How do you write a notes app apology? If you had to swap two of your senses, what would they be? And...what would you do for a Klondike bar? These are the questions on our docket before the thrilling (and controversial) season three finale of Google Gripes.
If you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the YDAFT Mascot bracket! Who should represent this cluster of a pod? Send us your suggestions!
As always, you can submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
How do you write a notes app apology? If you had to swap two of your senses, what would they be? And...what would you do for a Klondike bar? These are the questions on our docket before the thrilling (and controversial) season three finale of Google Gripes.
If you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the YDAFT Mascot bracket! Who should represent this cluster of a pod? Send us your suggestions!
As always, you can submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Well, in my cold, open ideas note I don't know how much I have something called New Year's Bits. I wrote that down.
Eric:New Year's Bits what do? You think that means I mean I know I wrote it down but Is that a bit bits about New Year's or like a resolution?
Matt:No, God, no, it's not that year. Ok no, unless. I was saying like maybe we resolve to make, make, make a bit like, make a bit for the new, like New Year, new Bit.
Eric:New Year, New Bit, like the bit for the year.
Matt:Bit for the year. I don't know about. Bit for, is that? Maybe this is it. We just go from here. Yeah, yeah, ok, here I'll just start it. No, fuck it, we'll leave it in. Ok, here we go.
Eric:Quality control, that you didn't ask for this.
Matt:Quality controlled. So OK, so bit. New Bit. New Year, new Bit, new Year, new Bit. Eric, eric, eric, let me ask you, yeah, what, what is your new bit for the new year? What's going to be?
Eric:I'm thinking, I really I'm thinking I need to get into prop comedy, prop comedy, prop comedy. I want to pioneer prop comedy on this audio medium. Ok, oh, you can't just ask a man what his props going to be.
Matt:Why can't I do that? I got a.
Eric:I got a feel it's got to be something nearby.
Matt:That you. I got a tape measure here.
Eric:I've got a bottle of vitamin C of undeterminable age. Oh, tape measure, that's that's got. That's got good foley quality to it. Oh man, maybe that that's that's the bit. This is the year of the Foley artist for me.
Matt:You're going to get into. Well, that's not so much a bit, as it is like a job.
Eric:Yeah, but like I don't want to work, yeah, no, I just want to kind of do it sometimes and get and get and get recognized for it.
Matt:So should we try it? Should we give you a test go?
Eric:Yeah, give me a test, go, give me, give me a sound effect like a classic sound effect, and I will try to make it with an object within my reach.
Matt:OK, just how about? Just, I'll say you simple just feet going through mud.
Eric:OK, ok OK.
Matt:That's not. That's not bad, but, man, I wish people are seeing what I'm seeing. You're like you got so close to Mike and are like pulling your cheeks apart.
Eric:Here, here, here I can try to do a chase scene.
Matt:We got to stop. Ok, we got to end this sound right away, because people are.
Eric:It's a very upsetting.
Matt:It's very upsetting, even to me OK so now the opposite of ASMR. This Um OK. How about a roulette table?
Eric:Oh, roulette table. Ok, yeah All right.
Matt:So here I am. Here I am. What's that? Let's go. I'm going to go all, all reds and I'm going to go double on seven and give it a spin.
Eric:OK, OK, hold up.
Matt:Shit, something's wrong with my wheel here.
Eric:Hold on, oh yeah, I'm sorry, ok, and oh, black forty seven.
Matt:Oh, there it is. Should have mentioned, of course, that my roulette table was only three inches long. That was the saddest sound.
Eric:Oh yeah, it's a tiny little marble, you ready to win big dog?
Matt:OK, all right, so the outside of fully artistry. Yes, wait a minute, hold on. I just saw you put down. Was that one of your vitamin C tablets in its lid?
Eric:Oh yeah, it was Vitamin C tablet in its lid. We use every part of the animal, matthew.
Matt:OK, so I'm going to change it up. Ok, OK we're going to leave the fully artist behind. Ok you have to do a new bit with around the house. A new household bit, a new Alisa bit.
Eric:Oh, a new household bit, a new Alisa bit that you're going to introduce this year.
Matt:What are you thinking?
Eric:OK, because I'm trying to think of bits that I haven't already established, because I will I have? Several me going up the staircase in our home bits.
Matt:Oh, interesting you mean. You mean the like pretending to go down a staircase?
Eric:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like when I go up, because like if you're sitting in our living room watching the television in, like the way our couch, like you're facing the stairway that goes up, so like you see whoever's going up, up and down the stairs, and I'll I'll usually do some sort of like cute little little footy kicks, as I'm going to footy kicks, a little razzle, dazzle with my feet.
Matt:I do feel like I have a good opportunity to introduce new bits, because I have a new I have a house for the first you got, you have fertile ground with which. So I don't even know what to do. What to do? What if I start hiding the elf on the shelf year round?
Eric:Year round. Give him, give him little themed outfits, like little little bits of flair, depending on what time of year it is Like. If it's July, it's all Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses.
Matt:Yeah, maybe he's not out every day, but he's out. Oh yeah, he's out some days.
Eric:He's out some days, you it always, and this is purely subjective, but you do need to make sure that enough time is passed that Lindsay has forgot.
Matt:Yeah, that's, that's the key. Yes, ok, I might. I might dabble with that. Give me a bit for you.
Eric:I mean, this is a bit I did start doing over the new year and this is just like a for all those gamers out there. I've just started stopping in front of like any thing that's happening like in real life and I just pointed out you know they made that non real engine Stupid. They made that in unreal engine. You know they made that in unreal engine.
Matt:You're doing this on the street. You're doing this to just passersby.
Eric:Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, just like pointing out, like a bird flying in the sky, oh, you know they made that real on the right thing. Hang out with any gamers long enough, and they will. They will happily tell you what shit was made in unreal engine.
Matt:Oh, of course, Absolutely. Do you think there's been a single cold open as bad as this one?
Eric:Oh, as bad. Who can say as as effortless?
Matt:as organic as organically, certainly not Certainly not Very organic very organic cold.
Eric:It doesn't get realer than this. Oh yeah, this, this, this one started from a from a deep freeze.
Matt:And I think maybe it's time to return it to the, to that deep freeze. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. New year, new bit.
Eric:Know what, matt? Here's what. Here's what I'll say. Tell me for this new year, we got to take a bit by bit. Stop it, stop it.
Matt:Stop it, stop it. Well, hello everybody and welcome to you. Didn't Ask for this the podcast answering life's least pressing questions. My name is Matthew Shea. My name is Eric Poach. Eric Poach, how are you doing this? Fine, fine, Whatever time the listeners listening?
Eric:Yes, Enjoying the first site of snow I've had in like two years.
Matt:Truly though, like absolutely we got snow, we do have.
Eric:It was a dusting. It was a dusting.
Matt:Well, it was a dusting, but it was so cold that the dusting just stayed and froze.
Eric:Oh yeah, and I was immediately and acutely reminded of how Maryland drivers deal with driving. Oh not well which is not well, it is, it is not.
Matt:Not well.
Eric:We go full on Florida man.
Matt:Not well to the point that I, as I discussed in my last, in our last episode, I have now moved into my new house. But yes, you have, but my lease in the apartment is still ending later this week. So there's some stuff there that I was going to go run and get, like you know stuff in the fridge and like stuff like that, like little you know tidbits here and there, yeah, but I took one look at the snow and said I can wait till tomorrow because I know how people drive around this type of weather.
Eric:Also also just just a quick clarifier you so you, you currently you own land. I do have a house. You own a house.
Matt:Well, bank owns a house.
Eric:I certainly own more house than land, but yes, yes, you own piece of paper that says the bank owes you a house as long as you pay there, bro.
Matt:As long as I very slowly pay it. Yes, yes.
Eric:But you also still have a lease on your apartment through the end of the week. You said to the end of the week yes, bro, you got to start subletting, you got to flip that shit, you got to turn that shit into an Airbnb yesterday. Airbnb yesterday. Tell it like, let our home be your canvas.
