Enough is enough: what is Humpty Dumpty? Is he actually an egg...or something more? Why are the royal family interested? And what wall was he on? We answer these age old questions in a new YDAFT Investigation. Plus: what is the 8th day of the week that The Beatles sang about? Then we cap things off with two local legends you won't want to miss.
If you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the YDAFT Mascot bracket! Who should represent this cluster of a pod? Send us your suggestions!
Submit your leas t pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Enough is enough: what is Humpty Dumpty? Is he actually an egg...or something more? Why are the royal family interested? And what wall was he on? We answer these age old questions in a new YDAFT Investigation. Plus: what is the 8th day of the week that The Beatles sang about? Then we cap things off with two local legends you won't want to miss.
If you haven't yet, don't forget to enter the YDAFT Mascot bracket! Who should represent this cluster of a pod? Send us your suggestions!
Submit your leas t pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!
Eric, do you watch dating shows?
Speaker 2:I do occasionally now. Oh yeah, yeah because, because Alyssa is well versed in them, oh, interesting. I've seen a love island.
Speaker 1:You've seen a love island?
Speaker 2:I've seen the bachelor, the bad, yes.
Speaker 1:In paradise perhaps.
Speaker 2:Indeed.
Speaker 1:Now I haven't seen those. In fact I did have a friend who tried to get me to watch the bachelor once and I simply could not do it. Lindsay and I both gave it a go. We gave it the old college try Couldn't. I couldn't do it. Although I hear the golden bachelor is very good, the gold is that the one where the were like they're all older with the old man.
Speaker 2:I see, I love that, that shit I'm about.
Speaker 1:I hear it's very wholesome and I actually do want to see it. But I was told by a certain party OK, to watch a new show, and by new I mean new for Americans, but but old from 2016 on for our friends across the pond.
Speaker 2:Across the pond. Is it work?
Speaker 1:and that show. Perhaps you've heard of it. Yeah is called Naked Attraction.
Speaker 2:Naked Attraction One second. I have a roommate calling my name.
Speaker 1:You have a roommate calling your name and he took off his headphones and walked away. And here I am, like some sort of Howard Stern type, alone in a studio with no robin, no robin beside me, no robin, no guest. And here they are Now. I can just see Eric's Uline brand wipes in the background Absolutely unacceptable. This is supposed to be a professional environment, folks. This is supposed to be a production that we put time, time, effort and grit into and really try to get to the crux of the matter. And here I am talking into a fucking void because my co-host, hey, hey there.
Speaker 2:So Naked Attraction.
Speaker 1:Naked Attraction.
Speaker 2:So you have you heard of it. No, what is Naked Attraction? Oh wait is OK. Can I guess, Are they all naked you?
Speaker 1:know what, eric? You fucking nailed it, fuck yeah. But do you know and I have to this, I hope this intrigues you the way I wanted to Do you know how they're naked? Good, good, excellent, excellent so here's this Naked Attraction is a British show and in the states it is now streaming on Max, formerly HBO Max and the most rebranding of all time. But it streams on Max. You can go watch it Well, assuming you have Max. Oh well, yeah.
Speaker 2:We do. We have Max, formerly HBO, one of the most recognized brands on Earth.
Speaker 1:Yes, OK, well, you know, sometimes, the things you have and don't have take me by surprise, that is true. So when you I can't stress to you enough, eric you have to watch the show. You have to turn on the first episode, ok, you have to just experience it. And you know what? If you want to walk away, that's fine, that's understandable. But let me tell you something, eric, you're not going to walk away, oh, because this is a fucking train wreck of a show and you will want to watch it burn. Oh, no, listen to this. Yeah, this is what happens. A contestant, a would be lover, comes to the center of a circle, ok, ok, there are six, I believe, pods in front of them, that is to say squares with like a shadowy figure behind them, and they're in different colors. Ok, so the premise of the show is that you are going to find love because all other means have failed. You will find love based solely on naked attraction.
Speaker 2:Ok, and they say that all the time. Said it, said, it Said the name of the show.
Speaker 1:So the host says, ok, here we go. Let's see the lower half of the bodies. Oh they do it.
Speaker 1:When she says that a garage door starts lifting in each of the pods, revealing the legs, the hair and, most importantly, the bits, the bits of these contestants. And then, after they so, they say and they're like, oh, look at this dick, look at this badge, I like it, I don't like it. And then they say, ok, orange, you got to go, based solely on the lower half of the body, good God. Then they send that guy packing, but not before he gives the contestant the world's most awkward hug. Every single person who gets kicked off is like oh yeah, oh yeah. And then they come down. That was a little Australian. They come down and they do the weird like a foot away, Because, again, my dick and balls are just out, just and give the person a hug and then they walk away. And of course, they watch you walk away so we can see that ass go back and forth.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep.
Speaker 1:And then we get a little confessional with the person who's like, oh, I can't believe, I'm first, you know. And so then they're gone, and then they say, ok, it's time for the middle, middle part of the bodies. So then we're up to like, up to the shoulders, and we're seeing things or maybe not even that high TIT level will cause some some, some tasteful underboob, some tasteful underboob. And then finally the you get the head. And when you get the head, you everybody gets a question that they have to answer. So you also get the voice, and then you can judge the voice, and then it's down to two people. And then here, here's the big twist when it's down to two people, the person, the contestant themselves, they have to get naked.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:So now, everyone. Now, there is a group of four people standing in a circle. One is the host, who has clothes on, and the other three are nude.
Speaker 2:So then, the hugging part is like the hugging part is wild because I guarantee you they're like you have to hug each other Now. Now I just to give you a taste.
Speaker 1:I almost don't want to say this because if I've intrigued you so far, listeners, I encourage you to maybe skip ahead a little bit, because I feel I'd be remiss to not give this little nugget from the first episode, because as soon as those things come up from the first level, you will see a man who has the image of an elephant tattooed around his junk so that his dick is the trunk of the elephant.
Speaker 2:I have a question.
Speaker 1:Yes, I bet you do.
Speaker 2:I have so many questions, but are they like censoring?
Speaker 1:any of this. Not a goddamn thing, my friend. There's close to Eric. They get all closed up. And let me tell you something else, and I personally maybe this is just me, Maybe this isn't you, maybe this won't affect you, but this is clearly a Britain versus America thing because, eric, I haven't seen a ton of dicks in my time. Ok, I haven't seen a ton of them but I have never seen the amount of uncircumcised penises that this show will show you.
Speaker 2:I imagine it's a bit of a culture shock.
Speaker 1:Just hang in there, eric, just free ballin, just like like a, like a two long sweater sleeve, just dangling off the end.
Speaker 2:Somebody called Frankenstein. We're hanging brain.
Speaker 1:It's too, it's too much for me, Anyway. So then they go on a date.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:And then they come back and a very loose amount of time later Sometimes it's a week, sometimes it's eight weeks, sometimes it's four weeks Like it doesn't seem to have any rhyme or reason, and they check in to see how this relationship has progressed, if at all. It's truly high art and I can't recommend it enough.
Speaker 2:I follow up question so you've watched through this. You've seen the follow ups.
Speaker 1:Not all. I haven't watched all of it. I watched about six episodes.
Speaker 2:OK, so far I'm in the second season. Fuck.
Speaker 1:Fuck, eric, I you simply have to watch it, because not only do they not censor anything, they get up in there. There are moments where they're like, let's go take a look at this elephant dick and they go over there and they'll be like what's that? And there's a couple of times where the person's like, oh OK, let me just maneuver the balls around so you can get a good doctoral look at them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you want to show off the merchandise you want to put, but it's not even like sexy.
Speaker 1:It's like what's that? Is that a mole? And they're like let me push it to the side Something no one wants to see Put your net, put your best nut forward. Put your best nut forward. Everyone at one point you got to everyone's got to do a little turn around because we got to see that Tush, yep, yeah, got to know if that, that that peach is, is pushable, you know.
Speaker 2:Mm, hmm, mm hmm.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm.
Speaker 2:That if that peach emoji will is compatible with my eggplant emoji.
