don't know what to do. And you jumped on the table and you were being. You were being very flamboyant, shall we say.
Eric:You were putting yourself Living cartoon character Putting yourself out.
Matt:There is what I'd say in a way that I never would have in that situation and very deeply admired, and I fell into a role where I grabbed you like you were truly my brother and I said, without looking at you, said to the people I'm so sorry about him, like you know, sometimes, sometimes I let him out of my sight for a couple minutes. And you know, and I pulled you away and I really feel like in that moment was the true birth of our friendship.
Eric:Yes, our entire dynamic is crystallized in that moment.
Matt:Yes, so that's why I settled on this old bit, because I was trying to think of something that I could pay you, that I enjoy, that you don't, and I don't think there is one.
Eric:What do you get? The man who has no shame.
Matt:How do you shame a man with no conscience?
Eric:That's fair and I also love that answer because it's very cute. It's very cute, very heartwarming. I love you very much.
Matt:I love you very much.
Eric:You're such a good, you're such a good boy. You're such a good boy I am not a dog. No, no, no, but you are a boy and you're good Okay.
Matt:Let me ask you something, Eric. We had a closing segment idea planned and we've only done two questions. But I don't know, that was kind of a nice place to stop, I feel like I think that's perfect.
Eric:I think that was like just nailed it.
Matt:I feel good about it. Yeah, just every now and then, we should pepper in some authenticity to this show.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:Yeah, oh, man, love you, buddy, I love you. All right, so are we doing this? No closing segment, let's do it, we're just closing with love.
Eric:Matt, we're going to close with love and lovingly I say this give them the business.
Matt:Okay. Well then, folks, we do need your questions. Please send them to us. Send us your. I don't even know what you'd call what Tim gave us ultimatum hypothetical situation. We'll do anything. Basically, now, some friends were reaching out to me recently with a neighborhood telling me about a neighborhood group drama that they found on their neighborhood Facebook group. I am going to need that information. I do want to. We do got to read the posts. I can't just tell you a random story, so do provide us. Yes, we would love to bring back Neighborhood Watch. It's been so long Juiciest neighborhood drama. Give us your neighborhood drama, your next door comment fights, whatever the fuck, or somebody else's too. Just as long as you can send me some screenshots, I'm down to read them.
Eric:Yeah, we love that shit and also like real talk. Anything you want to say to us, give us a call. In the fucking thought line Alyssa is 410-929-5329.
Matt:Give that voice mailbox a call and leave us a message.
Eric:Alyssa is currently downstairs. Before I went up here to record, she said oh good, I'm currently drafting what I'm going to call into the thought line to rebut what was said on the previous episode.
Matt:Oh, she's getting into a little bit of Lindsay territory now.
Eric:Oh, oh, yeah. Well, because our cold open and our ending both revolved around-.
Matt:Oh, they sure did. Basically the whole episode did yes.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So she is currently cooking up some words. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to that.
Matt:I cannot wait, and we're going to get her on the show too, also cannot wait for that. We have actually a number of guest ships that we're negotiating schedules and things like that, and I will also put this out there. Eric and I are very close. We've dropped a couple breadcrumbs here and there. Sprinkle them, sprinkle them in there. We are getting very close to revealing to you a new segment, a new type of episode perhaps, and we've been cooking on it for a while and we're looking forward to giving it to you.
Eric:And I can say this it is not something we have ever done before.
Matt:It's definitely not something we've ever done before and we're getting ready to pull the trigger on it very soon. So just keeping you intrigued a little bit. But questions, local legends, neighborhood fights, whatever you want to say in the thought line, give it all to us at. You didn't ask for this at gmailcom. That's where you can email us and that's all spelled out. But you can find us on social media at you didn't ask pod. That's the letter. You didn't ask pod. Instagram, twitter, facebook, et cetera, et cetera. And of course, the thought line again is 410-929-5329. Give us a call, eric. Did I forget anything in the business department?
Eric:You forget a goddamn thing.
Matt:Well then, eric, let me tell you this For all of us here at you didn't ask for this. My name is Matt Che, my name's Eric Poch, and listen, you didn't ask, but since we're gonna end it on love, friends.
Eric:You know what I learned after three days in the woods.
Matt:What's that? Tell me thorough.
Eric:I learned that there is nothing to run from and nothing to run towards, that everything you ever wanted is right here, right now, in this present moment, with the people you love, and that is why I have such a good time and a grand time and a hope for a long time with my good boy, matthew Shay. Oh, eric.
Matt:That's very sweet. That is very sweet, I agree. I have a great time talking to you in any context. Now you did Iowaska in the woods, didn't you Might have?
Eric:done a little Iowaska in the woods. You can tell me Might have done a little Iowaska in the woods. You can tell me, touch a peyote. I won't tell anyone, little peyote, to take the edge off.
Matt:The edge, just take the edge off. You get on the base to get a base. Okay, okay trying this".
Eric:Well, we can do this too.