Matt:I wouldn't do that.
Eric:I wouldn't do that to somebody.
Matt:Let our empty apartment Think about the think about the fire alarms that we have endured, that I have put on this podcast in its history.
Eric:You say fire alarm. I hear 2 am rave. It's all about your market and, once again, to get the right people Sure by that metric.
Matt:I will remind you and everyone I will never rave One day, no, one day.
Eric:Let it. Let the dream we will get to rave Die, eric, no, no, no, no, no. I have to cling to it. No, let it go. What else will I hope for? Is I awake in the morning?
Matt:Let it go Every day.
Eric:I wake, I stare at a picture of you and I say we will mosh.
Matt:We, I will never mosh, I will never rave. And one day, when you die in a mosh pit accident, I will, at your funeral, give the eulogy and I will get up there and I will say ladies and gentlemen, he deserved this. I tried to warn him, I tried to stop him and no, he wanted to chase that high of sweat and blood.
Eric:Also love, I just love. I love the phrase mosh pit accident. It meets anyone who's ever been in a mosh pit. It's very, it's very rare is the time that anyone looks at something that happened in a mosh pit. How could this have possibly happened? Oops, oops is a word you're not likely to hear in a mosh pit. Whoops, it do my you. You will hear many of my bad Hmm, but never an oops.
Matt:We should start the show. I think we should start.
Eric:We should definitely start the show.
Matt:Because not only do we have some tasty questions to get through, we have the conclusion of season three of Google gripes, and it's will they won't they will, they, won't they. It's a hot one. Current score through two and a half rounds Eric seven, matt six. But Matt six represents a perfect season so far. I am six for six. I need one to tie, two to win.
Eric:I and Matt. I have come correct. I know you do, I spared the rod, I think so long.
Matt:I am highly suspicious because I didn't go hard enough on my hard mode. I'm going to go for three. I really think it's a possibility and we're going to get all into that at the end of this episode. So for right now, we have a question here that we've been sitting on for a long, long time. This is from our good friend at always, a cookie on Instagram. That's our former guest of the show, andy Rawlings, and Andy asks what would you do for a Klondike bar?
Eric:The number of times I have had to pitch true question to Matt like truly, no exaggeration, truly. He's like how much mileage can we get? I was like Matt trust and we're about to find out, aren't. And here's the process, matt, I'm just going to pitch to you. I'm going to pitch to you things you could do, okay, for Klondike Klondike bar and you tell me if I would do it, just if you would do it, okay, all right.
Matt:All right.
Eric:We're going to and kind of like a VoigtConf test and Blade Runner. We got to establish a baseline, of course. I suggest you walk to your fridge and open it for a Klondike bar.
Matt:I wish I could do it right now.
Eric:Okay and yeah, because let's get this out of the way Klondike bars fucking rule.
Matt:They're nice Fucking rule. And there's a there I forget it's exact name, but there's like a crunchy Klondike bar where it's got like the Heath Bar bits. Well, there's those, but I mean just where the outside chocolate shell has like bits of like Nestle crackle type material.
Eric:Oh yeah, it's so good oh it's so good A Neapolitan Klondike bar Get the caramel Klondike bar down, come on, come on. So let's assume it, and let's assume it is, it is you're a Klondike boy is what I'm trying to say.
Matt:Okay, okay, are you? You're a Klondike boy, oh yeah.
Eric:Yeah, I'm a Klondike boy. Nice Klondike boys, gang, gang, rise up. So you would walk to your fridge. You would open it for a Klondike bar. I would.
Matt:Okay, so what answer am I asking you? This questions, these questions as well.
Eric:Oh, oh, for now, let's just, let's just keep it to you, let's just, I want to, I want to hone in on you because I thought all about me.
Matt:Okay, I like it. I like it. Okay, yeah, you, you've pitched. It's true, you've been pitching this for so long. I couldn't even tell you when Andy submitted it, years ago probably, and for that reason I'm assuming you have you have come correct with this.
Eric:So, matt, let's pretend in a perfect world. We're next door neighbors, I come over and I'm going. I'm going to say perfect world.
Matt:First of all, that is a perfect world. That, that is a perfect world. The second one of these new neighbors who I haven't met yet's house goes on sale. I'm letting you know Fuck yes, so I come over.
Eric:I'm like oh, hey, matt, hey buddy, just got a fresh shipment of Klondike's. They're over in my house. You want to come get one? Would you do that? Absolutely, come on. Okay, okay, okay, would you climb a six foot ladder for a Klondike bar?
Matt:Yes, no problem.
Eric:Feet on the second to highest rung because you never stand on the highest rung. I'm not going to do that to you. We're not going to fuck over OSHA regulations.
Matt:Now let me just make sure I understand you. The ladder is going up six feet, or the ladder itself is six feet tall and I'm climbing to the top of it. Yes, the second one. Okay, that's what I thought I was just making sure, because the first one I'm like well, I'm already at that height, so Okay, so yes, okay, cool Cool.
Eric:Okay.
Matt:I'm assuming everything you've said so far you would do.
Eric:Oh, yes, yes, Okay, all right, I come to your door. Yes, I say, matt, there's a guy at the end of the street Says he's handing out clon, like Klondike bars. I have heard this. I've heard this from a neighborhood kid. I have not witnessed this with my own eyes. One of the urchins, one of the urchins, one of the we urchins that runs up and down our block.
Matt:Yes, because in this, in this world, you are already my next-door neighbor. Is this correct?
Eric:I'm already your next-door neighbor and I'm basically like the Fagan of the street yeah. Yeah one of those like oh, they got Klondike's.
Matt:Yeah, no one. No one understands why these Dickensian orphans are running around.
Eric:But, goddammit, they want Klondike and so, like we have to, we have to walk. It's like, it's easily, like a five, sixish minute walk, okay.
Matt:Can we see the man? We can?
Eric:see that there is a man at the end of the street. He's reaching into a box and handing something to people, and is he handing it to children? Children and adult alike. Okay, supervised children and adults alike. I was gonna say it's not creepy.
Matt:Well, I was gonna say, if he's handing it to children, I feel like we have an obligation. Oh, we have a duty. A duty to go make sure that this man is handing out Klondike's and is not a predator as the sort of wardens of the, the cul-de-sac that we're on so in this scenario we're heroes.
Eric:Well, I that's the base, that's every scenario, that's every scenario. Okay, okay, so you would do this, I would do this. Yeah, I would do. All right, I come to you. I knock on your door, matt. There's a guy handing out Klondike's at the elementary school down the street. So in this one we have to like get in your car and drive like three or four minutes To the elementary school down the street are the Klondike's free. They are free in every scenario they are free.
Matt:We're going. Okay, okay, we're going a five-minute drive for a free Klondike bar for a free Klondike easy worth it easy.
Eric:All right, let's also pretend you don't work remotely, it's pretend you have you, you have, okay, oh, actually, let's, let's not even put it. Let's see, you have to leave for rehearsal, okay, in like Five minutes. All right, you have not eaten today. Yeah, you know that. You saw Klondike bars on sale at the 7-eleven around the corner. There's no other food available to you. If you go and get this Klondike bar, you might be a minute or two late for rehearsal. Yeah, that's fine.
Matt:That's fine. I text the stage manager, say traffic is awful, okay, and I'm coming, okay, I'm good.
Eric:Now we're gonna start getting a little more. We're gonna we're gonna take a step away from what you or I might express as reality.
Matt:It's about time that we do, because the answer to the question did you prep things for this segment, I think is hardly no, no.
Eric:I've been meditating on this for for the better part of a year or two. Matt gray, you are in a room. You do not have socks or shoes. You have underwear on. Okay, just for common decency Between you and the Klondike bar is a pit of Lego. Mmm, it's deep, it's. It's not so much deep. It's deep enough that you, like you're not gonna sink into it. You have to walk on it like a bed of coals.
Matt:No, I don't know.
Eric:I don't know, you don't what do you do?
Matt:What are you gonna do for this Klondike bar? How far away?