Speaker 1:Yes, all the peach and eggplant popping. That's what we got to know, and so they get into it. And then, eric, I got to tell you there's so it's such a, it's such a time, it's such a experience of all the times.
Speaker 2:It is definitely one of them.
Speaker 1:It is such a time. And then the I got to say there was I don't know what episode it is. There's one episode where somebody was kicked off because the dick was too big and he gave the very best interview I've ever seen. He was like, well, of all the reasons I thought I'd get kicked off, it wasn't that one.
Speaker 2:Truly, and of all the reasons to get kicked off like that is the best, what like the best possible outcome you are over qualified for this yes. Your dick, your dong is too powerful, your chode is too phenomenal.
Speaker 1:It's simply too much, sir, for little old me. Is basically what the woman said, and so then they had to go. Anyway, eric, it's, it's wild, and I have to know what is your naked reaction to it, bit lewd in it. Right, I'll say it with it. I have to agree, it is a bit rude, bit lewd in it, what with all these kibbles and bits just hanging out there. Oh, he's got.
Speaker 2:Malcolm and Donald Bane just hanging out there.
Speaker 1:Donald Bane. Oh, we're doing Shakespeare references now right.
Speaker 2:Oh, go on, lift up Duncan, lift up the old man. I want to see Malcolm and Donald Bane just dang. See that tower, london. Hey, let's see you go up. Hey, you call your dick space time gone. Bit of a curve to it, isn't it? Oh, let me get down in there.
Speaker 1:Oh real go, real oil London situation we got going on here, mate.
Speaker 2:Say that to me, muff.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I just want to end this by saying the, the party that told me to watch this, yeah, was my mother, my mother and you have to watch this. And then, eric, we discussed it.
Speaker 2:Oh we and we analyzed it. Yes, we talked about it so much to unpack here, you buried the least.
Speaker 1:I know I did baby, but we got a lot of shows so we can unpack, roll that beautiful bean footage next week at a piss island. Well, hello everybody, and welcome to you. Didn't ask for this the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions. My name is Matthew Shay.
Speaker 2:My name is Eric poach.
Speaker 1:Eric poach. How are you?
Speaker 2:Living the dream, matthew, is that right? Yeah, looking into your eyes, aren't I?
Speaker 1:What a charmer he is. Folks now listen. That was already a long cold open, but we do have a lot of show, eric. So do you have, do you have, any important banter for us to banter?
Speaker 2:Oh, hold on, important banter. See, no, I already made the adipose job. See, naked, no mountain, no, no, I'm good, I'm good, let's fucking go All right. Our first question, matthew, yes, the Beatles sung about eight days a week, indeed, they did what is the eighth day? That's a fabulous question, yes, I, to which I come up with my own question.
Speaker 1:What, what do you mean? What?
Speaker 2:I assume this is referencing a Beatles song.
Speaker 1:Oh Christ on the cross. Eric, are you kidding me?
Speaker 2:No, I. They had so many songs, matthew.
Speaker 1:Eric was this one big one yes, Sorry. I feel, eric, I'm gonna come through the screen. You're telling me you've never heard the song.
Speaker 2:Eight days a week also bad with song names. Give me, give me a bar, drop some bars, let me, let me make sure hold me, love me, hold me, love me.
Speaker 1:I ain't got nothing but love babe eight days a week. Oh, they really hit it. They really hit it in the lyrics, eric. You almost can't pick it out of there a days a week. Let's see Okay in the song eight days a week they say the phrase eight days a week one, two, three, four five, six, seven eight. Oh, look at that.
Speaker 2:Look at that, it's eight times. They do it eight times.
Speaker 1:That's a real good Eric. Okay, Eric.
Speaker 2:And in case you're wondering, listeners at home. I am not fucking with you.
Speaker 1:No, he's not fucking with you. I can tell that based on Eric. Let me ask you something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I won't do that. I'm not gonna attack. We've already. I've already attacked your, your musical proclivities before, so I'm not gonna do it again.
Speaker 2:Okay so you're just gonna attack my intelligence.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying yeah, for an adult man of your stature, I would. I would assume that a Basic Beatles song like eight days a week would be in your vocabulary. Eric, let me, let's do a little experiment. Folks, come along with me, we're gonna do a little experiment. Oh good, you stop me when you hit a beat, when I hit a Beatles song, you don't know. Okay. Okay, yellow submarine. Actually, I remembered it's a audio medium, so why don't you tell me yes or no? Okay, yellow submarine.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Let it be yes. I want to hold your hand. Yes, Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, okay, we're doing. I thought that one might actually get you. That's how concerned I was about you.
Speaker 2:I know the hilariously. Last night Alyssa and Pat were watching the Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band movie.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's wild.
Speaker 2:They could not make it through the entire thing.
Speaker 1:It's, it's, it's a wild film. It's not as good as Hard Day's Night, which is the pinnacle of their film success, by the way. Hard Day's Night, yes, okay, come together. Yes, okay, this is actually, this is going, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:I have to say.
Speaker 1:Maxwell Silver Hammer.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's gonna be a no for me dog. That's gonna be no for me dog.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna have to judge you now. Oh my god. Okay, Well did you manage to spin?
Speaker 2:a.
Speaker 1:I just I was so enraged I had to express it in song.
Speaker 2:That's fair, that's fair.
Speaker 1:Thank you. So anyway, eric, eight days a week is. Let me just give you the long and short of this very deep song. Let me guess it's about love and he loves this person so much. He loves this person eight days a week, which I don't know. If you see what they're doing there, eric.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it correct me if I'm wrong. They're currently, in our Gregorian calendar, seven days a week.
Speaker 1:And that would be correct eight days a week.
Speaker 2:It's like you know. Give it 110%.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, eric, it's like. It's like a fun little. I don't even know what it is. I was gonna say metaphor, but it's not a metaphor, is it? I don't know what it is. What is it?
Speaker 2:It's a song, it's a song Doesn't have to make sense. That's jazz, baby.
Speaker 1:That's jazz, baby again, not very much, not jazz, it's no, it is, it is rock and roll.
Speaker 2:I'm looking at the lyrics I'm like okay, this is very class, like classic Beatles.
Speaker 1:This is uniform suits and mop this was before the acid. Yes, Long before, yes, long before. Of course, that songwriting ability and musical Inclination was always there, but they knew that early in their career they had to subscribe to the popular standards of the time in order to become popular, which I think we can all agree they did oh, they did.
Speaker 2:Just a couple of boys from Old way over in Liverpool.
Speaker 1:Listen to me, eric. Yeah, so I think we can boil all this down to a very simple what's the eighth day? What?
Speaker 2:is the eighth day. What did God do on the eighth day on the eight? Well, I think we can agree on the set on on the sixth day, god created man, on the seventh day, god rested, and on the eighth day, god made the Beatles.
Speaker 1:There you go. Okay, let's go ahead and and tear apart the current days of the week a little bit. First of all, we've got two that start with s and they're back to back it we a weird choice, but, yes, whose decision was this?
Speaker 2:who?
Speaker 1:made this call, and then we have two other days that start with T, but they're not back to back nowhere near each other.
Speaker 2:You got a whole. We got a whole fucking middle day in there. There's a W involved in the middle. There's no rhyme or reason to any. I mean like yes, we get the etymology of the various words, but, like damn it, I want assuming which day you start on, because, god forbid, most calendars can't even agree on that the week begins on Monday and I don't care who oh Anyone else says Monday is the first day of the week as a society need to accept that it starts on Monday whenever somebody is like Um well, Sunday is the beginning.
Speaker 2:Fuck you know, it's not no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. If when I say the words next week, your brain goes Ah yes, next week, which starts on Monday which begins on Monday.
Speaker 1:Yes, because otherwise Sunday can't be included in the weekend.
Speaker 2:Correct I, I never, I'm never chilling on a Saturday night at like 11 59 pm, being like oh, what a good week this was.
Speaker 1:No, like you know, I mean.
Speaker 2:No, I will say that on Sunday. And I won't say that on Sunday because on Sunday, aka the last day of the week.