Eric:is the Klondike bar. I'd say it's across a ten-foot chasm of Lego.
Matt:Okay so there's no jump in it. It's what?
Eric:you're saying there's no jumping it.
Matt:But you know what there is, eric, what there is taken off my shirt, laying it down on them legs and Just going boop, boop, boop and getting over there. I can do that.
Eric:What if you didn't have a shirt? Would you do it for?
Matt:quantum. Here's what I think I would do. I think I would take a ginger step right, just like a oh, how's it going? Yeah, how do you do maybe another one? Yeah, and depending on the level of pain, which I think would be manageable as long as I don't rush it, okay if I slowly get Introduced those spiky parts into my skin, yes, long as I do it slowly, I think I would be able to get over there. I'm getting that Klondike bar.
Eric:You just screaming internally as you slowly walk.
Matt:Okay, also if they're not, if the chasm is not that deep that I'd sink into it, couldn't I just, like, flip them out of the way a little bit like?
Eric:Matt, don't go Alright, alright now. Now the pool of Lego is three feet deep.
Matt:Okay yeah, okay yeah, make, give me a challenge, for God's sake. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, same thing. I would. I would, I'd get over there. Alright, cuz here. Oh, here's what you do, here's what I would do. It's three feet deep. Yeah, I take my little toesies and I put them in there and I shuffle them to the bottom of the chasm and then I wade through the legos like snow To get over there, because I don't care if my shins get cut up.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, it's sacrifice them legies. Come on, it's a Klondike, would you?
Matt:Okay, you're, you're. I think you're starting to test how much mileage.
Eric:You're at a, you're at a fan, you're at, you're at a family picnic. Okay, great, you're one of your cousin. Let's pretend you have like a child cousin, like a little kid.
Matt:Okay, yeah, sure.
Eric:Everyone got a Klondike bar.
Matt:Uh-huh.
Eric:Except you and everyone's like right now like they're eating their client. But you see, the little kid sets his Klondike bar down on a bench and, like, runs, and now he's going to play with the other kid. So he's he's distracted and looking at him, you know he's forgotten about the Klondike bar. Yeah, do you take this child's Klondike bar and I will. I will even give you this. No one will witness it. You know you know you can get away with it.
Eric:No one will witness it. You know for a fact that no one will see you. Take this Klondike bar and you will never be caught. Okay, if I know, if I have that as solid factual knowledge and you know that if you take this Klondike bar, there was only enough for everyone at the family reunion to get one.
Matt:So of course, except for you, there's none left. Yeah.
Eric:Yeah, there's none left for you. So you know that by taking this, the child will not have a Klondike.
Matt:Okay, and just to confirm, there is no possibility of me Stealing or otherwise getting a Klondike bar from anyone else.
Eric:Oh no, everyone's already fucking. They're already like Like everyone's already fucking, Hamfisting those Klondike's well, here's what I'm, here's my thought.
Matt:Yeah, if, if this is a picnic, it's warm out and If this Klondike bar doesn't get eaten, it's gonna melt and that's food waste. So it is. I have a responsibility to the point To eat this, to eat this Klondike bar, because here's the deal, right, what's gonna if I can't get caught? What's going to happen if this child cousin of mine does remember he is a Klondike bar and it is then upset? Yeah because if he never remembers, he's going to be.
Eric:He's going to remember at some point and he will be inconsolable.
Matt:Oh, okay, I also have this man. I'm smart if I also have that knowledge. The only Consequence of my actions, as I see it, besides the fact that my little cousin does not get a Klondike bar, is the guilt that will, yeah, come. That will come though, overshadow me. Yeah, you know that inherent Catholic raised guilt that I've got inside of me and I can deal with that. For a Klondike bar, absolutely I can. But and I'll even go further if it's, if, the, if, the if this picnic has been going on for several times For a while now is what I mean to say yeah, I know my social battery Well enough to know the mats gonna need a little break from people.
Matt:So I'll say oh, my god, looks like we're out of Klondike bars. Little cousin Craig didn't get a Klondike. I I, the best cousin will go to the store to get a fresh pack of Klondike's For this cousin. Now I'm a hero. Now Craig the cousin yeah, is is happy I've got a Klondike. And what nobody knows is when I went to go get more Klondike's, I just sat in the parking lot and had another one for myself. This couldn't worked out better.
Eric:You couldn't have given me a better scenario to have a lot of me give you this one same exact scenario you go to reach for the Klondike and at the same time your cousin goes to grab it. So you are both holding either end of the Klondike and it is that moment of you both looking at each other and you know. You know it's his Klondike bar. He knows it's called, it's his Klondike bar. You will end. There are none at the store. They're sold out. The only way you're getting a Klondike bar is if you take his, and no one will know. Matt, through whatever fucking hand wavy Bullshit I got to do, no one will know or believe the little cousin if he says you tried to steal his Klondike bar.
Matt:Okay well then the easy answer then to that question is Saying then I would just take it, and if no one's gonna believe him, right, like that's, that's the easy. I see you gasping at me. But here's what I would do. Yeah, that's what I would do. I would say, because I'm assuming Craig's gonna first say, like this is my Klondike bar, yeah, and I could say no, no, I think it's my Klondike bar. I seem to remember putting it down there. And he'll be like no, no, no, I did before I went over here to play in the sandbox. And I'll say, okay, well then I'm. I've got to ask you, craig, what would you do for a Klondike bar? And he'll say like, oh, what do you want me to do? Like, what do I have? What do you mean? What do I have to do? And I'll be like I bet you, I, if you want this Klondike bar, you have got to run to that sandbox, Get me a pail of sand and bring it back to me.
Eric:This sounds like a fable. Like like this is yeah, it's like a sops like a sops b sides and it is you.
Matt:The reason it is is because Fables have lessons, and so does this, because when he goes to fill up his bucket, he's gonna turn around that Klondike bar is halfway down my goal and he will come back and be like what, what, what have you said? And I'll be like. You know what I would do for Klondike bar Lie to a child.
Eric:There it is, there it is. That's.
Matt:That's the button that that's the button right there. I trust no one.
Eric:Fuck man, what I? Honestly, the better question now is what wouldn't you do for a Klondike bar? What wouldn't I do? I wouldn't kill someone.
Matt:you, okay, you wouldn't kill somebody, would you? I wouldn't, I wouldn't kill anyone. I'll put it that way. Okay, okay.
Eric:Uh, oh, god damn, that was hot.
Matt:Yeah, would you would.
Eric:You would you punch someone in the arm, not like full tilt, just like like you're gonna give them a Come on, okay, come on. Especially, if it was like you, would you slap someone in the face for a Klondike bar? I need a person, huh, oh, you need a person. Okay, uh, uh me.
Matt:Yes.
Eric:Oh I, I would have been insulted if you had said anything else zero has zero hesitation. Uh, uh, your brother Do what?
Matt:okay? Okay, this is good. Is it a full slap, or can I change up the impact?
Eric:Like it'll, it'll have a good like it'll Like.
Matt:I've got to slap him.
Eric:Like it.
Matt:Anyone, anyone within like 10 feet will go, oh yeah okay, yeah, it's gonna start some shit, but yeah, uh, it's gonna be a while till I get to the Klondike bar, because then we're gonna be in a physical fight. Yeah, but I will. I will know that at the end of of it I will have a Klondike bar. Would you slap your little?
Eric:cousin.
Matt:No, I wouldn't slap.
Eric:There it is, there's the soul, there's his soul.
Matt:The little cousin, Not like that show, the Slap. You remember that? Wait which show is this.
Eric:There was a show called Literally the Slap.
Matt:that was about this. It was like a parent slapping someone else's child at a picnic. That was like the whole premise of the show. Oh God, what would you do to make it so that you could tell the premise of the show?
Eric:Oh God yeah.
Matt:What would you do for a Klondike Barg? Go out and buy one of my fucking adult. That's great, Eric. That's just great. That's just great comedy.