Speaker 1:I'm like, ah, it all yeah.
Speaker 2:Garfield, you have captured my feelings on this most aptly.
Speaker 1:All right. So I'm gonna rule some things out, Eric, and you tell me if you disagree. There's no, we're not adding a third tea day and we're not in the third s day no teas, no s's.
Speaker 2:The m's, the W's and the f's are on thin fucking ice.
Speaker 1:I say nay, I say kick them out. Yeah, I say they have already got a new letter in here. We only got one day that we can add and I don't want to use it on a double letter yet again. Yeah, so yeah, eric, maybe we should start with the first letter. What does it start with? It's gonna be. It's gonna be abbreviated.
Speaker 2:On every calendar it's gonna be abbreviated on every calendars Because we've got, I feel like that the current is skewed very heavily, with the exception of Friday, skews very heavily to middle of alphabet, to the end, with the exception of Friday. We get a little bit of front of alphabet representation. But I kind of want to like open it up. Yeah, you're right how do you feel about a motherfucking?
Speaker 1:bee I feel okay about. I could get behind a bee. Yeah, it feels honestly, feels a little bit basic.
Speaker 2:I think that's why they didn't do a to obvious to a is too obvious also that it's gotta be a consonant. Like it's it's. It's gotta be a consonant.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, we can't have an E day.
Speaker 2:We're not savages, we can't, yeah, we're not gonna bust out a fucking In use day.
Speaker 1:Now, eric, let me ask you this. I know we're talking about the beginning and I think B could be a candidate, I think D could be a candidate. D, how do you feel? But D gets a little close to D day. So I don't think we should do that, because never forget now, yeah, the candidate that I would throw out.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:X.
Speaker 2:X.
Speaker 1:So we're going hard, we're going okay, okay, now we'll end. I do think we have to keep it the same formula, and it has to end with day, because we have to know what we're talking about. We can't just call it Xanadu and pretend that's a day. Can we call it Xanaday Now, also as the eighth day of the week? Are we in agreement that this needs to go between Sunday and Monday?
Speaker 2:Oh, 100%, I'm not a fucking psychopath, I'm not going to like, I'll just throw it in between Wednesday and Thursday.
Speaker 1:We're adding on, we're not correcting, we're not editing. I understand.
Speaker 2:We're improving. We're standing on the shoulders of giants.
Speaker 1:So there's X, that's an idea, but that's at the end and you wanted to get away from it. But I wanted to throw it out there because you wanted to know why? Because it's hard. And not only is it hard, it's fun.
Speaker 2:It's fun. It's a lot of fun Because I'm assuming we might want to lean more towards the. Now, we don't have to, but are we leaning more towards the Z pronunciation of X?
Speaker 1:I think you'd have to if it's the first one.
Speaker 2:I think you'd have to, unless you're getting real fucking cute with the spelling.
Speaker 1:Because Xander is X-A-N-D-E-R as a name.
Speaker 2:I kind of love Xanaday.
Speaker 1:Xanaday.
Speaker 2:Xanaday X-A-N-D-A-D-A-Y. Xanaday, xanaday, it could just be Xanaday but would day at the end, so Xanaday.
Speaker 1:Yes, okay.
Speaker 2:Xanaday, oh man, because then you could even hit it with like um shit is Xanaday, X-A-N-A-N-D-A-D-A-Y, oh my. God, he made a jingle, yeah, you jingle the shit, this Xanaday. Can you imagine the fuck, the field day that the monster truck rallies would have with?
Speaker 1:Xanaday, xanaday, xanaday.
Speaker 2:Xanaday also one downside sounds like a prescription, sounds like a, a a.
Speaker 1:Ask your doctor if Xanaday is right for you. Side effects include anal bleeding and headaches, yeah, and then sometimes, but rare cases death. That's always my favorite.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes yes.
Speaker 1:Somebody's throwing a ball in a park with their grandson and the voiceover is like and in rare cases, death.
Speaker 2:And for, for any listeners not in the United States, which we have a following Quite, quite, quite, quite, but honestly, oh, sorry, okay, for at this point this is for the Americans and not for the people across the pond. Fellow Americans, it's buck fucking wild that we have commercials for pharmaceutical projects, pharmaceutical drugs yeah, like that is just not a thing, and that's not legal anywhere else. You're not allowed to just have commercials for antidepressants.
Speaker 1:Eric, we can't get into the healthcare system of the. United States right now. I can't believe we're doing this on.
Speaker 2:Xanaday. Can't believe we're doing this on Xanaday.
Speaker 1:Can't believe you're doing this on Xanaday it rolls.
Speaker 2:So it will be such, and the reason I love it is cause, like people will come, like you know, we'll, we'll, we'll invent this. Americans will pioneer this, which is hilarious because we're taking it from a Beatles song we will pioneer this. People will come up like Xanaday, so it's spelled like Z-A-N-A. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, x, x. It's just like another layer of fuck you that the English language is to all other language-speaking people on the planet.
Speaker 1:I think it's important to realize that when you look at Xanaday on a calendar, it will be represented by simply an X.
Speaker 2:Yes, this is where we're getting bold. This because that's the purpose of Xanaday. Xanaday is the nail in the coffin of when does the week begin, because you will know when the week ends. It's a giant fucking X on the calendar, I think.
Speaker 1:I think Now you tell me if you disagree. Something has to be very unique about Xanaday, and what I mean by that is is it part of the week, or is it part of the weekend, or is it neither, neither? And let me tell you something that's popping into my brain. Okay, I'm listening. Saturday for our Jewish friends on the Sabbath supposed to be the day of rest, right? Not supposed to be doing anything at all. What if Xanaday is not part of the weekend and it's prior to Monday and there is a universal code of understanding Nothing happens on Xanaday.
Speaker 2:Nothing happens.
Speaker 1:Businesses not open. No Events can't be scheduled. There will be no Xanaday night football.
Speaker 2:No, no, there will be no Xanaday, Xanaday, Xanaday.
Speaker 1:There will be no monster truck rallies on Xanaday.
Speaker 2:No, oh man, that'll break their hearts.
Speaker 1:It will be for chilling and love making only.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, yes, yes, yes, Don't forget eight days a week.
Speaker 1:That's where we started. It's a love song, eric. What I'm saying is it's a love song.
Speaker 2:I'm with you. I'm with you. Are you with any of us? Oh, no, not eco-death, not again. Hold on, sorry, having a flashback. Okay, there we go. Yeah, no, I'm all about this. Yeah, I think Xanaday should be a day explicitly for doing nothing but getting down, but getting down and binging shows, that's it. Getting down binging shows. I think it should be federally mandated on Xanaday that everyone's email and like the internet, is turned off. Internet is turned, you gotta shut it down.
Speaker 1:let it rest Al Gore needs to flip the switch to off on Xanaday. Xanaday goes down to the bunker and flips the switch, flips the big old internet switch down and turned, not today.
Speaker 2:Not today, you know what? Let me hit you with this because this is a radical day we're proposing in every sense of that word.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I don't think it should be 24 hours long. I was thinking the same thing, Eric.
Speaker 1:Now let's see if we're going the same direction Longer right.
Speaker 2:Longer, longer. Now. See, I initially did not think I was like, what if we did like an hour? But now I'm thinking An hour, no, no, no, no. I'm thinking Take the extra time, take, take, take, take the extra time take the extra time now.
Speaker 1:If we don't do 48 hours, that will make that. Time and space unravel yes that, that is true.
Speaker 2:Um, what if Zana day was such a length that by that you have to wait for eight Zana days to pass? I want to keep this as meta as possible.
Speaker 1:Zana days. A month and a half long, two months long. Yeah, I Mean we could keep. We could keep it as just one day and it just it would be an extra day. But fucking with the length really makes it the. The notable day really sells it, for I.
Speaker 2:Want, the more I think about this. I want this to be our daylight savings time for a few. Yes, I want them to look back on us with absolute Disgust, like how they do this, like, yeah, as as they're in there and as they're as they're enjoying their Zana day. Because I want them to not even be able to be mad about it, because I want them to spend most of the week going. God damn it, zana day fucks everything up. Nothing like the fiscal calendar is in a shambles, no benefit.