Eric:I'll tell you so I'm in the same camp. I wouldn't kill somebody. Honestly, Slap like I don't like doing it on people. All right Eric.
Matt:Yeah, give me some. You pull off the side of the road to go to use the facilities, and in this case the facilities is you? Know a tree, yeah, and you're on the side of a little lake there, but it's cold out because it's now time, it's winter, and so said it's frozen, it's frozen, and about I'm going to say 50 feet into the middle of this pond, this lake or whatever which is frozen, it's frozen. There is a Klondike Barg just sitting there. It's wrapped. You can see this wrapped.
Eric:I can see it's clearly wrapped. It's not been tampered with in any way. It is just sitting there.
Matt:Tell you what it's a full six pack of Klondike bars and it's wrapped up.
Eric:Oh, full six pack.
Matt:So you know it hasn't been tampered with.
Eric:Okay, yeah, I can see the cellophane About 50 feet out on the lake. How cold is it? It's 10 degrees 10 degrees. I'll do it. I'll call my loved ones and be like, hey, I'm about to go do this.
Matt:I want you to know I'm not calling you to try to talk me out of it.
Eric:I'm calling to inform you that this is happening. I'm calling you to inform. If I go like you need to call me in 10 minutes, yeah.
Matt:And if I don't answer, you got to come get me. Hey, I just dropped a pin for you. That's where my body will be if you don't hear from me. Absolutely. That's well done.
Eric:Because I just want to make sure, Eric, we're on the same page.
Matt:Have you ever in your life, a person who's been in a relationship with you on the same page, have you ever in your life uttered the phrase oh, it's too cold for ice cream?
Eric:No, fuck, no, Matt. Do you remember? Thank you. Do you remember Snowpocalypse, when we were going to Towson?
Matt:Of course, the year we got hit by like we were all snowed in.
Eric:We literally couldn't get out of the dorms. During that time I walked across campus eating an ice cream sandwich. It was an Andy's ice cream sandwich. It was the chocolate mint ice cream sandwich. I just remember it being so fucking cold, trudging through three feet of snow. I'm eating this ice cream sandwich and it was such a unique experience because at that point it tasted warm.
Matt:Yeah, I put it in the same camp as people who are like, oh, it's too hot for coffee, fuck that and fuck you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, they don't understand coffee. And people who are like, oh, it's too cold for ice cream, don't understand ice cream.
Eric:And I think that's the moral of this fable it's never too cold for ice cream. You know what it is.
Matt:It's never too cold for an ice cream and there's very little you shouldn't do for a Klondike bar A fucking men, A fucking men.
Eric:Thank you, Andy Men. Thank you Andy.
Matt:Now. Thank you, andy. Sorry, it took us so long to get to this fantastic question, so consider it answered. And now, eric, normally we like go back and forth with who's reading the questions, but I believe you told me I had to read this question. Yeah, yeah, yeah yes, okay, we got this in an email, am I correct? You want me to read the whole email?
Eric:I'd like you to read me the whole email.
Matt:Okay, it begins as follows Dear Matt and his employee, fuck off, if you had to swap two of your five basic senses, which would they be? By that? I mean, if you swapped taste and touch, whenever you would have felt something, you'd taste it instead, and vice versa. No picking taste and smell. That's too much of a freebie. Sincerely DJ Joey G, ps Eric says sir.
Eric:I do say sir, I do say sir what the hell does that mean, sir?
Matt:What does it mean? Are you trying to say sup?
Eric:Yes sir, how you doing.
Matt:You having a good time, but that's but sus is different. We can't get in that, right, okay we will.
Eric:I'll educate you on that another day, please. Two things.
Matt:One a DJ, Joey G. Thank you for the question.
Eric:A Love that I've been relegated to employee.
Matt:Yeah, because, let me make it perfectly clear I most certainly do not pay you.
Eric:No, no, no, no. You pay me compliments. I try, you do so. A Love that I'm relegated to employee B. Can you tell that this email was written by my best friend? Yes, okay Is this feel on brand for my best friend.
Matt:It does. Yes, it does so, dj Joey G. Thank you so much for the question.
Eric:So if we have to swap two senses, with the exception of taste and smell, because I agree that's, that's cheating, that they're, they're too close.
Matt:Would I and taste like sight and taste. So you're tasting now with your eyes. Is that too much that I think it could be too overwhelming?
Eric:Oh, my God, that would suck, dude, you couldn't look so much. You have to keep your eyes closed constantly, Like do not open them unless something delicious is in front of you. It's like if you look at mud, if you look at, if you look at, if you look at dog poopy.
Matt:Well, I'm just imagining right now I'm looking at you through a computer screen, right so I'm tasting my microphone, boom mic, my keyboard, the camera, the screen, the wall, the phone everything.
Eric:You're tasting my, my face. You're tasting my face your face.
Matt:You're tasting my my beard.
Eric:Yeah, that's nasty. Oh, this beard is luscious. Thank you very much, but I can't imagine tastes very good. No, now here. Now sight and hearing might be also known as sound. Yeah, yeah, thank you, matthew, switching my my, my eye music and my ear sights.
Matt:Okay, so you're hearing. So isn't that echo location?
Eric:And so basically, you gain echo location and you and you can hear Now that might be, that might be like the.
Matt:you have to be careful with that you dare devil at that point.
Eric:You're, you're dare devil that, but no, but then you're see like, then anything you see like if you look at two people conversing from 200 yards away, you can hear what they're saying. I love that. This sounds pretty baller. So so far, this is winning in my head.
Matt:This takes people watching to a totally different level, and I'm here for that.
Eric:Oh, but like I'm trying it, what? What happens when you look at the sun? Cause you, let me, let me pull, let me Google this real quick, cause, like they did the math, how loud is the sun? Okay, so, the noise will be approximately 100 decibels. So, for context, a normal conversation is typically around 60 decibels, while a rock concert can reach around 120 decibels. Okay, so, and it's worth noting, and I just know this, by the way, I woke up knowing yeah, you didn't you didn't?
Eric:decibels are are like logarithm, like they're exponential, like going from one decimal to two decimals is not the same as going from two decimals to three decimals. It gets bigger each time, Right.
Matt:Of course.
Eric:So every time you walk out and decide, if you look up at the like, you look up in the sky and the sun is even in your periphery it's just going to be like fucking Metallica blasting in your ears. You will no longer be a daytime person.
Matt:I think what you have to do is you because you have the daredevil echo location? Mm-hmm, you can now, much like Cyclops, walk around with like special glasses that essentially make you blind. But you can, you. You choose when to lift the visor. You know when to reveal what's underneath.
Eric:God, it's so fucking lame to. She's like, wait, I'm good, and it just slides back Like, ah, oh, just close it again. Yeah, so that that sucks shit. So that's dumb, no.
Matt:I think that's good, because like tell me how this give me the use case for this, okay, because you can see if, if the idea is, you are hearing everything that you, so now you're basically your death. You're walking around death, is that it? And you're? Walking it until you rise up the visor and like look to spy.
Eric:Like you've got to. So you got to rely on your echo location. Very hard to kill because, like you, got to be careful, because you're not going to know, like you tilt up the visor, you don't know what your eyeball is going to be aimed at. God help you.
Matt:Yes, you do it because you're, if you've got the daredevil echo location, Well yeah, cause you can hear it. But like well, you can. No, you're not just hearing it, You're seeing it, Like your ears are making the 3D render around you.
Eric:You're seeing through your ear holes, yes, and it would mean like you're seeing the sounds, you're hearing the sights. So I feel like there cause, I feel like your range of sight is so much further than your range of hearing.
Eric:I can see things so much further away than I can hear them, so like that's where I feel the danger comes in Cause in my mind. If your eyeballs can see it, you are hearing it as if you're like right up against it. Yeah, okay, and just a side note, I feel like no one wants to swap with smell. I feel like there's no world in which that works out for you. Well, how would? How would it work? So let's try, like hearing and smell.
Matt:So now you're smelling with your ear. You have to like lower your ears.