Speaker 1:But then it's and a day. The best way, the best way to fuck everything up, I think, is 12 hours. Because it's 12 hours that means Monday will. So Midnight Sunday it becomes Zana day. 1159 Sunday, midnight Zana day, and then at 1159 am Zana day. It becomes noon on Monday. Yes, so Monday is now 12 hours shorter, and I think we can all get behind that.
Speaker 2:I honestly the big fuck you to Monday is what seals this for me. You have my full buy answer now.
Speaker 1:We could keep everything nice and neat and solve the whole world's problems about how much we hate Monday by keeping that Monday also. 12 hours. Yeah or or or every other day stays at 24 hours. Monday then ends at noon. Every day. That week will go till noon Until the following Zana day, when it goes back, and that means every other week. The middle of the night. Quote-unquote is changing.
Speaker 2:I Love everything. We will piss so many people off and and here's my, this is I think this should be the cultural shift we make towards it. You're never allowed to say like next Zana day or like this Zana day. You can, only you can.
Speaker 1:You can only talk about Zana day on Zana day and here's the thing I said, that it'd be represented by an X. Obviously it'd be the first letter and then, in a calendar where it's, you know, the three letter abbreviation, it'd be Zan Zan. I mean Xan Zana. Yeah, but what if we take it a step further?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:You're going through your calendar, let your page a day calendar. You got Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday. You flip that next page, baby, there's nothing there, it's just an X, one big X. You open your planner. One day of the week's got a big long.
Speaker 2:Through it. That is your do nothing day.
Speaker 1:Yes, you can't write anything down.
Speaker 2:You can't, it's illegal. It's illegal coming on anything like we will come. We me and Matt will have a big ol. We'll have a classical patty wagon.
Speaker 1:Yeah that?
Speaker 2:that that just says, zana, don't on it Zana, don't. Zana don't, and we come and we throw you in and we and we basically just drive you back to your house and tell you to get to watch a Netflix and Fuck it get on back in there.
Speaker 1:Here's, here's a packet of microwavable popcorn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah you'll be. You'll be given some water, a Snuggy, some condoms and told to go nuts and told to go nut, am I? Right, yeah, yeah, zana day.
Speaker 1:Zana day. No day but Zana.
Speaker 2:Oh, ha, ha, ha ha. Dammit, the only the only reason I would ever advocate for for mate, for adding An amount of minutes to the week is just so we could fuck with rent.
Speaker 1:Maybe yes, yes, absolutely, but that's just an aside.
Speaker 2:I think our current standing case for Zana day Annexing half of Monday love it zannexing half of Monday absolutely Absolutely now, eric.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because Sunday is objectively the last day of the week. Empirically yes, and for a lot of the world is a religious observance. Yes. Does there need to be as one last quality to give Zana day? Does Zana day need to have some sort of universal Not religion, but some sort of spiritual aspect?
Speaker 2:I, you know, I think so I think it should.
Speaker 1:I think I don't want to worship anyone, but I do think maybe there should be a tribute to something, and if we're going with Zana day, if we've gone this far with it, does that person not have to be Zena warrior princess?
Speaker 2:I think it needs to be I.
Speaker 1:Think I need to be. I think it needs to be every home needs to have some sort of bust of Lucy Lawless. Yes, that only comes out on Zana day.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, yes, and in fact, in fact, like in the text, they will refer to Zana day as the lawless day.
Speaker 1:It's perfect.
Speaker 2:It writes itself this shit we.
Speaker 1:I think we have done out Zana day, merch.
Speaker 2:Zana day, zana day.
Speaker 1:There's no way, when we finally start selling merch, that we don't sell calendars that include a zalon Zana, 100%.
Speaker 2:No one's allowed to say you know, happy Monday, happy Tuesday, that's all been taken. Zana day, it's just Zana day. You see someone on Zana day? Oh that's the thing. If you see another human being on Zana day and you're not watching Netflix with them and or making Sweet, sweet consensual love with them, you just yell.
Speaker 1:Zana day. Well, first of all, if you don't, if you don't live with that person, you shouldn't be seeing them at all. No, much, much like the purge if you need to prep, but that is to say you need to find a partner on Sunday and get them in the house.
Speaker 2:Yeah, concentrate, and and and like you don't go up to me, you're not like, hey, what are you doing this Zana day? Cuz? Again, you're not allowed to say that you, just you just go to your potential partner, you look to them and, in the universally acknowledged signal of, of offering, you say Zana day. And they will, they, they, they and they can respond Zana day, and then that's you got.
Speaker 1:You got plans for after Sunday, oh.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's good.
Speaker 1:Hey, you got any plans?
Speaker 2:for plans for after Sunday post Sunday. You got any pre-Monday plans?
Speaker 1:Hey, by the way, as it turns out, no, I don't. You want to come over. Yeah, all right, I could come over.
Speaker 2:Good fool around find out yeah let me just put it in my count. Oh wait.
Speaker 1:Oh wait.
Speaker 2:Oh wait I can't?
Speaker 1:oh, bring your toothbrush. It's Zana day.
Speaker 2:It's, we nailed it, we nailed it, we nailed it. This is done.
Speaker 1:Happy Zana day to you all. Happy Zana day. I'm sorry, I already broke the rule. I broke the very first rule. Fuck, let me go get my popcorn. Thank you as pendants now, eric, we got to move on. We can't talk about Zana day all day, because first rule is an easy you don't talk about Zana day.
Speaker 1:So we leave Zana day alone for the time being and and go, uh, go to something a little bit more universal. Uh, what is Humpty Dumpty? Is he an egg or something more? And why does the royal family care about Humpty Dumpty?
Speaker 2:There's a lot of cultural baggage around this question.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, enlighten me, my friend.
Speaker 2:Oh no, and mind you, this is me Shooting off the hip. Sure this is. This is like the amalgamation of soup. That is my brain going. All right. What do we know about Humpty Dumpty? Here's what I've heard. Tell me, eric, I've heard everybody.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something, eric. I've got five tabs open right now. Oh yeah, See this I knew this, I knew, okay, I'm just, I'm just prepping you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think Um a matter of this magnitude calls for a daft investigation.
Speaker 2:Humpty Dumpty. I remember when I was little I had always assumed it was just a well, there's just a silly nursery rhyme like that. It was just, they always did silly things. But as you get older you learn that most of your nursery rhymes have Horrifying roots in history. Sure Um like ring around the rosy pocket full of posies, allegedly something to do with the plagues ashes, ashes.
Speaker 1:They all fall day all fall down. The all fall the well. If I remember correctly, the in the, the popular interpretation Historically is that the rosies are in fact boils from the plague, if I, if I remember correctly, yes, um twinkle, twinkle little star.
Speaker 2:Uh, about the meteor that killed the dinosaurs. I've never heard that, I know, but wouldn't it have been so cool if that were you?
Speaker 1:just made that up on the spot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's right now. You little bastard off the dome. I could see the home like, oh, like the. Oh, my goodness, um, I've never heard this lore. Uh, also, everyone listening to this podcast, because we're still, like you know, underground enough that we can do this. Just start spreading that rumor, let's see how far let's see, let's see how much legs we can give that before somebody calls me.
Speaker 1:That's how we'll be able to judge our reach 100 forget statistics. Uh, but I want to run into someone in a coffee shop who mansplains twinkle, twinkle. Little star to me.
Speaker 2:So Humpty Dumpty I as I got older. I, I think I remember hearing at one point that it was about like a specific monarch, like it was made to mock them or something. I've also heard stories that that it referred to a canon. Hmm, which which, judging by your, your, I think I might have spoken to one of your tabs. No, I've never heard that actually.