Eric:So now something has to be with an olfactory range for you to hear it, and if you can hear something, you can smell it, which, like that, is just such a gamble. Every fucking day of your life I'm still very.
Matt:Imagine going to like a sporting event. You know, oh God, the smells that would come out of the cause. You're right. Anything you can hear, you can smell Like something very far away, like a plane.
Eric:Yeah, yeah, yeah, smell that.
Matt:Like a plane you can hear, but it's like it's, you know, very soft or whatever, which means you'll be able to smell the scent of it, Just a whiff of it coming in.
Eric:Oh, is that the.
Matt:Southwest way. Oh, I don't know this. I don't know that there is a good combo.
Eric:Well, didn't we come up with a pretty banger one off the get.
Matt:Well, you, I thought the sight and the, the hearing was pretty good, but then you didn't care for it.
Eric:I'm so willful. Now I say I think of them, that is.
Matt:Sight, smell, taste and touch. We haven't done anything with touch Touch. So if you're looking across like if you do, let's say you do it with sight Okay, anything you see, then you can. You can feel, and to actually see something you have to touch it. Like what? Would that even look like?
Eric:Okay, so A again. The sun keeps fucking everything up, because if you go out and look at the sun, you immediately feel like you're you're burning. Burning a lot Like and the worst thing is, it's not physically happening to you, so like you just get all of the pain.
Matt:So you just get the sensation.
Eric:And none of the sweet release of being thrown into the sun.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, the sweet release, yes.
Eric:And then you just feel like you're in a pool, in the sense that you like I could put my hand on the Statue of Liberty and now I see in in totality, the entire Statue of Liberty. Like I could put my oh man, I could put my hand on the door of a bank and just be like all right, go down three floors Left turn.
Matt:Officer just went on break. Okay, so you're, you've just, I mean, of course, you would use this to be a heist team member.
Eric:Abs, this is super villain shit. This is bond.
Matt:villain shit Like this is yeah this is yeah, but what makes it would make it a super villain shit or bond villain shit is if you still can see normally and this is just an ability you have.
Eric:Oh yeah To like transport yourself. Yeah, no, I would need a help. I would need to help her at all times. I could convince people I'm clairvoyant, I could. I could go to, like I could be, like, all right, turn your back to me. And like everyone agrees, I can't see what they're doing. I just put my hand on their back, hold up however many fingers Three, seven, two, that's true.
Matt:That's true, and you'd be very impressive at a party. Yeah, yeah, I don't know that I like any of these options so far, but if I had to do, we had to.
Eric:Okay, what would you say? I think I got to go. I think I got to go, sight sound. I got to like that's like.
Matt:I think sight sound is still the best.
Eric:Like the least awful one, that that one has the least potential to get me, and for that, and it's for that reason specifically, it is the least awful one, yeah of the city. Super five evils.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. So there you go, dig J Joey Done J case closed. So we got one last question here for the day, eric, unless you think we should instead just do Google Gripes, oh.
Eric:I think we can still do oh yeah, we can absolutely.
Matt:Oh yeah, so should I just read it as well?
Eric:Just go all the way for three for three, babe.
Matt:Three for three. How do you write a notes app? Apology, how do you write a note? How do you? How does one? And when I originally wrote this down, it was how do you write a good notes apropology? But notes apropologies are not good there is, we're working.
Eric:It's a notes app. Apology, you couldn't even bother to convert it to word. It's a bad right, or or?
Matt:Boot up canva and make a nice image, and so this is just.
Eric:is the idea here like going off of what we know about notes apropologies, kind of describing the meta of a notes apropology?
Matt:Yeah, so like for I'm sure most of the audience knows what we're talking about, but I'm talking about one like a celebrity has done something indecent, has done something wrong and instead of making some video or something like that, they literally post a screenshot from their phone, from their notes app, that they've written out a little thing.
Eric:If they've cropped out their battery life and notifications bar at the top, consider that like an edit effort. Yeah, that, that that's about the amount of effort I'd say first off off the bat for a notes apropology under no circumstance do the words I'm sorry, or I up or I apologize actually apologizing for what you did. You can apologize for them getting upset. I'm sorry you took this so personal. I'm sorry you're upset.
Matt:I didn't know what I said would offend.
Eric:Yes, I'm sorry you're so offended.
Matt:And this is key. I think another element that always seems to be part of a notes apropology is the I don't, I didn't know. So many people be offended, but yeah. And then the but proceeds to double down on the thing they did. Like they basically say I'm sorry, without saying those words, because I agree those shouldn't appear, but they were like I didn't know and for that I ask for forgiveness. But just know that the reason I did this, and like it has the justification, like it has an excuse there it's always there.
Eric:I work through the narcissist's prayer for via notes.
Matt:I didn't do it.
Eric:And if I did?
Matt:100%, so I I'm just pulling up real quick the notes apropology that Lizzo made. Okay, so this is what Lizzo wrote in a notes app. These last few days have been gut wrenchingly difficult and overwhelmingly disappointing.
Eric:Okay, so make sure you start off by talking about how you're suffering.
Matt:My work, ethic, morals and respectfulness have been questioned. My character has been criticized. Usually I choose not to respond to false allegations, but these are unbelievable as they sound to sound and to outrageous to not be addressed. So this, basically, is not so much a notes apropology as it is just straight up denying what has happened.
Eric:And just quick disclaimer kids, we're not here to pass judgment on Lizzo as a human being no one can do that except for Lizzo but we are here to judge the quality of her notes. Apropology, please continue.
Matt:Yeah, so it basically okay. So I, you know, I I'm in my head, I remembered it being a notes apropology, but as I'm reading it, it really isn't. You know, it's just. It's just a notes app denial that they, that they put out.
Eric:So there's no. So so what you're getting at it's not that it wasn't made notes at it, just there's no apology part. That's key to the notes. Apropology you, you get your publicist to publish, like here, lizzo publishes apology for two or fans, because most people will just read the headline, go okay, cool, neat, and then turns out there's no. So that's key. Don't actually apologize at any point for anything whatsoever. Yeah, make sure you talk about how you have suffered as a result of your actions and why that's everyone else's problem.
Matt:Okay, here's a notes apropology from Taylor Swift in 2016.
Eric:Oh, he, swift, let's go, love you, tay, tay let's. But let's talk about this. Notes apropology.
Matt:Where is the video of Kanye telling me he was going to call me that bitch in his song? It doesn't exist because it never happened. You don't get to control someone's emotional response to being called that bitch in front of the entire world. Of course I wanted to like the song. I wanted to believe Kanye when he told me that I would love the song. I wanted us to have a friendly relationship. He promised to play the song for me, but he never did, while I wanted to be supportive of Kanye on the phone call. You cannot approve a song you haven't heard. Being falsely painted as a liar when I was never given the full story or played. Any part of the song is character assassination. I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of since 2009. And so the crime in question here is Taylor Swift flipped the switch here and use the notes out of apology to call out someone else's offense.
Eric:Okay, okay to, and that that's what I was going to bring up. Key to a good notes apropology is making sure that you heavily imply and create a safe space for the person to actually apologize to you because you are the one who has been wrong.
Matt:Now, here's a good one. Here's a true apology. Okay, true notes apropology, and it comes from Kendall Jenner. The crime in question was when she released maybe remember this a line of t-shirts with with Kylie Jenner which featured their faces on them over photos of notorious bg and Kendall's quote unquote spirit animal to park.
Eric:You don't do that to, you, don't do that to, to biggie.
Matt:Here's what the notes apropology says. I'm reading directly from the screenshot on her Twitter these designs were not well thought out and we deeply apologize to anyone that has been upset and or offended, especially to the families and artists of the artists. We are huge fans of their music and it was not our intention to disrespect these cultural icons in any way. The t-shirts have been pulled from retail and all images have been removed. We will use this as an opportunity to learn from these mistakes and again, we are very sorry. That's a good apology, but is but it doesn't sound sincere.
Eric:It's. It was definitely not written by them. It was written by publicist.
Eric:It was written by publicist on their notes app. But I think that, oh, that's what it is, that's why they do it. That's why they do it in notes app, because if they do it in notes app, that makes it look like oh well, clearly they had to write this, because only they could have been lazy enough to write this in notes app and not actually publish something. So the publicist plays the 4D chess game of writing it on their notes app to give it that level of authenticity. God damn, that's a good move, all right here's a good one.
Matt:Here's a good one. I haven't read it yet, but I've just come across it. I'm on a collection of famous notes app, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Do you remember when Logan Paul, the 21st, 97th member, when Logan Paul went to the I don't know how to pronounce it, but the suicide forest in Japan?
Eric:Oh God yes.
Matt:Do I a okie hara? Yes, I apologize, I'm trying my best.
Eric:One of the one of the saddest places on earth?
Matt:Yes, yes, he went to the frequent suicide site where there's just bodies because they can't really retrieve them, and he was laughing and making jokes after coming across said dead body. Yes, god, yeah, fuck. All right, so let me, let me get to this tweet.
Eric:If anyone would like to call into the thought line, tell us how to pronounce the, the death forest. That'd be great, please do.
Matt:Where do I begin? This was on January 2nd 2018 at 1158 AM. Where do I begin? Let's start with this. I'm sorry.
Eric:Okay, right there Okay.
Matt:This is a first for me. I've never faced criticism like this before, because I've never made a mistake like this before.
Eric:You know, I've never faced criticism like this before. Yeah, because you've never done anything this shitty before Unbelievable.
Matt:Be stupid. I'm surrounded by good people and believe I make good decisions, but I'm still a human being. I can be wrong. I didn't do it for the views. I get views. I did it because I thought I could make a positive ripple on the internet, not cause a monsoon of negativity. So okay, so we're criticizing the backlash. That's the include.
Eric:So if you criticize the backlash, make sure you talk about how good your intentions were when you stood among a forest of dead people at the lowest point of their existence.
Matt:That's never the intention. I intended to raise awareness for suicide and suicide prevention, and while I thought if this video saves just one life, it'll be worth it, I was misguided by shock and awe as portrayed in the video. I still am. I do this shit every day.
Eric:You hang out in the death forest every fucking day.
Matt:I've made a 15 minute TV show every single day the past 460 plus days. One may understand that it's easy to get caught up in the moment without fully weighing the possible ramifications. I'm often reminded of how big of a reach I truly have and with no. And with great power comes great responsibility.
Eric:Keep Peter Parker's words out, keep Ben Parker's. Keep Ben Parker's Sorry, sorry, uncle Ben, word's out, word's out.
Matt:Word's out For the first time in my life. I'm regretful to say what a fucking idiot. I'm regretful to say I handled that power incorrectly, so you're regretting that you're apologizing. Okay, hold on. Yes, I love everyone. I believe in people. I'm out here. Peace, the peace sign emoji Hashtag Logan G for life. Eric, that was the ideal last one to read.
Eric:I think that was that that checked every sincerity level is zero.
Matt:Sincerity level zero.
Eric:I love the implying that no, no, no, you all are too stupid to understand that I'm a hero for doing what I did because so shouldn't you all feel bad because I'm out here? I also love the language. Like he somehow just whoopsie daisied into making the series of choices that got him Logan Paul to Japan in the death forest recording bodies and making fun of them, like, like. Like he whoopsied into that.
Matt:Yeah, I think that is an idea. That's the kind of notes apopology I'm talking about, like that's a good default, and I think what we've learned is, even if you say the words I'm sorry or I apologize, the overall thesis statement needs to be I'm sorry that you didn't get me, like you know that you were upset.
Eric:I'm sorry that I'm great and that you're dumb and that you got your feelings hurt over it.
Matt:There has to be a the notes apopology has got to give off the vibe of, wow, you don't give a shit, you know what I mean. Like, yeah, you don't get it at all, at least that's in its in its current form. Is there a world, eric, where we can talk about how a notes apopology can be a good and authentic apology? Okay, and I'm not sure there is, because right from the get go I'd say throw that shit on some personal branded letterhead of some kind.
Eric:Let's, let's, so let's pretend we're in the situation, though you know what it's, it's what we got, we're working with what we got and it's notes app and we are coming from the heart. So you and so so Matt, here's the scenario. Okay, we're going to craft the notes. Apology, because you stole a Klondike bar from your little cousin at the family reunion and every and everyone found out about it Somehow.
Eric:You thought you could get away with it. You thought that no one could ever find it. But then and wait, and which version am I doing?
Matt:Am I doing the notes? Have a policy. This is the version exists.
Eric:The tiktok footage comes out because there's another family reunion across the way and they recorded.
Matt:You, it's the, you both grab it at the same time and, like the, footage man and then I sent him to fill up a pale of saying yes yes, and you just, and like it zooms in on you, elbow deep in this yes Klondike bar, your publicist is losing their shit.
Eric:They're like Matt, you have to say something. I can't write this up for you. I'm currently delivering my baby. I mean, I am in child. I need to give. It needs to be a scenario which your publicist cannot help you now, matt. Okay, first of all, I would begin it with friends. Okay, okay, presumptuous, but okay.
Matt:Which version am I doing? Am I trying to be authentic with this, or am I You're trying to?
Eric:do this is classic. Then take notes, apology. No, not classic, this is weird. We're doing this one, right, we're doing this one.
Matt:But how do I do that when I'm not sorry?
Eric:Matt, I'm not the one. You have to step.
Matt:Hold on. Step one would be that I actually feel sorry about this, which I do not.
Eric:All right so this is.
Matt:This is the trap of the notes Apology. You have to make these sheep believe that you care. I have to make these sheep believe that I care, okay.
Eric:Because already the hashtag Klondip shit is, let me cruise in the way.
Matt:Let me put myself in the position of someone with a soul. Hold on, okay. It will read as follows Klondik is also trending. Klondik hashtag. Klondik Okay.
Eric:Hashtag Klondik.
Matt:I will say this. I will say Hashtag Matt Shane. Okay, so delete. Stop making good hashtags about my cancellation, please. I'm going to wipe away. I'm going to wipe away the friends for a second. That was first draft, okay.
Eric:And instead that's first draft. Hold on, I have to be authentic.
Matt:Here we go. Let me try this just off the dome, not putting a ton of thought into this. I'm closing my eyes. That's how you know I'm thinking.
Eric:Yeah, I'm with you. I'm closing my eyes too, so we can enter the mind palace together. Excellent.
Matt:What I've done doesn't just bring me shame, but brings my whole family shame.
Eric:I was blinded by a temporary desire For that sweet, sweet, sweet man spent a half hour talking about how there's nothing he wouldn't do for a gondime For that sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet convention, and it's a gondime bar. I do think it's very good that you're acknowledging just how fucking good a gondime bar is. And I lost sight of what is really important in this world. I lost sight because my sight and my hearing were strange. I lost sight.
Matt:You have to understand. I had to touch it to know what it was.
Eric:As soon as I knew what it was. How can I put it down?
Matt:How can I resist? How can I let go who among you? Anyway, no, I would say I lost track of what really is important in this world, and what is that Family. There we go, and I would like to sincerely apologize to my cousin, craig, who I'm told is a child. I have it on good sort Everyone else who had to witness this through the viral TikTok video and have to deal with the trauma that is seeing my actions on that fateful day. I have already supplied Craig with many replacement Klondike bars, but that does not begin to fill the void that I made at that park Very good.
Matt:I hereby swear off Klondike bars, holy shit. Okay, because powerful, I took the prompt of what would you do for a Klondike bar too far and for that reason I shouldn't be allowed to enjoy them in the future. And I hope, I hope you, you will back it. Delete that last part, although I don't deserve it. I hope my critics out there can find it in their hearts to forgive me three spaces like three line breaks.
Eric:Line breaks Yep, yep One day, oh God damn. Put a pinter pause in that note.
Matt:Now, while I'm now, and then I'll post it on Instagram while I'm eating a Klondike bar, because, again, I don't give a fuck.