Speaker 2:Oh, you've never heard that, so I've heard the, the story I heard, and this is fascinating because, even if it's not true, it's still fascinating that humans just kind of did this or, like gas, lit ourselves into thinking this was a thing. Sure, the story goes that Humpty was the name of like a Turkish canon or something, that it was like a giant, huge, fuck off canon that was built into a wall and legend. Allegedly the thing was so fucking huge that, uh, it was disabled once by like they.
Speaker 2:They destroyed the wall that it was mounted on and like collapsed it and then they were never able to get it back up again Like it was, just it was fucked.
Speaker 1:That's interesting now To your monarch question to your monarch uh thing. The meaning section on the wikipedia article donate today and I just re-upped my subscription.
Speaker 1:I was gonna say I do mean that, because they are during their annual drive right now and you should all place your um donations in fact, eric, you're ahead of me. I haven't done mine yet, I will do it as soon as we're done here. So I don't forget now. It does say that. Some say that some posit that it's about richard the third, who was who was famously portrayed in shakespeare, at the very least as a hunchback. Yes, it's having a. That could be the hump d, dump d, and there's a couple of things like that in the, in the, in the meaning section of what it could, what it could be a metaphor for. But nothing is said in stone, there is no like oh, it's actually about this.
Speaker 2:It's not objectively anyone, it's just a lot of supposition supposition, exactly now, what we do know.
Speaker 1:We know four things. Really, hump d dump d Was on a wall. Yep, hump d dump d had a great fall. Okay, that's all we know about it. We don't know if he was pushed. No, for example, don't know if he jumped. We also don't necessarily know, as we all know, how the popular meme these last few years go. We don't know necessarily that it is about a falling down. It could be about autumn.
Speaker 2:Could be about autumn. Had a great fall. Do you know what? Do you know what else is kind of wild to me, because we know. We know the lyrics. Hump d dump d said on the wall hump d dump d had a great fall. All the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put hump d dump d back together again. That's the other thing that we know. At no point, at no point in these lyrics, is it anywhere established, or even suggested, that Humpty Dumpty is an egg.
Speaker 1:It is never explicitly said that Humpty Dumpty is an egg. Where the fuck did that come from? And that's what everyone represents. Humpty Dumpty, as In fact the beginning of the Wikipedia article says. Humpty Dumpty is a character in an English nursery rhyme, probably originally a riddle, and one of the best known in the English-speaking world. He is typically portrayed as an anthropomorphic egg.
Speaker 2:It's right at the top In an adorable little outfit.
Speaker 1:Usually got a cute little outfit.
Speaker 2:Maybe a hat, maybe a hat.
Speaker 1:He is a character in Through the Looking Glass and this is where it's like, very popularly established that he looks like an egg. But that's the key, okay, because Alice, alice says he looks like an egg, not that he is an egg, so he's an egg-shaped man. He's an egg-shaped man is what Alice is positing. She's not even saying that she just absorbing. Hey, you look like a fucking egg, my guy.
Speaker 2:Might just be a bald dude.
Speaker 1:Might just be a bald, rotund man with a wide face. We don't know who can say. Who can say who can say we don't know. But the lyrics, eric, when you dig into them, make. This is why I put in the question the part about why is the royal family involved? All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. That implies that the king or queen ordered the king's men and his horses and his horses.
Speaker 1:Get the fucking horses involved To attempt to put this person, this thing, back together again, and I have to say, first of all, why and second of all, how. In what world, man or egg would the horses enter into the equation?
Speaker 2:That's why I always thought that's what I always thought lent credibility to the. Humpty was like a nickname for a gigantic fucking cannon, because allegedly that was where the horses came in. They would literally try to use teams of horses to drag this thing out of the rubble and get it right again, but it didn't work and I would go a step further back, eric and I would say to maybe answer this question.
Speaker 1:we need to ask yet one more question.
Speaker 2:What is that, Matthew?
Speaker 1:That question to me is what wall?
Speaker 2:What wall though?
Speaker 1:What wall are we talking about?
Speaker 2:What wall? Because, like the lyric is explicitly, humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:They don't say Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, the wall. He don't need no education.
Speaker 1:Education no.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so what fucking wall.
Speaker 1:Now, eric, I asked myself that very question, and so I decided I better do a little bit of digging, I better see what we can find out. And the first thing I noticed is that the very first edition, the very first publication of Humpty Dumpty, the first time it showed up was in 1797, by a guy named Samuel Arnold. He published it in his famous work Juvenile Amusements. Oh shit. He was a good friend of Hayden as well, as it turns out, the composer.
Speaker 2:How about that?
Speaker 1:Now 1797. What was Sam Arnold up to in 1797? Well, I'm using juveniles. I'm using juveniles, but in 1793 he became the organist at Westminster Abbey. Oh shit, Okay, A coveted position indeed, is it not Too true, Matthew? Too true Now? What do we know about London in 1797, Eric?
Speaker 2:It was in England back then. Right, it was still in England.
Speaker 1:Okay, thank God.
Speaker 2:Thank God, but what it had?
Speaker 1:that it still has parts here and there, but was everywhere it had a wall.
Speaker 2:Eric.
Speaker 1:Oh right it did have a wall, the London.
Speaker 2:Wall, the London Wall, that shit had been around since, like Rome.
Speaker 1:A long long time. Yes, in fact there's a whole section of the Wikipedia on the London Wall about the Roman wall, and in fact the wall then start getting torn down until after the Great London Fire, in which most of the part of the city that burned was inside the wall. Damn.
Speaker 2:At which point they were like man, this wall's a bit of a liability.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's when Hasselhoff showed up and said Mr Speaker, tear down this wall, Yep, Yep. And so they mostly did. But could that be the wall in question? I think that's got legs. Is the? Did Humpty fall off of the London Wall?
Speaker 2:I bro, I think like how am I going to argue? The dude has got five Wikipedia tabs open. I can't.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm closing them as I go.
Speaker 2:I no longer need Samuel Well yeah, because you're closing your ironclad arguments, Matt.
Speaker 1:Like I'm just positing my research to you, eric.
Speaker 2:We're just asking questions.
Speaker 1:I'm just asking questions, but I think if Samuel Arnold's writing about his Humpty Dumpty character and he's looking outside for a good rhyme and he sees a wall there, it's probably the London Wall.
Speaker 2:Also just thought of. This has nothing to do with anything, but if Humpty Dumpty had like a nice butt with dimples in it, you could call it Humpty Dumpty's Bumpy Dumpty. Nice, eric, very good. Yeah, just wanted to contribute something.
Speaker 1:You really run and stimpied that nursery rhyme.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that juvenile amusement.
Speaker 1:That juvenile amusement.
Speaker 2:I think that if it was going to reference any wall on earth, I think that the Wall of London is probably like the top contender for what wall it could be, given the history of the nursery rhyme.
Speaker 1:So we have the wall. We have the wall. It's the London Wall. That's fact, that's canon, that's canon. Put it down. That's he and egg. It's a tough one, it's a tough call for us to make definitively.
Speaker 2:Because we know they had eggs back then. I believe they did. To quote my favorite line from Shakespeare, from none other than Macbeth what you egg? Yes, so it is a firmly established they had eggs back.
Speaker 1:But did they have living thinking eggs?
Speaker 2:I don't think they had anthropomorphic living thinking eggs.
Speaker 1:I think the church would have been very cross indeed. It doesn't say Humpty Dumpty was sat on a wall.
Speaker 2:No, it says. Sat it assigned agency to Humpty Dumpty?
Speaker 1:It did. Humpty Dumpty sat itself on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put Humpty back together again. Again, I ask why is the royal family involved?
Speaker 2:It's a good egg.
Speaker 1:Why is it a Faberge egg?
Speaker 2:Faberge egg and also fair enough. I'm also realizing now in my brain, just talking about like assumptions, I'd always assumed that Humpty Dumpty was male, but again nowhere in that rhyme is it as fabric no sex is given. Just more empirically, they're an egg. An egg, I feel like, is pretty objectively without an assigned gender, absolutely so Humpty, dumpty, just like they've been in their best life up on this wall, and they had a great fall.
Speaker 1:So they're. They've been themselves up on the wall, yes, but if they're sitting, that means they have legs.