Eric:Oh, that was good, that was, that was. That was very good, thank you. Basically, that was very good.
Matt:Basically, what we've learned about me this episode is I'm a liar God damn it, but like we, we love you, we love you. But I want to know how you managed to get through this whole episode without saying what you do for a Klondike bar, without definitively saying like your own experience with the senses, with the smells. And then I'm the one who had to go through the fictional scenario of writing a notes apropology. Yes, and meaning it when I don't.
Eric:This is how the game is played.
Matt:All right. Well, speaking of how the game is played, the Klondike bar.
Eric:for me, the, the oh. Speaking of how the game is played, God damn master of the segway, that's right Segway shea over here.
Matt:Hashtag segway shea, that makes it sound like Hashtag segshea. That makes it sound like there's. There's a man, a shea, a me, that that is frequently spotted around town on a segway. That's what that sounds like to me. Anyway, it's time for Google. Google gripes folks.
Eric:I gave myself a heart attack because I went to open my notes app and I'm looking at the top of the notes and I'm like wait, why is this not showing my thing? Why is this showing only showing the? And then I realized I had scrolled down a little bit. I just had to scroll back up. There it is.
Matt:So, for those of you who are new, google gripes is a game, is a segment where we read real, authentic on the internet Google reviews that are one star Google reviews, star baby Of of quote unquote well known places. We that we've done three seasons worth of this. This is the season finale of season three and, as I said before, eric, after three completed rounds, got seven out of a possible nine. I have gotten the six out of a possible six and here we are. I need one to tie, two to win, three to get a perfect season.
Eric:And Matt, I like to think I, brother, I, because we agreed, we agreed this one was going to be hard mode.
Matt:This we agreed for this round. It would be hard mode. I tried to get you hard ones and you only needed to think about one of them. The other two you got instantly. So I failed and I know you will succeed because you hate me.
Eric:And I would never insult you by like lowering the difficulty.
Matt:No no, no, no, no, no no no, no.
Eric:I was like, hey, that was your, that was your shot. I'm just going to take aim for a second right at your heart.
Matt:I could have and should have gone harder, and that's on me. So, eric, let us begin.
Eric:Location one Review, one Hard pass $8 per person and it is not maintained tourist trap would be cool if it was truly the pinpoint location, but it is not. Bathroom looks worse than a fair.
Matt:Interesting pinpoint location Okay. Review number two $8.
Eric:I've got a list of reasons why you probably do not want to visit this place. One technically it's not even the right location. The surveyors were a little off when they set the marker in 1875. The US Geodetic Survey states that the blank is 1,807 feet east of where modern surveying technology would place it. Two it costs $8 to get in, which is exactly $8 too much. Three the restrooms are old, dirty and disgusting. Four the parking lot is both muddy and bumpy.
Matt:Okay, we got a year 1875. Us we're in the US and I'm getting the distinct vibe we're outside, Okay.
Eric:Review number three. I suppose it depends on what kind of person you are. If you're going to like this place, but paying $8 to stand in a line of tourists to look at some imaginary lines ain't my thing. Bathrooms slash, porta-potties stunk to high hell as well. If you're paying $8 a person, it seems like it wouldn't be so run down. Hmm, and I'll just say I propose nothing. Most of these reviews were people bitching about the fact that they had to pay $8 to see this.
Matt:I think I Okay. So the imaginary lines to me say borders. I have an immediate idea and because you came so quick, I feel at least once I need to come quickly.
Eric:What you got.
Matt:Four corners, final answer.
Eric:That is correct. Yes, it is tied. It is tied.
Matt:Oh my God, I'm all revved up. Oh, here we go, baby. So seven for seven. I didn't even really give it the full treatment, hmm, okay, so four corners being where them four square states all intersect, I can't think of them all right now.
Eric:Yes, and it's not even in the right spot.
Matt:Wow, there's a famous Breaking Bad scene at four corners as well.
Eric:Oh yes, all right, location number two yes, now do note, due to the nature of this, I had to. These are still Google reviews. They are still one star Google reviews. They are reviews of the tour of this place.
Matt:Reviews of the tour of the place.
Eric:Yes. But, it's reviews of the tour, but these tour reviews are still all hints as to what this place is, and it's like Okay, so you're.
Matt:Okay, so you are giving me reviews.
Eric:So you're not trying to guess a famous tour right now. You're still trying to guess a famous location based on these tour reviews of it.
Matt:I follow you. They're reviews of the tour, but that is essentially also giving reviews of the place itself. Yes, I understand. Okay, I understand and I accept.
Eric:Location two Review number one LOL, water is so dirty. Nothing is alive or growing in this cesspool. What was even funnier were the folks who live on them entertaining people on their little decks while us tourists take a look, save your time, it's a neighborhood with drainage. We have them all over Florida, not missing anything, okay. Review number two Absolutely terrible. Don't book with them. They insisted that I walk in the rain to take a blank ride in the rain. The customer service is below zero, insulting, demeaning and pointless. If you're in the hospitality business, maybe be a little kinder to customers.
Eric:The hospitality business Review number three. I would give this zero stars if possible. Run away. The tour is garbage. Save your money and do something else actually enjoyable. The tour was in English, if you can even call it that. No one in our group of 10 plus people could understand anything that our guide was saying. Then they take you on this slow and boring ride through an overcrowded blank. The website makes it seem like you're going to get some quote breathtaking tour and learn quote tales that only known by the locals End quote. None of that happened. This is a total tourist trap, not worth it at all.
Matt:Okay, this is interesting because the first total tourist trap, okay, the first thing that popped into my mind was like it sounds like you're talking about like gondola rides in Venice, but I know you're not picking a whole city of just Venice. I can't be doing places. I mean, I guess that's a well-known place, but we've never done just like a general city. I don't think you'd do that. I don't think you'd think that's fair. I have a secondary guess. I'm trying to think of this. Anything else I want to say, because the other thing that's coming to mind, I can't remember its exact name. I believe it's in Thailand. It's the famous floating market that is.
Eric:And to be clear for these, because we are on a hard mode, I will accept, like as always, if you don't remember, like if you can't think of the actual name, but if we can both know what you're talking about, then I'll accept it.
Matt:Yeah, I didn't expect you to give me the emperor's name about his mausoleum, but I figured you'd give me terracotta army and I'd accept it. That doesn't feel quite right to me but I don't know what else it would be, because the neighborhood thing is throwing me. It's basically a neighborhood with water and the hospitality things. Fuck it, I'm going to go with it because you did give me two that were very quick. I'm going to say the Thailand floating market. I can't remember its exact name. That is incorrect. I fucking knew it.
Eric:I knew I didn't feel right, when it wasn't Venice, it was the canals of Venice.
Matt:Okay, Eric, All right.
Eric:Eric, I almost shit a brick when you were like you had it, you had it.
Matt:Eric, is that not giving me a city?
Eric:No, it's the Venice Canal. People talking shit about the canals and how they're dirty and crappy and they don't like their boat rides on the canals, eric. But like if we can agree that the canals of Venice are a famous place, like a famous thing.
Matt:Yeah, but I would say that is just Venice. Venice has canals, like that's just Venice. Like I'm not giving you reviews of the Golden Gate Bridge when I want the answer of San Francisco.
Eric:Yeah, but if you had said Venice or the canals of Venice, like both would have been acceptable.
Matt:I put it to the listeners and Venice is a very small city. I put it to the listeners. Okay, I put it to the listeners.
Eric:Are we sending this one to judge, really?
Matt:Are they?
Eric:reviewing the tape you quiet you.
Matt:I accept the result. I accept the result, but I am putting it to the listeners. If you think this is bullshit, I want you to give me commentary, because I think this is more controversial than my Disneyland Disney World debacle.
Eric:Oh, that's a gauntlet thrown and guess what? Now we have a bit because, matt, depending on who the listeners side with. So if they side with you, I will write a notes apopology Okay.
Matt:If they side with me. If they side with me, you write a notes apopology. If they side with you, what happens?