Speaker 2:They do have legs.
Speaker 1:They have legs, because that means they have legs and they do have an ass. We have canonically established Humpty Dumpty's Bumpy Dumpty, or at the very least, they, with their legs, are balancing themselves on top of the wall, on their little egg bottom, on the wide part of the egg.
Speaker 2:Now had a great fall, didn't leave us a lot of information, but it does tell us that this was unintentional.
Speaker 1:Yes, he didn't jump. He didn't jump. I don't think he jumped. I don't think they jumped.
Speaker 2:Excuse me, I don't think they jumped.
Speaker 1:I don't think they jumped and, furthermore, I think I'm. I think I'm coming on to it here.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:If they're sitting themselves up on a wall, they're not. They're not putting themselves in danger. Okay, they feel confident about this. Yeah, and then back to my original posit was Humpty Dumpty pushed off the wall? And I'm starting to warm up to that theory, and I'll tell you why. What we have crafted so far is an egg that has not matured enough to the point in its life cycle that it has a gender, it has a sex.
Speaker 2:Yeah, correct.
Speaker 1:But what it does have is it has popped out two of its legs and we assume its arms.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you're imagining these like they've popped out of the egg, like they've, yes, like, like Jurassic push.
Speaker 1:Like Toki P.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, like Toki P.
Speaker 1:Yes, like a little Toki P. Toki P is a Humpty Dumpty Toki. P is a Humpty Dumpty established. So cannon, cannon, they're just missing the top half. So I would say, I would say maybe he doesn't, maybe they, excuse me, don't even have a face, oh, maybe they are just an egg out here trying to do its best, was Humpty.
Speaker 2:Dumpty laid on the wall. Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. No, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:That's what I was saying earlier, it wasn't. Humpty Dumpty wasn't sat upon a wall, sat down on a wall. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, sat themselves on the wall is what I interpret that to me.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So I think what I'm seeing is a scenario where, if you are a London citizen, you're a Londoner. How would you not know about the egg that has legs and arms that's walking about the city?
Speaker 2:I mean, what the fuck else are you going to do in London back?
Speaker 1:then it would be an icon, but at the same time, like all great icons, would he not be persecuted?
Speaker 2:Would he not be persecuted? And I think it's, to borrow the parlance of the time, rather sus that all the King's horses and all the King's men just kind of happened to be there, uh-huh.
Speaker 1:All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty back together again.
Speaker 2:I don't mean to make crude humor, but I think we just cracked this thing wide open.
Speaker 1:Couldn't put Humpty back together again. You might as well put the ellipses of not that they tried, not that they tried, eric.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Why do I like this Westminster?
Speaker 1:Abbey is right down the street from Buckingham Palace. Oh man, it's right around the fucking corner. Our various Brits can tell us, they can write in, they can call the thought line and tell us their thoughts on whether or not the English have buried the sordid history of Humpty Dumpty.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But here's what I think. Here's what I think as we've been having this discussion. I think the King, seeing this, this, this egg, this other among among his people, could not deal with someone living their best life.
Speaker 2:Oh, it challenges authority as established by God.
Speaker 1:Someone who does not conform to society norms is, in fact, not even a mammal, but an egg creature, an eggman. An egg, eric. It goes back to the Beatles. Is this not the eggman?
Speaker 2:The Wall-E.
Speaker 1:The walrus pushed him, Eric.
Speaker 2:Koo-Koo-Koo, Matthew Koo-Koo-Koo.
Speaker 1:He was pushed by the walrus off of this wall.
Speaker 2:The walrus representing the over-bloated monarchy.
Speaker 1:King of England. We got a live search 1797.
Speaker 2:Live search, happening right now and with you on the field.
Speaker 1:It was. Of course it was. It was George III, Our buddy George.
Speaker 2:George.
Speaker 1:III, george III, george III. He was so 1797, george has just lost the colony.
Speaker 2:He has just gotten his ass kicked, just kicked back, whooped by a bunch of illiterate farmers.
Speaker 1:His own people and country were like just let him go. This is costing us too much money.
Speaker 2:You're embarrassing yourself.
Speaker 1:And so he did. But then, eric, he looks out his palace window thinking God, those Americans go to wait for me.
Speaker 2:Perhaps I shall look out upon my lands.
Speaker 1:Look out upon my lands. What is that sitting on my beautiful wall there? It's that eggman. This is an egg too far. Well, koo-koo-koo, mother fuckers. And he sent down the king's horses and the king's men and Eric, oh good, they murdered Humpty Dumpty.
Speaker 2:They murdered Humpty Dumpty.
Speaker 1:Humpty Dumpty you might, you can call this heinous, because he's a special victim.
Speaker 2:The oh my god. That was funny that was funny as shit. That was funny. That was funny Because I heard it, even no, but because I was too busy playing the dun-dun in my head. So there you have it.
Speaker 1:So there you have it, folks, humpty Dumpty, murdered by King George III and his beef eaters. Yes, now then, eric. Anywho, we've spun some legends, have we not? Oh, we have.
Speaker 2:God damn, that's a good segue. Dun-dun-dun-dun-doo, it's been a while folks.
Speaker 1:It's been a while, but it is time for us to share some local legends, a subject, I have to say, a segment that Eric went so far as to tell me he wanted to do, an event that so rarely occurs that I have to jump on.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So, eric, to me there is no question. You, after all, you called for a local legends. Oh yeah, eric, you're going first.
Speaker 2:Okay, and this local legend. I would like to give a huge shout out to my friend, josiah, who actually like listens to the show, and brought this to me. He was like it's wild to me that like I think I've got a good local legend for you. The legend takes place in the downtown hotel. It is an establishment at Second Avenue and Queen Street in Dawson City, yukon, canada. It contains 59 rooms Amazing.
Speaker 1:And I just want to jump in real quick, eric, to say, folks, this is exactly what we envisioned for the local legends segment. Send us your actual local legend and lore and we will share it with the greater world. Continue.
Speaker 2:Yep, the hotel has gained notoriety for its sour-toe cocktail. Let me say that again in case you misheard me, because when Josiah told me about this, I thought he said sour-doe.
Speaker 1:No, I heard sour-toe.
Speaker 2:Sour-toe. Okay, the sour-toe cocktail began during prohibition with a case of frostbite. This is all from Wikipedia. Donate today I re-up my subscription. You can go as low as $2 a month. Please support them. There you go. In the 1920s, two outlaw brothers, louis and Otto, were caught in a blizzard. Louis soaked his foot and when the brothers got back to their cabin, louis' foot was frostbitten, with his right toe becoming gangrenous. Okay, otto amputated it and placed it in a jar filled with bourbon to commemorate the event. Okay, to gain in admittance to a club of drinkers of the sour-toe cocktail, members must drink the cocktail and the lips of the participant must touch the toe.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, eric, they put a mummified toe in a cocktail and you drink it and your lips have to kiss it. Oh no, oh yeah, here's where it gets. This is the first leg of where it gets wild.
Speaker 1:I thought you were going to say here's where it gets wild, because I got news for you, but it's already there.
Speaker 2:Oh, buckle up. So they have to drink the cocktail, lips have to touch the toe Eric, we are so clear on that point.
Speaker 1:You just can't.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, while I'm here, this one also loved to do a second dedication, dedicate this to the Against All Otities podcast. I feel like you're part of this now. I do feel like you are related to all our toe-related bits Forever. When you do that, though when you drink it, lips touch the toe, you get presented with a signed certificate, but ingesting the toe results in a $2,500 fine and permanent barring from the premises. Now, mind you, you might be asking yourself Ingesting the toe.
Speaker 1:Why would they even?
Speaker 2:have to have that claws. Someone ate the toe. Josh, How'd they get it back? So it's a $2,500 fine and permanent barring from the premises, up from $500 from when a guest quote Josh from New Orleans deliberately ingested it in 2013, proactively paying the fine and unremorsfully shocking the bartender. Oh, here we go, here we go. Over 100,000 customers have tried the concoction to date, as of 2023. Bartender Terry Lee says they would like to have another toe donated because several toes have been damaged, stolen, swallowed or lost over the span of decades.
Speaker 1:Let's unpack it, matthew, I thought it was one toe.
Speaker 2:Oh, let's unpack it, Matthew. Yes, there have been many toes.
Speaker 1:They have been replacing the toe they have been recycling.
Speaker 2:they have been replacing toes since this shit has began. People have been seeing this and said yep, this is my cultural touchstone, let me donate chop.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm going to. That was my question. Where are they getting these toes? Bro, I that's there's an obvious answer Is that what JG Toesworth needs the toes for. Is JG Toesworth collecting the toes to bring them back to the Yukon?
Speaker 2:Hey, Matt, let me hit you with this Does the J and JG Toesworth stand for Josh? Get the fuck out of here. Josh from New Orleans Get the fuck out of here. Jg Toesworth is Josh from.
Speaker 1:New Orleans. Jg Toesworth is alive and well. He's not a creation of our own brains.
Speaker 2:No, he's very real and he can hurt you and he lives within all of us. He lives within all of us and some of us live within him.
Speaker 1:And no wonder he felt like he needed to eat the toe, because he has been providing them for decades. God damn From his stash of digits.
Speaker 2:And this is all fucking in character because he it says in the article he fucking slapped the money down for the fine like on the counter and said To begin with and said I'm doing this, the power of that move. You can't get much more powerful than a power move like that.
Speaker 1:No, no, that's top of the food chain.
Speaker 2:power moves oh my God, he had a poop of toe.
Speaker 1:He had a poop of toe. You know he ain't gonna be able to digest all that bones. Not the bones, not the bones. What toe is it, is it? The big toe, it's a big toe. I've been imagining the big toe the whole time. It's a big toe Because if it was a pinky you could swallow it.
Speaker 2:You might swallow that accidentally, but a big toe that tastes A big pill.
Speaker 1:At that point that takes conviction. That'd be like swallowing a wing hole.
Speaker 2:That's like swallowing a bone in raisin. A sma-. A bone in raisin? Oh, you didn't know that. Yeah, most raisins are boneless.
Speaker 1:I did know that. I did know that actually, oh man, okay, well, that is my local legend.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, Josiah. This is like. This is probably my favorite one I've ever come across. Thank you against all oddities for being a bunch of dirty little perverts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you actually had nothing to do with this, but we pulled you in. Never the less.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, yeah, you're complicit now.
Speaker 1:Now okay. Well, eric, that's interesting that you would have this legend. I think we're going to have two very different legends from our pre Because normally it's a person Normally it's like a being or a. For you, it's some sort of Japanese monster, yeah, like a butt demon, a butt demon, famously. Now I, eric, have a place, you have a place.
Speaker 2:I have a place.
Speaker 1:Okay, yes, have you ever heard, eric and this might be yet another good episode, man we should add one of our many British guests on the show, because this is also England related. Have you ever heard of a place called Sea Land, eric?
Speaker 2:I've heard of Sea World, oh no.
Speaker 1:But I'm not familiar with Sea.
Speaker 2:Land. Is this like a is? This is Sea Land in California and only has one park.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's much more important than that. Okay, Let me give you a little history.
Speaker 2:Hit me.
Speaker 1:Let's back up In 1942, hm Fort Ruff's, I think, is what, how you say it? R-o-u-g-h-s. Ruff's? Okay, it was one of several sea forts built during World War II. Fort Ruff's is six nautical miles off the coast of Suffolk and consists of 168 by 88 foot reinforced concrete pontoon sitting atop of two 60 foot tall hollowed reinforced concrete towers. Do you have a good picture of what this is, eric? A picture like a? Like a wide tee out in the middle of the wall? Okay, got two big silos and a big old flat top on top. Okay, that's what we're working with Now. It was used throughout the war, as all of these forts were, and then it was decommissioned in the 50s, after the war, of course. Of course, at that time its location sat roughly three miles outside of UK territory, making it technically in international waters, okay. And then, in 1965, a man by the name of Jack Moore and his daughter, who squatted there for their pirate radio station and called their radio station, was called Wonderful Radio London.
Speaker 2:Nice Isn't that fun? Yeah, that's fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, unfortunately it didn't sit well with one, patty Roy Bates, who also operated a pirate radio station. So Patty sailed out to this fort, he ejected the moors from the fort with the intention of broadcasting from the site. But, eric, he didn't broadcast from the site, even though he had all the equipment. Instead, he declared Fort Ruff's independence and he renamed it the Principality of Sea Land.
Speaker 2:What, sorry, it's power move after power move in this episode. Oh, is it the Principality?
Speaker 1:of Sea Land. Now, Eric, this probably would have gone completely unnoticed if it had not been for some British workers that were sailing into what Bates declared Sea Land Waters in 1968. With him was his son, Michael, and Michael did the only logical thing one could do when committing to a bit of this size and magnitude he fired warning shots at them.
Speaker 2:With what Guns, Eric?
Speaker 1:With guns.
Speaker 2:I was just wondering like cannons Fuck it.
Speaker 1:As Bates was a British citizen, he was summoned to court. However, the court ruled that since the platform was outside of British waters, he couldn't be prosecuted. Bates took this as the first official recognition of his nation. Fucking hell yeah. In 1975, he adapted a flag and a motto, and that motto is from the sea, freedom.
Speaker 2:God damn Hold on I need to Three years-. Ugh, I'll show it-. Yeah, look up a picture look up a picture. Yeah, I wanna-. Oh, that's a might-. That's that is a flag that just says do not fuck with.
Speaker 1:Now, and, of course, we'll put all these images on the Instagram, as well as along with the cocktail, of course, if I can find pictures of it. Now, three years later, eric, things get really interesting in Sea Land. And this next bit. Now, of course, I took this information. I did some research all over at the Wikipedia, there Donate Today and now. However, that was all my writing, that I did, I didn't plagiarize, but now I'm still not gonna plagiarize. I am instead going to read directly from the Wikipedia article because-.
Speaker 2:We cite our sources, God damn it.
Speaker 1:Why mess with a good thing? Okay, here we go. I'm gonna read from the 1978 attack and Sea Land rebel government sections Fuck, fuck, yes. Get ready for this shit, eric. In August of 1978, Alexander Achenbach, who describes himself as the prime minister of Sea Land, hired several German and Dutch mercenaries to lead an attack on Sea Land while Bates and his wife were in Austria. Invited there by Achenbach to discuss the sale of Sea Land, he invited him under false pretenses, just to wage war the old Achenbach maneuver.
Speaker 1:Achenbach had disagreed with Bates over plans to turn Sea Land into a luxury hotel and casino. With fellow German and Dutch businessmen, they stormed the platform, took Bates' son Michael. Prince Michael Michael was able to retake Sea Land and capture Achenbach and the mercenaries. That's my prince. Drama after drama, eric Achenbach, a German lawyer who held a Sea Land passport, was charged with treason against Sea Land and was held unless he paid 75,000 DM, which is more than 35,000 US dollars. Germany then sent a diplomat from its London embassy to Sea Land to negotiate Achenbach's release.
Speaker 1:Roy Bates relented after several weeks of negotiations and subsequently claimed that the diplomats visit constituted de facto recognition of Sea Land from Germany.
Speaker 2:God damn it yes.
Speaker 1:Achenbach and Jeannotte Putz or Putz proclaimed a government in exile, sometimes known as the Sea Land Rebel Government or Sea Landic Rebel Government in Germany. But and this is key in 1987 the United Kingdom extended its territorial waters 12 nautical miles and now Sea Land sits in waters internationally recognized as British.
Speaker 2:Damn.
Speaker 1:Now, eric, let me bring you up to the modern day. Yeah, and there's more to that Wikipedia article. By the way, roy Bates died in 19,. At age 91, in 2012. God rest our sovereign. His wife died in 2016. Michael Bates, prince Michael, now runs the country. Now, sea Land holds the record in the Guinness Book of World Records for the I don't know why I said it like that in the Guinness Book of World Records for the smallest area to lay claim to a nation's status, despite the fact that and I should stress this no other nation on earth recognizes it as one. The facility is now occupied by one or more caretakers representing Michael Bates, who himself resides in Essex, england. How about that? What Now, Eric? It has all the things a country should have. Sea Land does have a national football team, ie soccer, as well as an American football team named the Sea Land Seahawks.