Eric:If they side with you, write me a notes. Apopology.
Matt:All right, all right, I'll take that deal.
Eric:I'll take this one.
Matt:So this one is under review. No, no, no, I think we can accept the results. Okay, it is still my perfect season, ruined by this, what I'm going to call lapse in judgment. No, no, by this lapse in judgment of Eric Poch. That's what I'm going to say. That's what I'm going to say Because, listen, if I have to apologize for something, I might as well say something that I might actually regret.
Eric:Make sure you get some bang for your buck. Make sure I get some bang for my buck. Make sure the apology is worth it, okay.
Matt:All right, it's 7-7. We are tied. It all comes down to this. You know, I again under protest, but under protest. But I'm saying this to you listeners you now have a responsibility. Call the thought line, write a few notes.
Eric:We did Chernobyl. We did. Fuck it. We did. That was an entire city and power plant. Fuck it. All rolled up into one Chernobyl the Brandenburg Gate.
Matt:Yeah, oh, yeah and that okay If you're going through the list and then you gave me shit like you about Brandenburg Gate, despite it being a world famous and culturally significant monument. But you were like Brandenburg Gate, what the hell is that?
Eric:You can do the Great Wall of China, but God forbid we do a little town in Italy.
Matt:All right, I said I accept the fucking result. I said I accept it. I think it's bullshit, but I accept it. So, god help me. I love you. God help me. What is this last one? I love you too. Give me it.
Eric:This one actually did straight up have reviews See this is what I'm saying.
Matt:You didn't even find reviews of the play. Welcome to Hard Mode, Matthew. No wonder you had to give me a caveat the size of Alaska.
Eric:Location number three. Review number one Sure, this place is crazy. I hate coming here. People are constantly pushed and shoved around while narcissistic wannabe Instagrammers fight for position and attempt to get their perfect selfie shots without regard to anyone else or the flow of traffic. Want to experience blank, get outside of the big city and immerse in the culture Interesting.
Matt:I thought I was. I was really into the culture. I was. I was ready to guess, until that last sentence.
Eric:Review number two yeah, no, just no. It's the busiest blank in the world and would be quite a sight to behold if you could actually stop for the three tenths of a second, long enough to behold it, without getting swept away by a human tsunami. I ended up here by accident. Learn from my mistake and save yourself. If, for some strange reason, you enjoy walking at a snail's pace behind some teenager with their head buried in their phone, by all means go to blank. And while you're in blank, if you have for some reason forgotten what people look like and want to see a lot of examples all at once, then go to the blank. If you're a sensible human being, stay away. Huh. Review number three Okay, the light has turned green and many pedestrians are crossing the line. However, there are still people riding ultra fast bicycles crossing the sidewalk. It is very dangerous to be almost hit by ultra fast bicycles. We're tied.
Matt:Eric, we're tied. Now I have a guess. I only have one. I'm struggling to come up with any other option.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:You did me dirty just one location ago. In my opinion, in my opinion, in my opinion, abbey Road Crosswalk, final Answer.
Eric:Matthew Abbey Road, Crosswalk. Final Answer Incorrect Damn it, you were so close with Crosswalk though, Nomad. It is the Shibuya Scramble in Tokyo, the famous gigantic ass Crosswalk in fucking Japan, the one they put on all the postcards.
Matt:Okay, yes, I know the one you're talking about. I know the one. Yeah, that's well known, that's well known, that's well known, that's well known, and that's well known. So we end season three, eric, in a draw. Here we are again Seven, seven, so that means season one. I believe, if memory serves, I won. You won season two, right, yes, and we've drawn season three.
Eric:So now we not only tied, we are now in a mega tie, we are in ultimate tie win-win-draw.
Matt:Win-win-draw. Yeah, so we? I don't know that we need a tiebreaker for this season. I think it just ends in a dead heat. It ends in a dead heat.
Eric:It ends with us both looking at each other and saying, hey, you're really good at knowing places.
Matt:Hey, you really are good at knowing places. Yeah, I'm interested to see what we do for season four, because we could keep doing locations, but we could also do like movies. We could do movies, something like that, and before we step on, any other podcast?
Eric:are any other podcasts doing bad movie reviews? Are we bad people? If we do that, I think I'm going to go out and let him say there are no other podcasts talking about like movies or anything. All right, I don't know.
Matt:But you know what, while listeners, while you're weighing in on your opinion of the Venetian canals only as the well-known location, throw in what you want to see. The future of Google Gripes look like Could be, movies could be, books could be songs.
Matt:Do you want locations, but only hard mode reviews? Like, go try to go out and watch movies. Like, go try to go hard all the time? Do you want I don't know cities, like specifically cities, now I don't know. Tell us what you want and we, like Venice, we'll deliver them. Yeah, like Venice and we'll deliver goods.
Eric:What do you want, Matt? We will no, actually sorry, I'll save it, oh, you're going to save it for what? I'm going to say the end of the show.
Matt:Oh, okay, great, all right. Good, that means you finally have prethought. This is the furthest ahead. I have a question.
Eric:I have prethought this is the furthest ahead I have ever thought of this. Okay, that's wonderful.
Matt:So, on that note, that'll about do it for this game, for this crazy season of Google Gripes and this absolute insane off the wall edition of you. Didn't ask for this as a whole because this episode is a little off the rails, but I mean, literally, eric can tell you the moving boxes are in view on this.
Eric:Yes, I got the arrows. I see Sharpie.
Matt:I got this desk set up enough to do this episode. That's about as far as I could do it. So forgive me for any sound issues or anything else, but in the meantime we need your questions, folks, we need your neighborhood gripes, we need anything and everything and, most importantly I would say, we need your March mascot madness submissions. We are getting down to it. I am desperate for us to do a March Madness style bracket where we decide the mascot for this show. We have a bunch of submissions, but we don't have 64. We don't have 32, let alone 64. So just spitball, just throw names at us if you want.
Eric:Yeah.
Matt:Just make shit up. Make shit up and we'll take it from there, and you can do that a variety of ways. You didn't ask for this at gmailcom, that one's all spelled out. But on Instagram, twitter, facebook, et cetera, go to the at. You didn't ask pod. That's you the letter. You didn't ask pod On Twitter, youtube, all the rest. Eric, really seriously, drop us a review, hopefully not one star, wherever you're listening. We could haven't said that in a while, but we still need it. And, eric, is there anything I'm missing here that we need to turn to me?
Eric:Do we mention?
Matt:the thought line oh, the thought line, of course, where you can call in your rebuffs of Eric's location. You can give a call in to tell me how right I was. You one could, one could, at 410-929-5329. Give the number a call today and basically say whatever the fuck you want in it.
Eric:Oh, and something sorry, something I feel like we should just re clarify about the thought line.
Matt:Yeah.
Eric:It's not a live call in thing. You're not going to have to deal with interacting with a human being. It is a straight to voicemail number. You call it and you can say whatever you want and it will be recorded and we'll play it on the show. We do not give a fuck.
Matt:Yeah, yeah, I know that our generation, specifically Eric, really struggles with calling on the phone because of the threat of speaking to a human. That won't happen, you'll just hear my voice.
Eric:No, you don't have to deal with any human being.
Matt:You'll hear my voice, leave a bad outgoing message and then you will leave a message from me and poach and it'll be great. And it'll be great and more than likely we'll play it on the show, as long as it's funny or thought provoking and not offensive, and not deeply, terribly offensive. There you go, Eric. Did I miss anything?
Eric:No, baby, I think you did it.
Matt:Well then, for all of us here that you didn't ask for this, my name's match a, my name's Eric poach, and listen, you didn't ask, but we'll always have Venice. That was it. That was it, that's what you. You were so proud of.
Eric:I will always have Venice kid. That's your bow guard. What? Let me hear your fucking bow guard then. No, so I don't want to bow guard. The bow guard, go on.
Matt:I've never seen Cas Blanca, neither have I.
Eric:I've never seen Cas Blanca. I've never seen Cas Blanca. I've never seen Cas Blanca.