Speaker 2:Fuck yes.
Speaker 1:Now they might want to check to see if there's any other prominent football names in America called Seahawks. But whatever, now you can go to the country's website. Eric and people out there listening. Now, before you go, eric, I'm already there and I've got a treat for you.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:The website is sealandgovorg. Okay, that's a very important distinction SeaLandgovorg as opposed togov. Yeah, now, when you go there, the first thing you're going to notice is that you can click a button called Join Us. Now, eric, I think it should go without saying I click the button, yes, I got to see what the fuck that's all about. It takes you to a gift shop, okay, okay, and you can buy things. You know, some apparel, a hat, the flag, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2:I 100% will be ordering a flag.
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't know about that, Eric. I think there might be something else that you and I might need to do, because there's something else you can buy on SeaLand's website, Matt please, please, please, tell me it's true.
Speaker 1:A title yes, a title, eric, fuck, yes. Well, actually, before I get to the titles, let me back up just a little bit, because you can also buy some of the things in the gift shop. I'm sorry, in the Join Us Excellent A register, a piece of SeaLand territory, and this is very entantilizing to me. A personalized SeaLand email address. That's only $8, eric Okay Stamps, a luxury gift bundle, the ultimate SeaLander bundle, which, I have to point out, is currently sold out.
Speaker 2:Damn.
Speaker 1:The official SeaLand bundle which includes a flag, a mug and something else. I can't quite see what it is. And then Prince Michael's book is for sale, Eric, for $19.99. His book Holding the Fort. Eric, I want to buy the book just for the title. Yes, there's a SeaLand e-gift card from $12.67. But, Eric, I need to talk to you about the titles. Yes, the titles, Eric.
Speaker 2:Tell me more.
Speaker 1:Eric for $29.99. $29.99, Eric, A very reasonable price. That's a fucking steal $29.99 could become a Lord or Lady of SeaLand. Oh yes, For $59.99, a Baron or a Baroness. Four, and there's a notable jump now here. Oh, I'm sure To be knighted, to be a knight, a ser or dame of SeaLand $149.99.
Speaker 2:That's still a bargain.
Speaker 1:But if you want to be at the top of the food chain, eric and I think we all secretly want to be at the top of the food chain.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:To become a Duke or a Duchess $749.99. Oh God, inflation gets you every time Inflation. But, eric, I have to say $29.99 to be a Lord. You and I, eric, could be Lords, are we not Lordly, men, are we not Lordly? And my question to you, eric, in the privacy of this pod pod away from our significant others who might have something to say about this. Should the two of us not buy ourselves this piece of paper that says that we are a Lord of SeaLand?
Speaker 2:We 100% should and I will do this. I'm in. If you're in, I'm in, I'm in Now.
Speaker 1:we could do the digital or we can have it sent to us.
Speaker 2:Oh, I need this sent to me I need it embossed. Yeah, I need the watermark, I don't need it. Oh, there it is.
Speaker 1:Oh wait, a minute Premium signed by Prince Michael.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, where's that option?
Speaker 1:Oh, that gets me up to $75. That might be a bridge too far for me.
Speaker 2:A bridge too far $29.99. It's steel.
Speaker 1:So to have it sent, it's $44.99. Are you still good with that I'm doing?
Speaker 2:it right, god. Oh, but for the premium. It gets framed and signed.
Speaker 1:I know it does feel good, but I can't justify $75 on this.
Speaker 2:Yep, yep, yep. I'm just going to do the classic luxury part.
Speaker 1:Because I got to say I'm not. I'm going to let Lindsay find out about this when she listens to the show. Oh yeah, let's let that out, and I know that is a risky move, but I am going to do it. Oh yeah, you got, you got to.
Speaker 2:Oh, shipping, it comes to $57.99. Matt, I might just pull the trigger and get the framed one.
Speaker 1:You think? I think, I mean Prince Michael does sign it. Yeah, you think you're going to do it. If you do it, I feel like I have to do it.
Speaker 2:I will, literally, I will send you the difference.
Speaker 1:You'll send me the difference.
Speaker 2:Yeah, however, however much you were going to spend on the normal one, however much more the premium costs, I'll send you the difference, because we deserve nice things, eric.
Speaker 1:I can't argue with that. If you're going to send me the difference, then I don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm going back.
Speaker 1:This could not be dumber.
Speaker 2:This is the this is so fucking dumb, and it's why I love it.
Speaker 1:It's done, Eric.
Speaker 2:Fuck yes.
Speaker 1:We're in this together, excellent, we are in this together and I can't wait. I can't wait till Lady Lindsay hears about this. Although I don't think. I don't know if Sea Land grants the titles based on marriage alone.
Speaker 2:No, but I know for sure that my cat is now like my heir oh, 100%. Amelia Bidilia is 100% heiress.
Speaker 1:As well they should. So, folks, first of all donate to Wikipedia. Second of all, go become a Lord or Lady or Baron or Duke of Sea Land. Do it today.
Speaker 2:Do it today. Join us.
Speaker 1:Join us in Sea Land royalty yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Folks that is going to about do it for this absolute wild show $75 will spend. Well, I didn't even spend that because Eric's giving me money.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:You don't really have to give me money?
Speaker 2:No, but I will Tell me how much. No, you don't.
Speaker 1:Well, it's like 25 bucks, right? Oh yeah, it doesn't matter, we'll figure it out later, eric you truly don't have to.
Speaker 2:We'll figure it out as we sip, lordly brandies.
Speaker 1:Yes, our cognac, our me. The point is, friends, we need your questions, we need them. Eric, you got something to jump in. I did just want to say met.
Speaker 2:If we could ever get a guest on this show, Prince Michael might be a pretty good get.
Speaker 1:Prince Michael may be a pretty good get If you out there have a connection to Prince Michael or any of the Sea Land Royal family we know anyone around Essex, which I mean we do technically know people near Essex far nearer than us, far near. Yes, yes, in the sense that they're closer than us in the sense that they're within that country.
Speaker 1:Yes, so Ian, the Holy mole, andy, and the rest of that and the rest, you can contact us if you have a connection to the Sea Landic Royal family. Otherwise, everybody else, please send us your questions, you can do so. You didn't ask for this Gmailcom. That's all spelled out. Or you didn't ask. That's the letter. You didn't ask POT on Instagram, twitter, facebook, all the places, youtube, et cetera, et cetera. Or you can call the thought line at 410-929-5329. Tell us how you would spend your Xana day, eric. Have I missed anything at all? Really, I'm sure I have, but no. Well, listen, folks, we will be back in two weeks time, but until then, that'll about do it for this episode of you. Didn't Ask for this. My name is Matt Shea.
Speaker 2:My name is Eric Poach.
Speaker 1:And listen. You didn't ask.
Speaker 2:But I swear to God, if any one of you buys out a dukedom, therefore putting you above us, yes, I'm going to have to respect it. If you, I'm going to have to respect it.
Speaker 1:I'm going to Eric. This is not. We didn't talk about this, we're talking about it. Live Five of it. Become a duke or a duchess of Sea Land and show us a receipt. We will credit you at the end of every episode of this show.
Speaker 2:Yes, we will. Yes, we will Fuck yes we will.
Speaker 1:We will credit you from now until the end of time, every episode.
Speaker 2:You automatically get a guest spot at some point.
Speaker 1:All of us at you Didn't Ask for this will include duke. Oh my God. Yeah, I don't want to put them on the spot, but how good does duke do something? What does it sound, duke?
Speaker 2:Duce, Are you fucking kidding me? Zacky D the duke for me. Zacky D, get on it. Get on it, Zach. Sorry, At that point it becomes Zacky D the duke for thee. Now I get why they did this whole monarchy thing. Thank you.